Adult ds paying rent

[wildfellhall]

We want our son to pay some rent partly as I am not working at the moment. DH thinks it's important that he contributes as he's earning a good starting salary and is commuting into a city to do so.

We feel as if £100 per week is reasonable given his earnings and how much it costs to run the home.

But I know he feels it's a bit harsh emotionally although he agrees it's fair as well.

What do other people think?

How nasty

There are some nasty posts on here. Do what you need to do to keep a roof over all of your heads, the lights on and food in the cupboard it would be really wrong for him to be living the life of Riley while you struggle to feed him. ....he's a working adult.

Well said.

Is he, how do you know that?

Thats such a stupid argument btw… everywhere else is looking to make a profit, parents are usually just looking for the child to cover costs.

Having an extra person in your home doesn’t equate to financially crippling yourself. What nonsense. If it does, you’ve got bigger problems than your adult son being at home.

It’s very difficult to judge if what you propose charging him is fair if we don’t know the ball park of what he earns

Op has said that her son earns a good starting salary and more than she did before she was made redundant:

Even when working full time I was earning a lot less than he is now.

And we also all have some idea what bills and rent might be.

Seems plenty to make a ballpark judgement to me.

A starting salary can mean absolutely anything so you can not judge if it is acceptable or not without knowing the rough amount of what her son earns

Yeah, I can.

Maybe you can’t, but OP has very reasonably said she’s not comfortable sharing the salary of someone else. So if you don’t feel you can make a meaningful contribution without that information, not posting is a better option than pushing for information she doesn’t want to share.

Sleep well.

And why doesn’t she? No one knows her here. This suggests to me her son doesn’t earn that much.

On a separate note your childish attempt at sarcasm really didn’t land dear.

It doesn’t suggest that to me: I would feel uncomfortable sharing too much detail about another adult on here, because it would be me making a choice for them. If I wanted to share my own salary, that’s my choice.

Anyway, my point remains: she has said she doesn’t want to share it, so if you feel you can’t comment without that information, why comment?

I have a 20 year old Monday to Friday lodger who is taking a year out of uni to work in industry relating to his studies.

He pays £25 per night, so £100 a week.

He does his own laundry and cooking.

My own dc before they left home used to give me around £150 per month towards the bills, they also sorted out their own food and laundry as we eat at different times etc so it was easier to do it that way. It also gave them independence and freedom.

Because I can and again your feel the need to use sarcasm.! Did it ever cross your mind that the OP could have worked part time therefore her son would earn more than she did. What if his starting salary was for arguments sake £1500 a month and on a 5 week month he pays £500. Lee’s say he has commuting costs on top of that. Let’s say he’s saving to move out. Nobody is saying he shouldn’t pay board. The op is asking is she reasonable charging £100 per week. Without a ball park figure you can not say she is being reasonable or not. It’s really not difficult to understand

I understand your point and I simply disagree.

I am also not being sarcastic. A thing that I actually don’t understand is why posters demand that they need certain information to help, even after being told that the poster isn’t comfortable giving it, and yet they go on to waste their time posting.

There are hundreds of threads out there - why not post on one that suits you better? Genuinely?

@GoldCat255 you are lucky you can afford to support a working adult in your household. We charged my stepson and his girlfriend a very low contribution. When we had to put it up £10 a week they moved into a flat . A couple of years later they were in debt and unable to save for a deposit. We invited them back on the same low rent , they saved and they now own their own home . You do them no favours not allowing them to grow up and take responsibility.

To this point from you @Bachboo

Did it ever cross your mind that the OP could have worked part time therefore her son would earn more than she did.

FYI from the OP’s posts (I did post this quote recently upthread, but I reproduce it for your convenience)

Even when working full time I was earning a lot less than he is now.

If the op is not comfortable giving out the pertinent information ro me this means she knows she is asking too much but wants everyone to agree with her. As I said previously her son should contribute but it should be in line with his salary.

I missed that point but the OP could have been on a low wage. And it won’t be just £400 in a given month l, it will rise to £500 on 5 week months. There is a lot the OP hasn’t shared so it’s impossible to say if she is being reasonable or not.

For reference: £100 a week is equivalent to £433.33 per month.

OP “does not want everyone to agree with her” as she herself is clearly quite ambivalent about whether this is the right thing to do. This is apparent in her posts.

Once again, for avoidance of doubt: I understand your points, but I do not agree with them.

I will leave it there. Have a great day.

Honestly!

When you are working again, continue to take the money, but save it for him and give it him back when he moves out. When you can afford to. Or at least part of it. Still help him out and you out, but reward him for being a wonderful person too x

That’s pretty reasonable, just be aware that if you receive any means tested benefits it would be fraud if you didn’t report the income.

What might work better is looking at how they can contribute financially other ways that benefit them. They could for instance be the person who owns the DD for certain bills. This builds credit history for them and reduces financial outgoings for you.

When I still lived at home I paid the difference in council tax for me being there as it was a single parent household then the electricity and water was split in half, I paid it monthly.
I brought occasional food but not much else, I wasn’t charged ‘rent’ as such because the understanding was that I would save towards a deposit.
i paid my own phone bill and brought my own toiletries, but always made sure 1/3 of my wages went straight into savings as soon as I got paid.

Ds is 21 and at university, during the holidays if he works I take £10 a day to a maximum of £30 a week. He has to pay rent for his student house so I don't think it's fair to take more. We are on universal credit and an extra mouth adds a lot to our food bills especially when they eat as much as him. I do pay for his mobile and Amazon prime. If he was living here and working full time I would expect about £500 a month.

Things are tough right now for every generation. My 17 and 18 year olds both work (one earns more than I do and I'm a qualified Primary teacher) and contribute to the rented house we all live in. My husband passed away 6 weeks ago so their contribution is even more valuable now. Does that make me pathetic or are they just strong young men stepping up and doing what needs to be done?