How much should my partner pay for baby

[Elliemarriott1]

Hello there,
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years, we are very happy and expecting a baby around 04/04/23.
I moved in with him 1year ago, and currently pay £300pcm into his Monzo account. This money goes onto food shopping for BOTH OF US and meals out.
I don’t pay anything towards bills in the house.

We spoke about how £300 won’t cover baby costs when it arrives, so agreed that I put an extra £200pcm into this Monzo account and he also sets up a direct debit for £200pcm into the same account.
A total of £700pcm will be put into this account for food for us 3 and nappies, bottles etc (me putting in £500, him putting in £200)
Does this seem fair to everyone or should I be doing It differently?
thankyou
Ellie

Well if this was the other way round OP would of been called a Cocklodger!!

£300 a month? For food, water gas and electric, Netflix, council tax?

It's taking the piss!

Should have said - or get married.

You are a family now and should be pooling your resources together for your family.

Why should she pay bills for his house?

As an aside, my council tax is £100, gas & electric £120, water £40, Netflix £10 or something. Her £300 more than covers half of these bills.

It is hard to say without knowing more about your financials and income and benefits and careers.

If you stay home, both people sacrifice, you sacrifice career wise but your partner sacrifices time with the child. This can lead to uneven financials, career progress, and custody down the road. It can also lead to resentment on both sides.

I would advise you talking to a financial planner before making any decisions. There is often a lot you might not have thought about that should be factored in to protect both of you down the road.

Said cocklodger wouldn’t be giving up a significant portion of their income and long-term security to raise a baby.

Would you pay rent to a landlord without an actual contract in place? No. Would you pay your water bill without having an account with the company? No. You wouldn’t throw away money like that. Yet women are being advised to ‘contribute’ to a household whilst giving up work after they give birth, and having no claim to any of that money in the future, should something happen.

OP could have millions of pounds in investments which would render all our advice useless. But if she’s literally handing over money without being on the mortgage or having a claim to marital assets, she’s putting herself and her little baby in a very vulnerable position.

She is living there? Most adults pay for their accommodation - rent or mortgage payments. Part of adulting.

You need a joint account so you have joint access to this money.

£700 to cover food, eating out and baby costs is a lot. What do you anticipate spending this extra £400 a month on.

How much is mortgage? Do you save the same amount as he puts into mortgage into a high interest account?

Why don't you contribute to bills?

How will you find £500 a month in maternity pay? And dropping to half pay after maternity will leave you with £500 a month.

I advise:
-both pay £250 a month to a joint account for food and household cost including child.
-Pay half the bills direct to you partner via standing order with the word bills and council tax on the reference
-Save / invest the equivalent of a mortgage payment into a savings account.
-See a solicitor for a co habitation agreement.
-go on maternity money to calculate month by month maternity pay.

-offset the drop in maternity pay. By proportionally reducing bills, savings and food costs, don't just stop saving.

What would happen in three years time of you split up and you have no savings and no home and no rights as you are unmarried.

He's only spending more because he owns the house. Why would she up her contributions to subsidise him buying an asset she doesn't share? It's mad.

She should pay the father of her child, her partner, rent?

If she was on the mortgage then of course she should pay half of it, but she isn't.

He is your boyfriend but he isn't your partner, you are not sharing everything.
Is your name going to go on the deeds any time soon?

Why should she be paying bills? Uhmmm cause she lives there and is essentially generating part of those bills?

It's called being an adult and supporting yourself.

Well said.

Agree with other posts. Why are you not on the mortgage and bills? I would be looking at the total costs of living together having both your names on the house. Then dividing it proportionally to your earnings.
I have recently seen the impact of a similar situation to yours when it goes wrong. It's not good I think you need to put yourself in a less vulnerable position.

@Create10 OP should not of had a child in this odd setup then should she.

£100 for gas for the ENTIRE MONTH? Well mines a LOT more than that for the month.

OP is earning 30k a month, living rent free. She is also able to save a considerable amount of money each month due to paying NO council tax nor rent.

Notice how YOUR food bill was not included in YOUR OWN calculations.

What’s the plan for paying childcare when you go back to work?
Do you worry about splitting up and having no home or equity?

Yes, women are adults and capable of paying bills as well, not just being taken care of by men believe it or not. Many of us live independently and responsibly versus find a man to keep you and you just live free.

There is no responsibility of men to provide housing for women nor should there be an expectation of free housing because one is a woman. In most relationships, both adults contribute towards their accommodation and living costs - because that is what responsible adults do... if they aren't stuck in the 1950s.

She is planning to take a year off work and go down to 2 days a week. Ought he pay her the going rate for childcare?

And £300 would pay half of many people's household bills. It would easily cover mine.

Why should she pay bills for his house?

why shouldn't she?

I think it sounds fair enough OP.

If you were the one who owned the house, absolutely no one on this thread would be suggesting you add your boyfriend to the mortgage deeds!

It sounds like he is paying all the bills and mortgage so £500 all in sounds pretty good.

However, if you are both serious about this relationship, I would suggest you get married or buy another house together that's in both your names. He can always ring fence his deposit.

She is planning to take a year off work and go down to 2 days a week. Ought he pay her the going rate for childcare?

Surely childcare would be a joint expense though?

If you were the one who owned the house, absolutely no one on this thread would be suggesting you add your boyfriend to the mortgage deeds

This, I certainly wouldn't!

@AkoraEdelherb I think you have missed the point. OP would still have bills to pay where ever she lived. She has chosen to have a baby with this man..... let's not have double standards please.

OP stated she was very happy with her partner. She even wants to cut her working hours down.......

And I consider that to be very irresponsible, truth be told. Of both of them.

I said £120.

It is her boyfriend's house. He owns it. If the relationship goes tits up, he keeps the house and she gets nothing.

Of course she should be able to save the money.