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Original poster

How much should my partner pay for baby

123 replies

Elliemarriott1 · 20/12/2022 15:17

Hello there,
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years, we are very happy and expecting a baby around 04/04/23.
I moved in with him 1year ago, and currently pay £300pcm into his Monzo account. This money goes onto food shopping for BOTH OF US and meals out.
I don’t pay anything towards bills in the house.

We spoke about how £300 won’t cover baby costs when it arrives, so agreed that I put an extra £200pcm into this Monzo account and he also sets up a direct debit for £200pcm into the same account.
A total of £700pcm will be put into this account for food for us 3 and nappies, bottles etc (me putting in £500, him putting in £200)
Does this seem fair to everyone or should I be doing It differently?
thankyou
Ellie

OP posts:
ivykaty44 · 20/12/2022 15:20

What is the arrangements for childcare after baby arrives?

how much are the bills now and what are you both earning

without some indication if financial outgoings it’s hard to say

Original poster
Elliemarriott1 · 20/12/2022 15:28

I will be off work for 1 year and then return to work 2days a week.

we currently earn similar around 30k, but he has the mortgage/bills to pay that I don’t. (Hence my monthly payments to him being more when baby arrives)

OP posts:
WannabeMathematician · 20/12/2022 15:29

Seems a bad idea for you not to have access. Is it his monzo account and only he can use it?

AkoraEdelherb · 20/12/2022 15:31

Are you on the mortgage? If not, do you have another property already, or a tenancy of some sorts?

You shouldn’t be having a baby, unmarried, and with no housing security.

I would suggest a trip to the bank or the broker to add your name on the mortgage.

Swissnotswiss · 20/12/2022 15:33

we currently earn similar around 30k, but he has the mortgage/bills to pay that I don’t. (Hence my monthly payments to him being more when baby arrives)
I don't understand this. Why would you pay more?

Logginglogger · 20/12/2022 15:35

How much is the bills and mortgage etc?

Logginglogger · 20/12/2022 15:36

Swissnotswiss · 20/12/2022 15:33

we currently earn similar around 30k, but he has the mortgage/bills to pay that I don’t. (Hence my monthly payments to him being more when baby arrives)
I don't understand this. Why would you pay more?

Becsyde he’s already spending more, but their total,costs will go up when they have a child so she will contribute more to even it up.

Alexandernevermind · 20/12/2022 15:36

You need to take a long look at the financial security of you and your baby. He needs to be providing for you both when you stop working, and any money you pay in should be accessible by the two of you equally. Its his home, so it isn't for you as his pregnant gf to pay for, or substitute by buying all the food and baby stuff. Don't forget your earnings will dramatically reduce, and if you do split your earning potential will reduce.

DowntonCrabby · 20/12/2022 15:40

What are the arrangements for paying for childcare when you return to work? Arrangements to continue to pay into your pension with the loss of earnings?
Longer term plans to return to work/have more children/pay for future childcare and what impact will all of that have on your career prospects?

The set up does not sound fair, not because you’re contributing more as clearly he’s paying for the housing costs currently but you’re leaving yourself in a hugely risky position.

Plans for marriage? Plans to be added to the ownership of the family home?

I get it, we weren’t married when we had our first and it wasn’t a huge deal but we entered property ownership at the same time and equally. I also wouldn’t have dreamt of taking a bigger hit to my work prospects/ take on the full burden of childcare arrangements.

You need a robust plan OP.

AkoraEdelherb · 20/12/2022 15:41

Logginglogger · 20/12/2022 15:36

Becsyde he’s already spending more, but their total,costs will go up when they have a child so she will contribute more to even it up.

Show quote history

She would be contributing and getting no security in return. Mortgage and bills in his name, his bank account, his control over the spending. That’s not very smart for a woman with a young baby and reduced income potential.

IneedanewTV · 20/12/2022 15:42

How will you pay for food whilst on maternity leave?

why are you dropping your days to 2 a week - could you both go part time so you both work 4 days a week?

impact on your pension? May not seen important now but it will in 25 years time when you realise you missed out whilst his pension is fine?

so out of his £30k he is building up equity in a house? That he can sell anytime.
you are in effect paying him rent with no security.

it all seems very worrying to be honest.

