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Renting while parents own over £1.4million in property

479 replies

Emmav2020 · 30/08/2024 15:00

Just after peoples thoughts. So myself and OH pay £1000 in rent a month aswell as having 2 kids and paying a fortune in childcare. My parents own the above amount in property. Now while ive spend over £50,400 paying rent i was thinking and kind of got myself annoyed that my parents are sat on that kind of money while im still renting. Even if they gave me a small deposit i would be forever grateful just so we can get ourselves a mortgage and onto the property ladder. my sister was given a hefty chunk my her in-laws to buy a house so shes find.
I mean we have save a bit ourselves but its nowhere near what we need
Would you be annoyed or do i have no right in thinking they could help us just a little.

OP posts:
DysonSphere · 30/08/2024 22:32

If you are entitely mortgage free
Have a decent pension out of which you can have several decent holidays a year.
Have a nice savings pot secured a high interest account.

And you are looking at your children paying up to 70% of their earnings in rent and utilities, struggling with the CoL, struggling with childcare, and not one toe, let alone a heel or a foot, on the property ladder

But you think YOU are the one really struggling, then it sums up the thread and the generation gap all in one.

I can see the problem.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 30/08/2024 22:32

thereiscustardinthejamtart · 30/08/2024 21:50

Well, on the plus side for OP, she may be an entitled CF but at least she knows she’s not alone in that.

C

🤣

LBFseBrom · 30/08/2024 23:07

I don't think the op necessarily has a sense of entitlement, in her position with well off parents who have a good set up, I might feel the same. However she hasn't asked her parents for help and may well give the impression that everything is Ok, and it sounds as though it is for the most part.

The parents may plan to give their daughter/their children something in time to deflect inheritance tax. Many people do that and who cn blame them. Who knows what their plans are?

If this really causes you to wonder a lot, op, you could casually ask them, or say you really want to buy your own property but are finding the deposit very hard to get together. They may say they had wondered why you hadn't purchased but didn't want to pry, you should have said, or something like that, and offer you something. Or they may not, be prepared for that.

Either way you'll be no worse off and, if you don't plead or be upset, your dignity will be intact.

tinklingchimes · 30/08/2024 23:10

Your parents have to live somewhere, so it would be very unreasonable to expect them to sell their property. They don't have to give up their home so you can buy one.

Their property has probably appreciated but that doesn't mean they have much liquid cash to give you (which they aren't obligated to do, or don't have to want to do).

Why do so many people feel entitled to their parents' money?

Nuggetnuggety · 30/08/2024 23:27

@MyrtlethePurpleTurtle it’s very hated despite the fact so few are impacted.

www.cityam.com/everyone-hates-inheritance-tax-but-what-are-the-arguments-against-it/

tinklingchimes · 30/08/2024 23:59

DysonSphere · 30/08/2024 22:32

If you are entitely mortgage free
Have a decent pension out of which you can have several decent holidays a year.
Have a nice savings pot secured a high interest account.

And you are looking at your children paying up to 70% of their earnings in rent and utilities, struggling with the CoL, struggling with childcare, and not one toe, let alone a heel or a foot, on the property ladder

But you think YOU are the one really struggling, then it sums up the thread and the generation gap all in one.

I can see the problem.

Or they look back a time when they were also paying that kind of amount in expenses and it seems par for the course that their children also go through that stage, while building their own lives?

My parents are mortgage free but I don't expect anything from them. At one time they were in the same position as me. My time will come too.

Nuggetnuggety · 31/08/2024 00:35

Or they look back a time when they were also paying that kind of amount in expenses and it seems par for the course that their children also go through that stage, while building their own lives?

“The average house in the UK currently costs around nine-times average earnings, based on data as at 30 November 2022. The last time house prices were this expensive relative to average earnings was in the year 1876, nearly 150 years ago.”

Im guessing the OPs parents aren’t vampires 🤷🏻‍♀️

tinklingchimes · 31/08/2024 00:46

Nuggetnuggety · 31/08/2024 00:35

Or they look back a time when they were also paying that kind of amount in expenses and it seems par for the course that their children also go through that stage, while building their own lives?

“The average house in the UK currently costs around nine-times average earnings, based on data as at 30 November 2022. The last time house prices were this expensive relative to average earnings was in the year 1876, nearly 150 years ago.”

