Page 2 | Look rich but very poor

ChocolateTea · 12/01/2025 11:54

You are not poor. You are living beyond your means and overspending. Go through your bank accounts and be honest about your spending. Sell some items on vinted or similar. Downsize if you can.

Poor is very different and I’m not sure a lot of mumsnetters know what that is actually like. It’s petrifying at times, having sold everything you own and counting out pennies to choose between gas and electric, going without food. Be honest as to where you’re really at.

unsync · 12/01/2025 11:55

Been there, done that. Contact StepChange https://www.stepchange.org/ They can help you get things under control so that you can start living rather than just existing.

Make the change, you will feel better when you are back in control of it. It's still hard, but you can at least start to see the light at the end of the tunnel. At the moment, you're just stuck in the tunnel.

StepChange Debt Charity. Free Expert Debt Help & Advice

https://www.stepchange.org

Lentilweaver · 12/01/2025 11:55

I look poor, live poor, dress poor, go on poor holidays and have considerable savings no one knows about. Prefer it this way. Coudn't live on credit. Barely use my card.
Winter is coming for the UK. Try to save.

HPandthelastwish · 12/01/2025 11:55

This is all mad.

If you have multiple holidays a year just cut one out and pay your debt.

Do you at least have good life insurance if something happens? Critical illness cover incase rather than death you can't work due to ill health etc.

If you have savings but the CC interest is more than pay it off with the savings. If all debts are 0% interest I would set up a higher interest savings account like MoneyBox Super Simple Saver which you can access once a month. I'd cancel non-essential payments like subscriptions for services rarely used and set up a payment into that savings account for the same amount and then at the end of the credit card term transfer that money to pay off the credit card. You may still have to move some debt but it will be smaller.

I would download the free Debt Payoff Planner app
Put all of the details for all of your debts in it.
It gives graphs to give a great visual reminder of how much youve paid off.
It will calculate the best order to pay your debts off and what payments to make for how many months.

ACynicalDad · 12/01/2025 11:56

Look at Dave Ramsey videos and the snowball method. He’s a US personal finance guru. I follow it on fb and the videos keep me disciplined. He says if you’ve got a culture of debt you need some pain to rethink things. Go camping in France this summer instead of business class holidays, the kid will love it. ( although Dave works say no holidays until you’re debt free). Your life will be much happier when debt is gone.

Sixpence39 · 12/01/2025 11:56

scandista · 12/01/2025 11:45

I'm a less extreme version of PPs.

We earn ok, £120k in London, get a bonus £15-20k every year. We own 80% of our £1m house. We have 3-4 holidays each year. We dress well, we eat extremely well. We have about £10-15k savings.

But we have about £12k of cc debt and live in our overdrafts.

We both suffered significant bereavements at a young age and I wonder if that's why we have this mad attitude to money. I wish we weren't like this but can't seem to stop.

Next time you get a bonus use it to pay off your credit card then cut up the credit card and be done with it. You'll feel a million times better and it only takes one bonus for it to be gone!

wickedelphaba · 12/01/2025 11:58

Some useful advice here
The thread interested me because my dh has been in and out of work due to redundancies etc over the past 8 years and we have been struggling for more or less that whole time,
It's hard and I am mindful that the kids are only young once but also that we need to be a fairly good example to them

TheNortherner · 12/01/2025 11:58

@LittleRedRidingHoody it is disingenuous to say you are poor when you have a take home of £7.5k

user8432176409 · 12/01/2025 12:00

Goodness no! I couldn’t balance being in debt to go on a holiday.
Or fancy clothes etc. wouldn’t sleep at night if I owed 20k.
I don’t know anyone who has that level of debt for “fun” stuff.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 12/01/2025 12:00

Sounds like you need to sell some of your nice clothes and maybe downsize your house then.

MissDeborah · 12/01/2025 12:00

RosesAndHellebores · 12/01/2025 11:50

Have you been badly hit by the interest rate hike?

You need to reduce outgoings, immediately. Cars, phones, holidays, anything that's a lifestyle choice.

You also need to be mindful that downsizing might be difficult presently, depending on where you live, as house prices are stagnant or falling. To sell at a premium, nice houses have to be tip top. Do you have the money spend on housouse maintenance.

i think this is more common than meets the eye. People need to stop living the dream and start living their reality.

