Look rich but very poor

Janedoe82 · 12/01/2025 10:42

Not personally been that broke- but know lots of ‘fur coat no knickers’ types who have got themselves into real messes trying to maintain an image.
We did it to some degree in our 30s but got rid of the SUV and credit cards and are far far happier now.
Go and see a debt advisor.

Bromptotoo · 12/01/2025 10:48

@greyfoxy how much do you owe, to whom and what proportion of your monthly income goes to service debt?

Are you only paying min amounts each month on credit cards?

As above speak to an adviser. Step Change and National Debtline are both good providers and are not for profit. Be very wary Googling for debt advice; there are a lot of sharks out there looking for their interests and not yours.

SmellLikeStreepForCheap · 12/01/2025 10:49

You’re living beyond your means and the only solution is to change that.

What are your outgoing?
What’s your income?

I’m guessing you have a large mortgage?

MidnightMeltdown · 12/01/2025 11:04

It think most people in this situation would downsize and/or move somewhere more affordable and/or sell personal belongings. There's no need to be living like this if you have assets.

Jollygoodtime09 · 12/01/2025 11:26

We are the same OP. We have several holidays a year. DC have expensive hobbies. A decent sized house. We bring home £7.5k a month. But we have £20k on credit cards. We pay the minimum each month. All on no interest rate offers. We also have a credit card we use and pay off in full each month (we correct avios so we can fly business class). This bill is around £2k a month. I would rather we didn't use it but DH racks it all up. After credit cards, mortgage and bills we are left with around £1.5k a month for food/petrol/social/DC. I've said to my mum a few times in passing that "we can't afford X" to which she replied "you've got loads of money". She doesn't know the truth. I've taken a second job in years gone by, she has never known this. Yes we should pay off the credit card debt and not go on holiday. But life is short and the DC are only young once.

This year we're skiing, I have a holiday with friends abroad, then we're off on a 3 week holiday to USA. None of this will go on credit card. We're not adding to the £20k but we're not making a debt in the balance either

If we had 1 year of no holidays and I took a second job for the whole year then we could clear a hell of a lot of the debt. But DH won't do no holidays and I don't know if I could do a second job for a year (would mean 50hour week, with my FT job)

Jmaho · 12/01/2025 11:30

@Jollygoodtime09 what's the plan if one of you lost their job? I can count 3 friends/family.members who have been made redundant over the past few years. All of them had well paid jobs but all 3 have had to take lower paid roles as they just couldn't find new jobs with the same salary.

MissDeborah · 12/01/2025 11:31

Jollygoodtime09 · 12/01/2025 11:26

We are the same OP. We have several holidays a year. DC have expensive hobbies. A decent sized house. We bring home £7.5k a month. But we have £20k on credit cards. We pay the minimum each month. All on no interest rate offers. We also have a credit card we use and pay off in full each month (we correct avios so we can fly business class). This bill is around £2k a month. I would rather we didn't use it but DH racks it all up. After credit cards, mortgage and bills we are left with around £1.5k a month for food/petrol/social/DC. I've said to my mum a few times in passing that "we can't afford X" to which she replied "you've got loads of money". She doesn't know the truth. I've taken a second job in years gone by, she has never known this. Yes we should pay off the credit card debt and not go on holiday. But life is short and the DC are only young once.

This year we're skiing, I have a holiday with friends abroad, then we're off on a 3 week holiday to USA. None of this will go on credit card. We're not adding to the £20k but we're not making a debt in the balance either

If we had 1 year of no holidays and I took a second job for the whole year then we could clear a hell of a lot of the debt. But DH won't do no holidays and I don't know if I could do a second job for a year (would mean 50hour week, with my FT job)

This is insane
How do you enjoy the holidays, just reading this makes me feel sick?

DC are only young once and for me financial security comes way before holidays
What if one of you became ill, died or couldn't work?

I would haul my DH to counselling tbh

Huskytrot · 12/01/2025 11:31

@Jollygoodtime09 what are you going to do if one of you becomes ill or otherwise unable to earn at the same level?

Shit happens. Sounds like you're on a knife edge and the stress of that alone will make illness more likely

Quitelikeit · 12/01/2025 11:35

Op

why not look into consolidating your cc debt? Look into getting one loan to pay them all off

either way please reach out to a debt support charity and cut up your credit cards

Quitelikeit · 12/01/2025 11:36

@Jollygoodtime09

not sure how 2k a month is enough to get business class on all those trips you take tbh

also I wouldn’t be able to enjoy my holiday knowing I had all that debt

IVFmumoftwo · 12/01/2025 11:37

Don't most rich people look poor to be honest?

