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Original poster

Feel wretched- mum died and i had debt in her nsne

124 replies

Draladat · 24/02/2024 08:28

Morning,

I lost mum last week. It’s still so raw.

I have 2 credit cards in my mums name. She consented to this a while ago as I was unable to get a decent rate. I am a second card holder but the accounts are in her name. I make the payments via DD so it didn’t cost mum anything.

mum didn’t leave an estate. The property she lived in will automatically pass to my dad as they write joint tenants (rule of survivorship) along with any money in their joint account.

it looks as though the credit card debts will be written off. I don’t know why but I feel wretched about this. I feel as though. Need to pay it back out of respect. My dad thinks I’m daft and that we should just accept that it’s being written off.

I feel so awful

OP posts:
MuchTooTired · 24/02/2024 11:09

I am so sorry for your loss.

I would really try to see this as a ‘gift’ amidst the horror of losing your Mum. The debts were taken out in her name in good faith, you’ve paid them until this point, and if they’re to be written off now I certainly wouldn’t be attempting to continue paying them. What I would do is save the monthly payments in an account so you have a rainy day fund and crack on with grieving and living your life.

I hate the thought of my dc attempting to accept liability for the debt after my death in the same situation if it’s able to die with me. It gives them a little spot of freedom from the nightmare that is debt.

Mintyt · 24/02/2024 11:17

I'm sorry for your loss, don't worry about the debt, let it be written off. See it as a last gift from your mum.

Bowbobobo · 24/02/2024 11:19

Zoreos · 24/02/2024 11:06

You don’t need to feel bad, legally the debt has to be written off so I don’t think you would even be able to pay it. Your mum allowed you to take that credit out, you didn’t do it without her consent.
Losing your mum is a devastating tragedy which I know from personal experience. I know this is hard but you don’t need to focus on this and make yourself feel even worse. These lenders don’t care a jot about irresponsibly lending huge amounts of money to people who can’t afford it, they are the most morally bankrupt people with the exception of politicians. You’re not doing anything illegal so just make peace with the fact it’s one less thing you need to worry about right now. I’m so so sorry for your loss. 🌷

Edited

I'm sorry but legally the debts do NOT have to be written off. They are in your late mum's name and give the CC company the right to claim against her assets - ie the money in the joint account, and the house if necessary. Debts do not die with you, legally speaking. The CC company may choose not to pursue but then again they might, it is too early to say. It would be best to assume they will though...

diddl · 24/02/2024 11:24

Have you been told that the debt will be written off?

If not I'd keep putting money away just in case tbh.

Sorry to hear about your Mum.

LydiaPoet · 24/02/2024 11:24

I’m only 50 - but if I was your mum and I died with a husband and the credit card was written off I would be happy that my death on part set you free a little bit. I would find this very soothing that my husband got my house and you got a little bit (ie death written off) in my mind. I hope that helps you.

We pay huge quantiles in inheritance tax which I feel is dire anyway - I pay tax all my life and can only give certain amounts to my children but the really rich bypass this whither off shore accounts, trust funds etc so please don’t feel any guilt. I don’t think Charles paid any inheritance tax for his mother etc I might be wrong but it doesn’t seem to be the case. Apologies if I am wrong. I’ve seen far too many people needing to pay death duties on the estate etc and in my mind it’s wrong - the tax people gaining and ordinary people losing

Mrsredlipstick · 24/02/2024 11:32

My understanding is that a single account dies with the borrower. However a banking institution can request an asset search. If the spouse inherits it won't really be visible.
My late father had a loan. It couldn't be repaid as we had kept him for years, his care costs exceeded his pension. It was written off. Bank beginning with B.

pastypirate · 24/02/2024 11:35

100% let the debt be written off. It's not like it's shafting a small business.

My mum died in November and I find my grief permeating into guilt about the most random things which the rational part of me knows are meaningless.

I'm so sorry for your loss. My mum left me a considerable estate and I feel horrendously guilty about that. Grief is a strange thing.

KittytheHare · 24/02/2024 11:36

CC companies can and often do pursue debt - my brother had a cc in my father’s name with €7k owed on it. After Dad died the debt was taken from his estate - it took a couple of years but it absolutely was pursued by the cc company. Are you 100% certain that this debt is written off? Sounds odd to me.

pickledandpuzzled · 24/02/2024 11:38

Don’t assume it’s being written off! She has money in her joint account. They could well expect it to be paid.

