Should I halve my inheritance with my sister?

[Loluk]

Hi all,

I'm in a bit of a situation and I'd like to know what your guys' opinion is on this. Because I'm genuinely torn in two.

So, for context my mother passed away 5 years ago. In my grandmother's will she was left half of the house as well as my uncle. However, it states in the will that if she (my mom) passes away before my grandmother it will automatically go to her children - my sister and I.

My grandmother was very vocal about this, hence us knowing about it.
I took over caring for my nan when my mom passed away, for the past 5 years. My sister has seen her maybe once or twice within these 5 years. My grandmother spoke to me and said she wanted to change her will so that my uncle gets half of the house and I get the other half. She wanted to cut my sister out as I'd done so much for her and my sister hadn't seen her for years.
I of course said this was a bad idea and although I get the sentiment behind it (she is a beautiful lady), it should of been my mom's money, so in turn should be both my sisters and I's money.

She went with my uncle to change the will anyway. I have told my sister as I don't want there to be any secrets between us. She obviously was not happy and refuses to see my grandmother at all now.

My dad said when I receive the money that I must give my sister half anyway as it would be majorly unfair. I said I would. But I felt pressured into saying that but not really knowing how I truly feel.
I'm not unkind but my sister is in her 30s and still living at my dad's, rent free, bill free etc. Whereas I am a homeowner who is very much struggling. The money would help me massively and would help us get back on track. But also I'm aware it's family money so it should be split between my sister and I?

Some people I've spoken to are saying, it's your grandmother's money, she can do what she wants with it. Some are saying I would be selfish to not share with my sister.

What do you guys think?

So sorry about your Gran.

I think you should respect Gran’d wishes but maybe see what’s left after taxes at the end of the day, then give your sister a lump sum…no discussions with any family as to how much the estate is worth. You can give her an amount and just say that Granny left her out of the will but you want her to have a share. If your sister is not happy with this, she would never be happy and the relationship would probably have been unsalvageable anyway. Best of luck x

@Matronic6 You are 100% right. Takers will
always take and take advantage of people’s good nature to benefit themselves

THE OP DOES NOT HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH HER SISTER FFS so stop repeating the nonsense about ruining it.

How much does your dad give you per month if he is so fixed on Fairness and you both having the same? Does he pay your bills and mortgage so that you can save? No, so he can STFU on that point. And I would ask him when is he going to treat you both the same if he is so keen on that.

it doesn’t sound like you have a relationship with your sister worth saving really but for relationships sake I would give her a lump sum when I got the inheritance, which would be 25% max and would tell her there were bills and tax to pay so there wasn’t much left over in the end.

I actually disagree with PPs saying it's what your mum wanted, it was never her money and anyway she didn't even leave her own money to you and your sis. If your GM had predeceased your mum, your mum could have left all that money to her boyfriend too.

Anyway, right now it's your GM's money and up to her who gets it. She's leaving it to you.

Edit: sorry about your GM being so ill, it's an emotional time.

Families are complex. We would all make different choices in similar situations. You have a choice - to either split your grandmother’s money or to keep it for yourself. This decision will have its own consequences. If you don’t split it, your sister will feel very hurt and the rift in the family will continue. If you do split it your sister will not feel ostracised and hurt. Imagine being ostracised by your family. This is something you can never come back from.
My sister and I looked after our grandmother for many years because her children, my mother and aunt, didnt live nearby. When she died, her estate was split between the 2 of them. My sister and I didnt get anything. I’m fine with that - we didnt look after her for her money, we did it because it was the right thing to do at the time.
Split the money.

OP, you clearly don't want to share the inheritance.

So either share it because you feel you should, or don't share it because you don't want to, but I think you need to stop looking for an excuse and just own it if you decide not to. If you don't, no excuse will appease your sister anyway and it'll be the end of your relationship whatever excuse you give.

She has enough of a relationship to tell her sister about the issue so there wouldn't be secrets between them.

She could have just left it.

Such a difficult situation and well done for trying to take different family members feelings into consideration. My advice: don’t take any decision now. You’ve had a lot to deal with and now your grandmother is nearing her end. Deal with that first, it’s more than enough. Let the dust settle and see how you feel in the period after. See how your sister and dad behave then. As much as they may push you, when the time comes, the money will be yours to decide what to do with. Wishing you strength.

I think the problem is that the OP FEELS she still has a relationship and doesn’t want to loose her sister (and her dad too? Wondering how much influence the sister could have there)

That’s not what the OP has said.

@AFieldGuideToTrees

OP said her sister was uncaring, and that she would give her all the inheritance if it meant her sister acted in a more caring way towards her, so not projecting that much.

And it works both ways with people saying not to spoil the relationship between OP and her sister when OP has said it's not as loving and caring as she wants it to be.

So I say to OP, don't expect her sister to change or care any when she receives the money from OP.

^^^**
This is my take on it too.
I miss my sister who has always been there for me (as long as I wasn't doing better than her)
Now I'm being successful- no contact.

That’s your assumption though.
At no point has the OP said she has an issue with the fact her sister never helped.

Honestly, is that not enough for you 😂

I would give her a lump sum but by no means half. You need to respect your grandmothers wishes, it was her money after all. But it will make you feel better if you give your sister some ( maybe 1/3 of it?)

I’ve pondered this but ultimately your grandmother has also. It is her money and hers to choose who to leave it to. I am sure she isn’t doing it lightly or on a whim. The money is yours and I think you are betraying your grandmother by giving your sister half. Sorry. I know sometimes people can be spiteful in wills and they can be challenged but in this instance I think your grandmother has given it a lot of thought and explained her reasoning and she is in sound mind. It isn’t for you to second guess her. Ask her to write letters to you both to explain her thoughts.

Having read all your replies OP, I think I would give your sister something but half? Not on your nelly.
maybe 1/3 or 1/4. I don’t think she’d have a leg to stand on in terms of holding a grudge about it.

Nope I wouldn’t have reacted like that. I wouldn’t be resentful. Because I’d have helped my gran because I chose to (not out of duty). I wouldn’t have expected her to do as much as me (or anything)

But I would have taken a lot of distance years ago when she wasn’t there for me when I struggled - after the loss of a baby. After I struggled myself etc….
I would not be going out of my way to have a relationship with her when she clearly doesn’t care about me.

(fwiw I’ve been in a similar situation re grand parents/siblings etc… so not wishful thinking on my part…)

Your grandmother is not a beautiful lady she know the ramifications of her actions she's using her money as a form of control. Many aren't cut out to be carers and that's completely fine. I suspect there's alot more to this your not saying.

Why wasn’t your grandmother leaving it to her son originally? It sounds like it was all going to your mum before? It does all sound a bit spiteful, I’d share with your sister. Take a premium for the care you’ve given if you like

@DawsonWins so why should she spilt her part of the inheritance with her again?

Some people use their money/Will to create divisions and have power within the family. I have a great aunt like this - she threatens to cut people out of her Will if they do anything she doesn't like, however petty.

Also you should have contested your mums will. You would have had a good case for a will changed to benefit a boyfriend a month before her death. Your sister would probably have a reasonable case as well since your gran was vocal about splitting between you and changed that recently

You're very trusting OP. My first thought is that of course your sister's "staying longer" in your Dad's house - she's not going to be in any hurry to take on a mortgage now is she when she's living in a perfectly good house for free? I definitely wouldn't be trusting that OP but I get your dilemma. In your shoes I suppose I'd give her something but definitely not half taking in to account, your gran's wishes, your Dad's obvious favouritism etc. Out of interest did your DF pay for your wedding or is that another unfairness?

And to organise her hen do.