Jollygoodtime09 · 12/01/2025 11:39

We have a lot of equity in our house. We work in public sector and I've been in my job for 35 years. We are fortunate to have reasonabley secure jobs. But accept a risk That anything could happen. I don't worry in the short term. I probably will take another second job at some point and will see how long I can stick at it, as it becomes a 50 hour week for me. But with a 3 week holiday plus 2 other 1 week holidays, employers won't give me that much time off for my second job (but my FT work does)

Jollygoodtime09 · 12/01/2025 11:41

@Quitelikeit only the 1 main holiday is business class. The others are low cost airlines

Sasskitty · 12/01/2025 11:42

We used to leave in a particularly wealthy area, for about 10yrs. Turned out loads of them were living beyond their means with overloaded credit cards which they kept transferring debt on, remortgaged houses to the hilt etc. Just so they could beat the joneses.

Sell your house, buy somewhere more in keeping with the household income. Hopefully you’ve got some equity.

Podcastqueen · 12/01/2025 11:43

Jollygoodtime09 · 12/01/2025 11:26

We are the same OP. We have several holidays a year. DC have expensive hobbies. A decent sized house. We bring home £7.5k a month. But we have £20k on credit cards. We pay the minimum each month. All on no interest rate offers. We also have a credit card we use and pay off in full each month (we correct avios so we can fly business class). This bill is around £2k a month. I would rather we didn't use it but DH racks it all up. After credit cards, mortgage and bills we are left with around £1.5k a month for food/petrol/social/DC. I've said to my mum a few times in passing that "we can't afford X" to which she replied "you've got loads of money". She doesn't know the truth. I've taken a second job in years gone by, she has never known this. Yes we should pay off the credit card debt and not go on holiday. But life is short and the DC are only young once.

This year we're skiing, I have a holiday with friends abroad, then we're off on a 3 week holiday to USA. None of this will go on credit card. We're not adding to the £20k but we're not making a debt in the balance either

If we had 1 year of no holidays and I took a second job for the whole year then we could clear a hell of a lot of the debt. But DH won't do no holidays and I don't know if I could do a second job for a year (would mean 50hour week, with my FT job)

I don’t know how people can live like this. It’s not a great example for young children to live beyond your means this way, loads of holidays, skiing and expensive hobbies aren’t necessities for a happy childhood.

It’s like going out for a very expensive meal you know you can’t afford and having all the courses, champagne, and eventually, inevitably the bill arrives. You may not have it yet but it’s sure as hell coming your way.

LittleRedRidingHoody · 12/01/2025 11:45

I think loads are living on credit cards right now to be honest. It's an easy, slippery slope if you can normally cover your costs with one and clear monthly, and then costs go up.

scandista · 12/01/2025 11:45

I'm a less extreme version of PPs.

We earn ok, £120k in London, get a bonus £15-20k every year. We own 80% of our £1m house. We have 3-4 holidays each year. We dress well, we eat extremely well. We have about £10-15k savings.

But we have about £12k of cc debt and live in our overdrafts.

We both suffered significant bereavements at a young age and I wonder if that's why we have this mad attitude to money. I wish we weren't like this but can't seem to stop.

Sasskitty · 12/01/2025 11:46

Jollygoodtime09 · 12/01/2025 11:26

We are the same OP. We have several holidays a year. DC have expensive hobbies. A decent sized house. We bring home £7.5k a month. But we have £20k on credit cards. We pay the minimum each month. All on no interest rate offers. We also have a credit card we use and pay off in full each month (we correct avios so we can fly business class). This bill is around £2k a month. I would rather we didn't use it but DH racks it all up. After credit cards, mortgage and bills we are left with around £1.5k a month for food/petrol/social/DC. I've said to my mum a few times in passing that "we can't afford X" to which she replied "you've got loads of money". She doesn't know the truth. I've taken a second job in years gone by, she has never known this. Yes we should pay off the credit card debt and not go on holiday. But life is short and the DC are only young once.

