Adult ds paying rent

[wildfellhall]

We want our son to pay some rent partly as I am not working at the moment. DH thinks it's important that he contributes as he's earning a good starting salary and is commuting into a city to do so.

We feel as if £100 per week is reasonable given his earnings and how much it costs to run the home.

But I know he feels it's a bit harsh emotionally although he agrees it's fair as well.

What do other people think?

Op's son has a good job though?

I'm on the fence about whether it's fair for him to be charged £100 a week, but he is employed.

Our adult DD is currently living with us and saving up to buy her own place. We aren't charging her anything as a) we can afford not to financially and b) she needs to save as much as she can but every circumstance is different.

How is he suffering?? He’s not unemployed. He’s living at home with his mum and dad, earning a good salary and paying just £100 a week including food and all bills (which is a fortune these days) - so he should be able to save £100s a month. He should contribute something - although it sounds like OP would subsidise her son more if she could.

£400 a month all in IS a helping hand - not many rooms in shared houses, including bills and probably some meals available for that price, TBH.

Yes but at the same time, it isn’t costing OP an extra £400 pcm to have him there. (Unless he is also being fed- which we don’t know.)

As I said above, I don’t think adult and salaried inhabitants of a house only get to pay for their incremental costs.

I was made redundant from my job so I'm also job hunting and doing most of the work of the house as the others work long hours and I am supporting them more between jobs.
I pay for his mobile data (as it's an old low family deal), TV, Amazon prime and Netflix, all the bills, he gets a lot of lifts, food, holidays etc.
I will be working again but am dipping into savings a lot and my working life is to an extent potentially limited now in terms of years.
Even when working full time I was earning a lot less than he is now.
I don't want to charge him because I'm not working but I'm just burning through our resources and savings while I'm not working.
He accepts that lying makes sense - I just feel mean somehow

Having a disposable income of at least £1K a month if he agrees to the £400 per month is in no way suffering.

He’s effectively a guest of his parents. He’s not on the deeds of the house. What’s the point being so miserly towards your own children.

Of course it's fair, £100 a week is very reasonable. My DS pays £1k a month for a very small room in a grotty shared flat ... and that's before all bills etc and he earns below the 'median' salary but he accepts that as he loves living in a big city and starting out on his career.

So often young adults living at home have far more disposable income than their parents .. why shouldn't they contribute a reasonable sum towards the household expenses?

Obviously different if they are a student or on an apprentice wage etc.

If the DS thinks it's tough then there is an obvious solution ....

He accepts that paying not lying!

Don’t feel mean, OP! It’s ok for an adult with a wage to pay towards bills and costs.

He could always leave, though, can’t he? Find a houseshare like most working people his age. He won’t, but he could.

I’ve seen your update that you pay for his food. Therefore I now think £400 pcm is fair.

Thanks for all your thoughts - they're much appreciated.

It's also DH who he feels he should pay so he learns about how to budget

It wouldn't be miserly to charge an adult a fair amount whether he was paying for food or not. Not many 20 somethings are on the deed of any house - they may be renting a room in a shared flat for a lot more than this, though.

He is also very loved and valued and appreciated, he's a wonderful person. I'm just more anxious about money as I'm not earning at the moment.

Just do it and don't infantilise him. It'll encourage independence and adult attitudes. It's also easier for him to make the leap to leave when he's ready, and that's a good thing.

You can always save a bit to return to him. I do this with my dd, who originally paid a tiny amount despite a professional wage, and spent the entirety of the rest, which was a surprise, especially when she couldn't afford certain things. I put it up eventually to similar to what you are charging, and I wish I had earlier. A very cheap rent didn't help get, except to fritter everything.

*Tenency.

@wildfellhall it is board money not rent. this was always normal when I was younger if you were working and lived in the family home. it is for bed and food etc and use of everything else ie electricity, shower, laundry facilities. everyone paid it to their parents. taught young adults the value of money!!

Your son is working and still living at home, it's not unreasonable to expect him to contribute financially. In my part of the UK, you'd struggle to find a house share for £800 a month! If he lived outside of home, he'd not only have rent to pay, but the rest of the bills too.

Oh, I wouldn't feel sorry for my kids, they are very happy at home.

Honestly, your average parent will be quicker than the average landlord or letting agent to resolve a broken boiler or whatever, so it's swings and roundabouts. And whilst theoretically you have more rights as a renter, most parents won't just randomly evict their adult kids, as you are postulating (for dramatic effect, one assumes).

What is this tendency some posters suddenly have for "feeling sorry" for the children of other posters as some kind of 'gotcha' argument, in the course of a perfectly reasonable disagreement between two posters on how to handle some aspect of life? It's weird.

Have a lovely day, Custard. I shan't engage with you further.

£100 per week is fair (remember that is not the same as £400 per month) so get it paid weekly.

He is an adult, he is earning more than you. He would not be able to live anywhere else with everything included for £400 a month.

Remember that everyone has different financial circumstances/lives and you have to do what works for you. Ignore the nasty posts.

He should be contributing to chores though. The best help you can give him is to ensure that he can cook/do laundry/cleaning so that he doesn't expect his future partner to do it all for him.

Thank you so much for your advice, I really value it.

I charge my adult children rent. I think it is important for them to pay their fair share. It helps them develop good money management skills and appreciate how much things cost. £100 a week is fair rate.