I just can't understand...

[Marmut]

how some people manage their finance...

I am an immigrant and came here as a student with a stipend (no family supporting me financially). Even living on a stipend and a very part time work, during my study, I managed to save more than £10k. I did that by making sure I saved every month and minimised my ongoing by very rarely eating out, walking everywhere, cooking my food every day and socialising by inviting people over so I could do it on the cheap (cooking the food, etc.). I guess what I am trying to say is that I am not always have a good salary/income to rely on and yet I always manage to maximise savings by minimising my expenses so that I can spare some money to save.

Anyway, 19 years later after I came here, our mortgage was paid off, I have a saving of nearly 80% of my annual salary (my own, not a joint saving), an emergency buffer of about 3 months outgoing, my pension is also on track, and I may be able to retire 8-9 years earlier than the state pension age. We also have a £18k saving for our DD and, provided we continue with our monthly saving, it will be about £50k by the time she is 18. Although our joint income is about £100k (ony very recently), I carry on with weekly meal planning (adjusting the meal plan based on what is on offer) and keeping close watch on the budget of our groceries and family outings. I buy things when they are on sale and only replace things when they are broken. I continue bringing pack lunch daily and only occasionally buy lunch while at work. We do not deprive my DD of life experience, as we still still go to holidays abroad every year (which we plan ahead and I have a specific "top budget" in my mind) and she still joins any club she is interested in.

I am aware that my post sounds like a humble brag. But it really frustrates me to see how other people could have "got" out of a dire situation if only they were willing to manage their finances properly and go for the long game instead of instant gratification. Even saving a very small amount, if it is done regularly and continously, will make a big difference.

The cost of housing and transportation is out of sync with wages in many areas.

some people will never earn enough to truly afford children so they make the decision to have children despite the financial
strain instead of waiting for a day that will never come.

we live in a world where business is allowed to profit while the government subsidizes low wages which is absolutely insane.

Those are the tough financial realities and we have to acknowledge that the situation is awful.

even with all of that, many people would benefit from learning to budget. So often on here people talk about budgeting by paycheck. That method is always doomed to failure. Expenses don’t run by paycheck. Budgeting needs to be done on a much longer scale, annual at a minimum. If people are in the situation where the splurge on payday is buying milk or paying the electric, this doesn’t apply to them, but if it means treating themselves, then it just perpetuates the cycle.

I would say over 20 years to be in the situation you are is not amazing. Your emergency buffer of 3 months is certainly inadequate and it sounds like you haven't made good (or any) high reward investments over this time. By looking after the pennies you have neglected true financial security of significant investment returns for the pounds. It's good you are in a stable position but with that level of frugality you should have invested more wisely.

You also wrote this…..

”I met my husband while I was studying PG, too. When I moved with him, he already had a mortgage for more than a decade. So, I paid boarding/rent to him on top of bills that was split based on our earning. My name is obviously not on the house deed. Anyway, once we got married, the financial arrangement stayed the same, but I requested to have a joint account for the bills, with each of us contributed based on our earning ratio. I still did not contribute towards his mortgage and not named in his house. To be honest, I dont feel I have the right to.
Once we were about to have our DD, we bought a house together. I used my saving as down payments, and he used his equities in the house; and we paid the mortgage together (split based on our earnings ratio and updated as my earning grew and/or bills changed). Obviously my name is on the house deed from the beginning.”

Op, so many haters on here. I think your post has triggered alot of people e.g. envy/jealousy etc.

It sounds like you have been really sensible with money. This, and potentially combined with some good luck, has enabled you to have financial security for your family, and it's great you can provide that for your daughter, plus go on holidays etc, providing a balanced enriching life for you all.

I come from an immigrant family and I am relatively sensible in the ways you outlined too, and notice a difference between attitudes to life/money/hard work between my family/people from my culture in general and people from this country. I won't go into detail, but I understand you, and I also think if more people were sensible and lived within their means, and had an actual strategy, then they would also be much better off, and many people don't want to take accountability for their poor choices (this excludes those that have had 'bad luck' e.g. caring responsibilities, redundancies etc.).

This is so true, and it’s something we often talk about at home. I emigrated here in a similar way to OP, although me and my husband are still paying off our mortgage 😂😂.

Where I’m from, places like Starbucks or Costa are usually pretty quiet, whereas here in the UK, there are queues out the door almost every day! Then there’s eating out—when I was growing up, going to a restaurant was reserved for really big occasions, like christenings, milestone birthdays, or wedding anniversaries. In the UK, it’s just part of normal daily life, then there are take aways... it’s so expensive once you start adding it all up.

Nothin’ humble about this brag, and you know it.

Bore right off 😂

Both things can be true at once

Housing costs are absurd making it increasingly difficult for people to manage

Some people manage much better than others

Aye that's the UK. Famous for its unique cafe culture, not found in other, more frugal countries.

The uk didn't have a cafe culture decades ago - expectations of what is normal have changed tremendously over the decades

It does make me irritated when someone with a multiple holidays , takeaway and coffee habit then complains that they are hard up - that's cos they spent it all - and at the end of the day they still ain't happy

The UK doesn't have a café culture. It has a "be seen in Starbucks" culture, at the expense of financial security or even solvency.

Exactly.
not a week goes by on mumsnet without a poster on a 7.5k nett household income claiming to be stretched financially and yet unwilling to give up holidays abroad.

I have had my fair share of shitty health luck over the past decade that has severely impaired my mental health and wellbeing. It's only through the sheer love, support and care of my wonderful family that I got by financially.