I’m a bit shocked actually that everyone is so accepting about this. All the debts that are written off make things more expensive for everyone else. It’s like cheating insurance.

None the less I am sorry for your loss- but keep putting money aside to pay it off, in case they ask for it.

Hadalifeonce · 24/02/2024 11:39

If your parents had a joint account, half of that is your mum's estate.

Stormbornform · 24/02/2024 11:39

If the debt was in her name you don't need to pay it but the credit card company will probably try to get it anyway (but legally shouldn't).

Ifailed · 24/02/2024 11:47

OP, sorry for your loss. At the right time, you may wish to look into a bereavement support payment for your father.

Elephantswillnever · 24/02/2024 11:48

I'd put the payments into a savings account in case at some point in the next five years they try to recover the money. If they don't use that money for something your mum would of wanted you to do (learn to drive, training course for a better job, fabulous holiday for you and your dad). If they do then you have the money on hand so your dad doesn't have to take it on.

pickledandpuzzled · 24/02/2024 11:50

T&Cs on my account say they will ask for it back- see photo below.

Feel wretched- mum died and i had debt in her nsne
MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 24/02/2024 11:53

pickledandpuzzled · 24/02/2024 11:38

Don’t assume it’s being written off! She has money in her joint account. They could well expect it to be paid.

I’m a bit shocked actually that everyone is so accepting about this. All the debts that are written off make things more expensive for everyone else. It’s like cheating insurance.

None the less I am sorry for your loss- but keep putting money aside to pay it off, in case they ask for it.

It is nothing like cheating insurance, because no one has cheated.

The OP's mum took out the debt in good faith, expecting to pay it back. Are you saying that her death was "cheating"? Are you really that insensitive?

The risks of lending, including the risk of the recipient dying and the estate being insolvent, are already built into the charges for a loan. The OP's mother was probably paying around 28% APR so, on a loan of 9k, she would have been paying £2,520 per year just for the privilege of having the money. The credit card company is not out of pocket.

Original poster
Draladat · 24/02/2024 11:54

Hadalifeonce · 24/02/2024 11:39

If your parents had a joint account, half of that is your mum's estate.

We thought that too, however apparently the money immediately becomes Dad’s.

OP posts:
TheHeadOfTheHouse · 24/02/2024 11:56

Legally the debt was your mums, but morally it’s your debt.

you borrowed the money, and really you should be paying it back, we’d all love to rack up thousands and thousands on credit cards and have them written off with no comeback.

regardless of how awful you feel about it being written off let’s face it, you’re not going to pay it off if you legally don’t have to and it’s not going to come back on you in any way.

so the let the thought go…

Floralnomad · 24/02/2024 11:58

Just let it go @Draladat , concentrate on yourself and your dad 💐

LittleBearPad · 24/02/2024 12:01

@Draladat I’m sorry, I was flippant and unkind.

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 24/02/2024 12:03

I suggest asking for this to be moved to the bereavement board, OP, where people who understand how you feel can support you, and there are fewer twats.

PurpleBugz · 24/02/2024 12:05

Eyesopenwideawake · 24/02/2024 08:30

If you have the money why not donate it to a charity in your mum's memory? Something that was dear to her heart.

I think this is an excellent solution. Set up a DD for the same amount to a charity.

I'm sorry for your loss xx

ItsFunToBeAVampire · 24/02/2024 12:07

Draladat · 24/02/2024 11:54

We thought that too, however apparently the money immediately becomes Dad’s.

Show quote history

Assuming that the debt can be written off, look at it as a final gift from your mum and don't feel guilty.

Aubree17 · 24/02/2024 12:07

Sorry about your loss.

Is the 50% of money in the joint account not considered to be her estate?
As well as 50% of the house (if owned)

TheSnowyOwl · 24/02/2024 12:10

I’m sorry about your mum.

I would put some money aside, as if you were making the repayments, until such time as you have written confirmation from the bank/s that this debt won’t be pursued. After that time, and only if you have the financial means to do so, perhaps get or do something in your mum’s memory.