What to ask DS for bed and board as student

[Orangesandlemons77]

DS (19) is starting university after the summer after taking a year out to work. He will be living at home and going to a local one.

Thing is, he's much better off than the rest of us atm, after having a 12K child trust fund, then working full time for most of the year (maybe 10K after buying a car and driving lessons) and now he will be getting about another 8K from student finance as we are not on a high income.

Given that he won't have to pay any rent as living at home, what do you think would be reasonable to charge for bed and board?

I'm on PIP and DH is self employed, but mid 50s and has a health condition so is not earning that much atm. We get a bit of tax credits but probably won't be changing to UC due to is being tricky with self employment (but may have to I suppose). Just now I'm using the PIP to get shopping etc, and seeking out bargains etc while DS is buying e.g. new phones and fancy perfumes for his gf.

How much did he give you while he was working?

Also, how much will his commute to university be?

Would it be more reasonable for him to cover his own expenses - i.e. his share of food and electricity bills?

Unless I was really, really struggling I would never ask an adult child in full time education for board. Instead I would be gently but firmly encouraging him to save for the future. There won’t be much left from that student finance £8k once he’s paid accommodation costs and then there’s food, travel etc on top of that.

ive not read the entire post, i have a 22 year old, she's been doing her uni degree from local uni for the past 3 years, she does work full time as well. she pays us £110 a month towards 'board and lodgings'. she has her own fridge in the kitchen and does all her own shopping and cooking.

I pay her mobile phone bill and i do her laundry, mainly cos its easier to just do it as a household than anything else.

she saves 1/3 of her wage every month. she inhereted some money when her dad passed away last year and her job is paid probably slightly above minimum wage.

we are lucky in that we dont NEED the money, we are now loaded, we both work, but we wanted to charge her something to teach her a little about financial responsibility. the fact that she is probably better off financially than we are actually makes me feel quite proud.

we did gift her a car (an old banger) some years ago which she has since replaced with her own money.

i think its import to teach your children that not everything is given on a plate, i wish i could offer her more, but i am happy with what she gives.

Do you never eat as a family? DD does lots of her own shopping and cooking but I don’t make a conscious effort to separate things, that’s a bit extreme.

He’s living at home? I think £100 per week would be fair to cover expenses and ‘rent’ at home. If he was in halls it would be £180-250 per week without food.

occasionally yes, but both my partner and i work 24/7 shifts so its difficult for us all to sit at the table at the same time. it was her choice to do her own shopping, ofcourse i still buy in for her wants and needs but she wanted to feel as independant as possible while still living at home. there are some anxiety issues on her part which is why she never went away to uni.

if im cooking a meal she likes, i always plate one up for her. as well as the shifts we eat early, and like most youngsters nowadays she prefers to eat late

none of what we do is forced on her, these are choices she has made.

if i'm honest, i wouldn't charge her a thing if i could get away with it.. but as DH keeps pointing out to me, she's got way more money than we have and should pay something towards the household expenses, so here we are

Ok thanks. That sounds reasonable. We have not charged anything so far. The commute is about ten mins and costs about a pounds each way on the bus or he will drive.

That sounds reasonable? You're leaving him £50 a week for commuting, course-related costs, bills like phone, dental, eye check ups, prescriptions, never mind replacing clothing, shoes, haircuts, car costs (insurance, MOT, service, fuel, tax), Christmas, and general enjoyment in life. You sound grabby af!

I hope he moves out and you see your cash cow of a child disappear.

I personally wouldn’t ask for anything, especially if they are studying full time at uni, I’d rather they saved for a house deposit to be able to buy a house.

ds works full time in a graduate job and we take a token amount of £100 a month so that he can save for a deposit. Within a year he’s saved approx 9K which I’m quite impressed about

I think just covering his share of bills and food would be fair, if you really need to ask for board.

I'd suggest £300 a month. It covers his share of bills and food, but nothing else which is fair. Given his travel costs are only £300 a year that leaves him £75 a week to fritter on night clubs and clothes - plenty for a student!

£100 per week is far too much. I'm sorry, but you shouldn't be making money out of your child.

If he wasn't living at home you would still have bills etc - yes he should make a contribution but not pay 1/3. He should pay the additional cost. So, if your electricity bill is £100 for the month, but £40 of that is standing charge, then he should pay 1/3 of £60, not 1/3 of £100.

Apart from the £22k from the child trust fund and from his working year, of course.

I could not charge a child whilst they were a student even if they were doing a job in the vacation time

My son has just finished university and lived at home.
I didn't charge him anything but he paid his own phone bill and car insurance.
It sounds though like you could do with a little from him to cover his own costs but I don't think he should subsidise yours, o don't mean that unkindly it's difficult to word it

OP

Did you and DH provide the bulk of the money for the CTF?

It's £3790 max loan next year if living at home unless they qualify for the means tested element. Perhaps charge half for board?

In this situation I would only charge to cover food, so say £50 a week

DS lives at home while commuting to a local Uni and we don't charge him anything.

The only marginal cost having him here is his food and I don't mind covering that. I certainly don't want him taking out high interest student loans just so that he can give us money.

If money is tight I guess £50pw is reasonable, but taking more so that you can ease your own finances doesn't seem fair.

OP really has no money, though. And she didn’t charge anything last year when her son’s income was more than it will be this year.

Didn't you read the bit where the op is having to use her pip, which is supposed to be to help her manage the costs of her disability to feed this adult?

Our son lives at home and goes to a local uni. He also works part time.
We don't charge him anything. He'll get food shopping if needed, but otherwise, we have asked him to make sure he's saving some money every month for his future.