What to ask DS for bed and board as student

[Orangesandlemons77]

DS (19) is starting university after the summer after taking a year out to work. He will be living at home and going to a local one.

Thing is, he's much better off than the rest of us atm, after having a 12K child trust fund, then working full time for most of the year (maybe 10K after buying a car and driving lessons) and now he will be getting about another 8K from student finance as we are not on a high income.

Given that he won't have to pay any rent as living at home, what do you think would be reasonable to charge for bed and board?

I'm on PIP and DH is self employed, but mid 50s and has a health condition so is not earning that much atm. We get a bit of tax credits but probably won't be changing to UC due to is being tricky with self employment (but may have to I suppose). Just now I'm using the PIP to get shopping etc, and seeking out bargains etc while DS is buying e.g. new phones and fancy perfumes for his gf.

You could do it differently. When my DS came home for breaks we gave him a cupboard and he got his own groceries and laundry tabs and carried on with his own cooking and washing. He only costs us maybe an extra £10 a week energy usage.

Yes,this resonates with me. It all seems so different to when I was growing up. There are a group of them who have taken a year out to earn and now they have all bought cars, going on expensive holidays including an all inclusive trip, for example and seem to spend a lot going out, when I was a student we had to be so careful but we now live in an expensive part of the country and the parents do seem much better off, which is fine but we are not all in the same boat!

Well I think that looks reasonable, thanks

So how much will you ask him for op? It is reasonable to ask him only to cover the extra costs he incurs. It is not reasonable to ask him to financially also support you and your husband by paying more on top of this, which is what 400 a month would be. You cannot profit from him.

He's still got the other money thought CTF and he's been working full time and not paying anything for the last year.

Thinking possibly £200 a month (£50 a week) now after reading the replies but will discuss with him and my husband, he did ask me the other day if I needed any money so has brought it up himself, so we will have a chat.

So he’s now got access to this money? Aren’t you concerned he’s going to burn his way through it? What were your expectations of what he’d use it for when you set up the CTF?

I will add up how much we have lost since he turned 18 in terms of the child tax credits and child benefit as well and see what that comes to, but probably around £200-250

£50 a week is fair...if hes blowing his money on too much crap, he has excess so charge him more

The fact you’ve lost child benefit is really nothing to do with him and not his job to replace.

I don't think he'll get 8k loan if he's not living out of the home.

I was surprised by this too, the at home allowance is not that difference to the amount for living away from home. It's because we are on a low income as well.

Actually, child benefit does continue ion they are in further education past 18, not for higher though.

We had an advisor come from the CTF and she made clear it was his to do as he wanted but would advise some in a ISA / LISA and the rest for him which is what he chose to do.

Sorry, just to add it was the Labour gov set up the CTFs and mine are in the ages where they benefitted from this. I think they started out with £500 something like that and then we and grandparents paid in some every month for them.

There's some awful comments on this thread.
The OP is disabled and counting pennies out of her benefits to buy essentials. Her DS is living the life buying expensive perfumes for his girlfriend etc, he has a savings fund too, whilst being fed and housed for free. How is that fair? Honestly, such a lack of reality on MN.

He definitely needs to contribute, the loan he is taking is to cover his living costs. Obviously a £100 a week contriburion is too much, but a fair contribution needs to be worked out.

£8610. But it's means tested on the parents income on a sliding scale. To get the full amount the OP must be on a low household income, which is why her son gets so much - to pay for his living expenses in a low income household!

Thanks, I have calculated that with the loss of the child tax credits, the loss of the child benefit and with food costs rising and with fuel costs it is probably nearer £400 a month even without considering housing costs, council tax etc, but think we should charge less as this seems to be considered 'profiting' from him.

It’s funny how, in a thread on child
maintenance payments, it’s often said that £x a week wouldn’t even e.g. cover food (with £x being any number, depending on thread)

And that there are posters on this thread implying that DS barely costs a thing to feed and house and couldn’t possibly be expected to use his earnings or the money that his parents saved for him to support himself somewhat and reduce the burden on his parents.

I wonder if it is because quite a few of them are on high incomes and having to pay extra to support their DC who are living away at uni? Maybe it rankles to see others in a different position? Not sure.

We are having to pay the entire accomodation costs for one child, we're not rich, but we cocked up on UK residency laws...long story, we're managing and DD is contributing without being asked . But I still wouldn't kick someone who is struggling and obviously has less.

I think it’s down to people not realising how little some families survive on.

However I have a family member who won’t take keep of her son. He actually works full time. She works part time and is on benefits. A lot of that is down to mum guilt as his dad isn’t around but he is nearly 30 and seriously taking the piss out of her.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with asking young adults to contribute to the family pot if it’s needed.

Good point

I understand. I just think that potentially he could be in a really nice position - one that most graduates won’t be - if he saves that £22K, gets the minimum maintenance, and a part-time job when he starts his course. It could be enough for a deposit on a property in a few years time. But like you said before, it’s up to him.

Yes, I have also transferred things like phone bill, dental plan, etc over to him and think it is good for them to consider paying for things like this and learn to budget a little. Not just take it all for granted, or 'take the piss' as you say