I rarely agree with your posts but this is spot on!

Pleasealexa · 12/01/2025 12:00

@Jollygoodtime09, if you have worked for* * 35 years, are your children that young? 20k debt is manageable if you have savings for emergencies

Do you save for children's Uni costs as many parents only discover, late in the process, how expensive it is to fund students at Uni.

MissDeborah · 12/01/2025 12:02

TheNortherner · 12/01/2025 11:58

@LittleRedRidingHoody it is disingenuous to say you are poor when you have a take home of £7.5k

Agree
To be in that level of debt on that salary is absolute stupidity IMHO

oakleaffy · 12/01/2025 12:03

scandista · 12/01/2025 11:45

I'm a less extreme version of PPs.

We earn ok, £120k in London, get a bonus £15-20k every year. We own 80% of our £1m house. We have 3-4 holidays each year. We dress well, we eat extremely well. We have about £10-15k savings.

But we have about £12k of cc debt and live in our overdrafts.

We both suffered significant bereavements at a young age and I wonder if that's why we have this mad attitude to money. I wish we weren't like this but can't seem to stop.

I lost my mother as a toddler, had a lot of less than ideal incidents in childhood, but an very careful with money- Never had debt {apart from mortgage} house isn't 'expensive' {above 500k but below a million}

Gowlett · 12/01/2025 12:05

It’s just the use of the word poor… And then skiing.

Pigeonqueen · 12/01/2025 12:06

LittleRedRidingHoody · 12/01/2025 11:53

@Jollygoodtime09 wow you're getting a lot of judgement on the thread! I think loads at that kind of income are in debt to be fair. As long as your jobs are stable it's not the end of the world. Eventually the music will stop and you'll have to pay it off, but you're aware of that.

We're not in debt, but I've started travelling more with DS and honestly, if I had to carry a CC balance to do so I would.

I agree.

We live very similarly to @Jollygoodtime09 . We’ve been through times where dh has lost his job, I’ve been made permanently disabled with health issues, Ds being diagnosed with autism and battling to get him into complex needs school - it’s not like we haven’t had our fair share of shock moments but in some ways this has made us even more determined to enjoy life and live in the moment. But I do agree it’s a different thing to the op. It’s not living on the breadline, just living a bit outside your means. Like @Jollygoodtime09 we have the house - we are mortgage free. So if we were really up shit creek we would downsize but obviously wouldn’t want to do this. I think it’s a fairly normal way to live for lots of people.

iamnotalemon · 12/01/2025 12:07

scandista · 12/01/2025 11:45

I'm a less extreme version of PPs.

We earn ok, £120k in London, get a bonus £15-20k every year. We own 80% of our £1m house. We have 3-4 holidays each year. We dress well, we eat extremely well. We have about £10-15k savings.

But we have about £12k of cc debt and live in our overdrafts.

We both suffered significant bereavements at a young age and I wonder if that's why we have this mad attitude to money. I wish we weren't like this but can't seem to stop.

It sounds like the debt is manageable given your earnings. I personally would use the savings to clear the debt and then remove the overdrafts, but I guess it depends on if the debt is on 0% or not.

Chilliiee · 12/01/2025 12:09

Jollygoodtime09 · 12/01/2025 11:26

We are the same OP. We have several holidays a year. DC have expensive hobbies. A decent sized house. We bring home £7.5k a month. But we have £20k on credit cards. We pay the minimum each month. All on no interest rate offers. We also have a credit card we use and pay off in full each month (we correct avios so we can fly business class). This bill is around £2k a month. I would rather we didn't use it but DH racks it all up. After credit cards, mortgage and bills we are left with around £1.5k a month for food/petrol/social/DC. I've said to my mum a few times in passing that "we can't afford X" to which she replied "you've got loads of money". She doesn't know the truth. I've taken a second job in years gone by, she has never known this. Yes we should pay off the credit card debt and not go on holiday. But life is short and the DC are only young once.

This year we're skiing, I have a holiday with friends abroad, then we're off on a 3 week holiday to USA. None of this will go on credit card. We're not adding to the £20k but we're not making a debt in the balance either

If we had 1 year of no holidays and I took a second job for the whole year then we could clear a hell of a lot of the debt. But DH won't do no holidays and I don't know if I could do a second job for a year (would mean 50hour week, with my FT job)

This is insane.

