Look rich but very poor

[greyfoxy]

I live in a lovely house in a nice area, I wear nice clothes and I know people perceive me as being well off. The truth is I have absolutely no money. It's 2 weeks until pay day and I have £15 left. I will end up using credit cards to buy the essentials which is why I'm in this mess - my repayments are huge.

Anyone else relate to this?

Why lol @Augustus40?

Oh gosh this sounds really scary.
Sounds similar to my dad's spending habits when I was growing up.

I am 29, same income as you as a single parent in a flat with outgoing £1800

Wojld you be able to make cut backs? The income seems so low to what your outgoings are. I would have assuming families that do these types of activities have an income at least £15kn

I'm conflicted with these sorts of threads...

One one hand I can't personally relate because living like that is not how I would make my choices. And I've taught my children as such, that its a mug's game and you're the mug.

But on the other... if everyone out there suddenly stopped chasing consumerism I'd personally be out of pocket. So I thank all the people who do because its giving me and mine a brilliant standard of living.

Nothing wrong with that.

I don't understand the obsession with big houses/big cars/designer clothes etc. It literally is just is to say 'I'm incredibly richer than youuuuuu'

I'll have a look at this book. Thank you!

It definitely isn't healthy and I need to find some middle ground. It's interesting reading some of the more judgy comments and people thinking that being debt free will bring happiness but that isn't always the case.

@Jollygoodtime09 what do you plan to do long term about your husband running the family into the ground financially?

The entire point of 0% credit cards is to get them paid off before the interest kicks in, not to stick you head in the sand and continue paying the minimum.

Why on earth are you getting a second job to fund your husband's desire for a holiday? You're enabling him and pretending to yourself that his behaviour is fine, whilst you bust a gut to minimise the effects of his out of control spending to create an illusion that you're in control. In reality, he's slowly destroying the family.

If you carry on as you are this situation is going to end in disaster and you'll end up divorced anyway, only £50k in debt instead of £20k.

At some point you're going to get angry at him for what he's doing/done, may as well be now while there's still a chance to salvage things, instead of several years down the line when you're burned out from working multiple jobs and can no longer stand the sight of the man who did this to you. If he reacts badly, what's the worst that can happen, since you're headed in one direction only anyway? Better to be divorced and not burned out and with £10k debt, than divorced and totally burned out and with a higher debt.

Or are you happy to keep crossing your fingers and praying it somehow all works out once DC are grown up and moved out in however many years? I guess it could do, if your jobs/health stays the same and if spending doesn't increase and if DC do end up costing you less instead of more as time goes on. Lot of "ifs" though.

OP you need to draw up a budget and whittle your expenses (including reasonable debt repayment, not just minimum payment) down to fit your income. There's no other magical formula. This is the only way things improve.

I’m like this. I don’t feel like I live an especially frugal life, but I am just not really into my appearance or in buying “things” and I don’t drive, so take public transport everywhere. I’ve had people say things that make it clear they assume I can’t afford things that I comfortably could. I think people find it hard to grasp that I just might not be interested in buying things that they spend a lot of money on themselves. I think it’s an assumption that everyone who could afford X would buy it. So if you don’t buy X it must mean you can’t afford it. We are late 30s and have two very decent incomes and no kids. Our mortgage is paid off. I don’t usually give it much thought, but this thread has reminded me how much people use appearances to make judgements about your finances.

But you don't really have £10-15k of savings because you owe £12k.

You only have between -£2k and £3k of savings.

Why are you putting money in savings while you have cc debt? It doesn't make sense to me

Possibly less depending on the size of their overdrafts.

I never understand ppl who say I have £10k debt and £15k savings, pay the debts off!!!

We are mega careful with money, no loans, no debt (including mortgage), we own 3 properties outright and DD at prep. We don't borrow if we can't afford to . . . but we also rarely take holidays. Our cars are fine, but not the newest and we have a pony but we don't spend £££ a year on holidays or meals out etc that would go on a credit card. The world will be there to explore once you've paid these off and have the funds to legitimately travel.

Have a look at Bradley on a budget on TikTok. His YouTube channel is frugalfreak. You don't have to follow everything he says but he makes a lot of sense and helps save money. He was on a lot of debt and is living a much better life now.

Being debt free brings some security and the option of debt for a short term emergency. If ever disaster befalls you, those things make all the difference in the world to your happiness/stress levels and your ability to survive and ride out the rough patch relatively unscathed. If disaster comes and you're upto your eyes in debt, you're screwed.

Can you post some figures, outgoings etc
Folk are good at helping with budgeting

Self-employed here. Working hard and 70-hour weeks aren't unusual; some anti-social hours are needed to fit work around caring responsibilities. On paper, I'm successful and earning well, but in 20 years I've always relied on my overdraft facility because of late and no-payers. The latest NI/tax/rates increases mean I'm seriously considering laying off staff and going into a salaried public sector myself.
I also know plenty of people in a nearby, very aspirational SManchester suburb who spend far more than they have and have multiple holidays, new cars etc, etc. and are pretty blatant about living on credit with no means or plans to pay it back. They just keep spending, knowing that at the end of the day, if they keep paying a bit, they won't cop for the lot - and if the debts are called in, there's nothing to pay them with, so they don't care. To some extent, I envy their laissez-faire attitude, but they give me the rage because they could (like me) be making a net contribution, but actually, I'll be the one bailing them out and paying for their care and pensions in the years to come.

You're in deficit if you owe 12k and only have 10k savings. There again, your house is worth 1mil, so you have that to play with should something happen.

Yes, and the money you were using for the cc can go into savings.

If debt is 0%, it could be be making them a small profit each year (~£500) and giving them flexibility in their finances.

I feel like it's fine to have credit cards and spend on fun things, but I'd never be okay with paying interest on my loans (other than my mortgage).

Every time I spent, I'd be thinking I should be paying off my debt.

It's just a silly way to waste money, and the guilt of buying something not needed would make any benefits of the holiday/nice clothes/meals out worthless.

I totally get the “ living for the moment “ attitude with the idea that the dc aren’t young for long. But I also agree that when the kids are young they enjoy simple holidays as much as fancier ones. So I suspect some of those holidays are more for you than them.
I now have adult dc. It feels very good to have enough money to help them out with getting on the housing market , and with weddings etc. Maybe that might be more important in the long run than exotic travel .
As you get older there’s also always the chance that one of you is unable to work for a while due to illness. Could you cope financially with that.

No, our living standard leaves enough for significant savings because needlessly raising children without financial security is a mugs game.

I use 0% credit cards to buy holidays, cars etc. Pay them off from my monthly income and still pay into savings. This makes sense to me.

This is akin to madness. I've had a champagne lifestyle on a beer income and somewhere the debt will become paramount. Fine if you have stable jobs but the debt is there and at some point will accrue interest. A year of no ski holiday is not a penance.

@iamnotalemon too true! And thank you for making me chuckle. I read that in a Brummy accent! 😂