Sorry title probably isnt the best and i almost put this in AIBU however i'm not annoyed as yet, just a bit confused / not sure what others think and defo couldn't cope with the comments in AIBU !!
I am also very aware of COL and that lots of people don't get monetary support from family and up to this point neither have I in any large way ( my DM was kind enough to buy me my first car). My Dad has always said there is 'money for me for my .. first house, wedding, children ect... ' however all these milestones have passed so i have assumed that if there was any saved money it had to be used on something else (both parents retired early, all grandparents sadly passed so always assumed i would have no inheritance for now. I've not been brave enough to directly ask as i dont want to seem like a money grabbing daughter (only child)
Anyway..... a relative of DM very sadly and unexpectedly passed recently and unexpectantly also when family looked at the finances there was some money (pensions) as well of share of sale of house to come.
DM's and her family have agreed that any money should be passed to me and another relative of that same age as the DM and her siblings are all 'doing ok'. Very kind
The bit i am finding hard to navigate is that this money is mentioned and some of it is sitting in DMs bank accounts but it is implied that I have to ask her if I want it. For example I need some urgent house repairs - I just about have the savings for this but would completely wipe me out (i only have £3K in savings and im on mat leave and in over draft every month if i dont take out of savings).
DM has said she will pay for the house repairs from this money (very very helpful!!) but I feel annoyed that as a grown 35yr old i have to ask my DM and justify my self.
I know some of this is my own pride and concern about me being seen as spoiled only child but also a feeling that money will have to be used for 'sensible parent approved things' for example me and DH would love a big holiday and my parents were always 'savers' rather than holiday people. personally i would value the family experience of a nice holiday abroad vs camping in uk!!!
Parents are using capital gains tax as a reason for not transferring any of the money to me directly. I have asked them to pay child care fees directly when we get to this point.
Soo
how do I go about talking to them about this pot of money!! I know I need to zip up my big lady suit and have a conversation but when ever i talk about money with my DM or dad i feel like a small kid again.
Would you accept having to ask your parents for money for house repairs or big holiday?