Im guessing the OPs parents aren’t vampires 🤷🏻‍♀️

I don't see how that is relevant. Paying 70% of your income is 70% no matter when or where. As it is, I have a higher income than my parents who were very low income. In many ways I'm better off.

Nuggetnuggety · 31/08/2024 06:02

You don’t see how it’s relevant? In the 90s it was around 5 times income which isn’t the same as 9…
Younger people today are spending more of their income on housing costs than previous generations.

As it is, I have a higher income than my parents who were very low income. In many ways I'm better off.

How is this anecdote relevant?

ANiceCuppaTeaandBiscuit · 31/08/2024 06:55

I don’t see why everyone is giving OP such a hard time. It’s incredibly common to get help towards your first home. We had help, although we didn’t actually need it or ask for it but it enabled us to buy a bigger place than planned. We were incredibly grateful.

Just speak frankly to your parents, if they have the cash and it would really help you now it makes a lot more sense than getting it left to you further down the line. And if they say no then so be it, but you won’t be carrying these thoughts.

Lentilweaver · 31/08/2024 06:56

As OP has only posted once, I assume its a windup.

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 31/08/2024 07:01

DysonSphere · 30/08/2024 22:32

If you are entitely mortgage free
Have a decent pension out of which you can have several decent holidays a year.
Have a nice savings pot secured a high interest account.

And you are looking at your children paying up to 70% of their earnings in rent and utilities, struggling with the CoL, struggling with childcare, and not one toe, let alone a heel or a foot, on the property ladder

But you think YOU are the one really struggling, then it sums up the thread and the generation gap all in one.

I can see the problem.

I earn twice as much as my mother ever did, and currently as much as my father did at the end of his career, and I work part time. DH earns more than I do right now because he's full time.

My parents chose for my mother to stay home while we were little, and so paid out over 70% of their earnings on housing and living costs. Again, this was a choice they made to ensure we lived in the way they wanted us to, in a place that would give us opportunities. They supported us, physically, in a massive way.

We have chosen for me to stay in work because long-term the financial return of that will allow us to give our family the life we want. We also chose to wait until we were financially stable to have our child and to only have one. We bought our very modest house in a very good area while I was pregnant.

Our choices means we pay out over 70% of our income on housing, childcare and living expenses at the moment. Me continuing to develop my career means I have a flexible enough schedule that when she's at school I can do drop offs and pick ups and we won't need wrap around care. So the savings will be significant once nursery fees are gone.

My parents see that our costs are high right now but know that this is choices we made in our lives. They are not responsible for changing our situation, which we're in because we chose to be.

They still offer physical and emotional support. But the amount of sacrifice and support they gave us in childhood and up until we moved out is what meant we were able to make these choices in the first place. If we'd made bad ones, or different ones, it's still not down to them to bail us out of our choice financially.

And most decent people wouldn't take their parents nest egg. It's a choice. Even if offered.

ineedtogwtoutbeforeitatoohot · 31/08/2024 07:08

I would not want my kids wasting money on rent. If I had that kind of wealth I would definitely use it to help you either by buying you a house or giving you a big deposit for mortgage to get you started. Why do t you talk to them. And ask them.

HowDidYouGuess · 31/08/2024 07:10

They aren't sitting on all this cash...it's IN their house. Are you hoping they will sell their house so you can be helped out? The entitlement is so rife. I don't know why you think it any of your business what money they may or may not have.

autienotnaughty · 31/08/2024 07:23

Are you saving? Why don't you ask them for a loan?

Nuggetnuggety · 31/08/2024 07:48

@IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos Wow, that post was inspirational. I hope someone else chooses to read it & goes on to make choices. Im not sure whether to choose bacon or egg for breakfast.

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 31/08/2024 07:56

Nuggetnuggety · 31/08/2024 07:48

@IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos Wow, that post was inspirational. I hope someone else chooses to read it & goes on to make choices. Im not sure whether to choose bacon or egg for breakfast.

Edited

At least you have the choice. Penelope down the street can't afford bacon because her parents won't help her.

