Children feeling resentful over parents’ luxury holidays

[Loyallyreserved]

I read an article in the newspaper today where several adult children (30-40 yrs age) were feeling resentful that their parents in retirement were going on luxury holidays a few times a year.
Their gripe was that they believed their parents were spending their inheritance which they felt was rightly theirs. It made them feel frustrated, envious and bitter. And they also claimed that they should be given their inheritance now rather than wait until they died.
I have to confess the article gave me the impression of selfish, cold hearted money grabbing adults.
AIBU?

Not that they had much but I'd be happier if my parents had been able to enjoy their retirement. My father had a huge stroke and when he died my mother was in poor health and died relatively soon after.

They did have a hard time over the years and certainly deserved it.

Many comments here pointing out that younger people won't be able to take state pension as early as their parents.

Many baby boom women found themselves unable to retire at the same age as their mothers. Between 2010 and 2020 the state pension age for women increased from 60 to 65.

This change wasn't properly communicated by the DWP and many women were left in financial dire straits as a result. These women have battled for years for compensation.

This creep up has been happening for longer than people generally acknowledge. https://inews.co.uk/news/waspi-women-miss-out-compensation-payouts-report-2966328

So people who have worked hard and saved hard all their lives are allowed to spend their own money on themselves as long as they make sure most of it is left for their adult children? What happens if they go on a few exotic holidays and then end up in a care home that swallows the rest? Must one hand over 75% of it first before having a holiday?

Is there a back story as to why your parents behaved in this deplorable manner? Sounds so cruel.

Even when we were seriously struggling in our earlier years, I never felt my parents should help us or not take holidays I could only dream of. They worked their way to where they could, it's on me to do the same. I'm not sure I'll ever get there as my life circumstances are very different though.

My father still works two days a week, but that's mostly for interest. I have no idea when we might be able to retire, but not till late 60s, we're expecting. On the other hand, my now grown child is looking to retire by 40 and will probably achieve this.

I told my ex father in law spend it, cruise it and do whatever is on your bucket list.

My ex agreed but his sister not so. She'd say that's my inheritance.

Some people have such a entitlement attutude.

My mother is a narc,my father the worn-down-but-wants-an-easy-life enabler

I'm the scapegoat

I don't want anyone to think I'm greedy-they have every single right to spend their money how they want to

It's just the laughing at me and bragging that killed me

Especially as they threw money at my brothers,if they wanted something,but if I needed something,they had no money spare

My own children know that all they have to do is ask and I'll do whatever I can to help them-no way do I want them to struggle

I'm trying to convince dh to give the kids money now rather than blow a crazy amount on holidays etc.. not because I feel I have to but because I can't enjoy anything anyway knowing they're struggling! They may not get their inheritance for a long time (hopefully).

Haven't read the thread, but my old dad was determined to leave his three daughters serious dosh. He came from nothing , his parents really didn't have a pot to piss in. No idea what he's leaving us, but he's in his mid 90s now and in nice sheltered housing. If ye cost of yay le

Oops posted too soon ...it ain't your money. Feel grateful if you get left owt.

And my old dad is burning through the lo!t. Good for him....it's his anyway

"So people who have worked hard and saved hard all their lives are allowed to spend their own money on themselves as long as they make sure most of it is left for their adult children? "

@SleepingStandingUp that is not what @peppermintcrisp said.

Her point was:

"What I find disappointing is when individuals inherit a significant amount from their frugal parents, only to spend it all without leaving behind anything substantial for their own children"

Meaning that the frugal grandparents leave an inheritance to the parents who then spend it all on themselves leaving nothing to pass on to the next generation ie the children.

My personal view is that the parents are perfectly entitled if they wished to spend the money from their own labour and efforts on themselves. However money inherited from a previous generation should be passed down to the next and not frittered away.

Hardly. The vast majority of people had nothing to pass on in days fine by. Certainly most boomers inherited nothing.

Just makes me feel that the elderly shd ALWAYS leave money to grandchildren, not children - so the money gets used to make a difference much earlier.

we were so lucky to benefit from this (via DH), and I really want the same for my children. Being able to buy a family home aged 30 - so amazing. So so much more meaningful than cruising in our 60s.

so I can see that if you have sweated and sweated to keep things together all the way through your working life, and a tidy inheritance comes your way at 60, of course you’ll want to splash it. But it does seems so wasteful…

As long as the grandchildren are then the ones who then step up and care for their elderly grandparents. Giving up work hours, paying for carers and cleaners, paying for travel to and for them, paying other expenses can't come from my pocket if I have to bridge that gap for my own retirement, can't happen because I won't be able to afford it. I don't expect to inherit anything anyway but, if there was anything, those set to receive it can make the financial sacrifices since they will get it back.

