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Original poster

Should I halve my inheritance with my sister?

503 replies

Loluk · 07/10/2023 23:24

Hi all,

I'm in a bit of a situation and I'd like to know what your guys' opinion is on this. Because I'm genuinely torn in two.

So, for context my mother passed away 5 years ago. In my grandmother's will she was left half of the house as well as my uncle. However, it states in the will that if she (my mom) passes away before my grandmother it will automatically go to her children - my sister and I.

My grandmother was very vocal about this, hence us knowing about it.
I took over caring for my nan when my mom passed away, for the past 5 years. My sister has seen her maybe once or twice within these 5 years. My grandmother spoke to me and said she wanted to change her will so that my uncle gets half of the house and I get the other half. She wanted to cut my sister out as I'd done so much for her and my sister hadn't seen her for years.
I of course said this was a bad idea and although I get the sentiment behind it (she is a beautiful lady), it should of been my mom's money, so in turn should be both my sisters and I's money.

She went with my uncle to change the will anyway. I have told my sister as I don't want there to be any secrets between us. She obviously was not happy and refuses to see my grandmother at all now.

My dad said when I receive the money that I must give my sister half anyway as it would be majorly unfair. I said I would. But I felt pressured into saying that but not really knowing how I truly feel.
I'm not unkind but my sister is in her 30s and still living at my dad's, rent free, bill free etc. Whereas I am a homeowner who is very much struggling. The money would help me massively and would help us get back on track. But also I'm aware it's family money so it should be split between my sister and I?

Some people I've spoken to are saying, it's your grandmother's money, she can do what she wants with it. Some are saying I would be selfish to not share with my sister.

What do you guys think?

OP posts:
Batalax · 08/10/2023 07:44

Taking all emotion out of it, then if you don’t split the df will likely make it fair by leaving more to your sister. So you’ll have ruined your relationship with dsis and df to still be no better off than your sister.

Id try to keep them sweet but perhaps give less than 50% if you can get away with it. Say that grandmother was trying to equal it out because she was aware that your sister is getting a massive free handout each month from dad, that you aren’t and this was her way of evening things out as gm didn’t think that was fair. That points out the inequality and might be enough logic for df and dsis to accept less than 50% happily.

piscofrisco · 08/10/2023 07:44

Also I don't understand why people keep saying 'it's what your mum wanted'. Your mum left everything to her boyfriend you said-so she didn't seem to want your sister to inherit either tbh.

You have had a lot of loss op and I feel for you. But I don't think your birth family are looking out for you well.

canwetalkaboutcake · 08/10/2023 07:47

If you don't care about having a relationship with your sister, then keep it.

If you want a relationship with your sister, you will have damaged it beyond repair if you don't give her half. You are correct in that it would have been your mum's money, and she would have split it 50:50.

Vinrouge4 · 08/10/2023 07:48

I wouldn’t give her half. You are the one who will have to pay inheritance tax so it might make it complicated. I would maybe give her a token amount.

Original poster
Loluk · 08/10/2023 07:57

@Nanaof1 my mom never said she'd leave me her property. There wasn't a will either.
It was because she was going through a divorce with my dad, she got some money from my dad's estate and then forwarded into her boyfriends estate as she was living there.
She didn't know she was going to die (it was very sudden and she wasn't ill) so she never got chance to make a will.

OP posts:
Original poster
Loluk · 08/10/2023 08:00

@canwetalkaboutcake my mom wouldn't have split it. She always talked about buying a bigger place with her boyfriend. She would have put it into her boyfriends property 100%. She was only 54 and she had a life ahead of her. That's fair enough.

OP posts:
Original poster
Loluk · 08/10/2023 08:04

@Kate8889 we suspect that that their was dv going on. But we never found out exactly.

OP posts:
Original poster
Loluk · 08/10/2023 08:04

@Kate8889 *there

OP posts:
honkersbonkers38 · 08/10/2023 08:06

The money is yours. Care costs are astronomical. If you hadn't done it there'd be no money left anyway.
There were times when things got awkward after my dad died when I really wished I'd actually set up as self-employed and invoiced for what I'd done for him. My sisters got arsey over money but I spent five years driving 40 miles three times a week to see dad. I cut my hours at work to do it, I bought, (without asking for money), food, bits of underwear or pjs, socks - just bits and pieces over the years as Dad wasn't able to.

I cleaned, tidied, made lunches for us and batch cooked meals for his freezer, helped with his post, fixed small things, mowed the grass, arranged and was present for repair men to do bigger jobs. I watched tv with him - gardening programmes - he loved them and was lonely and liked to talk about them with me. I took him to endless GP or hospital appointments, etc etc.

