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Original poster

Should I halve my inheritance with my sister?

503 replies

Loluk · 07/10/2023 23:24

Hi all,

I'm in a bit of a situation and I'd like to know what your guys' opinion is on this. Because I'm genuinely torn in two.

So, for context my mother passed away 5 years ago. In my grandmother's will she was left half of the house as well as my uncle. However, it states in the will that if she (my mom) passes away before my grandmother it will automatically go to her children - my sister and I.

My grandmother was very vocal about this, hence us knowing about it.
I took over caring for my nan when my mom passed away, for the past 5 years. My sister has seen her maybe once or twice within these 5 years. My grandmother spoke to me and said she wanted to change her will so that my uncle gets half of the house and I get the other half. She wanted to cut my sister out as I'd done so much for her and my sister hadn't seen her for years.
I of course said this was a bad idea and although I get the sentiment behind it (she is a beautiful lady), it should of been my mom's money, so in turn should be both my sisters and I's money.

She went with my uncle to change the will anyway. I have told my sister as I don't want there to be any secrets between us. She obviously was not happy and refuses to see my grandmother at all now.

My dad said when I receive the money that I must give my sister half anyway as it would be majorly unfair. I said I would. But I felt pressured into saying that but not really knowing how I truly feel.
I'm not unkind but my sister is in her 30s and still living at my dad's, rent free, bill free etc. Whereas I am a homeowner who is very much struggling. The money would help me massively and would help us get back on track. But also I'm aware it's family money so it should be split between my sister and I?

Some people I've spoken to are saying, it's your grandmother's money, she can do what she wants with it. Some are saying I would be selfish to not share with my sister.

What do you guys think?

OP posts:

Milkmani · 08/10/2023 08:19

@Loluk You seem like a wonderful person. I don’t think a lot of people understand how emotionally draining and exhausting it can be caring for someone the you care about. It’s quite clear your sister doesn’t care about you, she refused to see you mother for years and wasn’t interested in your grandmother apart from money. Maybe give her some but why should you split it? For your dad to ask for it to be fair? It wasn’t fair when you were caring for your grandmother for 5 years and it wasn’t fair that she had no interest in you when you needed her after experiencing bereavement.

This isn’t your father’s decision and he has financially enabled your sister by letting her live rent/bill free whilst you pay your mortgage. If I’m honest I’m sure your sister would find something else to fall out with you about later down the line. Look after yourself and pay down your mortgage, I’m sure she would.

DisforDarkChocolate · 08/10/2023 08:20

From what you've written I think you will share but I don't think you should.

You are one of life's givers, your sister is a taker. She's happily taking by living rent free, she's happy taking by seeing you enough to have you plan a good hen do. When she has her own house I bet you Dad will only see her when she wants money. When she has a share of her Gran's estate you won't see her until she needs something else. Are you preserving a relationship that's not really worth preserving?

N27 · 08/10/2023 08:20

She’s not entitled to half, and if she’s actively refusing to see a relative who is in end of life of care then that shows how much she cares and I’m not surprised your gm doesn’t feel inclined to gift her anything!

I wouldn’t share it, but if you feel inclined then you could perhaps give her a gift out of your share

Original poster

Loluk · 08/10/2023 08:22

@RiderofRohan she lives 5 minutes away. She isn't a carer or anything like that. She has a full time job 9-5 as a receptionist.
No worries or pressing matters. I know that for a fact. She's just organising a wedding at the moment which my dad's paid for. She has enough for her deposit already, which I've already posted before. She is staying longer so she can get more money. To do a house up etc etc.

OP posts:

SummerWhisper · 08/10/2023 08:22

@Loluk your gran is the only blood relative who has your back. She understands that your sister is the golden child and that your sis and your dad will always put their interests above yours.

Your gran is trying to make your life easier, just as you have hers. Please assure her while you still can that you will invest the money into your own family's welfare. Let her die happy knowing this, rather than miserable, thinking that you are giving her money to a selfish spoiled brat who doesn't give a fuck about anyone else.