Admittedly, I've never been good with money, and have always been more of a spender, and my ill health had exacerbated this trait owing to me spending to make myself feel better emotionally (probably obviously not the best idea, but if you had been through what i have, you might be doing more retail therapy!)

Please don't think it'll never happen to you, nor be so quick to judge others or be so condescending. You never know what life will throw at you. Others might not have been so lucky.

Bully for you. Unfortunately lots of people work hard and live very frugally and still don't have a pot to piss in.

Yes, expectations have changed hugely. We went out for meals as a child as a birthday treat, shopping was not a hobby, jeans were patched, food was seasonal, debt was frowned upon..etc. Expectations are much higher now and the new ‘normal’ can be very expensive.

Same here - miserable childhood being constantly skint so parents could clear the mortgage off early. Then dad died in his 60's so didn't reap the benefits of being mortgage free anyway.

Yes this is why I get annoyed at those who mismanage / spend freely and then complain

I generally agree OP. It is astonishing to me that there are so many posts on here from educated, professional women who have no idea what they are spending money on, have got into debt, and need to be patiently told about basic financial management, which is just simple maths. Or professional women who ask ' 'Can I live on this?' ( insert very liveable amount here). How can you be an adult and not be able to work out if you can live on X amount of money? How can you really not know what your monthly expenses are and where you have capacity to cut back? Why do you need to ask strangers this? Strangers who don't know what your monthly outgoings are?

It astonishes me.

I am a second gen immigrant and the difference between immigrants and your average British person in terms of work ethic is night and day.

It took me forever to hire any British people who were good workers and cared about the job enough to do it to a good standard. The others would do things like lock each other in cupboards for a game, leave early because they didn't feel well, spend more time on all the excuses for not doing the work than doing the work, would spend lots of time on their phones instead of working, having smoke breaks every hour or so.

This is not a min wage job I hire for, it's a job that involves fun trips abroad in sunny villas with private pools, multiple bonuses a year, is very well paid, has good annual leave, is hybrid or fully work from home (once trained) as they prefer.

There are so many people who just feel entitled to this that or the other because they're British. They complain about the smallest things. Simply put is they just don't know how easy they have it because they've not known anything else. As long as they have someone else to blame (the government/immigrants/the economy/their ex) to justify their own lack of motivation and staying still, they can pretend like it's not their fault. But the truth is they'd never be successful even under perfect circumstances because they don't have the drive and work ethic to be successful.

I hired someone for a job that was everything she loved, a 10 min walk from her house for hybrid, lovely team, great fun tasks in her skillset and wheelhouse. Earned more part time than at her current boring job full time. Thought she would love it. No, she hated having to walk to work, it was too far so got a taxi (no health issues whatsoever mind). It was too many hours (20 per week, she was doing 37.5 previously). She didn't like the colour of the carpet (not even joking). She couldn't email someone about a booking, it was too bad for her mental health. Absolutely nuts.

Agree. I'm an immigrant too and I don't get the rampant consumerism here. People I know here even if they are super skint still buy xmas presents worth hundreds per kid. Then they complain they are broke in January and needing food bank.

Also the lack of drive, parents and hence their kids treating FREE education as a chore instead of a privilege. It's frustrating to watch people self destroying their future.

Can I have a job with you?

Simply put is they just don't know how easy they have it because they've not known anything else. As long as they have someone else to blame (the government/immigrants/the economy/their ex) to justify their own lack of motivation and staying still, they can pretend like it's not their fault. But the truth is they'd never be successful even under perfect circumstances because they don't have the drive and work ethic to be successful.

I do agree with this to a certain extent but it's easy to blame others for their own failings.

I'm English myself and although not currently in the UK, it's the same where I am now - except I've been on the other side of it and I am 'stealing their jobs'.

I expect some have probably never had to deal with their own finances and have left it to the partner.

I know down to the £ what I have left in my account, because I don't have anyone else to support me and I need to budget.

Good for you! My Dad's student loans didn't even cover her term time rent. She did have a part time job but the rules at her uni were that it couldn't be done in term time, only in the holidays or she would be banned from her course. So she couldn't work as much

This must be a stealth boast.

Op, who paid for your university education? Was it your parents, your government in your home country, or did you have a student loan that had to be repaid?

I know what OP means (I'm an immigrant, too). Every country has its immigrants and most of immigrants (if not all) are very driven to save to better their lives in their new country or sometimes to send the money back home or save for a house to build in their home country. I was actually shocked when I found out how much people in UK spend monthly on eating out! I'd rather use that money on heating in winter... Personally, I think that consumerism is killing our planet. E.g. clothes, I think it should be legal requirenment for the manufacturers to be responsible for their garment from the start till the end (utilization). The same with plastic bottles. But that's another topic...
Back in my home country I spent most of what I earnt, but it was a country where a pair of shoes from Debenhams or a dress from Next cost 1/5 of my monthly wages. Still, I could have saved more instead of going to cinema every weekend, but I was lonely and didn't know what to do with my time. When I came here, I met an Indian immigrant who returned my Boots toothpaste I paid GBP 1.50 for to save 50 pence by buying in Poundland. I thought he was crazy! But then, if you think how many coffees you buy, how many lunches at work - it makes perfect sense to e.g. work from home or make your own lunchbox. It's just we are either too lazy or cannot be bothered to wonder that 2+2 = 4, and 4+4 = 8 and then it's 150 quid by the end of the month.