Feel wretched- mum died and i had debt in her nsne

[Draladat]

Morning,

I lost mum last week. It’s still so raw.

I have 2 credit cards in my mums name. She consented to this a while ago as I was unable to get a decent rate. I am a second card holder but the accounts are in her name. I make the payments via DD so it didn’t cost mum anything.

mum didn’t leave an estate. The property she lived in will automatically pass to my dad as they write joint tenants (rule of survivorship) along with any money in their joint account.

it looks as though the credit card debts will be written off. I don’t know why but I feel wretched about this. I feel as though. Need to pay it back out of respect. My dad thinks I’m daft and that we should just accept that it’s being written off.

I feel so awful

So the debt is gone. That's your mum's gift to you in terms of inheritance I guess.

Don't start paying megabucks to charity, instead put any sums you were paying into savings for the future for you.

Do NOT take out more debt. Use this as the time to start a savings account and get out the debt cycle.

I see the credit cards being written off as your mum's gift to get yourself into a better position financially and stay out of debt for the long term.

Sorry for your loss. It'll all be so raw at the moment so not the time to make any rash commitments or decisions. I suspect you're actually feeling wretched because it's an awful time for you rather than specifically because of the debt.

Some of this isn't your choice: I doubt very much the bank would agree to put it in your name. Terms of the cards are that primary card holder is liable for the spending of the secondary cardholders. The debt is to be dealt with by the estate, which means those debts will be written off as the estate has no money - that isn't your fault or responsibility, it's the process.

What you might want to consider is why you were using those cards in the first place eg are you using it for your living expenses, was it debt consolidation, did you need it for a big purchase etc.

Realistically, credit cards are expensive to service and however you get rid of a large debt it's a golden opportunity change your behaviour, get yourself on a better financial footing. I'm sure your mum wouldn't want you to do anything that would be the financial equivalent of putting on a hair shirt, and would rather you took the opportunity to make your life a little bit better.

Sorry about your Mum

Start a savings account. Once you have a big chunk then you can start donating to charity monthly in your Mum's memory 💕

My Dad died recently, and had quite a lot of debt (about £3k on a credit card). I took the view that it was the banks own stupidity to let an 83 year old on pension credit rack that up in the first place. I was questioned about it on the phone, but when I explained that I'd had to pay for his funeral, had paid off two other cards before he died as he was agitated about them they were really nice and just wrote the money off.

I would do as others have suggested and donate the equivalent to charity over the coming years. Your Mum did this because she loved you. Just honour her memory and get yourself out of debt from now on. And I'm really sorry for your loss, I'm still struggling and it's incredibly life shifting to lose a parent

Put what you would have paid her back somewhere you can't dip into and see how you feel about it 6/ 9 months down the line. Don't decide anything right now

Sorry you lost your mum. It’s so hard. Don’t be upset about not making the payments - just Google the lender profits and consider the utter lack of difference it makes to them. I think most mums would see it as an upside to a really sad situation. A charity donation -when you can would be a nice thing to do but mostly just be kind to yourself because grief is hard

I’m really sorry for your loss OP.

It sounds like your mum left no will and her assets were joint with your dad so he has title to the house and the account, which is fine. But that doesn’t mean the liabilities have gone. They are still there and I strongly suspect the CC companies will not write them off. £9k is a lot of money. They are entitled to be paid out of your mum’s assets, even though legal title to the assets has passed to your dad.

that said, you don’t have to do anything right now. Sit and wait to see if the CC companies pursue it. Don’t ask them. Just Make your regular payments into a savings account so the money is there if/when they come calling.

obviously I really hope they don’t!

I’d keep making that repayment amount into a savings account for yourself OP. If your dad gets stuck financially further down the line you can use it to help him, or to pay off any other debts you have. Don’t donate to a charity unless you can afford to, your mum would rather you got financially stable yourself first im sure. Sorry about your loss OP

I understand the guilt, the feeling that you are financially benefiting from your parent’s death. Be kind to yourself, you obviously loved your mum and she loved you.

