Feel wretched- mum died and i had debt in her nsne

[Draladat]

Morning,

I lost mum last week. It’s still so raw.

I have 2 credit cards in my mums name. She consented to this a while ago as I was unable to get a decent rate. I am a second card holder but the accounts are in her name. I make the payments via DD so it didn’t cost mum anything.

mum didn’t leave an estate. The property she lived in will automatically pass to my dad as they write joint tenants (rule of survivorship) along with any money in their joint account.

it looks as though the credit card debts will be written off. I don’t know why but I feel wretched about this. I feel as though. Need to pay it back out of respect. My dad thinks I’m daft and that we should just accept that it’s being written off.

I feel so awful

If you have the money why not donate it to a charity in your mum's memory? Something that was dear to her heart.

Well your dad is right. Your mum took that debt on and it's died with her. Presumably you're not exactly flush with cash or you wouldn't have needed the cards? She absolutely would not want you to suffer hardship due to her death. Let it go.
I'm so sorry for your loss.

I agree with you op, I would have to pay it back. Are you sure it will be written off? They can try and claim from the estate.

The debt won’t be written off. It still needs to be paid off. Is there nothing in her estate?

It will as there’s no estate to pay it from. That gives me no comfort whatsoever but that’s the facts

I'm so sorry about your mum. X

I think that grief can be weird, and a lot of us, when faced with the death of a loved one, look for stuff to feel guilty about because it's almost easier than concentrating wholly on the loss. Like a kind of displacement. You have nothing to feel guilty about at all OP.

The best advice I can give is to be as kind to yourself as your mum would be with you.

Huge hugs.

Before you do anything check it’s 100% gone.
Mu mum wouldn’t want me to pay back a debt that’s written off after death, I wouldn’t want my children to either. She let you have the credit card in her name to help. This is also helping you.
Sorry for your loss 💐

Give yourself time to grieve before making a decision. I'd go with your Dad's idea. You'd be be feeling awful because you've just lost her anyway. So sorry for your loss.

So pay it off then if it’s upsetting you.

I’m sorry for your loss OP.

I’d do what the first poster said and make a donation to charity in her name. She wouldn’t want you to feel like this.

An estate is just what she left so e.g.money in a joint account you mentioned.

Are you sure they’ll be written off. I’m fairly sure when my dad died that the cc was immediately cancelled, but later invoiced to the estate (my mum). It was quite a long time before the invoice appeared (over a year, but was during covid). You mention your dad is inheriting from her (bank account, her half house etc), so it may be expected to come from that? Sending you peace. This sort of stuff is always unnecessarily stressful.

@LittleBearPad You aren’t being very nice. Have you actually read the OP and can you comprehend it?
Making a fool of yourself.

The debt won’t be written off. It still needs to be paid off

This isn't necessarily the case at all.

The card debts absolutely can be written off. Consumer debt very often is, in cases where the debt is reasonably low and the bank feel it doesn't make commercial sense to pursue through the estate.

How much is the debt for each lender op?

If it doesn't need to be repaid you should take that good fortune without guilt. It sounds like you could use a break. I have a lot more sympathy for people who are struggling to make ends meet than with lenders who can't recover debt from the deceased.

It’s a total of 9k.

we’ve looked into it and it’s confirmed that her share of the house passes directly to dad as they were joint tenants. It doesn’t form part of her estate. The same rules apply for money in their joint account.

she had a funeral plan that she paid into which will cover the bulk of the funeral costs.

I feel so sad

This. Grief is shit enough without making yourself feel guilty. I bet your mum would be happy the debt has disappeared, give yourself permission to let it go. X

Do not feel guilty. You mum was essentially taking the burden and a guarantor, if you missed a payment. The debt has gone. I wouldn't give it a second thought.

I am sorry for your loss OP.

Don't rush into doing anything yet @Draladat as it's still very early days since you lost your Mum.

Feelings of guilt about a whole range of things involved in your relationship with your loved one, are a natural and normal part of grieving. Dealing with the guilt is part of the grieving process, one of the steps towards acceptance, and recovery from loss.

If the debt is written off, I think you should accept that, and view it as a last gift to you from your loving Mother.

It's very understandable that you feel uncomfortable about viewing this write-off of debts as something fortunate to have come from the extremely sad event of your mum's death. Like you can't feel relieved about it.

I think your options are:

• offer to pay back the money in installments - I could see this being complicated to achieve
• commit to donating 9K to your mum's favourite charity over the next 10 years, or however long it takes. Send them 10 quid when you can and keep a tally.

I'm very sorry for your loss.

Sorry for your loss,OP.

Your mum wouldn’t want you to feel like this.
Officially it was her debt and it’s been written off.
You didn’t do this to fleece anyone, it’s just happened.

Who are you going to pay the money back to ?
The rich fat-cat banks ?

Don’t be daft.
Spend it on yourself, your dad and give some to charity.

@LittleBearPad
What on earth is wrong with you?
Op has just lost her mother!

Op, I'm sorry for your loss 🌸 I agree with a pp, forget about the debt and make a small donation to your Mum's favourite charity.

Even if there was money left in the estate- ime two debts totalling £9k in the case of bereavement would be likely to be written off anyway.

I'm sorry for your loss op. I understand how you feel - and in respect of the debt, I can imagine feeling the same as you.

Be kind to yourself and give yourself time to think. There's no rush.

In your shoes I would keep making the payments until the amount of the debt was reached. Save whatever you were giving your mum in a separate high interest savings account until the £9k is there, whether that takes 6 months or 6 years. Put aside your guilt and make that your aim.

Then, when you have that £9k you can make the decision. You can use it for you, your family, which is likely what your mum would have wanted. You can pay it to the bank, voluntarily (for which you'll get no thanks as £9k isn't even a blip on their radar). Or you could give it to charity.

But that decision is for down the road xx

This is such a good suggestion.

Of course you feel sad. Paying your Mum back the money was one of the many things you were looking forward to doing with and for her, that have been cruelly snatched away. Having the debt written off feels like arbitrarily writing off all those mutual obligations big and small that bind us to the people we care about. It's awfully harsh and impersonal - but that, alas, is death.

This is very much part of your grieving. I really like the idea of giving to a cause you cared about. Can you set up a small direct debit to a charity, so that you can have a little warm reminder of how precious she was, when that £10 or whatever goes out each month?

FWIW I cared for a relative when they were dying and it was tough, being woken in the night every night to attend to their needs . After he died, I so wished I could have gone to him in the night one more time to hold his hand and sort out his medication. So it makes perfect sense that you would want to be able to pay just 100 more pounds of that debt back.

I am so so sorry for your loss 💐💐💐