How much should my partner pay for baby

[Elliemarriott1]

Hello there,
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years, we are very happy and expecting a baby around 04/04/23.
I moved in with him 1year ago, and currently pay £300pcm into his Monzo account. This money goes onto food shopping for BOTH OF US and meals out.
I don’t pay anything towards bills in the house.

We spoke about how £300 won’t cover baby costs when it arrives, so agreed that I put an extra £200pcm into this Monzo account and he also sets up a direct debit for £200pcm into the same account.
A total of £700pcm will be put into this account for food for us 3 and nappies, bottles etc (me putting in £500, him putting in £200)
Does this seem fair to everyone or should I be doing It differently?
thankyou
Ellie

What do you think ring fencing his contribution means?

She'd be much better off paying for her own house because then she will retain the capital.

No one should be buying their partner half of a house, which is what sharing the mortgage costs would be at this point.

Luckily, OP hasn't suggested doing anything like that.

She isn’t paying for half the house at all. She isn’t paying for the mortgage. But she doesn’t get to live in his house without paying a penny. It’s cheeky and she’d be the female version of cocklodger.

Surely the fair split should be

He pays for
His mortgage
All necessary maintenance to his house
Half the bills
Half the food costs/other joint costs
Half the baby stuff
Half the childcare

She pays for
A small rental amount (I'd think no more than maybe £200, so much less than even a room in a shared house.
Half the bills
Half the food costs/other joint costs
Half the baby stuff
Half the childcare,

If at a later date they both agree for her to buy into the house, then he ring fences his equity to date, and then they split the mortgage and maintenance costs 50/50.

I'd 100% advise that she goes back full time after mat leave, or maybe they do 4 days per week each.

During mat leave, obviously her contribution should be decreased in line with her decrease in wages, with them BOTH equally making up the short fall from their respective savings.

Why can't they go half on childcare? Like most people?

You and others are moaning that OP is vulnerable, which is absolutely true.

However she is enable this. Working 2 days a week in the climate is a luxury and OP is absolutely taking liberties.

Plenty of women are unable to afford to work 2 days a week. What makes OP any different?

Oh boohoo. This isn't the 50s, some of us have to pay for a rental and bills and kids on our own due to an absent parent. Maybe she should have saved some money away while she's been living at his for free ffs. I'd be loving life if I had her income

But the other parent is not absent. It's not a race to the bottom.

It's not, but if she doesn't want to pay him rent then she should pay more elsewhere or save money away. Failing that move out to her own place where she will have to pay her own rent and bills

@EmilyGilmoresSass exactly. OP better pay attention to your post because this odd setup is likely going to lead her in what your describing. Posters by passing the actual issue are not helping either.

If people's financial circumstances change, then they will need to reassess, obviously. Same as everybody else.

Yes, the OP says they currently earn £30k each, but she will be on mat leave for a year and then only go back part time.

That's why a joint account is beneficial for many people really. All income goes in the pot, and all bills are paid out of it. Then whatever is left over can either be shared, spent, paid into a pension, or saved.

@pinneddownbytabbies OP is choosing to work 2 days a week.

To look after her and BF's baby. I think she should go back full time to protect herself, but if she doesn't then she is saving her BF a considerable sum.

@Create10 BOYFRIEND, your posts have been utterly biased and unrealistic throughout this whole thread.

The baby is BOTH their responsibility, OP only has one child on the way. There's no need for OP to be working 2 days a week. Especially not in this scenario this is not even her husband in fact she's barely known the man any time at all. It sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.

Oh give over and stop this poor advise again. What you are describing is a short term gain though. OP will feel it if it all goes tits up, it's HER job prospects that will be affected LONG TERM.

Have you read the cost of living boards? Your tone deaf.

Dress it up as if OP is saving her bf money if you like though but like I've said many women are having babies and are going back to work full time or 4 days.

I think OP is entitled along with your views.

Hmm hopefully the OP has been saving during the time she's been living there. But their financial setup sounds odd to me, paying money into a Monzo account in his name only, to cover half of the food and going out? She needs to have her name on the bills, it would be better for her credit rating and give her a bit more security. However I don't agree that she should be paying towards HIS mortgage for HIS property. It's his asset, he would be paying the same mortgage if living alone. But now she is having his baby ideally he should be putting her on the deeds of the house and really she should be paying towards it in that case. He could ring-fence his original deposit and the payments he's made so far.

He will probably need to help her out whilst she's on maternity leave though, as the father of her baby he should be happy to do so. It doesn't sound like he is though, instead he wants her to increase her contributions just when her income is reduced. Pretty selfish, like a lot of young men nowadays. They seem to regard their own child as a hobby of the woman, a bit like a pet or something, that she needs to cover the costs for.

Thank you for actually getting my point @travelbud

Presumably it is a joint decision, and she will be looking after their baby, not sitting on her arse twiddling her thumbs.

Lots of people (invariably mothers) have to reduce their hours once they have dc because childcare is so expensive there's no point in them working. They end up with no extra money because they are paying what they've earned to someone else to look after their kid while they are at work. What is the point in that?

He is her boyfriend.

I agree, it's a disaster waiting to happen, if OP relies on her boyfriend for housing. Only one child on the way, yes. But that child will need to be looked after. I agree, it would be much more sensible for OP to work full time after maternity leave. But then child care costs will need to be halved between OP and her boyfriend. I'm not sure why this is controversial.

Do you struggle with comprehension? You've literally quoted me saying 'I think she should go back full time to protect herself'.

Finally a bit of sense.

@pinneddownbytabbies given the back story there's every point. They earn 60k between them. They can go half on nursery fees.

OP has not stated at any point that she can't afford to pay for nursery fees. I would say lots of mothers are not in this position though, that's my point. It's bizarre long term is OP planning to raise her child/children in a house where she's just paying as some sort of lodger?

It's bizarre long term is OP planning to raise her child/children in a house where she's just paying as some sort of lodger?

She doesn't say that she is. Though I don't think it's that odd a set up. I moved in to my now DH's house and we lived there for 6 or 7 years. I contributed £600 to the bills which went up to £750 as they increased during our time there. I paid less than him because we split them proportionately and he earned more. When we moved to the next house I joined him on the mortgage and owned the house a joint tenant, despite his 140k of equity being the only deposit we used.

At £500 a month it sounds like OP has a pretty sweet deal. She doesn't say where she lives but I'm in a mediocre town and it's about the cost of a room in a shared house. You couldn't rent a flat and pay bills for that.

He has a baby. He needs to make sure you and his baby have home security.
You need to be put on the mortgage as 50% owner even if he has almost paid the mortgage off.

You need to both wake up and act like a committed couple with joint income - sometimes this will mean him working and paying for everything and sometimes he might be out of work while your wages pays for everything.