Your sister doesn't give a fuck about you and your dad doesn't give a fuck about your life being made easier. Give your sister half and you won't see her again anyway. She's only hanging round waiting for granny to die and get her grubby hands on your money.

When you inherit, invest in some therapy before you do anything. Then enjoy your lovely gran's money to make your family financially secure and safe.

I can't stress enough that even if you give your sister half or any amount, she will still hold you in contempt.

You have a great opportunity to invest in you, your beautiful boy and DH. Do it x

SlightlygrumpyBettyswaitress · 08/10/2023 08:23

I would share it.
My grandmother tried something similar, she was a manipulative old bag. I gave her short shrift and told her that if I was left more than my fair share, it would be divided correctly as per the original will.
Honestly don't let money become an issue

ZebraD · 08/10/2023 08:23

Loluk · 08/10/2023 07:57

@Nanaof1 my mom never said she'd leave me her property. There wasn't a will either.
It was because she was going through a divorce with my dad, she got some money from my dad's estate and then forwarded into her boyfriends estate as she was living there.
She didn't know she was going to die (it was very sudden and she wasn't ill) so she never got chance to make a will.

But you said in a previous post that your sister knew she was getting something from your mum…

UhOhGuys · 08/10/2023 08:24

What I don't understand is:
You own a house
You are married
Your sister:
Doesn't own a house
Isn't married (yet)

Yet your posts seem to be dripping with resentment for her? Why?

Also do you work or were you caring for your gran full time?

SummerWhisper · 08/10/2023 08:26

Your gran is in no way manipulative. She has your back. Ignore the posters calling her this 💐

belgiumchocolates · 08/10/2023 08:26

Do you know if your Dad has a will? I think its awful that Mum's boyfriend received her estate instead of you and Sis
Do you know if your Dad has a will? If Dad dies will his partner receive the inheritance including the house Sis is currently living in
It all sounds very stressful. I wouldn't promise anything in haste or before Grandmother dies, take care of yourself in the meantime

ClairDeLaLune · 08/10/2023 08:28

Your DGM wants you to have it not your sister. Legally it’s yours not hers. I would respect DGM’s wishes and not share it. The history about your mum’s role in this is no longer relevant, your DGM changed her will after this. I’m sorry for the loss of your mum and impending loss of your grandmother

SummerWhisper · 08/10/2023 08:28

To the posters saying they would share it: no you fucking wouldn't if you had a bitch of a sister like this who can't be arsed comforting you on the loss of your child.

Globules · 08/10/2023 08:30

Globules · 08/10/2023 08:08

As sis is living with Dad rent free, then he's got a stake in this too. You giving your sister the amount of a house deposit will be life changing on his finances too, as she will move out and he won't have to keep paying.

Could that be an option to keep the peace, depending on how much you inherit? Give her enough for a 10% deposit for an average priced property in your area?

Actually, I take this back, as I've now read all your subsequent posts.

Your sister has already got a house deposit saved, yet she's taking further advantage of your dad as she wants a bigger deposit. And your dad is paying for her wedding. Your dad has a vested interest in her getting 50%, as he thinks it'll stop him having to fork out for her. Either way, that's not on you, that's on him choosing to pay all her bills.

Your dad doesn't appreciate how unfair he's being giving your sister a monthly gift and not you. If he wants things to be fair all round, then if you 50/50 the house with your sister, he needs to pay you a lump sum of all the money he's given your sister. (See how he likes being told what to do with his money)

If your mum didn't have a will, and she put her money into boyfriends house, then you and your sister have a claim to that. See a solicitor asap over this. They were not married. As next of kin, the money is yours, not his.

Most importantly, your sister treats you terribly. She would give you nothing if the roles were reversed. Giving her money isn't going to change who she is. Your non existent relationship isn't going to improve. Your dad has no right to tell you what to do with your money... It's not fair of him to do so, and he didn't sound like he's got your best interests at heart either, only his. The only thing you'll be losing if you 50/50 is a sizable gift from your dear grandmother.