9k is absolute peanuts to the credit card company. I wouldn't be feeling guilty about it and I imagine your mum wouldn't want you to feel guilty either.

Whatever don't make any snap decisions while your grief is so raw.

So sorry for your loss.

The credit card company won't loose out .9k is peanuts to them , so honestly I wouldn't feel guilty at all. Your mum took the cards out in good faith and its just the way it all turned out . Instead of donating it to charity, why not use the money to make your life that bit better so you won't need credit again. I'm sure your mum would have wanted that for you

If you're a cardholder on the account anyway, can you get it transferred into your name so you can continue to pay it off?
£9k is a lot of money, I would feel too guilty not to pay it back somehow.

I wish you well OP, and agree with the PPs who think you should get back on your feet financially, and only contemplate late repayment once you've build up savings of your own.

I'm confused about one thing though.

Is it really the case that you could have huge debts in one partners name, and huge savings in a joint account and the survivor has no need to pay them off from their inheritance? Sounds wrong.

So sorry you lost your Mum.

She died knowing she was able to help you out of difficulties.

For now, concentrate on you and your Dad supporting each other. But just keep putting the equivalent of the DD into a separate account in case they ask for the money in the future.

i am sorry for your loss

give yourself some time before making any decisions.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your Mum OP. I lost my Mum 10 years ago and I still miss her so much. I always understand if people are married any debt is joint and several. Have the credit card companies told you they have written off the debt? If not I think they will try to recover it from your Dad at later date as there was money in their joint account when your Mum died. I wouldn't ask them but just continue to put the same amount into savings account just in case they do bill your Dad. Then you could pay it back to your Dad. Hopefully they will just write it off and if they do see it as a final loving gift from your Mum, who must have loved and trusted you very much. Your Mum would not want you to feel guilty.

I'm very sorry for your loss.
It's only been a week so everything is too raw.
I think you should put this debt completely out of your mind for now and revisit it in 6 months or so. It's something you absolutely do not need to be thinking about now.
I would not pay it back voluntarily to the credit card company. If you decide in 6 months time that you do want to pay it back somehow, I would pay it forward instead and support a charity.

I agree. Do not let twats on here guilt you into repaying the debt. You have done nothing wrong. No one took out the debt, expecting not to repay it. This is a drop in the ocean to the credit card company, but will make a big difference to you. Your mum would not have wanted you to undo her attempts to help you.

Sorry for your loss 💔

I feel like your mum would be pleased to have helped clear your debt. She wouldn't want you worrying about it, at all. Just accept it's a silver lining, in a dark cloud. I'm sorry about your mum. I lost mine a few years ago too. Sending hugs 💐

If your mum's estate was insolvent, which it sounds like it was (more debt than cash) then the credit card company is allowed to apply to the courts to get their money from the joint assets instead, as below from the national debt line, even though the property was held as joint tenants. Having debt doesn't disappear just because your assets are all joint otherwise nobody would ever have money or property outside of joint accounts or joint tenancies.

"If the estate is insolvent, the creditor could apply to court to recover the deceased person's assets, this would include the deceased share of the property. This is called an insolvency administration order, the creditor has five years to apply from the date of death."

I agree with the other comments about a charity donation if you are not comfortable with it being written off. A small amount every month so you don’t put any pressure on yourself at a difficult time.

What is the debt for? Can you pay it back?

Credit card companies are multi-billion pound industries.

You owe them nothing.

You Mum helped you, not them.

Don't feel bad about it. You need all your mental energy on healing.

You don’t need to feel bad, legally the debt has to be written off so I don’t think you would even be able to pay it. Your mum allowed you to take that credit out, you didn’t do it without her consent.
Losing your mum is a devastating tragedy which I know from personal experience. I know this is hard but you don’t need to focus on this and make yourself feel even worse. These lenders don’t care a jot about irresponsibly lending huge amounts of money to people who can’t afford it, they are the most morally bankrupt people with the exception of politicians. You’re not doing anything illegal so just make peace with the fact it’s one less thing you need to worry about right now. I’m so so sorry for your loss. 🌷