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Original poster

Renting while parents own over £1.4million in property

479 replies

Emmav2020 · 30/08/2024 15:00

Just after peoples thoughts. So myself and OH pay £1000 in rent a month aswell as having 2 kids and paying a fortune in childcare. My parents own the above amount in property. Now while ive spend over £50,400 paying rent i was thinking and kind of got myself annoyed that my parents are sat on that kind of money while im still renting. Even if they gave me a small deposit i would be forever grateful just so we can get ourselves a mortgage and onto the property ladder. my sister was given a hefty chunk my her in-laws to buy a house so shes find.
I mean we have save a bit ourselves but its nowhere near what we need
Would you be annoyed or do i have no right in thinking they could help us just a little.

OP posts:
KerryBlues · 31/08/2024 12:02

gottoget · 31/08/2024 12:00

Why plan to have kids if they have to "live like that". Why is it the grandparents responsibility - what about the parent's responsibility?

Show quote history

Indeed.
Why aren’t the parents feeling any guilt at forcing their kids to live like that?!

LBFseBrom · 31/08/2024 12:06

I didn't get the impression that the op and her family were living badly, ('like that'). They would just like to be able to buy, rather than rent, a property., like many other people, and probably will eventually. However she didn't say life was all bad by any means.

arethereanyleftatall · 31/08/2024 12:09

Mousecauseway · 31/08/2024 11:10

I don’t get it either OP. Every parent of kids I know lives in a significantly smaller property than their parents- often divorced with each grandparent living alone in a 4 bed family home while the children and grandchildren squeeze into a 2 bed flat. I’d feel too guilty to let my own grandchildren live like that.

The responsibility there is on the parents who have made the decision to have children despite only living in a 2 bed flat. As a functioning adult, you shouldn't be looking to your parents to bail you out, unless in an emergency.

tinklingchimes · 31/08/2024 12:28

LBFseBrom · 31/08/2024 12:06

I didn't get the impression that the op and her family were living badly, ('like that'). They would just like to be able to buy, rather than rent, a property., like many other people, and probably will eventually. However she didn't say life was all bad by any means.

Most people want to be able to buy rather than rent for many years before they actually can. We worked extra shifts, did extra jobs, until we had a deposit. At no time did we expect parents to fund our lives or home, give us their money, and most definitely didn't expect them to downsize their home to free up money for us. I'd have been mortified with myself if I had.

Greenshed · 31/08/2024 17:33

YABU in my view. It’s not the responsibility of your parents to give you money for a deposit for a house. You’re an adult in your own right now, so have to deal with these issues yourself, not expect the bank of mum and dad to fund it.

PetuniaT · 31/08/2024 17:36

You are totally unreasonable. Maybe if you'd modelled your life on your parents' you'd be in a better position.

kimthomasandaimee · 31/08/2024 17:37

I haven't read the responses but I expect there's a decent amount of outrage on behalf of the parents. I just wanted to say that I would never in my life sit with 1.4 million of property while my children were renting. I would do everything in my power to help them onto the property ladder. I don't understand why anyone with the means would ever do anything less for their family.

Lilywc · 31/08/2024 17:37

Just ask them if they can help out?

Sometimesright · 31/08/2024 17:41

Emmav2020 · 30/08/2024 15:00

Just after peoples thoughts. So myself and OH pay £1000 in rent a month aswell as having 2 kids and paying a fortune in childcare. My parents own the above amount in property. Now while ive spend over £50,400 paying rent i was thinking and kind of got myself annoyed that my parents are sat on that kind of money while im still renting. Even if they gave me a small deposit i would be forever grateful just so we can get ourselves a mortgage and onto the property ladder. my sister was given a hefty chunk my her in-laws to buy a house so shes find.
I mean we have save a bit ourselves but its nowhere near what we need
Would you be annoyed or do i have no right in thinking they could help us just a little.

Well we helped ours but that was because they didn’t expect it or ask.
We helped with what they needed at the time making sure we kept it even. But, you sound like you expect it and that wouldn’t make me want to offer tbh. Have you spoken to your parents about maybe loaning you some money or maybe you could ask about renting from them with a view to buying it from them in the future? Do they know how you feel? Have you even spoken to them about it? Parents are just parents not mind readers.

