Adult ds paying rent

[wildfellhall]

We want our son to pay some rent partly as I am not working at the moment. DH thinks it's important that he contributes as he's earning a good starting salary and is commuting into a city to do so.

We feel as if £100 per week is reasonable given his earnings and how much it costs to run the home.

But I know he feels it's a bit harsh emotionally although he agrees it's fair as well.

What do other people think?

I take £20 a week, put it away and when they come to move out it will be given back to them for towards a deposit - they don't know this

£100 a week is a bargain. He can move out and spend more than that on a room alone if he prefers. He's an adult now, adults pay what it costs to keep a roof over their heads rather than what some think is "fair".
Sure it's nice if parents can charge peppercorn rent and save it, but that's not always realistic.
You can always negotiate a little with him if he feels it is a bit much.

We approached this on the basis that as a working adult it was not our job to support him any more and he should be cash neutral, ie pay his fair share but we don't make a profit.
We worked this out by excluding fixed overheads like mortgage and council tax as they cost the same regardless of where he lives.
We found out the extra average utility costs from water and power websites.
We pointed out that although it was called rent it was Defiantly not. It was simply what he cost us on a regular basis.
He was saving up for a flat deposit, when he had saved up enough to move out, we then gave him back all the 'rent' he paid to help him set up his flat and have some savings.
Needless to say we NEVER even hinted that he would get the money back as if we had, he would have not saved anything.

How old is he? How much does he earn? How much is his transport? How much income does he have left after paying his essentials?

I dont charge my DS18 anything at the moment as travel is taking almost a third of what he earns, but once his salary goes up i intend on £50 a week as he wants to start saving to move out.

My DD moved out when she was 25. Prior to that, we split all bills in two and she paid half; we bought our own food and alternated with main household stuff. She also did all the cleaning through choice. It was easy as there'd only ever been the two of us, but we both felt it was very fair, allowing her to save and also paying her way.

I actually don’t understand why it is even a question that an offspring would contribute financially to the family home that they live in.

Thanks, it's all good to hear.

Meaning you think they should not be asked to contribute?
I’ve been quite clear with my children that I’ll support them until they are 18 and then until they finish full time education (oldest headed to university and will cost us more than ever) but working adults should pay their way. When does the ‘you can live here for free’ run out? I don’t think you do them any favours allowing them to get used to a huge disposable income and no expenses, particularly if the household finances are stretched.
@wildfellhall I think what you are proposing is fair and still a fraction of what he’d pay for rent, bills and food in a grotty room in a houseshare.

Meaning that it seems utterly normal for adults to pay their way. Contributing to family expenses is normal.

We charge our son 10% of what he earns each month. He does his own laundry, keeps his room clean and tidy and does most of his own meals. I remember as a yts young person earning £27.50 and my mum taking £15. It was ridiculously excessive and mean. I would never repeat that shitty parenting cycle. Huge back story that I won’t bore people with.

If you need the money them obviously you should charge , personally we’ve always preferred that they save , which both of ours do . What does he actually cost you to keep as that’s a starting point . From my pov our eldest has moved out and aside from food none of our bills really altered .

Do you own your own property?

Unless I was really on the breadline, I'd charge "rent" which actually went into a savings account for a future property purchase deposit. It's harder than ever for young people to buy their own home these days.

It's fine to expect him to make a fair contribution to utilities and food though.

Thanks, I do need to look more closely at the costs that would help all of us.

I pay £150, I buy some of my own food, cook some of my own meals, do my own laundry (with supplies I buy) do washing up, look after pets, my space is mine to deal with. buy my own toiletries, clothes etc. im in a very fortunate situation, I know that

my brother paid £100 as he did everything independently, only used the room to sleep. showered at the gym half the time.

Adulthood - are you living at home?

Oh you must be, thanks!

You wont share this info?

OP is not obliged to tell you the salary of another adult.

The absolute contradictions on this fucking site astound me.

You have posts where parents go without and scrimp and save to send their kids to Uni. Save every penny they have for halls and spending and shit.

Others that save every penny to ensure their kids have a nest egg to move out.

And then this one thats charging their kid £400 a month to live in their family home when they should be saving to move out and their future. What, a kid starts working and they suddenly cost £100 a week just because thats what they would have to pay towards living outside the home?

Fuck me, i've been on this site for 18yrs and i think its time to leave. There is no common sense anymore. No thought for others views.

And FYI when yr kid gets a job and you lose yours, its not their responsibility to top up your household income. your kid doesnt cost you £400 a month and to profit from a child thats just starting in life is not right. I hope he saves every penny that you dont take and fucks off ASAP.

Of course she wont - but wants opinions without full info - how stupid is that.

It's in line with MN in general ... if you don't feel you have been told enough to advise, you don't have to post.

And people have advised without knowing salary, by having some idea of rent and bill costs, and OP has given an idea of salary by noting her DS earns more than she did before the redundancy. So obviously your view isn't universal.

ETA: I would feel extremely twitchy about posting my son's salary here.

I charge £65 per week, DH is on 32K PA. It covers his food, he eats a lot plus his GF stays all weekend, her room at her parent house is tiny so he can’t stay over and extra laundry. It covers costs, we neither gain money nor lose and that seems fair.

I personally won’t charge rent to adult children. I want them to be able save as much money as they can towards their own home, not subsidise our income as the parents. Paying out 100’s a month to parents isn’t a necessary step in learning something as simple as budgeting .

I completely understand that logically, it makes sense for him to pay something. Costs are incurred for living. The household budget has shrunk and you're hardly sending an 8 year old up a chimney and taking all of their pay off them. This is a sensible and pragmatic approach.

But I also completely understand the feeling mean somehow.

But remember this, families pull together. This isn't you charging him. You're not being mean, or unfair. This is just part of being in a family team. Paying your way is normal. Maybe it's a bit sooner than you'd have hoped, but it's OK.

When your kid becomes an adult and is working and earning a decent wage it's not the parents responsibility to house them for free either. Some people are in the financial position to be able to not charge rent but others are not, parents shouldn't financially cripple themselves for an adult child to live at home and get his mobile phone and Netflix paid for free.