How much should my partner pay for baby

[Elliemarriott1]

Hello there,
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years, we are very happy and expecting a baby around 04/04/23.
I moved in with him 1year ago, and currently pay £300pcm into his Monzo account. This money goes onto food shopping for BOTH OF US and meals out.
I don’t pay anything towards bills in the house.

We spoke about how £300 won’t cover baby costs when it arrives, so agreed that I put an extra £200pcm into this Monzo account and he also sets up a direct debit for £200pcm into the same account.
A total of £700pcm will be put into this account for food for us 3 and nappies, bottles etc (me putting in £500, him putting in £200)
Does this seem fair to everyone or should I be doing It differently?
thankyou
Ellie

But it's her own personal choice to take a whole year off and then only go back 2 days a week.

She could do things differently.

@LaLuz7 exactly I fully agree.

I disagree that she shouldn't contribute towards life expenses because she is a woman and that is a man's job

You have literally made this up. No one has suggested anything of the sort.

OP is contributing already. If my boyfriend moved in I wouldn't want or expect any contribution towards the mortgage, of course not. If we had a baby and he was going to go down to half/no pay and then reduce his work hours to two days a week, I would think he was quite mad never expect him to up his contributions too.

Well she doesn't pay towards bills or mortgage so why shouldn't she pay more?!?

What is the reason you don't want to get married?

You think she should buy her boyfriend half a house? Don't be ridiculous.

The OP will be earning 12k ish a year so she still has £500 a month after expenses. I'm
not sure why she's getting taken advantage of?

Awful idea

Look after yourself. Make sure you can access the money you need for your baby.

And what's a monzo account is it just a bank account?

You literally said "why should she pay bills in his house?" 🤣🙄

What monetary contribution do you propose she make?

Indeed, and she should, in my opinion. Without marriage, it's much more sensible to go back to work full time, which, of course, would cost her boyfriend a lot more than the current arrangement.

Because her income is about to collapse?

I suggest you think about how you are going to be able to afford to pay your 'share' if you are going to be on maternity leave and then go part-time.

In situations like this, sometimes I think the only way round it is to have a joint account.

Work out how much childcare would be for the 3 days you're dropping. He owes you half of that unless he's going to go part time to.

Through her own personal choice.
Why can't she go back to full time work and they go 50-50 on the childcare cost? Fair all around and a way smarter, more secure setup for her.

That's what I'd do or at the very least do 4 days a week

What if OPS partner got made redundant?

This is very possible in this climate. I thought OP was saying they earned 30k EACH?

Oh dear. Please financially cover yourself, OP. I would hate to see you back here in a couple of years having been left up shit creek because you aren't on house deeds, have sacrificed earning potential and your partner has fucked off with someone else.

Perhaps I am old-fashioned but if you are having a baby together then I would expect your relationship to be solid enough that you jointly are involved with property and no one has 'shares' of anything, you have family money that goes towards everything that is needed. But this is a pretty new relationship and I think you're doing things a bit arse about.

Debatable once baby comes, but right now she is benefiting from the setup, not the other way around.

I wouldn’t call a single adult woman living rent-free in a man’s house, with no legal provision, ‘benefitting’. I’d call that vulnerability, and I’d be more scared for my future than if I was spending my full income on rent and bills.

Debatable is also not the right word here - we’re talking about a baby. An innocent, vulnerable small child who seems to be priority number 3 in the mind of many posters. These two adults have decided to bring a new life into the world - the first priority here should be the baby. Ensuring s/he are taken care of, both emotionally and financially. The boyfriend’s mortgage or OP’s right to live there or not and how much money they each pay, don’t trump the needs to the baby.

With the current setup, this baby is not protected at all. Nobody is actually taking responsibility over this child’s right to a secure home.

It’s depressing to see how many women (assuming the majority of posters on this thread are women) are, to this day, financially illiterate.

op is already pregnant, and although finical advice would be to get into a civil partnership or marriage for the security of a true partnership - thats not the advice asked for

to me it seems this chap has't realised or taking on the responsibility of having a chid let alone an equal partnership

Because he owns the house, not because he is a man.

If I was the OP I'd ask to go on the deeds, or to sell up and buy somewhere new jointly, ring fencing his contributions so far, or get married, and at that point (and following maternity leave) start paying half of all bills if I stayed full time, or the relative percentage of my income to his if I chose to save my BF money by going down to two days a week to watch our child.

But upping my contributions whilst about to drastically reduce my earnings while being absolutely reliant on my BF for housing? Absolutely not.

I agree. It would be interesting to hear whether BF does.

Please listen to advice and get married. If he won’t committ now , when the hell will he?
marriage isn’t about a wedding day and romance. It’s a cold hard legal contract that ensures you are sharing your assets and legal rights to raise the child you share.

@Create10 she should save for half the deposit, you can't expect him to sell his property and buy a new one so that she's on the mortgage when he put money down on the house and she hasn't. The current set up allows her to save so that they can joint buy eventually.

Eaxctly! OP takes home £2k net each month and is only paying £300. I feel sorry for the boyfriend as he's funding her (what's she been doing with the £1700 she has left each month?!) yet some posters on here (who must live in fairyland) seem to think he's financially abusing her and she should be on the deeds as well. Total pisstake.

100%. It’s people like most on here that get us women called gold diggers. Of course she should pay for living in his place. If she doesn’t she can quite happily pay for her own place.