This year we're skiing, I have a holiday with friends abroad, then we're off on a 3 week holiday to USA. None of this will go on credit card. We're not adding to the £20k but we're not making a debt in the balance either

If we had 1 year of no holidays and I took a second job for the whole year then we could clear a hell of a lot of the debt. But DH won't do no holidays and I don't know if I could do a second job for a year (would mean 50hour week, with my FT job)

Is 20k your only debt (apart from your mortgage)? It’s not That much.

Hopefully you’ve haven’t got a huge interest only mortgage, and do have lots of equity.

TheNortherner · 12/01/2025 11:47

Jollygoodtime09 · 12/01/2025 11:26

We are the same OP. We have several holidays a year. DC have expensive hobbies. A decent sized house. We bring home £7.5k a month. But we have £20k on credit cards. We pay the minimum each month. All on no interest rate offers. We also have a credit card we use and pay off in full each month (we correct avios so we can fly business class). This bill is around £2k a month. I would rather we didn't use it but DH racks it all up. After credit cards, mortgage and bills we are left with around £1.5k a month for food/petrol/social/DC. I've said to my mum a few times in passing that "we can't afford X" to which she replied "you've got loads of money". She doesn't know the truth. I've taken a second job in years gone by, she has never known this. Yes we should pay off the credit card debt and not go on holiday. But life is short and the DC are only young once.

This year we're skiing, I have a holiday with friends abroad, then we're off on a 3 week holiday to USA. None of this will go on credit card. We're not adding to the £20k but we're not making a debt in the balance either

If we had 1 year of no holidays and I took a second job for the whole year then we could clear a hell of a lot of the debt. But DH won't do no holidays and I don't know if I could do a second job for a year (would mean 50hour week, with my FT job)

You do have loads of money, you are just ridiculous with your spending which is wholly within your control

BaronessBomburst · 12/01/2025 11:48

Your children don't need that many holidays @Jollygoodtime09 . You're setting then up with unrealistic expectations and teaching them to live beyond their means.

HornyHornersPinkyWinky · 12/01/2025 11:49

Jollygoodtime09 Your situation is definitely not the same as being poor, surely you understand this. You have plenty of options, the main one would be going on less holidays. No wonder your mother had no sympathy for you.

It's not the same as someone who lives in a decent area and has a big mortgage because of high interest rates or something - people need somewhere to live, nobody needs to go on multiple holidays.

Donttellempike · 12/01/2025 11:50

greyfoxy · 12/01/2025 10:38

I live in a lovely house in a nice area, I wear nice clothes and I know people perceive me as being well off. The truth is I have absolutely no money. It's 2 weeks until pay day and I have £15 left. I will end up using credit cards to buy the essentials which is why I'm in this mess - my repayments are huge.

Anyone else relate to this?

There will be a reckoning one day. Yes that was my life once.

My child was in a prep school in one of the most expensive areas of the UK. And I regularly worried if I had enough petrol to get them there.

Financially abusive ex. But also, you reach a tipping point where another £100 or £ 10000 or whatever is a drop in the bucket so why not. It is a terrible place to be.

My advice is downsize and re group. Or the likelihood is it will be forced on you sooner or later.

RosesAndHellebores · 12/01/2025 11:50

Have you been badly hit by the interest rate hike?

You need to reduce outgoings, immediately. Cars, phones, holidays, anything that's a lifestyle choice.

You also need to be mindful that downsizing might be difficult presently, depending on where you live, as house prices are stagnant or falling. To sell at a premium, nice houses have to be tip top. Do you have the money spend on housouse maintenance.

i think this is more common than meets the eye. People need to stop living the dream and start living their reality.

Unpaidviewer · 12/01/2025 11:51

I was in debt in my 20s and it was incredibly stressful. I'm the opposite of some of you, we have a significant amount of savings but live in a modest house, most of my clothes are secondhand, anything new has to be good quality that will last, our car is old and we bought it outright etc. But I still find money stressful and I'm quite obsessive about checking balances and spreadsheeting. I have massive guilt issues with money, especially spending it on myself. If I were to buy something expensive for myself I would then feel ashamed for weeks afterwards.

LittleRedRidingHoody · 12/01/2025 11:53

@Jollygoodtime09 wow you're getting a lot of judgement on the thread! I think loads at that kind of income are in debt to be fair. As long as your jobs are stable it's not the end of the world. Eventually the music will stop and you'll have to pay it off, but you're aware of that.

We're not in debt, but I've started travelling more with DS and honestly, if I had to carry a CC balance to do so I would.