Look rich but very poor

[greyfoxy]

I live in a lovely house in a nice area, I wear nice clothes and I know people perceive me as being well off. The truth is I have absolutely no money. It's 2 weeks until pay day and I have £15 left. I will end up using credit cards to buy the essentials which is why I'm in this mess - my repayments are huge.

Anyone else relate to this?

I wouldnt call myself rich. But am comfortable. We dont even have a car. We can afford it but take the Tube.

Lol.

What happens is the CC companies may call the debt in.
They term this "persistent debt" allowing it to continue is deemed poor by the FCA.

You are literally making yourself poor, to avoid looking poor - it doesn’t make any sense
This is the result of Instagram and Influencers .
It's not what you have financially, it's what you look like you have

Would you not consider a mortgage payment holiday - wipe off the credit card debt? As you have so much equity- it won’t make a difference?

Is Monzo free @Lentilweaver ? I might try it out.

What seat filler sites are good? I have tried some sites like TodayTix but the deals I got weren't great.

Yes was going to say that, you can't get enough points surely? Or it only pays for one business flight perhaps.

The problem seeems to be the communication between OP and DH. OP suggests DH is driving the idea of many holidays etc. OP needs to talk seriously with him about it all and how she feels.

It is absolutely true that the kids can have a wonderful childhood and not to have missed out at all, without multiple foreign holidays per year. OP and DH need to get real about that and about what matters and gives a good childhood.

They are not poor but foolish with money. I wonder what their pensions look like….should be looking good with that level of income, but quite likely not.

That level of income means they won’t have to go from their fact spending to an abstemious and miserable life. There is balance and it is definitely available at that level of income. There can be holidays and treats. But it’s about balance and living within their (considerable) means.

Peooke have sympathy for those struggling with low incomes. But mis-spending like this is folly. Lots do it though….often intelligent people who somehow lack financial nouce and perhaos are prone to risk-taking, believing the rainy day will never come for them. But OP has more of the sense of fear about that…which is good. DH needs to be brought on board. No need for OP to work 2 jobs, but get the spending under control, with what luckily for them are fairly easy changes….we are not talking about choosing between food and fuel.

I’m guessing you’ve no partner to share bills and other costs with? It is really tough these days having a good quality of life these days on one income but it’s not right having £15 in your bank account to last you two weeks. You must have debts or you’re a low earner? Consider downsizing or letting out a room in your house.

I am exactly the same.

I just live within my means, I have everything I want (and more).

I have the designer bags, a diamond collection etc etc etc - zero interest in the show at all……. I just don’t tend to wear all the diamonds now - but maybe I should! I also definitely don’t dress ‘rich’ and have been followed around the shops 🤣

Dear god, the more I read on here the more I am relived to earn £35,000 (just me in my household), drive an old car, live within my means and crucially am surrounded by people who live zero shits about what I wear and what I drive and where I go on holiday. I am 49 and will hopefully have paid off my mortgage within five years or so.

For me personally, being secure financially with savings and a budget actually feels very freeing. I couldn't live like some people are describing on this thread. And no this is not me being smug - far from it.

I have been poor, with a husband who refused to accept that sometimes we needed to say to people "I'm sorry, we can't afford that". It leaves on a knife edge and keeps you awake at night.

I'm exactly the same! Lots of debt in 20's, more financially secure now and a big pot of savings that sends me into a spiral if it's touched.
Everyday, sometimes a couple of times a day I calculate all income and expenses for the month, net worth etc which calms me down.
All my clothes are primark, supermarkets etc even thought I can easily afford to spend a lot more.

I have just bought the book 'die with zero' to try and help change my way of thinking. Xx

Give me strength! DH ‘won’t’ do holidays?? Who does he think he is? What a knob!
Get that balance cleared and stop being such a wimp!

