Adult ds paying rent

[wildfellhall]

We want our son to pay some rent partly as I am not working at the moment. DH thinks it's important that he contributes as he's earning a good starting salary and is commuting into a city to do so.

We feel as if £100 per week is reasonable given his earnings and how much it costs to run the home.

But I know he feels it's a bit harsh emotionally although he agrees it's fair as well.

What do other people think?

I think it’s perfectly fair. I charge my DS £350.
I did scrimp and save to put him through uni. All expenses for last 24 years. He had 3k left after paying me. I can’t see the logic that he should get every given to him firever.

And yet ironically you make it very clear that your view is the only right one in this post @Ihopeyouhavent!

Our DS has never had to pay for anything ever.

I actually posted because my instinct is not to ask for him to contribute. It's DH who thinks he should.

There is a wide range of opinion on the subject and I am ambivalent myself - I don't really understand why some posters are so angered by a simple question for discussion.

I don't want to go into details about his income as this is a question of realism and principle.

I don't want to go into the details of my redundancy as I don't want to identify myself. But I didn't get redundant on purpose and it has made me worry more about money - how could it not?

There are two parts to this.

1. it is perfectly reasonable for him to cover the actual costs of him living in your home
2. he is an adult earning a real living. Not using this time to save for his own home is irresponsible. A condition of living with you should be a reasonable portion of his salary allocated towards housing being put into savings. So whatever he is earning, 30% goes to housing, less what he pays you in part 1, the rest goes to housing specific savings.

so it’s quite silly that he is arguing over contributing to the household because he shouldn’t be spending that money regardless.

@wildfellhall I posted (under a different name) concerning my mid 20s DD moving back home and how worried my DH and I were about it. The hate that I got from some posters was out of this world. It's a real flashpoint in Mumsnet.

I hope that there are some useful posts here for you. Ignore the personal attacks.

I don't know why people always try to compare costs of rent at home V rent elsewhere. Of course home is always cheaper, but that's where the comparison ends. Kids paying home rent don't learn independence, they learn how to live with mum and dad pretending to be an adult. They dont grow up till they move.

I didn't get from Op that her son was arguing over contributing.

The absolute contradictions on this fucking site astound me.

@Ihopeyouhavent It astounds you that thousands of posters, all typing independently, and all on a different blend of threads, "contradict" - AKA don't all agree with - each other.

Really?!

He should certainly pay something but he shouldn’t be paying for his mother

Ow this is entirely fair

@Bachboo but what is "paying for his mother"? She is covering bills like Netflix, Amazon, his phone, food.... and is using her savings to do so because of the redundancy. He is reasonably happy to pay. And what if she had always been a SAHM, would he the be "paying for her" if he paid towards costs.

And as per the PP (that you agreed with...) this is the first time he is being asked to contribute and his parents have probably helped with uni fees or apprenticeship years or what have you. If he has £1k+ a month free and clear after tax and student loans and commuting costs, how is it equitable if OP is living off savings?

I never went home after uni and nor did my brother, so I was paying rent and bills from day 1 of my graduate job. Appreciate it will be different for this generation of kids because costs of living "away" are higher, but why should that mean they pay 'not much' once they are earning?

I have to PAY 600 euros plus a month to support my Uni dd in a shared flat with food and bills. If he is working, £100 a week is a quite reasonable contribution.

That’s a strange take on things. This young man does have a job and his mum is helping him both by providing a cheap place to live and by introducing him to the adult world of paying his own way.

This has always been a contentious issue on here. But in this instance, OP can’t afford not to charge her son. Why should she have to dip into her savings, therefore making herself increasingly financially vulnerable, to effectively subsidise her working adult son who reading between the lines has a job that pays at least the UK average or more?

Thanks for the productive feedback.

I am ambivalent but it's good to hear the wide range of opinion. Obviously each family's finances are to an extent unique.

There is no way I consider my ds as paying "for me" just that he contributes as he is earning enough to do so.

How old is he and how much is he earning? £400 seems extreme. Are you making money off him? I doubt that’s his costs.

Yep and have to giggle at the 1000's comment!!

Completely normal. £100 a week is an absolute bargain. If he doesn't like it, he can move out. That will make him grow up!

Why giggle - do you think I should have said tens or hundreds of thousands?

You understand that I meant the whole site - as you referred to “this fucking site” in your post - and not this thread, right?

My dc pay 100 pw each, I don't call it rent rather a contribution towards the bills. They must be happy enough because there is no sign of the buggers moving out.

Well he's more than capable of finding somewhere to live for £400 a month with his mobile phone, Netflix and food thrown in.

Dd (18) started a degree apprenticeship in September. She is earning an ok salary and getting her degree tuition paid for by her employer

The way I approached it was showing her the household spreadsheet and discussing it with her

Mortgage - ours, would never expect her to pay
Bills - not too much difference but she was surprised at some
Food - again, surprised and appreciative of the total outgoings

I asked her what she thought was fair but sensible and she offered £200 a month - around 8% of her gross salary. We accepted on the condition she saves at least 50% of her take home pay

We don't need it, it's going into a savings account and we will give it back to her when she looks to move out. But - she has no idea about that and feels she is contributing as an adult living here and understands more about living costs

I think you're doing the right thing OP - as long as you are not taking a huge chunk of his take home

This....my son paid £400 10 years ago. He wanted to help.

He's an adult with a well paid job his mum is out of work bills need paying that's what adults do. It's not a financial gain is a change of circumstances and family doing what they should do pulling together.

This.