@Pipeskeepleaking Wasteful? Do you think 60 year olds should just lie down and die? No holidays or fun for you now you are 60, that is just a waste.

My parents have treated themselves in this way for years. There's little to nothing left to inherit now as a result. I couldn't give a monkeys because I'd rather have happy healthy parents for as long as possible. As far as I know most people feel the same way or aren't saying if they feel differently.

My aunt though, has got a fair bit of money but won't do anything, even pay for private health care for an op she desperately needs, could easily afford yet is looking at a long, painful wait on the NHS for. Her reason is that she can't spend her son's inheritance.
Her son, who is already quite well off appears to think this is quite a normal train of thought and isn't doing anything to dissuade her.

My parents used to have 3 small holidays per year & days out, when they retired per year.
They thought that this was extravagant & they enjoyed their time together

I wish they had gone on many more holidays & more days out together

Sadly, only one parent remains who has much poorer health & unable to travel far now.

You cannot put a price on health or time !

Good grief. I sincerely hope that my parents spend every last penny of 'my' inheritance going on meaningless wasteful cruises, they are very much entitled to enjoy all that they worked so hard for. They also didn't inherit from my grandparents, in fact my parents propped them up financially as they got older

This thread makes me feel weird. I must be the only one on earth who has a lot more money and/or holidays than parents right now. And I'm not super wealthy and didn't think we were poor as kids. Weird

Are the 60 year olds spending inheritance money on holidays? I think most are spending their private pensions/part time work/savings and this combined with not having a mortgage to book term time trips. These holidays are more noticeable to families with school age DC as it’s not really something they can do.
On Sunday I returned from a five star holiday, it cost £750 per person with a couple of upgrades to a sea view room etc. The same holiday is almost 2k per person for a week in August, so 8k if you have two teens. Someone without DC or with grown up DC and who is part of a couple could do 4 or 5 trips to every school holiday one.
From the age of 24 to 49 I paid school holiday prices (big age gaps of DC from first starting school to last one going to uni), I couldn’t wait to book term time breaks.
I don’t hear older people moaning about their relatives going on holidays in the school holidays when it’s costs multiple times what their trip cost.

I wish my mum and dad had spent more of their money when they were alive but they didn't despite being encouraged to go on more holidays or buy a new car when the one they had was pretty old and not very user friendly considering their age. I would have loved them to have done more as they got older but mum eventually got Alzheimers and died in 2010 and dad died last year.

We inherited a great deal of money between three of us and I have barely touched mine, for some reason I just can't get my head around having a large sum of money that I didn't actually earn.

All of this must pass on money, mustn't spend it on yourself, have to look after the older generation, have to fund the next generation. My goodness, what a heap of obligations families put on themselves.

If you come from a background where there was nothing to hand down, no expectation of having someone fund your lifestyle when you are a capable adult and where you take ownership of your own shizzle from leaving school to the grave, then the whole world is a more independent, less obligation-bound place. You just live within your means don't you? Like generations of people have done and will continue to do so.

Nobody owes anyone anything and you can love your family for what they are, not what they can give you. I'm glad that I'm from a family where all there was to hand down was love and care.

It's this "I've worked hard all my life rhetoric" that grates on me. Yes, the generations before worked hard. They also received the rewards of that hard work.

We also work hard, and will be working longer with fewer means of support for nowhere near the same level of reward.

My mum once waxed lyrical about how hard she'd worked all her life-she'd put in 25 years in a job after all! I've already worked for nearly 25 years and have another 25 years to go before I can retire. My mum owns 2 homes in 2 countries outright, has money in the bank, a pension, and retired at 60. Yet she still wants constant support and doesn't seem to understand how difficult life is for the generation below her.

At one point she started talking about how she'd always wanted a bigger house and would never achieve that. I guess a three bed, semi-detached home bought in cash in one of the best villages in the country just doesn't cut it these days. Alongside the three bed seaside apartment also bought in cash that she can 'escape' to whenever she wants. She was telling me that while I was living in a damp house dealing with a rodent infestation on a road that regularly had drug raids with police dogs...and yes, I was working in a professional job, full time, while also studying to further improve my earning potential.

It's not the money for me, it's the entitlement.

This 💯
I feel for young people. My first flat was very affordable- 100% mortgage in a good area and close to my work/family.

I have a final salary pension as does my partner & we had uni grants not loans.

That is a pipe dream for young adults these days

To see boomer parents going on multiple holidays perhaps ro the holiday flat they own whilst these young adults may never be able to get on the property ladder must be frustrating.

I'm sure there are a few whinging millennials who resent their parents or view it as "their inheritance " but I'll bet they are very much in the minority