I did it because I loved him and he needed it - until full time paid care was the only option. And it cost me thousands in lost income. But

Meanwhile sisters had holidays and worked to earn and had days out and had such "good reasons" why they couldn't visit.

Your grandmother OP is right. Do not be swayed. The money is yours.

Hihey · 08/10/2023 08:06

duchiebun · 08/10/2023 06:50

I find some of these posts quite bizarre & sad really but I guess some people just don't have good relationships with their siblings.

OP's sister didn't care when OP's friend and baby died. That's not a good sibling relationship. I love my brothers so I would split the money. If I had a sister like OP's then I wouldn't split. I bet if their dad passed and left his house to his daughters, her sister wouldn't buy out OP's half. She'd continue to live there.

Original poster
Loluk · 08/10/2023 08:07

@PuzzledWatermelon I don't think my sister would give me half if the shoe was on the other foot. But I'm totally the opposite to her. I don't want to fall out with anyone, I can't cut anyone out because of things that have been done or not done.

OP posts:
Ffsmakeitstop · 08/10/2023 08:08

I'm so sorry you're in this position. I think I would give your sister 25% just because I think you would struggle not to. But I don't think she actually deserves it whereas you do.🌹

Globules · 08/10/2023 08:08

As sis is living with Dad rent free, then he's got a stake in this too. You giving your sister the amount of a house deposit will be life changing on his finances too, as she will move out and he won't have to keep paying.

Could that be an option to keep the peace, depending on how much you inherit? Give her enough for a 10% deposit for an average priced property in your area?

BettyPhuckzer · 08/10/2023 08:09

I dont think I'd share half.

Original poster
Loluk · 08/10/2023 08:11

@Zanatdy she didn't care for my mother. She didn't speak to my mom for 2.5 years before she passed either. Because my mom had a new boyfriend and she didn't like it.

I'm truly not trying to badmouth my sister. I'm just telling the truth

OP posts:
Original poster
Loluk · 08/10/2023 08:11

@Turtletotem no my dad doesn't give me any money.

OP posts:
canwetalkaboutcake · 08/10/2023 08:12

Loluk · 08/10/2023 08:00

@canwetalkaboutcake my mom wouldn't have split it. She always talked about buying a bigger place with her boyfriend. She would have put it into her boyfriends property 100%. She was only 54 and she had a life ahead of her. That's fair enough.

Well it sounds like you have made up your mind to not split with your sister. In that case, you need to be prepared to lose that relationship.

Zonder · 08/10/2023 08:12

Loluk · 08/10/2023 08:11

@Zanatdy she didn't care for my mother. She didn't speak to my mom for 2.5 years before she passed either. Because my mom had a new boyfriend and she didn't like it.

I'm truly not trying to badmouth my sister. I'm just telling the truth

Why should your sister inherit any money from people she didn't want to maintain a relationship with?

I like what someone said on here early on about inheritance is a gift, not a given.

Original poster
Loluk · 08/10/2023 08:14

@Silvetmoon it's very rare we see her. I saw her a lot in September as I planned her hen do (she gets married next year), etc we have the odd meal together but other than that, no.

OP posts:
Zonder · 08/10/2023 08:14

canwetalkaboutcake · 08/10/2023 08:12

Well it sounds like you have made up your mind to not split with your sister. In that case, you need to be prepared to lose that relationship.

Show quote history

That's literally the opposite of what OP said at 8.07!

Zonder · 08/10/2023 08:14

@Loluk losing a relationship with her doesn't look like you would lose much, really.

Original poster
Loluk · 08/10/2023 08:15

@canwetalkaboutcake not at all. I wrote a post last night saying I would split it.
Just interesting that there's so many mixed opinions. I'm so confused and hate I'm in this position but I don't want to lose what little family I have left.

OP posts:
GimmeGin · 08/10/2023 08:15

@Loluk there isn’t a “will reading” like on tv. So not an event that you or your sister would attend.

I would give her something, but not 50% of your share.

Would 25% be a decent amount? Perhaps enough as a deposit for your sisters future home?

CharlotteBog · 08/10/2023 08:17

What does your gran say when you tell her that cutting out your sister makes things very difficult for you?

She must know that it will mark the end of any relationship with your sister. That doesn't seem so kind and pure. And why didn't your gran tell your sister herself? Even by letter.

Hollyhead · 08/10/2023 08:18

hi @Loluk I think there’s a halfway house here. How much is your grandmother’s house likely to be worth?

If it were me I’d probably split it 75% 25% - that way you honour your gm’s wish that you were rewarded for your care you gave, but still give your sister what should be a nice lump sum.

Also if your mum had no will and wasn’t married to her boyfriend I’m not certain the rules of interstacy have been followed… you might have been swindled.