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Original poster

Should I pay more than my boyfriend

105 replies

Gina2919 · 07/01/2023 22:14

Hi guys I really need your help and advice.

I havre recently moved in with my partner and our children. I have a 21 year old him a 13 year old.
My son has been paying me board for the last 2 years...£200 but half of that is for his phone bill and a savings account I put away for him for a deposit for a house when he is ready. My partner gets money for his son about £87 child benefit and whatever he gets from the child's mother, I don't get involved as he doesn't want me too. Anyways as I see it we both have a child each so the bills should be split 50/50... he is now saying that I should pay £200 more than him as I get the money off my son...which I don't think is right...that arrangement is with my son and why should he pay less than me...both our children live with us, his goes to his mum's a few nights a week but that doesn't seem fair...can I add he earns way more than me as works self-employed and only declare earning £12k a year when he earns £35k... he only works 4 hours a days most days...I'm out the house 10 hours a day working full time paying full tax and NI
Is it right that he should pay less because my son is an adult?
He goes on about food...I eat small portion and don't eat crap and we have to but loads of junk food for his child as he doesn't eat normal meals...which I pay half off...my partner also eats twice as much as me so why should I pay more regardless. The money my son gives me all goes back on him for stuff he needs that's I normally buy...and we should pay 50/50 right ?

OP posts:
Feelallright · 07/01/2023 22:17

He sounds a right catch…not. He’s cheating the government, the taxpayer and now you.

Antst · 07/01/2023 22:20

Urgh, this doesn't sound good.

You need to agree on an amount you're each contributing to household expenses and then contribute it. It's none of his concern if you pay certain things for your son. All that matters is that you both agree on what you're contributing for your kids.

I don't lightly tell people to get out of live-in relationships but honestly, I'd be thinking carefully about leaving. DO NOT let him control your money or get away with excuses to take what doesn't belong to him. Be on high alert.

Nimo12 · 07/01/2023 22:20

Absolutely 50/50 but are you sure you want to live with him? He sounds like a dick tbh

nomorechoco · 07/01/2023 22:21

Yes. It should be 50/50 or even that he pays more as he earns more. Shame you didn’t have this conversation before moving in as I think he’s going to be really tricky to live with.

Riverlee · 07/01/2023 22:23

Why doesn’t your son take over his mobile phone account, and set up his own savings account. Therefore, he would then only pay your£100 per month. You are then both contributing £100 to the pot.

All bills, food costs etc should be 50:50.

MelchiorsMistress · 07/01/2023 22:24

Why does he think that the money that you get from your son counts but the money that he gets for his doesn’t?

He’s being a tight-fisted twat.

OhIdoLike2bBesideTheSeaside · 07/01/2023 22:25

Feelallright · 07/01/2023 22:17

He sounds a right catch…not. He’s cheating the government, the taxpayer and now you.

Report him to HMRC and dump him he sounds vile and you deserve better

It's a criminal offence not to report income tax fraud too if you are aware of it I believe

Mumma · 07/01/2023 22:36

Ditch him.

afromom · 07/01/2023 22:39

Maybe ask him if he plans to pay 2/3 when your son moves out and finds his own place. I bet he won't be planning on doing so! 50/50 is the fairest way. He gets money for his child, you get money from your child.

AnneLovesGilbert · 07/01/2023 22:42

It’s a shame you didn’t discuss all of this before moving in together.

50/50 is fair as you’re not blending in any sort of way and both have children.

Why did you decide to live together?

gamerchick · 07/01/2023 22:45

Living together isn't going to work. Fix that now before you get deeper in. You don't have to dump the twat if you're so inclined.

Tell him no for now. He's a greedy fucker.

NewNameFor2023 · 07/01/2023 22:49

Does your 21 year old work? He is an adult and not a child. If anything your son should be contributing to the household.

this definitely is a conversation you should have had before you moved in.

Margo34 · 07/01/2023 22:51

Riverlee · 07/01/2023 22:23

Why doesn’t your son take over his mobile phone account, and set up his own savings account. Therefore, he would then only pay your£100 per month. You are then both contributing £100 to the pot.

All bills, food costs etc should be 50:50.

This sounds reasonable and what I'd suggest also.

Letitrainletitrainletitrain · 07/01/2023 22:54

Even if he was right that you should contribute more, he's still excluding the £87 plus child maintenence for his son. So he is being unfair to you.

So no. Honestly this doesn't sound like a healthy relationship, he lies, he's trying to convince you to pay more than is fair and he is quibbling about food quantities. He sounds petty and hard work and not worth the effort.

Bubblesandsqueak1 · 07/01/2023 22:56

Technically 4 ppl in house he should pay half you 1/4 and your son 1/4 you son should be buying his own stuff and pay his own phone

Bananarama21 · 07/01/2023 22:56

An adulthood should be contributing to the household totally different to a child. He's out of order not declaring his income. Bet he got caught when it came to covid and the grants.

MintJulia · 07/01/2023 22:59

So he waited until you had moved in and given up your previous home, before dropping this on you !

You've been had. He's ripping off the tax man and now he's trying to rip you off as well. Say no, and if he grumbles, get rid of him. 50:50 or nothing.

GrazingSheep · 07/01/2023 23:08

What possessed you to move in with this dickhead?

toocold54 · 07/01/2023 23:19

It doesn’t sound like this relationship is working.

How long have you been living together?

I sort of understand what he means because your son is an adult who is paying towards the household bills, but most of it isn’t going on the bills it’s going in your pocket.

If you had a spare room and got a lodger, you wouldn’t expect your DP to pocket all of the money they gave for rent.

This should have been discussed before you move in.
At what age do they need to start paying rent etc?

I don’t get why your son is paying rent if it’s not actually going towards the rent/mortgage.

I think if your DS is paying money towards bills and rent then that is where the money needs to go.

You will still be paying the exact same as you are paying now but your son will also be contributing, even if it’s just £50 if the rest is used for his phone bill etc.

Milkand2sugarsplease · 07/01/2023 23:25

I'd be moving right out again...

piedbeauty · 07/01/2023 23:25

Your p should pay more as he earns more...

determinedtomakethiswork · 07/01/2023 23:26

God, this man is a real catch, isn't he? He just wants to cheat absolutely everyone! He sees everyone as a way of making money. Are you sure you want to live with him?

Letitrainletitrainletitrain · 07/01/2023 23:27

So there are 4 people in the house

So there are 4 peoples costs

Your partner is paying half for himself and his kid, so in effect subsidising his kid as obviously children don't pay, but he gets CB and CMS towards this

You are paying half for you and your kid, so in effect subsidising your kid and your kid pays you money towards this

So the fact that you put money into savings that you plan on giving to your kid is irrelevant. It would only be relevant if you demanded to pay less because you were putting money in savings. Your kid is still paying money over to you, and you are paying money for bills, you just also happen to be saving money.

If you choose to subsidise your kids share of the bills or put money into a savings account that's none of his business. unless he expecting all savings to be joint but it doesn't sound like that's your financial set up

Motherofalittledragon · 07/01/2023 23:30

I'd be moving straight back out, and would be dumping this prince of a man

Herejustforthisone · 08/01/2023 07:28

Move straight back out. Jesus. He sounds like scum.

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