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Original poster

Should I pay more than my boyfriend

105 replies

Gina2919 · 07/01/2023 22:14

Hi guys I really need your help and advice.

I havre recently moved in with my partner and our children. I have a 21 year old him a 13 year old.
My son has been paying me board for the last 2 years...£200 but half of that is for his phone bill and a savings account I put away for him for a deposit for a house when he is ready. My partner gets money for his son about £87 child benefit and whatever he gets from the child's mother, I don't get involved as he doesn't want me too. Anyways as I see it we both have a child each so the bills should be split 50/50... he is now saying that I should pay £200 more than him as I get the money off my son...which I don't think is right...that arrangement is with my son and why should he pay less than me...both our children live with us, his goes to his mum's a few nights a week but that doesn't seem fair...can I add he earns way more than me as works self-employed and only declare earning £12k a year when he earns £35k... he only works 4 hours a days most days...I'm out the house 10 hours a day working full time paying full tax and NI
Is it right that he should pay less because my son is an adult?
He goes on about food...I eat small portion and don't eat crap and we have to but loads of junk food for his child as he doesn't eat normal meals...which I pay half off...my partner also eats twice as much as me so why should I pay more regardless. The money my son gives me all goes back on him for stuff he needs that's I normally buy...and we should pay 50/50 right ?

OP posts:
Bananalanacake · 08/01/2023 12:09

You can have a relationship without living together.

Sirius3030 · 08/01/2023 12:10

I hate that he is not paying tax, because it means I have to pay more. It is a criminal offence, as well as being immoral. I could not live with someone who did this on a regular basis.

Whadda · 08/01/2023 12:10

He sounds awful.

I couldn’t stay in this relationship.

However, if you choose to do so, I would suggest you do pay more for your son. He’s likely to move out at some stage within the next few years, whereas your boyfriend’s son is not. When his child gets older, he’ll need to pay more- same as you did.

You need to consider what will happen once your son leaves. Will you still be paying a half, or does it reduce down to a third?

But yeah, I wouldn’t be hanging around to find out.

Whadda · 08/01/2023 12:12

Gina2919 · 08/01/2023 12:06

I sold my house and we went into rented...it's a joint tenancy agreement so if I move out I'm still going to have to pay the rent...and me and my son like the house...it's bigger than what we need and it's expensive but I can wear it for 6 months till the agreement runs out

And please tell me any money you made from the sale of your house is sitting in a secure account only in your name, and not a joint account.

Honestly OP, what possessed you to sell up?

Original poster
Gina2919 · 08/01/2023 12:16

It was a really good time to sell my house...I made a lot of money...and I was selling the house tbf before we agreed to move in together...I wanted a better area to live in and me and my son had outgrown the house....my money is safe and secure he can't touch that...which is why I suggested renting to see if we could live together...it seems we can't as he kicks off all the time when he doesn't get what he wants...he is away next week with lads...I've a good mind to move all his shit out and change the locks while he is away...rent is due while he is away and if he isn't going to pay half then he needs to go...he had taken his money from the joint account knowing full well we have DD to pay which means I'll be paying them all myself

OP posts:
Schnooze · 08/01/2023 12:24

Good idea. Take over paying it all and kick him out. Hope he goes without a fuss.

Letitrainletitrainletitrain · 08/01/2023 12:25

Gina2919 · 08/01/2023 11:49

I wouldn't even know how to report him as all his work is cash in hand for a kitchen company

You report him to the HMRC and if they have concerns he will get investigated. they can compare his outgoings to his reported income and includes looking at sales on things like amazon and looking at his social media, and probably investigating the kitchen company because if they are being paid for work to be done which they don't then run through their books they are just as complicit.

Jafffffacakes · 08/01/2023 12:29

Yes definitely kick him out. You don’t need this hassle and I had a pisstaker like him once and I learnt my lesson. Never again.

Schnooze · 08/01/2023 12:30

Or if he makes a fuss about going then use the reporting tax evasion as a bit of leverage to make him go quietly.
It’s preferable to actually report him anonymously so there are no repercussions for you, but if you need to promise to keep quiet to make him leave, then do what you need to do.

nancydroo · 08/01/2023 12:32

Nimo12 · 07/01/2023 22:20

Absolutely 50/50 but are you sure you want to live with him? He sounds like a dick tbh

Yes he does!

Oldfox · 08/01/2023 12:34

Gina2919 · 08/01/2023 11:33

How do I report it when he gets cash in hand...he is very clever

can I add he earns way more than me as works self-employed and only declare earning £12k a year when he earns £35k.

Christ, what is it about this mean cheating man that attracts you?

Oldfox · 08/01/2023 12:36

Gina2919 · 08/01/2023 11:47

I earn £36k a year and pay full tax on that...he earns about the same and pays no tax at all....it's a joke...the agreement between my son is none of his business....he gets money for his son and I'm not asking for him to pay more or put that in the joint account...I think as we both have a child each we pay 50/50 regardless of the children's age or if they stay out...my son works very long hours like me and is hardly even home

can I add he earns way more than me as works self-employed and only declare earning £12k a year when he earns £35k...

so how does he earn way more than you when he earns 35, and you earn 36 ? I hope youre not an accountant

MissMarplesbag · 08/01/2023 12:39

Gina2919 · 08/01/2023 11:33

How do I report it when he gets cash in hand...he is very clever

www.gov.uk/report-tax-fraud

Well the cash in hand must be recorded and if it isn't then he'll be investigated.

