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Original poster

Ex received child benefit for 4 years

136 replies

accessorizequeen · 26/03/2022 10:47

We have four children together, and split four years ago. Recently our eldest child turned 18 and my ex admitted that he'd been getting the child benefit for one of our kids since we split up. He asked me because he didn't know if it was for the child who turned 18. It wasn't. It's for ds3 (15) who hasn't stayed with him for two and a half years.

I hadn't realised because I didn't calculate what I should have been receiving - it was the same when we were together. It was an oversight on my part and I was completely unaware. I receive the CB for our other children.

It amounts to thousands of pounds. I challenged him and he said he'd pay it into my account monthly if I started collecting our son from his house. Only one of our children will stay with him. He didn't respond to my asking about paying back the money. We have a hostile relationship and don't co-parent. There was emotional abuse throughout the relationship and since it ended.

I'm very depressed and I've been suicidal of late, struggling a lot. How do I tackle this situation without it affecting my mental health? I have just bought a house and the money is very needed. I don't know where to start but this is MY money. Help please.

OP posts:
CloseYourEyesAndSee · 26/03/2022 13:41

@Babyroobs

It should be the parent who the child mostly lives with that claims it so yes he has bene claiming fraudulently. What i don't understand though is if you are claiming other benefits, which I'm assuming you may be with four kids on your own, then when you split up you would have needed to claim UC. I'm not sure how you would have been awarded the child element of Uc for all four if only getting child benefit for 3, unless you have very young kids and therefore affecting by the 2 child cap ??
No, it can be either parent if done with consent of both. OP didn't object so she was assumed to consent. It's not fraud.
Rummikub · 26/03/2022 13:43

Yes that’s true either parent can claim.
Now your intent is to put in a counterclaim
You will be asked for evidence.

HappyMiddleChild · 26/03/2022 13:49

He’s had 4 years worth of CB for 1 out of 4 children, you will I assume receive the other 14ish years worths of payments. For four years you failed to check your award and presumably if he hadn’t told you, possibly wouldn’t have checked future awards which is on you. He shouldn’t have done it but he has told you now. You would have liked the money obviously and when people say you haven’t missed it, that doesn’t mean you didn’t need it, but that you weren’t questioning the income you received. The argument regarding whether or not the money was spent on the child is irrelevant. Receiving CB does not come with conditions on what the money is spent on. Most families the money goes in the bank with everything else and becomes part of the pot of cash for that month. Hopefully now you will check your mail properly and you will receive the full entitlement. Put it down to experience.

Iwonder08 · 26/03/2022 13:59

You need to direct your anger somewhere else. He didn't do anything illegal and you can't blackmail him as you have no thing against hi.

WonderfulYou · 26/03/2022 14:00

Honesty I would forget it.

Yes it’s your money and yes rightfully you should have it but it will cost you more mentally and financially trying to get it back off him and the courts will most likely decide that you should have checked anyway so you’ll be even more out of pocket.

You can ask for it back but if it doesn’t happen after a certain time I wouldn’t bother keep asking as you don’t want him having that control over you.

Keekabooyou · 26/03/2022 14:18

Try and claim it from the gov as child benefit can be back dated at any time and then when they say he has been claiming it you tell them he should’nt have and get him done for fraud

redredredredlorry · 26/03/2022 14:31

There was a thread not long ago about a grandparent thinking of claiming child benefit. I think the parents earned too much to get it and the grandparent was doing some child care/giving the parents money towards the kid. I can't remember if the grandparent went ahead with the claim but there was a suggestion they could claim it without living with them because they paid towards the child.
If that's allowed, there's surely no reason a father claiming would be considered fraud.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 26/03/2022 14:33

@Keekabooyou

Try and claim it from the gov as child benefit can be back dated at any time and then when they say he has been claiming it you tell them he should’nt have and get him done for fraud
She can't have him 'done for fraud' Hmm
Babyroobs · 26/03/2022 14:53

@redredredredlorry

There was a thread not long ago about a grandparent thinking of claiming child benefit. I think the parents earned too much to get it and the grandparent was doing some child care/giving the parents money towards the kid. I can't remember if the grandparent went ahead with the claim but there was a suggestion they could claim it without living with them because they paid towards the child. If that's allowed, there's surely no reason a father claiming would be considered fraud.
It should be claimed by the parent with the responsibility of bringing up the child and who the child mainly resides with. So in this case that is not the dad who he has not stayed with for two years. Nor is it grandparents who provide occasional childcare - ridiculous.
dementedpixie · 26/03/2022 14:57

@Babyroobs but it can also be claimed by a person who contributes at least the amount of CB to the child's upbringing. He is not claiming fraudulently by the sounds of it

Babyroobs · 26/03/2022 14:58

[quote dementedpixie]@Babyroobs but it can also be claimed by a person who contributes at least the amount of CB to the child's upbringing. He is not claiming fraudulently by the sounds of it[/quote]
Is there legislation/ guidance on this- can you point me to where I can find it please.