Nuggetnuggety · 31/08/2024 08:01

😆😆

tinklingchimes · 31/08/2024 08:49

You also have to remember that even if your parents have 100K sitting around, giving it to you for a house deposit would be a foolish move. Help needed to maintain independence in their own home for as long as possible can be costly. Parents need to keep as good a nest egg as possible to fund themselves in older age. Otherwise are the children who took the nest egg for their own wishes going to pay for house repairs, home help, medical needs and devices, whatever else is needed, when the parents can't afford it? I know I can't afford to fund the 20K of repairs needed to my parents' home (and neither can they). Thankfully they didn't send money, and definitely not substantial amounts, our way, so I don't feel guilty about being responsible for making it more difficult for them now, or obligated to stretch my finances/extend my mortgage to help them back in return for cash received in the past. Or will those who took that nest egg because they felt they needed it more just say they can't afford it and not step up to help their parents who have been generous to them?

gottoget · 31/08/2024 09:39

tinklingchimes · 31/08/2024 08:49

You also have to remember that even if your parents have 100K sitting around, giving it to you for a house deposit would be a foolish move. Help needed to maintain independence in their own home for as long as possible can be costly. Parents need to keep as good a nest egg as possible to fund themselves in older age. Otherwise are the children who took the nest egg for their own wishes going to pay for house repairs, home help, medical needs and devices, whatever else is needed, when the parents can't afford it? I know I can't afford to fund the 20K of repairs needed to my parents' home (and neither can they). Thankfully they didn't send money, and definitely not substantial amounts, our way, so I don't feel guilty about being responsible for making it more difficult for them now, or obligated to stretch my finances/extend my mortgage to help them back in return for cash received in the past. Or will those who took that nest egg because they felt they needed it more just say they can't afford it and not step up to help their parents who have been generous to them?

Bil has been eyeing up FIL's nest egg for ages - wondering why he doesn't just hand it over. Fil has a right to financial security - but greedy bil thinks he could make better use of it.
FIL now needs carers - that nest egg is paying for those carers - mind you we arranged the carers so Bil assumed we were footing the bill and was very upset to hear that it was coming out of his inheritance.

Parents can choose to help their dcs buy a home - but there's no should, just as there's no should on Grandparents providing free childcare or moving your elderly parent into your home, or driving yourself to a nervous breakdown supporting your elderly parent to live in their home.
People should stop thinking other people have a duty to help them with time or finances - you don't own someone else's life, respect people's choices - they have a right to make them.

HelenWheels · 31/08/2024 10:11

do you want to be beholden to them?

SilkFloss · 31/08/2024 10:13

Good post, @gottoget
There's an increasingly-common attitude I see, particularly here on MN that, because some people have been fortunate enough to have parents who help out with finances and childcare, that those who don't have somehow been "done out of" something they have a right to.
DH and I have busted guts to give our kids a good start in life. Are they chuff having our house now! They can work hard at the careers they're now in and fund themselves. IF there's anything left over when we die, then they can have it then, unless WE decide to offload anything ahead of time but I will not be guilt-tripped into that.

Mousecauseway · 31/08/2024 11:10

I don’t get it either OP. Every parent of kids I know lives in a significantly smaller property than their parents- often divorced with each grandparent living alone in a 4 bed family home while the children and grandchildren squeeze into a 2 bed flat. I’d feel too guilty to let my own grandchildren live like that.

tinklingchimes · 31/08/2024 11:15

Mousecauseway · 31/08/2024 11:10

I don’t get it either OP. Every parent of kids I know lives in a significantly smaller property than their parents- often divorced with each grandparent living alone in a 4 bed family home while the children and grandchildren squeeze into a 2 bed flat. I’d feel too guilty to let my own grandchildren live like that.

My MIL was alone in a six bedroom home. She shouldn't have to move from the home she has built and loved and that has all her memories attached until she was good and ready. It's a home, not just an asset. There can be a lot of emotional capital tied up in it too. That's her home. It's up to us to make our own from scratch. Of course we'll start out in a smaller home. That's normal. Usually people then upgrade later. Also normal. I feel no claim on my MIL's home because it's bigger than ours.

Downsizing is also a costly exercise. If my children all left home I could downsize but what is going to stop me are things like stamp duty. I'm not even going to think about downsizing till we are mortgage free to allow room for that sort of cost.

gottoget · 31/08/2024 12:00

Mousecauseway · 31/08/2024 11:10

I don’t get it either OP. Every parent of kids I know lives in a significantly smaller property than their parents- often divorced with each grandparent living alone in a 4 bed family home while the children and grandchildren squeeze into a 2 bed flat. I’d feel too guilty to let my own grandchildren live like that.

Why plan to have kids if they have to "live like that". Why is it the grandparents responsibility - what about the parent's responsibility?