Dh not happy but I’m torn over what to do

[Chowmain]

Hi,

my parents (both early 70’s) have had a tricky time over the last few years financially. They own their house outright but had to use all of their savings about 5 months ago to pay for a private medical procedure. Dad had waited 2 years but the situation became unbearable. He had the procedure in October and is now a totally different person.

they’ve got a problem with their roof that isn’t covered by their house insurance. It will cost 6k to fix. They don’t have that money right now.

I have a 0% credit card money transfer offer. I’d like to take this offer and then transfer the money to them. They can afford to pay £500 a month which will clear the balance in a year, with no interest. I’m happy to do this, but dh doesn’t want me to.

I know that lending money isn’t advised, and I know that I’ll be liable for the debt, however I have 100% faith that they will pay and we will also put something in writing. I also think that we need to remember all of the support they have given us over the years- house deposit, free childcare etc

AIBU or is he?

I’d probably put it to my DH that if I don’t lend them the money then they are likely to do equity release and therefore there won’t be an inheritance. Not that an inheritance is a certainty but he may make him have a change of heart.

I'd do it a heartbeat for my parents, my DH wouldn't disagree but if he didn't tbh I'd do it anyway.

@Chowmain what reason has your husband given for not wanting to help them?

Of course do it. Of COURSE!!!

DP has just done something similar for her DD. I'll admit I was apprehensive given the sum of money and his age. It will also see us stretched for the next couple of years in terms of further borrowing.

At the end of the day though I looked at what difference it actually makes to us. It means we wait a couple of years to look at moving house. DP will likely need to downgrade when it comes to replacing her car later in the year. If the worst happens we cover the remaining repayments, which while not particularly comfortable would be doable.

From a purely financial standpoint it doesn't make sense for us, but the money was spent on something that will make the rest of his life much more comfortable and I'm happy knowing that.

If you could afford to repay it yourself if you really had to (not that you expect to but just to protect yourself) then I’d do it. Especially because they’d given you a deposit. Why is your dp not happy with the idea?

I would do it unless you had immediate plans to move house or borrow money for something else yourself.

tbh though, they could take the high interest loan and by overpaying and getting it sorted in a year they would incur very little actual interest.

You’d lend to your parents but not your husbands. If you objected you’d expect him to respect that but you wouldn’t respect his objection? Is that what you’re saying?

I would do it - but discuss about downsizing or even a small amount of equity release as a back up for them- the kind where you do make monthly interest payments- maybe £40k or so- and tellthem to save it, build interest and keep it as a back up for emergencies (this is if they don't really want to move ) downsizing also in the mix if suitable things around- but can cost a fair bit in selling and buying and a modest amount of equity release may make more sense - not all schemes are the same these days.

Get the roof done, get their house sold and they can pay you back. They have helped you a lot in the past so I think it's unfair of your DH to refuse. Anyway, the credit card will presumably be in your name so you don't need his permission!

even a small amount of equity release as a back up for them- the kind where you do make monthly interest payments- maybe £40k or so- and tellthem to save it, build interest and keep it as a back up for emergencies

The OPs DF has a CCJ so most won't touch him for equity release. I'm not sure what the interest rate is now but a few years ago it was 8%. It would be unwise to take out £40 of equity at 8% compound interest just to put it in the bank "in case".

*£40k not £40!

God no don't suggest that!

So you and your dh were happy to take their money for a house deposit and the free childcare and now that they are in need themselves your dh is not willing to help? What a catch you have there. Not.

And they have no savings?

I think your husband is being very very selfish and I assume he will only be too happy to inherit from them.

Get your parents the roof!

I’m happy to do this, but dh doesn’t want me to

Given that solo debt in a marriage stays with the person in debt, and doesn't become a debt of the marriage, then I don't really think your dh has any say. It would be different if you wanted to take it out of joint savings or remortgage etc. Bit this is solo debt in your name. It's not up to him.

Of course you help your parents out

They just spent their savings on medical care. Read the op properly!

I would lend them the money for the roof if you can get the 0% deal.

And then support them to downsize.

It worries me a bit that your Dad got to the stage of a CCJ over a parking dispute, though.

I would definitely do it. Presumably the house will be a lot easier to sell if there isn't an issue with the roof so it needs to get done

I'd have done it for my parents because they were trustworthy and I knew they would always repay me. If they've helped you out with deposit and childcare id definitely do it. You are not asking your DH to sign anything if it's in your name just go ahead.

@Chowmain
How much did they give you for a house deposit?
How much childcare have they provided?

I'd do it for my MiL too if she needed help. Your parents probably have never asked you for help before. They won't be on this earth forever. Help them whilst you can.