Letitrainletitrainletitrain · 08/01/2023 12:41

Oldfox · 08/01/2023 12:36

can I add he earns way more than me as works self-employed and only declare earning £12k a year when he earns £35k...

so how does he earn way more than you when he earns 35, and you earn 36 ? I hope youre not an accountant

Show quote history

Because the OP is paying tax on her 36k and the partner is declaring 12k and paying more tax

To be fair earned is the wrong word but the underlying meaning is quite clear

Letitrainletitrainletitrain · 08/01/2023 12:42

Letitrainletitrainletitrain · 08/01/2023 12:41

Because the OP is paying tax on her 36k and the partner is declaring 12k and paying more tax

To be fair earned is the wrong word but the underlying meaning is quite clear

Show quote history

Should say declaring 12k and paying less tax

My insomnia is not doing me any favours today!

cortisolqueen · 08/01/2023 12:42

@Oldfox I think the OP means that she pays tax/NI on her full wage, whereas he only declares that he earns £12k, so pays tax (if any) on £12k and pockets the rest.

Sandunesandseashells · 08/01/2023 12:53

The kitchen company should have records of the payments to him. They would be investigated too. HMRC can walk into any business unannounced and in 48 hrs will dive into everything at random.

Original poster
Gina2919 · 08/01/2023 13:04

Well I pay tax on mine he pays nothing...and he cab earn £1000 a week if he wants to...he just chooses not to because he is lazy

OP posts:
Iceicebabytoocold · 08/01/2023 13:20

Gina2919 · 08/01/2023 11:49

I wouldn't even know how to report him as all his work is cash in hand for a kitchen company

Report the company he works for as they are breaking the law too.

uncomfortablydumb53 · 08/01/2023 13:39

He's taking advantage especially as you said he wouldn't get a bigger house without you
Seriously I think you and your DS should move out and leave him

SeeYouNextTLol · 08/01/2023 13:45

Who gives a shit if he does not pay tax. He earns a fairly low wage. We pay shit loads of taxes for the rich fuckers who evade tax for large sums of money including the politicians that have been voted in. At least this guy works. I’ve always paid taxes in case you think thats my angle.

anyway to the real point. He is being an arse with the money arrangements. It should be 50/50.

it sounds like you don’t like him OP so you should really think about that. Sometimes it is better being alone than settling.

cosmiccosmos · 08/01/2023 13:55

Why did you move in with him!

Original poster
Gina2919 · 08/01/2023 15:34

The money my son gives me does go on the bills...it's included in my half....he gets money for his son which goes in with his half of the money...why should I pay more and he pays less because my son is an adult ? I shouldn't have to pay for his son...can I also add that in the evening and weekends it's my car he uses to drive his son around to hid sports or drop him off at his mums....he doesn't like using his van so takes my car...doesn't pay for the insurance or any fuel either...he plays squash and leaves his son with me twice a week....I don't think he is getting the worse end of the deal here....he is going on a lads skiing hoilday and was expecting me to look after his son all weekend...he wanted me to look after him for the week until I told him I wasn't using my annual leave to take time off work to get him to school

OP posts:
Letitrainletitrainletitrain · 08/01/2023 16:08

Gina2919 · 08/01/2023 15:34

The money my son gives me does go on the bills...it's included in my half....he gets money for his son which goes in with his half of the money...why should I pay more and he pays less because my son is an adult ? I shouldn't have to pay for his son...can I also add that in the evening and weekends it's my car he uses to drive his son around to hid sports or drop him off at his mums....he doesn't like using his van so takes my car...doesn't pay for the insurance or any fuel either...he plays squash and leaves his son with me twice a week....I don't think he is getting the worse end of the deal here....he is going on a lads skiing hoilday and was expecting me to look after his son all weekend...he wanted me to look after him for the week until I told him I wasn't using my annual leave to take time off work to get him to school

He's using you, luckily you seem to have realised that fairly quickly,and seem like it will be quite easy for you to disentangle your life from him although it make take a few months.

You cannot move his stuff out and change the locks if it is a joint tenancy as he has an equal right to live at the property legal. This would be considered an illegal eviction and you could get into legal trouble

Do you have a break clause in your tenancy agreement?

You could technically go to court to force the tenancy change to your name only but if your tenancy agreement expires in 6 months its probably not worth it

You do need to speak to your landlord about getting the tenancy changed into just your name once the agreement expires (they don't have to agree to this so you need to know) or you may need to give notice that you are going to leave.

Your best bet is to speak to shelter to understand what your legal options are for fixing the situation

ChangedmynameagainforChristmas · 08/01/2023 16:16

Thank goodness its only a six month lease. Get this awful man out of your son's life asap and move on OP