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Original poster

How much should my partner pay for baby

123 replies

Elliemarriott1 · 20/12/2022 15:17

Hello there,
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years, we are very happy and expecting a baby around 04/04/23.
I moved in with him 1year ago, and currently pay £300pcm into his Monzo account. This money goes onto food shopping for BOTH OF US and meals out.
I don’t pay anything towards bills in the house.

We spoke about how £300 won’t cover baby costs when it arrives, so agreed that I put an extra £200pcm into this Monzo account and he also sets up a direct debit for £200pcm into the same account.
A total of £700pcm will be put into this account for food for us 3 and nappies, bottles etc (me putting in £500, him putting in £200)
Does this seem fair to everyone or should I be doing It differently?
thankyou
Ellie

OP posts:
Travelbud · 20/12/2022 16:12

sinkyt · 20/12/2022 16:10

She is planning to take a year off work and go down to 2 days a week. Ought he pay her the going rate for childcare?

Surely childcare would be a joint expense though?

😂😂😂😂😂😂 pay OP for a wage for childcare and plus he pays the mortgage.

Can I meet a man like this please!!

LaLuz7 · 20/12/2022 16:13

Create10 · 20/12/2022 16:09

She is planning to take a year off work and go down to 2 days a week. Ought he pay her the going rate for childcare?

And £300 would pay half of many people's household bills. It would easily cover mine.

Show quote history

So what you are saying is that she should pay nothing while he covers the entire mortgage and all the bills for all 3 of them.

Cute.

sinkyt · 20/12/2022 16:14

It is her boyfriend's house. He owns it. If the relationship goes tits up, he keeps the house and she gets nothing.

this is true but doesn't mean she shouldn't contribute

Mrstwiddle · 20/12/2022 16:15

You need to get your name on the deeds asap, also I hope you’re not using your actual name as your user name.

mincepiepie · 20/12/2022 16:15

Also it's not a good idea for one person to pay for the bills and one person to pick up the food shopping / child related costs and so on.

The food shopping / household/ child spending fluctuates much more than than the bills which are pretty predictable month by month (even if they are expensive).

The person paying the variable shopping bills always is worse off. More so over a long period of time.

Much better to pay half bills and half shopping.

Create10 · 20/12/2022 16:15

musingsinmidlife · 20/12/2022 16:08

Yes, women are adults and capable of paying bills as well, not just being taken care of by men believe it or not. Many of us live independently and responsibly versus find a man to keep you and you just live free.

There is no responsibility of men to provide housing for women nor should there be an expectation of free housing because one is a woman. In most relationships, both adults contribute towards their accommodation and living costs - because that is what responsible adults do... if they aren't stuck in the 1950s.

Show quote history

I own my own house and it is my name only. I would never in a month of Sundays move into a house someone else owns and go down to 2 days a week to look after his baby, but that is the situation that OP faces.

She has absolutely no housing security, and he does. Until they get married, she shouldn't subsidise his bills by paying more money whilst simultaneously taking a huge financial cut.

Anoooshka · 20/12/2022 16:16

My cousin split up with his partner and mother of their child. I won't give too many details, but their relationship ended and she wanted to stay in the house that he'd bought before they'd got together. She'd never had a job or paid rent/bills etc while they were together, and she ended up having to move out of the house and now lives in a rented flat. They weren't married.

If I were you, I'd build up as much savings as possible while you are able to, just in case things go wrong and you need a deposit for a flat and funds for living expenses.

LaLuz7 · 20/12/2022 16:16

Mrstwiddle · 20/12/2022 16:15

You need to get your name on the deeds asap, also I hope you’re not using your actual name as your user name.

If her name goes on the deed, surely she needs to start covering half the mortgage. You forgot that tiny detail.

NoelNoNoel · 20/12/2022 16:18

If her name goes on the deed, surely she needs to start covering half the mortgage
why does she?

Create10 · 20/12/2022 16:18

LaLuz7 · 20/12/2022 16:13

So what you are saying is that she should pay nothing while he covers the entire mortgage and all the bills for all 3 of them.

Cute.

Show quote history

That's not what I said though, is it?

It is worrying how many women think it's reasonable to have a woman who is taking a massive financial cut to look after a baby who is the man's baby too contribute more to the household because her BF is buying his own house.

Create10 · 20/12/2022 16:18

sinkyt · 20/12/2022 16:14

It is her boyfriend's house. He owns it. If the relationship goes tits up, he keeps the house and she gets nothing.

this is true but doesn't mean she shouldn't contribute

She already is contributing.

GrasstrackGirl · 20/12/2022 16:19

Why is there this strange belief that men should be providing free housing?

Create10 · 20/12/2022 16:20

Travelbud · 20/12/2022 16:12

😂😂😂😂😂😂 pay OP for a wage for childcare and plus he pays the mortgage.

Can I meet a man like this please!!