I'm far from being sorted with money management, I'll say that to start. But I do know from having read enough Martin Lewis that he'd say it's bonkers to have 10-15K in savings and 12K on a credit card. You'll be paying more in interest on the card. Would it not be a first step to use the savings to pay the card off? You'd still have the card to use if there was an emergency.

I had my massive overdraft, built up during university, for years until I was about to receive a chunk of money due (tax or back pay or something)and decided that instead of blowing it, I'd use it to wipe out the overdraft. It did actually feel really good. And I haven't gone back into overdraft since - I do have card balances to pay but that's another story..

Many Mumsnetters don't understand the true meaning of the word "poor." Living in overdraft and booking expensive holidays when you can't afford them is careless behaviour - not poor.

I am fortunate to live very comfortably; however, I have seen what poverty looks like. Visit a shelter, food bank, or warm space, and you will appreciate the meaning of the word and realise how lucky you may be. I was doing our food shop a few weeks before Christmas and stumbled across a single mother with three children who didn't have enough money to pay for her groceries at the till. The poor thing was in tears and almost had an anxiety attack. I paid for the groceries as I couldn't bear to see her in such a state.

I couldn't live like this. We are probably the opposite - DH and I are quite cautious, peers we know earn less than us are driving round in new range rovers, we are keeping two old, non premium cars on the road at far lower cost. We have a big pot of savings and always consider carefully if we've got enough headroom for the kids to take on more hobbies etc.

We have no credit card, car finance or other debt. We have a mortgage, but have more in savings than is left on it, we haven't paid it off because there's an early repayment charge.

I don’t think they look poor but they look like they make good choices, they buy timeless good quality clothes and don’t spend unnecessary money on passing trends, they have less to prove to others and aren’t concerned with keeping up with others, I think these intelligent choices are part of the reason they are wealthy in the first place

You aren't the only one

I have massive anxiety around money and live significantly below our means. We do go on holiday but it will be abroad every 2 years for example (took the kids to lapland a few years ago so they aren't deprived of experiences)

For me personally, being secure financially with savings and a budget actually feels very freeing

Same for me. This is the first time in my life I've had a decent amount of savings behind me and the security from that is amazing. I've been in debt and had nothing and it really is an awful feeling.

Thank you to people who understand. Some of the solutions here are easier for people to say than they are to actually do! But yes I'm selling stuff!

You're spending too much to try and look like you have something you don't.

We have a good income and thousands spare a month, but you wouldn't think it due to the smallish house we're in. Would like a bigger one, but just don't want to commit to a high mortgage!

We are the opposite. No debt, very low mortgage, high incomes, investment properties but live a modest lifestyle with the aim to retire before we are 50. I think it is obvious in the OP what the issue is and how to change things.

This. Your big spends are unnecessary luxuries, not an unaffordable mortgage. This is not having no money.

Practically, you need to list all your income and outgoings and see if you can shave anything off.

Moneysavingexpert is a fantastic website.

Some of the replies on this thread are insane.

If you're earning 7.5K a month, or 120K a year, you ARE well off. You are just insanely bad with money and should use your money to pay a financial advisor to sort you out!

Living beyond your means does not make you 'struggling for money'. It makes you impulsive and foolish.

The problem is that 20-30yrs ago; having an income of 90-150k would have allowed you to live that lifestyle. Unfortunately wages have not kept up with the cost of living- and neither have our mindsets. I worked hard as a junior doctor for years - naively thinking that once I made consultant my life would be sorted/ I'd be able to afford the nice area/ car etc..... but, I don't have a car/ live small house in a slightly rough area in London/ only afforded 1 kid etc. My colleagues who project a different lifestyle are usually living on family money (amazing how many people are- as even boomers who had ordinary jobs had considerable ), or are in trouble- trying to fit a lifestyle they think society expects them to have. Sounds like you've got some nice things- so they should last; so maybe stop buying new stuff for a bit, especially if essentials are going on credit cards? If you know you are going to inherit some money down the line - maybe this will be enough to keep you ticking over?