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Original poster

Dh not happy but I’m torn over what to do

133 replies

Chowmain · 18/02/2024 20:10

Hi,

my parents (both early 70’s) have had a tricky time over the last few years financially. They own their house outright but had to use all of their savings about 5 months ago to pay for a private medical procedure. Dad had waited 2 years but the situation became unbearable. He had the procedure in October and is now a totally different person.

they’ve got a problem with their roof that isn’t covered by their house insurance. It will cost 6k to fix. They don’t have that money right now.

I have a 0% credit card money transfer offer. I’d like to take this offer and then transfer the money to them. They can afford to pay £500 a month which will clear the balance in a year, with no interest. I’m happy to do this, but dh doesn’t want me to.

I know that lending money isn’t advised, and I know that I’ll be liable for the debt, however I have 100% faith that they will pay and we will also put something in writing. I also think that we need to remember all of the support they have given us over the years- house deposit, free childcare etc

AIBU or is he?

OP posts:
CadyEastman · 18/02/2024 20:48

Yes, but that will take time and the roof issue really can’t wait

How bad is it? Unless some part of the roof is missing complete I'm sure it can wait. When we moved here we couldn't afford a new roof for a while, every time we had hard rain we had to get buckets out.

Would s roofer be able to do a temporary job, maybe the flanking needs doing or some tiles need replacing?

I think getting rid of a property that they can't afford to maintain and moving to a cheaper once sounds a bitter option than spaffing £6k at the problem.

And I really would be checking that thru can afford to give you £500 a month. If they have that spare already, I'm surprised that they haven't got more in savings.

cherry2727 · 18/02/2024 20:48

They are your parents for goodness sake! Of course you should help them. Imagine the sacrifices they did for you when you were under their guardianship! It's not like they splurged their money on cruises and now asking for your help to repair their roof !

Who will inherit their assets op ?

NewYearNewCalendar · 18/02/2024 20:49

What does it look like for you if they don’t pay? Set aside the fact you think they will. Work out how you would deal with that.

Then, assuming we’d cope with that, yes I’d do it. But this is not “you loaning them money” when they’ve given you support in the past, this is you taking on debt for them. It’s very different and so needs to be considered differently.

Original poster
Chowmain · 18/02/2024 20:49

Noideawwhatsoccuring · 18/02/2024 20:48

But what happens if their boiler breaks next week? How would they cover that and pay you back.

Honestly, I would want to help them in your position. But they need to look at downsizing and getting the work done while getting it on the market.

They will definitely downsize in the very near future

OP posts:
cherry2727 · 18/02/2024 20:49

@KnittingKnewbie I would 100% do this for my parents. My DH would too

Me too!!! Makes my heart cry reading some of these responses!

SuzieSaturday · 18/02/2024 20:50

I would do this for parents and my in laws. They are my family

Alwayslookonthebrightside1 · 18/02/2024 20:51

If you have good savings yourself I would just use these instead of getting more credit

whatahat · 18/02/2024 20:51

Absolutely do it. They are not random friends, they are your parents in a unique situation resulting from back to back financial stresses. They helped you, it's right to help them. I can see why your DH is nervous, but surely on reflection he'll realise that family can't let family suffer, especially with all the help they have given you

titchy · 18/02/2024 20:52

Alwayslookonthebrightside1 · 18/02/2024 20:51

If you have good savings yourself I would just use these instead of getting more credit

Edited

Because they used their savings for private medical treatment - it's in the OP.

whatahat · 18/02/2024 20:52

Alwayslookonthebrightside1 · 18/02/2024 20:51

If you have good savings yourself I would just use these instead of getting more credit

Edited

Because of the expensive medical procedure in October, I believe

CadyEastman · 18/02/2024 20:52

cherry2727 · 18/02/2024 20:48

They are your parents for goodness sake! Of course you should help them. Imagine the sacrifices they did for you when you were under their guardianship! It's not like they splurged their money on cruises and now asking for your help to repair their roof !

Who will inherit their assets op ?

You don't look after your DC and expect them to see it as a debt to you. Well I don't anyway.

And an asset like a house may never get passed on. If they both end up needing care they home could be sold to pay for that care. Once funerals are paid for and probate that could leave insufficient funds to pay for the loan.

Alphabet1spaghetti2 · 18/02/2024 20:53

I would do it. But because of their age I would want a written agreement - because the unthinkable does happen even though you are looking at a comparatively short timespan for it to be paid. (Apologies for being bleak).

Alwayslookonthebrightside1 · 18/02/2024 20:54

titchy · 18/02/2024 20:52

Because they used their savings for private medical treatment - it's in the OP.

Show quote history

Yes sorry just realised that and edited my post!!

CadyEastman · 18/02/2024 20:54

*flashing

HelpMebeok · 18/02/2024 20:56

Wow I am shocked at so many people saying they wouldn't do this. I would 100% do this for my mum. She wasn't in a position to help me out with house deposit but would help me in any way she could too.

Livinghappy · 18/02/2024 20:57

I would definitely do it. It's not as if they want to spend it on being frivious..they need a roof fixed or else it gets much worse over time.

Why does your h object? I couldn't let elderly parents stress about this if I could help (unless there is a back story)

Galeforcewindatmywindow · 18/02/2024 20:57

Tell dh you are giving them the deposit back if your savings allow it.. Maybe he will be keen to lend them then...

CadyEastman · 18/02/2024 21:00

HelpMebeok · 18/02/2024 20:56

Wow I am shocked at so many people saying they wouldn't do this. I would 100% do this for my mum. She wasn't in a position to help me out with house deposit but would help me in any way she could too.

Who has said they wouldn't do it? Some like me are pointing out that it's not the only option but I haven't seen any posts saying they wouldn't do it?

GOODCAT · 18/02/2024 21:01

I would do this for my parents. If my husband wasn't on board, he would be reminded pretty sharply about all the help we had before. I would expect him to get on board over this. You help out family whenever they need and you can.

Plantmother71 · 18/02/2024 21:01

I think of you have savings it would make more sense to use those as opposed to putting it on a card - but I’d definitely do it so long as I had the funds. If your savings don’t run to that amount you could pay the extra on your card - so long as you have the wages coming in to cover the debt, and can assure your DH that way, I don’t see he has a reason to object? It’s your parents and I bet he’d do the same for his.

ohdamnitjanet · 18/02/2024 21:03

jm9138 · 18/02/2024 20:38

So they gave you money when you needed it (house deposit) and now he does not want to lend them money when they need it. ok.

Yeah, he’s a wanker.

DisforDarkChocolate · 18/02/2024 21:04

Provided a plan was in place to definitely downsize I'd agree, my husband would too.

TwilightSkies · 18/02/2024 21:09

I would 100% do it for my parents! They have done so much for me.
Some people seem to have robotic relationships with their own parents! So weird.

Darklingthrush123 · 18/02/2024 21:09

I would want to do this. But I agree that if they can save £500 a month then they can probably wait and pay for the roofing when they’ve saved up. Roofs can often hold on for a bit longer… are you sure it’s very urgent indeed?

Original poster
Chowmain · 18/02/2024 21:10

Darklingthrush123 · 18/02/2024 21:09

I would want to do this. But I agree that if they can save £500 a month then they can probably wait and pay for the roofing when they’ve saved up. Roofs can often hold on for a bit longer… are you sure it’s very urgent indeed?

It’s urgent! It should really have been done weeks ago

OP posts: