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Original poster

Should I pay more than my boyfriend

105 replies

Gina2919 · 07/01/2023 22:14

Hi guys I really need your help and advice.

I havre recently moved in with my partner and our children. I have a 21 year old him a 13 year old.
My son has been paying me board for the last 2 years...£200 but half of that is for his phone bill and a savings account I put away for him for a deposit for a house when he is ready. My partner gets money for his son about £87 child benefit and whatever he gets from the child's mother, I don't get involved as he doesn't want me too. Anyways as I see it we both have a child each so the bills should be split 50/50... he is now saying that I should pay £200 more than him as I get the money off my son...which I don't think is right...that arrangement is with my son and why should he pay less than me...both our children live with us, his goes to his mum's a few nights a week but that doesn't seem fair...can I add he earns way more than me as works self-employed and only declare earning £12k a year when he earns £35k... he only works 4 hours a days most days...I'm out the house 10 hours a day working full time paying full tax and NI
Is it right that he should pay less because my son is an adult?
He goes on about food...I eat small portion and don't eat crap and we have to but loads of junk food for his child as he doesn't eat normal meals...which I pay half off...my partner also eats twice as much as me so why should I pay more regardless. The money my son gives me all goes back on him for stuff he needs that's I normally buy...and we should pay 50/50 right ?

OP posts:
QforCucumber · 08/01/2023 07:34

OhIdoLike2bBesideTheSeaside · 07/01/2023 22:25

Report him to HMRC and dump him he sounds vile and you deserve better

It's a criminal offence not to report income tax fraud too if you are aware of it I believe

Show quote history

It’s not income tax fraud - it’s paying yourself a salary and then taking the rest in dividends, absolutely completely and perfectly allowed.

your DP is a dick @Gina2919 - but I’m confused as to why this wasn’t agreed before moving in together?

girlmom21 · 08/01/2023 07:41

He's earning 3x more than you plus child maintenance and child benefit and he thinks you should pay more than him?

gogohmm · 08/01/2023 07:53

@QforCucumber

You can only pay dividends if you are a company, she said self employed so what he is doing is evasion

kweeble · 08/01/2023 07:58

Get rid - he’s shown you who he is - if he expected your sons money he should’ve said so upfront. He’ll bleed you dry.

Whotsit · 08/01/2023 08:01

It’s seems fair that you pay 50/50. I suspect you e moved in with someone who likes to screw people over.

MissMarplesbag · 08/01/2023 08:03

Ditch the boyfriend and report him anonymously to HMRC because he's cheating the system. This is one of the reasons why the health and social care system is at breaking point. Scum like your bf aren't paying their way and taking more than they're putting in.

www.gov.uk/report-tax-fraud

MissMarplesbag · 08/01/2023 08:07

I earn the same as your boyfriend and I pay my fair share of tax and ni contributions. It's about time he did as well, does he also claim universal credit fraudently?

Be careful you don't get caught up in the middle of it all if he's investigated because you live with him. Get rid ASAP otherwise you might be seen as complicit.

grayhairdontcare · 08/01/2023 08:26

Why was all this not discussed beforehand?

Tbird5 · 08/01/2023 08:27

Letitrainletitrainletitrain · 07/01/2023 23:27

So there are 4 people in the house

So there are 4 peoples costs

Your partner is paying half for himself and his kid, so in effect subsidising his kid as obviously children don't pay, but he gets CB and CMS towards this

You are paying half for you and your kid, so in effect subsidising your kid and your kid pays you money towards this

So the fact that you put money into savings that you plan on giving to your kid is irrelevant. It would only be relevant if you demanded to pay less because you were putting money in savings. Your kid is still paying money over to you, and you are paying money for bills, you just also happen to be saving money.

If you choose to subsidise your kids share of the bills or put money into a savings account that's none of his business. unless he expecting all savings to be joint but it doesn't sound like that's your financial set up

This

Original poster
Gina2919 · 08/01/2023 11:30

That is exactly what I said...and he said no my son should pay more because he is an adult...and the money he gets for his son is for clothes...he just wants the big house that he wanted that he couldn't get without me because of my wage and now he just wants to pay less than me

OP posts:
Original poster
Gina2919 · 08/01/2023 11:33

How do I report it when he gets cash in hand...he is very clever

OP posts:
Somebatshitteryonhere · 08/01/2023 11:34

Christ, so his ex pays him and now he effectively wants you to subsidise him and he cheats his tax.

what a prince amongst men.

Hoppinggreen · 08/01/2023 11:38

OhIdoLike2bBesideTheSeaside · 07/01/2023 22:25

Report him to HMRC and dump him he sounds vile and you deserve better

It's a criminal offence not to report income tax fraud too if you are aware of it I believe

Show quote history

He may not be committing fraud. A lot of SE people take salary and dividends, paying tax on both

Purplecatshopaholic · 08/01/2023 11:38

He’s a tight wad tax dodger. I would be really careful about living with such a person.

cortisolqueen · 08/01/2023 11:41

Have you bought the house together or are you renting? I would seriously consider leaving.

It sounds like he's used to playing the system (I know many who set up their own company to do this and it is legal, albeit a bit of a tax loophole) and is now extending this "money-savvy"/tightness to you and your son.

I would instantly lose respect and attraction to someone who behaved like this.

Original poster
Gina2919 · 08/01/2023 11:44

It was agreed I have always said we pay 50/50...now we have moved in he is saying I should put my sons £200 in the joint account...he has now removed his half of the money from the joint account and blocked me on his phone...all because I won't give him £200 of my sons money...he is acting like a child and he is 55

OP posts:
Original poster
Gina2919 · 08/01/2023 11:47

I earn £36k a year and pay full tax on that...he earns about the same and pays no tax at all....it's a joke...the agreement between my son is none of his business....he gets money for his son and I'm not asking for him to pay more or put that in the joint account...I think as we both have a child each we pay 50/50 regardless of the children's age or if they stay out...my son works very long hours like me and is hardly even home

OP posts:
Original poster
Gina2919 · 08/01/2023 11:49

I wouldn't even know how to report him as all his work is cash in hand for a kitchen company

OP posts:
Catterpillarwithconverse · 08/01/2023 11:51

LTB

NeverGonnaNot · 08/01/2023 11:51

What’s the situation with the house? Bought or rented?

Annasgirl · 08/01/2023 11:51

You know the only real option here is to move out again- this is not working and he is veering into abuse now. Please move out.

Schnooze · 08/01/2023 11:58

It is veering towards abuse. I agree.

cortisolqueen · 08/01/2023 12:03

Gina2919 · 08/01/2023 11:44

It was agreed I have always said we pay 50/50...now we have moved in he is saying I should put my sons £200 in the joint account...he has now removed his half of the money from the joint account and blocked me on his phone...all because I won't give him £200 of my sons money...he is acting like a child and he is 55

That's your answer I'm afraid OP.

Depending on the housing situation (who owns or is it rented) I'd be ditching him & closing the joint account asap.

You'll be well rid of him.

Original poster
Gina2919 · 08/01/2023 12:06

I sold my house and we went into rented...it's a joint tenancy agreement so if I move out I'm still going to have to pay the rent...and me and my son like the house...it's bigger than what we need and it's expensive but I can wear it for 6 months till the agreement runs out

OP posts:
Original poster
Gina2919 · 08/01/2023 12:07

Rented

OP posts:
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