Show quote history

His mortgage. Not the mortgage. What he pays for his own mortgage will be capital retained by him.

sinkyt · 20/12/2022 16:20

She already is contributing*

but costs are going up now which is normal when a baby arrives

Travelbud · 20/12/2022 16:21

@Create10 YOUR bills are irrelevant anyway.

If this was my Son I wouldn't be keen on OP. If OP was my daughter I equally would tell her to STOP volunteering to put herself into a precarious situation unnecessarily!

Why the hell is she wanting to work 2 days a week? She hasn't been with this man long enough for a start. It's very ridiculous in

musingsinmidlife · 20/12/2022 16:22

Create10 · 20/12/2022 16:15

I own my own house and it is my name only. I would never in a month of Sundays move into a house someone else owns and go down to 2 days a week to look after his baby, but that is the situation that OP faces.

She has absolutely no housing security, and he does. Until they get married, she shouldn't subsidise his bills by paying more money whilst simultaneously taking a huge financial cut.

Show quote history

I agree, she needs better financial advice and soon.

I disagree that she shouldn't contribute towards life expenses because she is a woman and that is a man's job.

If you moved a partner into your house would you cover all his expenses and not expect any contributions?

LaLuz7 · 20/12/2022 16:22

NoelNoNoel · 20/12/2022 16:18

If her name goes on the deed, surely she needs to start covering half the mortgage
why does she?

Because you don't just hand someone over half the property that you alone have saved the deposit for and have been paying the mortgage on.

You're not entitled to someone's house just because you have their baby.

They should buy something together and ring-fence their respective investments.

Or get married and pool everything together.

But just demanding to go on the deed and contribute nothing? That's just not right.

AkoraEdelherb · 20/12/2022 16:23

GrasstrackGirl · 20/12/2022 16:19

Why is there this strange belief that men should be providing free housing?

Why is there this strange belief that women should be providing free childcare?

Create10 · 20/12/2022 16:23

GrasstrackGirl · 20/12/2022 16:19

Why is there this strange belief that men should be providing free housing?

It is his house!

AkoraEdelherb · 20/12/2022 16:24

LaLuz7 · 20/12/2022 16:22

Because you don't just hand someone over half the property that you alone have saved the deposit for and have been paying the mortgage on.

You're not entitled to someone's house just because you have their baby.

They should buy something together and ring-fence their respective investments.

Or get married and pool everything together.

But just demanding to go on the deed and contribute nothing? That's just not right.

Show quote history

Literally not one single person has suggested OP should be on the deeds and pay nothing for it.

Travelbud · 20/12/2022 16:24

Create10 · 20/12/2022 16:20

His mortgage. Not the mortgage. What he pays for his own mortgage will be capital retained by him.

Show quote history

Not been funny but you need to be fair here. This is OPS child's father, she has chosen to be with him for the long haul?
Your speaking as though it's just some fling.

The issue is OP has put herself in this position and I don't think you can expect to be funded.

Gas is rising, council tax for 2 people is more as you now wouldn't get the single persons discount.

Your calculations are unrealistic...

Lcb123 · 20/12/2022 16:24

This is so precarious and weighted in his favour. You need a serious discussion about finances, as you have no entitlement to any share in the property. Contributions to joint things should be in proportion to your incomes, this includes baby stuff and childcare. I would personally insist on being added to mortgage/deeds, or (preferably) move someone new and jointly buy. You’re not married and therefore the legal protections are less clear

Create10 · 20/12/2022 16:24

sinkyt · 20/12/2022 16:20

She already is contributing*

but costs are going up now which is normal when a baby arrives

And her income is about to go down very significantly.

Create10 · 20/12/2022 16:27

Travelbud · 20/12/2022 16:21

@Create10 YOUR bills are irrelevant anyway.

If this was my Son I wouldn't be keen on OP. If OP was my daughter I equally would tell her to STOP volunteering to put herself into a precarious situation unnecessarily!

Why the hell is she wanting to work 2 days a week? She hasn't been with this man long enough for a start. It's very ridiculous in

😅 'She should be contributing to the bills.'

'Well she probably is.'

'That's irreverent.'

But yes, OP is in a very precarious situation and should be thinking about how to avoid leaving herself entirely reliant on this man for housing if the relationship goes wrong.

LaLuz7 · 20/12/2022 16:27

Create10 · 20/12/2022 16:18

She already is contributing.

Show quote history

She isn't. She is covering part of the expenses that come with being alive. Food. Heating. Electricity.

She is not contributing to the mortgage. She is not making improvements to the house. She is not contributing to the cost of housing in any way.

She is in fact subsidised by him, because if she wasn't living under his roof she would have to pay rent or get a mortgage of her own.

Spin it all you want, she is the net beneficiary of this agreement right this moment.

Debatable once baby comes, but right now she is benefiting from the setup, not the other way around.