I've not had a holiday in 8 years. Why is it more important yo you than stability??

iamnotalemon · 12/01/2025 12:09

Unpaidviewer · 12/01/2025 11:51

I was in debt in my 20s and it was incredibly stressful. I'm the opposite of some of you, we have a significant amount of savings but live in a modest house, most of my clothes are secondhand, anything new has to be good quality that will last, our car is old and we bought it outright etc. But I still find money stressful and I'm quite obsessive about checking balances and spreadsheeting. I have massive guilt issues with money, especially spending it on myself. If I were to buy something expensive for myself I would then feel ashamed for weeks afterwards.

I'm the same. Was in a lot of debt in my 20s (the same as my annual salary at the time) and since then I have guilt if I spend money on certain things. Not all things weirdly; I'll spend on travel and experiences but I struggle to spend on physical possessions and material items.

CurlewKate · 12/01/2025 12:10

@IVFmumoftwo "Don't most rich people look poor to be honest?"

No. You've bought into the "beaten up old Volvo" myth.

iamnotalemon · 12/01/2025 12:10

Lentilweaver · 12/01/2025 11:55

I look poor, live poor, dress poor, go on poor holidays and have considerable savings no one knows about. Prefer it this way. Coudn't live on credit. Barely use my card.
Winter is coming for the UK. Try to save.

I'd rather be in your position than trying to keep up with the Jones's and maintain a 'certain lifestyle'

Ringpeace · 12/01/2025 12:12

You're not poor. You could change your financial situation if you stopped trying to project an image of affluence to those people who 'perceive you as being well off'.

Genuinely poor people can't do that.

Some of the replies in this thread are unbelievable tbh.

1AngelicFruitCake · 12/01/2025 12:12

Jollygoodtime09 · 12/01/2025 11:26

We are the same OP. We have several holidays a year. DC have expensive hobbies. A decent sized house. We bring home £7.5k a month. But we have £20k on credit cards. We pay the minimum each month. All on no interest rate offers. We also have a credit card we use and pay off in full each month (we correct avios so we can fly business class). This bill is around £2k a month. I would rather we didn't use it but DH racks it all up. After credit cards, mortgage and bills we are left with around £1.5k a month for food/petrol/social/DC. I've said to my mum a few times in passing that "we can't afford X" to which she replied "you've got loads of money". She doesn't know the truth. I've taken a second job in years gone by, she has never known this. Yes we should pay off the credit card debt and not go on holiday. But life is short and the DC are only young once.

This year we're skiing, I have a holiday with friends abroad, then we're off on a 3 week holiday to USA. None of this will go on credit card. We're not adding to the £20k but we're not making a debt in the balance either

If we had 1 year of no holidays and I took a second job for the whole year then we could clear a hell of a lot of the debt. But DH won't do no holidays and I don't know if I could do a second job for a year (would mean 50hour week, with my FT job)

I agree about children being young once but enjoyment can come in simpler things. We went abroad last year and went to a caravan in the UK. The children enjoyed their abroad holiday but not massively more than the caravan holiday.

1AngelicFruitCake · 12/01/2025 12:14

scandista · 12/01/2025 11:45

I'm a less extreme version of PPs.

We earn ok, £120k in London, get a bonus £15-20k every year. We own 80% of our £1m house. We have 3-4 holidays each year. We dress well, we eat extremely well. We have about £10-15k savings.

But we have about £12k of cc debt and live in our overdrafts.

We both suffered significant bereavements at a young age and I wonder if that's why we have this mad attitude to money. I wish we weren't like this but can't seem to stop.

That's not a lot in savings when you're earning so much!

iamnotalemon · 12/01/2025 12:15

greyfoxy · 12/01/2025 10:38

I live in a lovely house in a nice area, I wear nice clothes and I know people perceive me as being well off. The truth is I have absolutely no money. It's 2 weeks until pay day and I have £15 left. I will end up using credit cards to buy the essentials which is why I'm in this mess - my repayments are huge.

Anyone else relate to this?

This is a genuine question. Are you trying to intentionally look well off and keep up with the jones's, or do you mean from the outside you look well off but looks are deceiving? I think there's a difference.