Children feeling resentful over parents’ luxury holidays

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I read an article in the newspaper today where several adult children (30-40 yrs age) were feeling resentful that their parents in retirement were going on luxury holidays a few times a year.
Their gripe was that they believed their parents were spending their inheritance which they felt was rightly theirs. It made them feel frustrated, envious and bitter. And they also claimed that they should be given their inheritance now rather than wait until they died.
I have to confess the article gave me the impression of selfish, cold hearted money grabbing adults.
AIBU?

And it does not surprise me young people are more likely to travel abroad. When I was young I went dirt cheap holidays abroad in dodgy accommodation. When you get older you no longer want to rough it, but can not afford nicer holidays as often.

I’m mid 50’s, retired and my DC range from
mid 20’s to mid 30’s. I go abroad around 8 times per year to a mixture of long haul and short haul locations. I hope my DC aren’t resentful.
I certainly wasn’t when my DM went on lots of big trips and now I’m really pleased she did these as she’s had Alzheimers’s since mid 60’s and is now early 70’s and lives in a nursing home.

Perhaps they think adult "children" should stand on their own two feet rather than expecting to be subsidized for eternity.

It depends on the circumstances. Sometimes, people need help through no fault of their own.

Obviously, if the child has been reckless then they shouldn't be helped.

If my child needed and deserved help then I would cancel my holidays to be able to help them.

My parents worked demanding jobs for 40 years. They can spend their retirement however they want, frankly. And their money.

@EasterBunnny do you think the current generation will be lucky enough to be able to retire in their mid 50s? Do you see how the economic climate you have enjoyed has allowed you to do so?

Now with huge student debts (uni now required mostly to earn sufficiently), then huge child care costs, huge property price hikes, COL and raising pension age, you’re children will be very unlikely to retire as early or as well as you. Am I wrong?

Perhaps they think adult "children" should stand on their own two feet rather than expecting to be subsidized for eternity.

I suppose all the wealthy pensioners will give up their bus passes, winter fuel payments, free prescriptions, state pensions in fact. Seems as if everyone wants to be subsidised and we've done a piss poor job of using subsidies to lift up those who cannot, instead giving them to those who can.

The actual issue is that there are poor pensioners, poor working adults, poor children and poor people in every demographic. It would be nice to see a bit of redistribution of unearned wealth, and less of a rhetoric about 'hard work' and 'deserving'. The system currently uses technology and other advances to concentrate wealth more and more in the hands of fewer and fewer people. We should all punch up. None of those arseholes care about any of us.

Not my parents. I resent the governments who have raised the pension age 8 years. As a lot of people i know havent been healthy enough after 68 to go on multiple foreign holidays. (Dementia at 68, heart attack at 56, stroke at 60, several woth prostate cancer,,, braob tumor at 55). End of most final salary schemes
People are generally unhappy that they cant go on one holiday.

If people are working to 68 they will be limited to say 30 days holidays.

Our generation also have to fund uni for kids at say 5k a year.
And those having kids at say 35 will have kids at uni till about 56.

Then theres that lots cant afford bigger houses so squeezed into very small ones while the older people have 5+beds each...

@Eaterysarnie I suppose I am lucky that I can retire at 67, I just miss the 68 retirement age. I agree with you. Those going on multiple holidays are well off people who usually retire mid to late fifties.

I think anyone feeling resentful of their parents living their lives and enjoying holidays because it affects their expected inheritance should be swiftly written out of their wills. What kind of cuntish person thinks like that?

Yeah I'm a bit resentful

Not that they're spending my inheritance as such, more that they have the time, opportunity and disposable income to go on mega good holidays

Op, could you share the link to this news article please.

rooftopbird - it’s on page 3.

My DPs don't do that‌, though they could afford to, because one is a workaholic and the other has had poor health although finally the cancer was undetectable on their last scan. I wish they WOULD do that, frankly. I worry about both of their health and I wish they would enjoy themselves whilst they still have some health to do it as who knows what the future holds for either of them. I have never really thought about inheritance, there are quite a few of us so I doubt we would inherit that much each once it's all split and anyway could easily all end up going on care fees or something. I don't care about that, I do care about my DPs and their quality of life now.

You resent that? You would prefer that they didn't have that?
If so, you are a very unpleasant person.

@EasterBunnny do you think the current generation will be lucky enough to be able to retire in their mid 50s? Do you see how the economic climate you have enjoyed has allowed you to do so?

Now with huge student debts (uni now required mostly to earn sufficiently), then huge child care costs, huge property price hikes, COL and raising pension age, you’re children will be very unlikely to retire as early or as well as you. Am I wrong?