Soontobe60 · 26/03/2022 14:59

@Babyroobs

It should be the parent who the child mostly lives with that claims it so yes he has bene claiming fraudulently. What i don't understand though is if you are claiming other benefits, which I'm assuming you may be with four kids on your own, then when you split up you would have needed to claim UC. I'm not sure how you would have been awarded the child element of Uc for all four if only getting child benefit for 3, unless you have very young kids and therefore affecting by the 2 child cap ??
No no no! Have a read of the actual facts here www.gov.uk/child-benefit/eligibility

He’s been perfectly within his rights to claim. He claimed when both parents were together, ie when the child was born. It was up to the OP to put in a counter claim for it when they split up, which she didn’t do.

dementedpixie · 26/03/2022 15:00

www.gov.uk/child-benefit-child-lives-with-someone-else

CrowUpNorth · 26/03/2022 15:00

If you shop him for fraud is he in the sort of job he could lose as a result and you end up with less maintenance in the end?

dementedpixie · 26/03/2022 15:02

Its not fraud though

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 26/03/2022 15:02

@CrowUpNorth

If you shop him for fraud is he in the sort of job he could lose as a result and you end up with less maintenance in the end?
It's not fraud
Original poster
accessorizequeen · 26/03/2022 15:09

I am not going to "shop him for fraud" even if it were possible. He's the father of my kids. I dislike him intensely and he's not a great dad but he's theirs. He applied for CB when we were together on my behalf as I remember it. He never talked about wanting to keep it because he was entitled or deserving. He didn't/doesn't pay anything towards their upbringing other than maintenance. I'm sure he could come up with things though but he hasn't denied that I should receive it - he said he would pay it into my account monthly if I did something for him. So morally - he's wrong. Not that matters to him very much.

Thanks all for the input. It's been a really tough few years, he's made it tougher. Three of our kids have ASD and the fourth probably does too. I am doing my best and I missed this. I can hear his voice in my head telling me how crap I am for that.

OP posts:
DeadSouth · 26/03/2022 15:10

I’m sorry it’s shit he claimed it but you didn’t contest it so your both at fault.
Plus anyone who can afford a deposit on a home and mortgage (Uc helps with rent but not costs of mortgage to own your own home) isn’t missing the 16 a week, even if it amounts to a nice sum at the end.

Original poster
accessorizequeen · 26/03/2022 15:19

@DeadSouth

I’m sorry it’s shit he claimed it but you didn’t contest it so your both at fault. Plus anyone who can afford a deposit on a home and mortgage (Uc helps with rent but not costs of mortgage to own your own home) isn’t missing the 16 a week, even if it amounts to a nice sum at the end.
He claimed it 15 years ago. Was I supposed to contest it then? This is money for my kids. If he paid for their stuff or gave them pocket money etc then fine. But he doesn't. They haven't benefitted from the CB he's claimed on their behalf.

You're making a lot of assumptions about my finances.

OP posts:
StopLying · 26/03/2022 15:21

Well if he's claimed the money for a child that hasn't stayed with him for 2.5 years then it is fraud. And theft. I know you don't want to report him. I probably would myself if he didn't give it back. After all that money is for your child, not him.

BoredZelda · 26/03/2022 15:34

You're making a lot of assumptions about my finances.

The only assumption being made, as far as I can see is, if you were genuinely desperate for that money, you wouldn’t have overlooked a really obvious source of income.

BoredZelda · 26/03/2022 15:35

Well if he's claimed the money for a child that hasn't stayed with him for 2.5 years then it is fraud. And theft.

No. It. Isn’t.

As has been pointed out plenty of times so far.

StopLying · 26/03/2022 15:40

@BoredZelda

Well if he's claimed the money for a child that hasn't stayed with him for 2.5 years then it is fraud. And theft.

No. It. Isn’t.

As has been pointed out plenty of times so far.

I don't agree. Because the child he was claiming for hadn't stayed there for 2.5 years. I don't care how many times it's been pointed out otherwise.
BoredZelda · 26/03/2022 15:41

I don't agree. Because the child he was claiming for hadn't stayed there for 2.5 years. I don't care how many times it's been pointed out otherwise.

With links to the government’s own website. It doesn’t actually matter if you don’t agree, it still isn’t theft or fraud.

Rummikub · 26/03/2022 15:41

One of the parents is entitled to claim. If there isn’t a counter claim like in this case then it would just be awarded.
So put in the counter claim. Talking to a real person re child benefit tricky btw. All voice operated. Get your evidence together.

I wouldn’t take the offer of him still claiming and then paying you. Just claim it yourself. I imagine he’s suggested this as he’s worried so use that if you wish to ask for money to be paid back to you. Child benefit themselves won’t back date beyond three months.

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