Sometimesright · 31/08/2024 17:46

westisbest1982 · 30/08/2024 15:16

Why don’t you buy a a share of a property via shared ownership? You don’t need a hefty deposit.

I think you will find deposits differ depending where in the country you are. My Ds needed quite a bit if I remember correctly. But it’s still a great way to get on the market if you buy a freehold property .

Havinganamechange · 31/08/2024 17:49

To be honest you sounds a bit spoilt. You need to make your own way, your parents have no obligation to give you anything really and I assume it will all be divided between you and your sister once they have passed anyways.

Pimlicopolly · 31/08/2024 17:52

I echo some of the thoughts here . It definately depends on lots of factored such as whether they still have a mortgage and whether all there wealth is tied up in their home or whether they have other properties. Have you looked at help to buy schemes or shared ownership? Would they be will to loan you some money or act as guarantors ? Perhaps if the have a largish home you could ask if it’s possible you could stay with them for a while to give you time to save a deposit . They may not be aware that you are struggling . I do think it might be worth asking their advice and seeing if they are open to assuring you in some way as you do seem to be stewing over this and perhaps having a heart to heart will clear the air . Essentially though much as it would be nice if they can help they have presumably already brought you up and supported you to adulthood and depending on the ages and financial situation may well need to think about preparing for their retirement

Bowies · 31/08/2024 17:53

No you’re adults and presumably chosen the lifestyle you have, including having a second child, unless twins?

Entitled attitude about your DP and green eyes over DS, YABU.

Greenshed · 31/08/2024 17:53

kimthomasandaimee · 31/08/2024 17:37

I haven't read the responses but I expect there's a decent amount of outrage on behalf of the parents. I just wanted to say that I would never in my life sit with 1.4 million of property while my children were renting. I would do everything in my power to help them onto the property ladder. I don't understand why anyone with the means would ever do anything less for their family.

Edited

The thing is though, that it sounds as if the parents live in a property valued at £1.4 million, not that they’re “sitting” on £1.4 million. Depending where they live, this amount for a property could be the norm (not where I live, but I know it’s the case for a lot of places). I don’t know the size of the property. It is possible they could sell and downsize, but to be honest, why should they, and also, it depends where they live - they could end up with a rabbit hutch if they downsized?
I’m sure many would help their offspring get on the property ladder if they could, but we don’t know if these parents are financially able to do so. They could be property rich but financially poor.

MrsPositivity1 · 31/08/2024 18:01

I’m shocked anyone would even think this. Your family, your responsibility.

socialdilemmawhattodo · 31/08/2024 18:04

Child - is that you? Seriously though, I own my home - its nice, been there a long time, and is far more than my DC could ever afford in the same area. So if they want to move out they will need to rent/move areas. My DC is a young adult but still doesn't seem to understand I have worked for nearly 40 years in mostly professional jobs ie not 35-40 hours a week - a lot more and salary reflecting that of course. DC is not going to be going straight into that. They've only been working part-time for 18 months. In fact I think it is beneficial for young people to learn how to be good housemates by sharing with non-related others. This might happen for many at uni, but for others through a house share.

DC are miffed I am starting to take a very small sum each month for housekeeping. But I've made it clear that is how it needs to be in my home. They don't know I will put it aside for them to help when they move out for rent deposit or purchase costs.

I will move at some point - not necessarily downsizing - and might need any spare cash for renovations. So I wouldn't be rushing to hand over great sums of cash. It seems very entitled to expect that. But I don't think OP will be back.