Swissnotswiss · 20/12/2022 15:43

You should not be paying someone's mortgage for them unless it's also your mortgage. That's sensible even without a child.

Keepitrealnomists · 20/12/2022 15:43

Really bizarre set up!

ivykaty44 · 20/12/2022 15:43

So what is your maternity package for a year? How will you afford to pay £500 a month?

what is the cost of the mortgage/rent, utilities, insurance and council tax? How much is the shopping monthly?

when you return to work 2 days a week, how much will childcare cost, have you worked out your net pay for 2 days?
how will this affect your pension?
Does your do have a pension?
Will you be paying in less than him due to working less?
The 3 days you take care of baby, will do be paying you for half the childcare?

it’s fine for him to want more money for bills but it’s both of you having a child not just you

presently your both taking home £2k approximately. If you go to 2 days your net pay will halve so if he wants £500 to cover bills that’s 50% of your income but only a quarter of his income, that’s very unfair on you

caringcarer · 20/12/2022 15:44

You should open a joint bank account and money paid into there so you can both access. Baby clothes, nappies, milk if formula and baby equipment should come out of this account. Your partner should support you and baby whilst you are on maternity leave. When you go back to work you should take nursery fees out of this account too.

Ponderingwindow · 20/12/2022 15:45

If you keep separate finances, you start by him paying you half your lost earnings. Then you talk about what each of you contributes to the household and baby.

when you return to work, if you are working reduced hours or your career is in any way more restricted than his career, he needs to continue you pay you directly for your lost income.

who pays for nappies is the least of your concerns.

livelollove · 20/12/2022 15:46

Why are you paying him? If you need to put it in a joint account I'd recommend you both get a joint account so you both have access to the funds, otherwise you're transferring him money that you won't see?

Overthebow · 20/12/2022 15:46

please don’t drop down to 2 days per week until your married. You will be in a very bad position financially. You’re not paying into a mortgage or bills and will have little income or pension provision. If you want to work very part time, get married, pool finances each month and pay proportionally into bills.

ivykaty44 · 20/12/2022 15:47

If you put your net incomes together you’d have £3k a month

take out the £1000k for bills

and you both have a £1000 each transferred to your own accounts to spend on your own needs, or save etc

IneedanewTV · 20/12/2022 15:49

So a baby is “costing” your boyfriend £200 a month.

no impact on his career, salary or pension?

sorry but that is not fair.

if you were my daughter I would be very worried.
if he was my son I would be having some serious words with him about his lack of commitment.

AkoraEdelherb · 20/12/2022 15:50

It’s depressing to see how many women (assuming the majority of posters on this thread are women) are, to this day, financially illiterate. Or how they’re advising OP to hand over X sums of money without her being married or in a committed relationship, legally at least.

AkoraEdelherb · 20/12/2022 15:52

OP, what happens when you partner is run over by a bus on his way back from work? Or when for whatever reason you need to leave the relationship?

How is your child going to be financially protected, in an emergency?

I know none of this sounds very romantic. But it’s practicality over romance that you need to be thinking about.

NerrSnerr · 20/12/2022 15:52

I would not go down to two days a week unless married. That is very risky for your own future.

Do you have properly or investments?

IneedanewTV · 20/12/2022 15:53

AkoraEdelherb · 20/12/2022 15:50

It’s depressing to see how many women (assuming the majority of posters on this thread are women) are, to this day, financially illiterate. Or how they’re advising OP to hand over X sums of money without her being married or in a committed relationship, legally at least.

I don’t see anyone doing that on this thread. Quite the opposite infact. But it’s not our place to be rude and say he is having a laugh!

Create10 · 20/12/2022 15:55

This is a very, very bad idea. Do not take a year off and go down to two days a week when you have got no housing security. Could you sell up and buy somewhere together? Or buy into his property?

I know you're very happy now and hopefully always will be, but what if the wheels come off the relationship? He would keep the house, and where would you go?