buying house with fiscally irresponsible DP

Housingquery · 2023-01-19T14:42:49+00:00

We are currently renting. Partner wants to buy a house together. I don’t feel comfortable buying a house together. He has no savings. Been together 4 years and he hasn’t managed to save even though we’re on similar wages and share costs of living equally. He has a car on finance and always manages to get speeding fines or parking fines pop up. He is fiscally irresponsible and tends to buy takeaways daily instead of taking a packed lunch to work. He won’t look at prices when shopping for groceries, just picks up anything and puts it in trolley without budgeting. I tend to be the one who is better at managing finances and saving. He wants us to buy a house together, me pay full deposit and he will split the mortgage and bills 50/50. I’ve asked him to try his best to save, and he just says he is trying his best but something always comes up. We’ve suggested to get a declaration of trust to protect my deposit. Should I buy with him?

ICanHideButICantRun · 19/01/2023 14:45

You would have to be absolutely crazy to do this.

So he spends any spare money but wants you to use your saved spare money to buy him a house to live in?

You can do so much better than him.

sleepyfelines · 19/01/2023 14:45

Don't do it.

You're not married. Don't tie yourself to someone financially if you're not already legally tied to them.

What happens when he can't afford his half of the mortgage?

What happens when you get sick of him mooching off you and want to split up?

huuskymam · 19/01/2023 14:46

I wouldn't unless he could save his half of the deposit

LadyDanburysHat · 19/01/2023 14:46

Think long term, this is not just about buying a house, but your whole future. Do you want kids with someone who can't be responsible with his finances? How would you cope on ML with not salary of your own?

Even if no kids do you want to always be the person who has to save and pay for anything in the house or holidays because he spunks his money on crap?

Bigweekend · 19/01/2023 14:47

TBH I'd be very reluctant to even live with him. You can't really avoid having some financial interdependency when you live together.

Ihatethenewlook · 19/01/2023 14:48

Fuck. No.

Can2022getanyworse · 19/01/2023 14:48

Don't do it.

If you do, make sure your declaration of trust states the % rather than £ of your deposit. A £30k deposit on a £300k house is 10%, when the house value increases (by the time you break up because you're sick of him always being on the scrounge) you want the first 10% back rather than just £30k.

But no, don't do it.

Always4Brenner · 19/01/2023 14:50

Been there with last husband I won’t ever do it again.

GotAnyGrapez · 19/01/2023 14:52

No way josè.

TangledWebOfDeception · 19/01/2023 14:52

Don't do it.

Suprima · 19/01/2023 14:53

why are you with this loser?

if you buy a house with him despite the bunting of red flags you are INSANE

ICanHideButICantRun · 19/01/2023 14:53

He'll keep on spending his spare money, too, because the reward for doing that for years has been someone's bought him a house. That means your spare money will be for things for both of you - holidays, cars, furniture, babies etc. Meanwhile he'll fritter away his money on things for himself.

Original poster

Housingquery · 19/01/2023 14:58

ICanHideButICantRun · 19/01/2023 14:53

He'll keep on spending his spare money, too, because the reward for doing that for years has been someone's bought him a house. That means your spare money will be for things for both of you - holidays, cars, furniture, babies etc. Meanwhile he'll fritter away his money on things for himself.

Yes that’s basically it. I am the one paying for holidays and trips because his money is always going on useless things like takeaways and cars. I needed to hear this

OP posts:

Patchworksack · 19/01/2023 14:59

No. Some of your savings will be eaten up by solicitors fees, stamp duty if that applies, moving costs so you would need to make sure that was still reflected in your protected stake. If he had saved the same amount you would be splitting those fees equally and also get a much more favourable mortgage offer with a bigger deposit. Every time something needs fixing or replacing it will be you using your savings to pay for it.
Do you see yourself staying with him long term ? Being useless with money is going to cause a lot of arguments….
Can you afford to buy a place on your own?

WallaceinAnderland · 19/01/2023 15:03

If he really wants to buy a house, he will save his share of the deposit.

I think you know he is taking you for a fool. Don't be a fool OP.

Original poster

Housingquery · 19/01/2023 15:05

Patchworksack · 19/01/2023 14:59

No. Some of your savings will be eaten up by solicitors fees, stamp duty if that applies, moving costs so you would need to make sure that was still reflected in your protected stake. If he had saved the same amount you would be splitting those fees equally and also get a much more favourable mortgage offer with a bigger deposit. Every time something needs fixing or replacing it will be you using your savings to pay for it.
Do you see yourself staying with him long term ? Being useless with money is going to cause a lot of arguments….
Can you afford to buy a place on your own?

long term, just like I’m not comfortable buying a house with him, I don’t think I would feel comfortable being legally married to him either. And yes I can afford to buy a place on my own but he says since we’re a couple we should be buying it together

OP posts:

Bigweekend · 19/01/2023 15:09

Housingquery · 19/01/2023 15:05

long term, just like I’m not comfortable buying a house with him, I don’t think I would feel comfortable being legally married to him either. And yes I can afford to buy a place on my own but he says since we’re a couple we should be buying it together

Show quote history

Buying it together using your money? That's nice for him and actually I think says a lot about what he thinks of you.

AnneLovesGilbert · 19/01/2023 15:11

Why would you date someone so immature, never mind live with him or anything more committed? You don’t seem to like or respect him, I wouldn’t either but why stay with someone you think so little of?

RodiganReed · 19/01/2023 15:15

You seem to really have your head screwed on OP, you are absolutely right to not marry or buy property with him.

I think the next step is for you to question why you're in such an unbalanced relationship and why you would want to stay with someone who is in no way a 'partner'. Partners pull together in the same direction and make things happen, it shouldn't just be him hanging on to your coat tails.

Original poster

Housingquery · 19/01/2023 15:16

AnneLovesGilbert · 19/01/2023 15:11

Why would you date someone so immature, never mind live with him or anything more committed? You don’t seem to like or respect him, I wouldn’t either but why stay with someone you think so little of?

I don’t really see myself finding a new relationship since I’m not highly attractive or very sociable etc. so I’ve settled for him as he has seen something in me.

OP posts:

TightFistedWozerk · 19/01/2023 15:16

How often do you have to cover all the rent and bills on your jointly rented home?

Original poster

Housingquery · 19/01/2023 15:17

TightFistedWozerk · 19/01/2023 15:16

How often do you have to cover all the rent and bills on your jointly rented home?

He tends to cover his share of the rent, but I tend to keep up with bills and groceries when he falls short.

OP posts:

BIWI · 19/01/2023 15:20

Please don't settle!

All he is doing is undermining you and using you. And I'm sure it's not true that you're neither attractive nor sociable. Has he been telling you this?

Tlolljs · 19/01/2023 15:20

why would you do this? What possible reason can there be?
I just don't know what to say.

TightFistedWozerk · 19/01/2023 15:22

Ok. As long as you know you are likely to continue to sub him...

He doesn't sound very romantic or loving, mooching off you.

I think he sees an easy life in you. No need to think hard about strategies for saving and living, you'll cover all anyway.