I don’t think many people my age could retire at this age either, it’s been more a case of mega paid jobs than timing. None of our siblings or friends are in our position.

Fortunately we are in a position to have been able to massively help our adult DC with getting on the property ladder and university costs. I use the profit from my ISA’s to pay off some of my DC’s mortgages and encouraged them to start pensions and pay in extra money as soon as they started work. I expect one day they’ll inherit some money from us which is same for a lot of the ‘resentful’ people in the article and on this thread.

I’ve quoted this post and want to highlight the first short paragraph.
My DH worked extremely hard in his 20’, 30’s & 40’s, he was often away, went out at 6am and wasn’t usually home until 7 or 8pm, our DC’s often went days without seeing him. He commuted for around 3 hours a day rather than us move house so that our DC’s could stay at their schools and with their friends. We moved to a different county so that we could afford the right sized property for us all. We had no family around to help out with childcare so I was a SAHM for years as childcare for 3 would have been unaffordable.
I’m not denying that many young people work hard and find it very hard to get on the housing ladder, afford childcare and pay their bills but please don’t say that young people work twice as hard as their parents, in so many cases, that’s simply not true.
BTW, I’m getting on in years and DH & I are both retired and our DC’s, as far as we’re aware, have no resentment about us spending our hard earned retirement choosing to go on holiday, or a new car or treating them to dinner out because we can.

I think the people who in this thread that it doesn’t matter, they’re only happy to see their parents enjoy retirement are in a position where both themselves and their parents are well off enough to afford a hols but not hugely well off.

Eg I’d love to see my MIL going away on hols. She never has (both due to money and her work). She has some assets but is very cash poor. I would never be grumpy about her finding ways to have a more pleasant life even if she ‘is spending the inheritance’ simply because we are well enough to do the same ourselves

I think it feels very different when the parents are wealthy but the children are really struggling due to CoL, nursery fees etc…hen they are counting pennies and see their parents have lavish holidays.

eg my parents are wealthy, think millions.
If we were on the breadline, struggling to make meets end and they were parading on luxurious hols up to the point that all the money was used, I’d be grumpy too.
(Not my situation what so ever btw. We are comfortable and my parents are not the ‘let’s go on several hols a year’ anyway. Never have)

I actually know some people who think like this and it's embarrassing listening to them.

Yes, they are grabby and entitled.

@Femalefootyfan i dint think these articles are about you.

They are about your parents generation (parents) and your generation (children).
Which are again very different than what’s going on for your (our!) generation and our dcs.

I agree with you, it’s unfair to say that young people work twice as hard. I’d say that we work just as hard as our parents did, and we have a good house but it’s not quite as nice as our parents. They went straight into a 3 bed then moved to a detached 4 bed. We started with a 2 bed then moved to a smaller 4 bed. We actually earn more in equivalent salary to both sets of parents. I don’t resent my parents spending their money, they earned it and deserve a nice retirement. I don’t think we’ll have as much in retirement as they do though, or be able to retire as early, despite us earning more.

I read this article yesterday and it mentioned young people in their 30’s; two of my DC’s are in their 30’s and one hits 30 this year.
Also, one person who was resentful of her parents spending what she saw as her inheritance said her parents were about 68 years of age, me & DH aren’t late 60’s but that article could have been about us, just we’re a few years younger.

Thank you. I agree with you also; my DC’s won’t be able to retire as early as we have, they wont get their state pension at the same age as we will, if state pension still exists by then.
My parents also retired early, but that was mainly due to health reasons on my Dads part. They downsized and moved to a cheaper area, then spent 10 years having lovely holidays, which I’m so glad they did as when my dear Dad hit 70, he could no longer enjoy foreign holidays due to his health.

I'm glad my mum is enjoying her retirement and going on holidays so that's one side to the argument.

But as a parent she was never one to financially provide for her children. We went hungry at times and went without coats etc. She didn't work out of choice and her money came from my dad working. She is entitled to that money but to say that generation has worked for it isn't always true.

I've been on lots of lovely holidays with my children, paid for by me working 2 jobs. Now what would make me happy is to see them financially secure and set up for life so helping them will be my priority rather than going on lots of expensive holidays. I'll have a happy life and go to Spain etc but no way in the world would I go to Australia business class whilst my children struggled to pay rent like a previous poster said her parents did! How awful. I think a lot of people pretend they don't know their children are struggling. It's not an equal playing field and it's more difficult to buy houses etc now.

Exactly. Probably fished for as "are you resentful of your parents lavish lifestyle whilst you struggle to make ends meet, so they refuse to help you whilst telling you about their next long haul?" And then twisted to make them sound utterly spoilt