Adult ds paying rent

[wildfellhall]

We want our son to pay some rent partly as I am not working at the moment. DH thinks it's important that he contributes as he's earning a good starting salary and is commuting into a city to do so.

We feel as if £100 per week is reasonable given his earnings and how much it costs to run the home.

But I know he feels it's a bit harsh emotionally although he agrees it's fair as well.

What do other people think?

We charge ours what it cost us

so it covers there food and a bit of gas/electric wouldn’t come to £100 a week

That's exactly what my daughter pays to us.

I ask this very gently what are your long term plans for when they want to
move out?

That's seems like a pretty harsh judgement right now. After only 6 weeks my plans include just getting through each day and to be honest that's a fucking achievement right now. When they move out I will probably rent a small studio apartment but do I really need to think that far ahead?

It wasn’t meant harshly and I apologise if you have taken it that way. My concern was for your long term stability. And I am very sorry about your husband.

Our daughter finishes uni this year and plans to go into employment straight after. We have told her we will charge her a small amount of rent when she starts earning.
in reality, we plan to just set the money aside and give it back to her as a deposit or whatever when she wants to find a place of her own.

I think the cost depends on how much he is earning as well as how much are his costs when living with you but i would definately charge him something for his keep. You mentioned £100 a week which sounds reasonable esp as this is not only rent but also food/heating etc which would be significantly more if he was renting privately. How much does he earn a month?

I think £100 is about right and fair if food is included. It's surprising how much all the household bits: laundry liquids, toilet paper, cleaning products cost each month and then of course food, heating, WiFi, tv subscriptions. Can't really argue with a £100 a week contribution.

I would start with making some contributions, tell him how much things costs, he could pay certain bills or contribute X amount toward food, or something . I would not charge my son a fixed rent so to speak but open up the conversation of how much he can contribute . I don't think it has to be a fixed calculated sum, he could contribute towards purchases for the house if needed etc, but a good start would be for him to start contributing something. Does he go good shopping with you? Can he buy a weekly food for all the household once, and pay one or two bills?

You are being entirely reasonable op. Please ignore the negative responses.

To answer your question; no need to respond to this obviously but I think it depends entirely on the joint income of you and your dh and whether that is going to improve or not in future, and what you can afford.

If there is any doubt about you going back to work then you may want to take a modest rent from your ds to put aside as savings if nothing else. And then, depending on how things work out, you can either give it back to him as a deposit towards a flat or car when he moves out, or keep it for your retirement.

I don’t disagree with your dh on principle though that it’s good that your ds gets some idea of how to budget, what things cost, and I hope he is contributing in terms of cooking and cleaning too. Just because you are at home atm op, doesn’t mean he can’t do his own laundry etc. An extended adolescence is no good for anyone. You need to revise the way you live together now as adults sharing the same space.

If you and your dh can’t agree on this op; why not open a separate bank account and take an agreed sum having analysed your income and outgoings for a month, and then decide what to do with it later?

Thank you Toffeecrisp for your lovely post and for all the advice on this thread - it's much appreciated!

How on earth is he supposed to save for a deposit and eventually leave home if you are taking £400 a month off him? Fair enough if you were saving this for him for when he does move out but just taking it because you are out of work seems a bit harsh. What happens if he does move out and you’re still not working? Your household funds are down £400 a month.

I guess it depends what he's earning.

But so is her food and other bills. My daughter moved out and the water and electricity are much lower let alone food.

But it's not harsh for OP to be depleting her savings when a well paid adult is sharing the house?

Ok doke.

Thank you for all the feedback, it's much appreciated.

To the posters who are very exercised by my employment status and how that might impact my attitude - I wish I hadn't mentioned it. It is still a perfectly valid question - Should young people who are working contribute at all to the household costs?

We can discuss that here without anyone having a go at me about my working status. Health, age, opportunity luck, economic good fortune (or otherwise) varies hugely from household to household.

Whether our young people contribute financially or not is an ethical question for everyone I know who has young people living at home. My son's bf is in full time work and living at his parents' house. Last year they said 'we've paid the mortgage off - no need to contribute' this year they've asked for him to contribute as their bills have massively increased and they have now all fallen out and aren't speaking. The latest row sounds like they want him to move out. He's very upset. It sounds like a distressing mess.

Money in families is a complicated and volatile issue. It's useful to hear other people's POV. And we don't have to agree with each other.

@wildfellhall it's fair enough that the bf's parents have asked for a contribution to household expenses if their bills have increased and they are finding it difficult. In the olden days my parents, who worked from the age of 15, used to give their whole pay packet to their mum and be given back a few shillings as pocket money!
Ds is 21, at university, and will be back for Christmas. He'll only be home for just over 2 weeks so I won't expect a contribution but we are on universal credit and don't get child benefit for him and it is an added expense. I certainly don't aim to make a profit on him but as an healthy young adult he shouldn't expect to be a free rider. He almost died the end of August with sepsis and was in hospital a week. Of course we looked after him, got him everything he needed, didn't expect him to work or give us any money when he was building up his strength afterwards. Dd1 sent us a food shop from Asda to help otherwise we might have had to go to a food bank. The hospital is not near to us and we spent a lot on petrol.

Teaching financial responsibility and you can't just spend your wage packet is always a good idea you can always choose to save it if you can afford to.

If you're a single person on a low income and you have your adult child come to live with you, many of your costs increase significantly (council tax, gas, electricity, water, food).

I appreciate this isn't OP's situation as she's in a couple. But for many single parents of adult children it is impossible to absorb the costs of a permanent extra resident. It's a necessity to charge "rent" in this case.

And yet, instead of giving a helping hand to your son, you take this opportunity to make a financial gain on account of his suffering.

Suffering? Good grief. I've seen some hyperbole on MN over the years, but this really takes the biscuit. This is a fit and healthy young man (presume op would have said if he wasn't) with a decent income, comfortably housed, fed, minimal responsibilities, free to live his life as he chooses, not living in a war zone or otherwise at risk. In what way is he 'suffering'?

When we were in this situation I sat down with my DS and showed them the cost of council tax, gas and electricity, Internet, and food, and suggested that as an adult they should pay their share of that (ie 1/3). It’s all part of being an adult.