DiduAye · 31/08/2024 18:12

Yabu Grow up stand on your own two feet and stop expecting your parents to support you

Nightjar33 · 31/08/2024 18:15

Yes we as parents have several properties and fair income.
My Ds borrowed money which we told him to keep after discussing with his siblings but it will come out of his inheritance.
I would ask them it’s great to see your kids getting on. I would hate them renting if we can help maybe your parents would be happy to help out. Good luck

Nightjar33 · 31/08/2024 18:21

socialdilemmawhattodo · 31/08/2024 18:04

Child - is that you? Seriously though, I own my home - its nice, been there a long time, and is far more than my DC could ever afford in the same area. So if they want to move out they will need to rent/move areas. My DC is a young adult but still doesn't seem to understand I have worked for nearly 40 years in mostly professional jobs ie not 35-40 hours a week - a lot more and salary reflecting that of course. DC is not going to be going straight into that. They've only been working part-time for 18 months. In fact I think it is beneficial for young people to learn how to be good housemates by sharing with non-related others. This might happen for many at uni, but for others through a house share.

DC are miffed I am starting to take a very small sum each month for housekeeping. But I've made it clear that is how it needs to be in my home. They don't know I will put it aside for them to help when they move out for rent deposit or purchase costs.

I will move at some point - not necessarily downsizing - and might need any spare cash for renovations. So I wouldn't be rushing to hand over great sums of cash. It seems very entitled to expect that. But I don't think OP will be back.

I did same took house keeping from my 3 and gave them it for travelling.
They shouldn’t live for free it doesn’t do them any good in the long run 👍

BooBooDoodle · 31/08/2024 18:26

I would personally have made sure I’d have my own home and be reasonably settled then have children? You sound extremely spoilt and precious. Your parents aren’t obliged to give you anything. Just because they have a 1.4 million quid house doesn’t mean they have the equivalent sat in a bank.

SmudgeButt · 31/08/2024 18:26

I get this completely. My mom sold a property and I wanted to borrow a bit for a short period but she said no despite also saying "oh woe I don't know what to do with all this money!!".

And yet I do know that once we've flown the nest we have to support ouselves.

gottoget · 31/08/2024 18:29

socialdilemmawhattodo · 31/08/2024 18:04

Child - is that you? Seriously though, I own my home - its nice, been there a long time, and is far more than my DC could ever afford in the same area. So if they want to move out they will need to rent/move areas. My DC is a young adult but still doesn't seem to understand I have worked for nearly 40 years in mostly professional jobs ie not 35-40 hours a week - a lot more and salary reflecting that of course. DC is not going to be going straight into that. They've only been working part-time for 18 months. In fact I think it is beneficial for young people to learn how to be good housemates by sharing with non-related others. This might happen for many at uni, but for others through a house share.

DC are miffed I am starting to take a very small sum each month for housekeeping. But I've made it clear that is how it needs to be in my home. They don't know I will put it aside for them to help when they move out for rent deposit or purchase costs.

I will move at some point - not necessarily downsizing - and might need any spare cash for renovations. So I wouldn't be rushing to hand over great sums of cash. It seems very entitled to expect that. But I don't think OP will be back.

When I suggested taking some rent from my ds - he said are you going to do what all other parents do and give it back to me when I buy a house - I think that has become the new expectation and they will be banking on it.
I feel they should move out - I prefer them not to be living with me as adults - it's not healthy - it leads kids to be too dependent on their parents - moving out used to be considered normal too.

thebestinterest · 31/08/2024 18:30

arethereanyleftatall · 30/08/2024 15:04

I'm not sure tbh. You're adults. You've made the decision to have children before getting on the housing ladder for whatever reason. So you're always going to be on the back foot. I'm not sure they're responsible for decisions you've made.

Agree here.

gottoget · 31/08/2024 18:31

Nightjar33 · 31/08/2024 18:21

I did same took house keeping from my 3 and gave them it for travelling.
They shouldn’t live for free it doesn’t do them any good in the long run 👍

Show quote history

They were living for free - you were just taking responsibility for their savings. No need to grow up when parents do all the thinking for you.

Greenshed · 31/08/2024 18:32

Asking for board makes absolute sense. It teaches your child responsibility. They need to learn that nothing in this life comes without a price - nothing is free. If they were to move out, I’d hazard a guess that the rent they’d be paying would be higher than the board their parents were taking - plus they’d have all the other bills on top, food, utilities, etc.

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