Partner has walked out, how do I stand? Cohabiting

[bella140708]

I’m currently living with an ex partner who has basically walked out on myself and our 8 month old baby.
He is very narcissistic/suffers with addiction and controls everything. I’ve been living with him for five years.
He owns quite a successful company and owns the car, house we live in (asset of his company, all paid outright), he pays my wages and pays all the bills.
He is self employed so just takes dividends from the company, so on paper he looks like he is on minimum wage and threatening me that I’ll only get the minimum amount from CSA. Also how do I stand with the house etc. He’s leaving me with nothing, I’m basically homeless.
Can anyone shed any light or give me some advice please as I’m desperate
Thank you

Sounds like you’re going to have live as if he doesn’t exist.
You need to try and get housed and get Universal Credit.

I’m not going to put the boot in, sorry you’re in this situation

Sadly, if you're not married and you aren't on the deeds you're basically fucked.
You'll get child support unless he has 50/50 custody in which case the norm is no cm due but he's already told you he will do everything possible to avoid putting a scrap of food in his child's mouth so don't get your hopes up.

Best you can do is ask him to put in writing that he wants you out of the house so you can present to the council as homeless. He may refuse to do that because it will reveal him as a giant twat so you may need to see if a friend or family member can let you stay with them then they give you notice and you apply from there.
Having a child with him does not in itself give you any claim on his house.

I think you may have a claim but it would be for the courts to decide and could be costly. Personally I'd seek legal advice as you have a child together. They may suggest mediation.
https://england.shelter.org.uk/professional_resources/legal/relationship_breakdown/housing_rights_of_cohabiting_sole_homeowners/occupation_rights_if_one_partner_is_the_sole_owner

Sorry just realised link has already been posted!

None of the situations listed in that link apply to OP, and it's notoriously hard and expensive to mount this kind of case anyway.

He is clearly both smart and mean, and has made damn sure that OP has no claim.

Do you have anyone you can stay with for now? Any savings in your name?

I'm sorry, OP. For you and your baby.
In terms of him presenting as only earning minimum wage for child maintenance - that's not the case. My ex earns some of his income from dividends and they were included in his assessed income. But I believe you need to request that as an extra form when you do apply to the CSM. My ex volunteered his dividends and co-operated. But the CSM should be able to take his extra income into account because they have access to his tax returns.

Only if you can evidence that you've paid into the property.

He's walked out, leaving you in the house? Tbh I'd be shipping as much of the contents out to a container/house of a friend then flogging them. He can try and prove who owned what if he likes.

Unfortunately he's probably right about the financials - he obviously did his research and sadly you didn't.

The good thing is that you're learning this five years in, when you can still find work and make a life for yourself. It's much harder if this happens when you've not worked for 10, 20, 30 years, have no pension etc.

And obviously the other good thing is that you don't have to live with a controlling narcissist anymore

If you aren’t married then all you can do is claim CMS and you are right, that his income will look low because of how he pays himself. Unfortunately it’s a loophole some self employed non resident parents abuse.

Make sure you have a decent employment contract with him and evidence of it, because I imagine he will find a way to terminate your employment and that might be something you can go to a tribunal over if needed.

OP some of the victim blaming comments here absolutely disgust me. I'm so sorry. Facts are minimum child maintenance only and truthfully he might not pay it but that's not a reason to stay. Find out what benefits you're entitled to. You will likely need to work FT which is hard but possible and plenty do it. You're better off away from him and toxic misogynistic attitudes

What a horrible man.
Can you not continue to live in his house? Did he ask you to leave? Will he hurt you?
If he’s mean but not physically violent can you continue to live there until you get social housing and benefits first? Yes the goal must be to separate from this monster but you need to make sure you’ll have somewhere to go to first.

I know you were asking for a legal advice, but sometimes solution comes from a humanity angle. Does this man has a sister or a mother? Can you pledge to them to help you, or not to help you, but help your child?

If you're not married, then you don't have any right other than child maintenance I imagine.

@thatneverhappened what comments are 'victim blaming' and why are you calling OP a victim? She chose to not have legal protections or even look in to how vulnerable she is, how does that make her a victim?
Having to opt in to state involvement in your relationship is good, it shouldn't be granted automatically.

Because she has been treated badly by a man and often bad behaviour doesn't start until you're pregnant or have a baby. Not many would choose to have a baby knowing their partner would treat them like this. Funny how the focus is on op failing to have legal protection rather than the fact her ex is behaving appallingly but also not surprising. Lack of equality is not purely down to men but also down to women not supporting other women. Nobody can be sure a relationship will work or a man will treat them well before having a baby and even marriage doesn't protect against men turning into shits and playing the system like this minimum wage earning man. Can you really not see the man has behaved badly here even if you don't agree with OP's life choices?

Obviously walking out on his kid and being an addict is appalling and he is not fit to be a parent. That doesn't need pointing out. He's been housing and employing OP which isn't treating her badly, but means OP has chosen to risk homelessness and her job.
She needs to find a home for herself and probably a new job, and arrange co parenting with an addict.

Sure, chosen to leave him risking those things. She should definitely stay as a consequence of her poor decisions 🙄 FFS, why do women not support each other? She made a poor decision to have a baby with this man. Nothing can change that now. Does she have to be attacked for that choice over and over even when she’s trying to right her wrong. Clearly she does. I’m so done with Mumsnet

His company pays your salary. It needs to continue or it’s sex discrimination. He can’t just sack you or stop paying you because you’ve split up.

his company owns the property. Are you a director?

He will only pay himself minimum wage: dividends aren’t as attractive as they once were. They count as income though. If he’s got an accountant they should have been declared to HMRC. If he is hiding his income then apply to CMS for an additional income variation:

If you think he is diverting his salary then this is also grounds for a variation.

good luck x

I work for my husband and don't have an employment contract with the company (limited). I think it would be quite unusual for this, unless you had the job before you became a couple.

Do you have family you can stay with and get back on your feet? You've given him your trust and he's shown you what sort of person he is. Chalk it up to experience, you have a wonderful baby and he's the loser in all of this. It'll get better.

I was going to raise the point that @AllThePotatoesAreSinging has made - he doesn't own the house, his company owns the house. If you do consult a lawyer, OP, do make this clear. I think it will make it even more unlikely you are able to claim anything from him.

Very sorry you are in this situation.

@thatneverhappened I don't understand what you're saying. Can you copy and paste the 'attacking' you've seen? Or who told her to stay living in the man's property?

@candyisdandybutliquorisquicker While I agree with all the points you make and that OP could have taken steps to protect herself, I don't agree that the whole system doesn't require updating. The world has evolved, lots of people co-habit, blended families etc etc. There has to be a better legal system where co-habiting couples are better protected in the case of a split. Everything is based on marriage, which is becoming less and less fashionable and it's outdated. I think there needs to be some change.

Depends how much he earns. If he pays himself nothing , she'll get nothing.