If she truly is such a beautiful person, she probably sees just how poorly your sister and your dad treat you, despite all your care for them, and is trying to even up the balance for you and your kind heart.

Don't give your sister a penny.

Zonder · 08/10/2023 08:30

Loluk · 08/10/2023 08:22

Like I said, she is already having her share of family money. I bet she's had more from your dad than you have. Rent free and all that.

MsRosley · 08/10/2023 08:33

Another vote for keeping all the money. It's what your gran wants. She clearly doesn't like your sister - with good reason - and I think you should respect her wishes.

Turtletotem · 08/10/2023 08:34

I think if you add up all that she's had or is getting from your dad she's had more than enough. Take care of yourself it sounds like you've had a lot to deal with.

StowOnTheWold · 08/10/2023 08:34

Massive over complication.

What do you guys think?

It is what YOU think that matters. Your choices are simple:

Give your sister half and retain sisterly harmony (and other soft stuff)
Keep it all and be better off financially but at the expense of leaving your sister worse off and ruining your relationship (and other soft stuff)

You will already know the answer - neither is wrong, but your answer will be intuitive to you because of the way you are.

Milkmani · 08/10/2023 08:35

UhOhGuys · 08/10/2023 08:24

What I don't understand is:
You own a house
You are married
Your sister:
Doesn't own a house
Isn't married (yet)

Yet your posts seem to be dripping with resentment for her? Why?

Also do you work or were you caring for your gran full time?

Did you not read this part?

she lives 5 minutes away. She isn't a carer or anything like that. She has a full time job 9-5 as a receptionist.
No worries or pressing matters. I know that for a fact. She's just organising a wedding at the moment which my dad's paid for. She has enough for her deposit already, which I've already posted before. She is staying longer so she can get more money. To do a house up etc etc.

LadyEloise1 · 08/10/2023 08:36

What are the tax implications for your sister if you give her half ?
You will have to pay tax on the inheritance probably and what you then give to your sister will also be taxed if it falls within the tax threshold.
You sound like a very caring person @Loluk.
Your sister not so much.
You have cared for your grandmother but your sister hasn't bothered.
I can't blame your grandmother for not wanting to give her as much as she's giving you. It would have been wiser for her to give your sister something.
And for you to keep your mouth shut.
That was your big mistake.
I think it's sad that your Mum did not leave her children anything but gave everything to her partner.

Livelovebehappy · 08/10/2023 08:36

There’s always imbalance when siblings are caring for elderly parents/grandparents. My sister sees my mother a lot more than me as she took early retirement, and I work full time, which means my ability to do a lot of the errands and caring isn’t there. Also there’s distance involved. Does your sister live locally?

Boomboom22 · 08/10/2023 08:36

Funny how lots of posters seem to think blood entitles you to inheritance but whenever social inequality is brought up people are against it. How do they think social inequality is reproduced?
As I said before, token gift to ease you conscience but not half.

UhOhGuys · 08/10/2023 08:37

@Milkmani
I did. That doesn't answer any of my questions, which were: is the OP a full time carer, and why is the OP resentful when on paper she has a lot more than her sis

Milkmani · 08/10/2023 08:38

I agree with @SummerWhisper seen similar things happen in other families. It would be no love lost in this case. The sister seems to worry about herself and no one else. Sponging off dad and not interested in looking after the grandmother. Caring for someone is really hard whether you work or not, it’s the emotionally draining aspect that people don’t seem to understand unless you’ve been there.

Xiomara22 · 08/10/2023 08:38

After reading your updates and how she’s not even there for you, I’d not split it half. I’d just give her a small gift as a gesture. No way would I do half she sounds really selfish and just takes from everyone.

Summerishere123 · 08/10/2023 08:40

I would give her some but not half. She hasn't supported you or your gran. She just wants the money. I would probably split it 30/70

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