Paying board

[Pinkie98]

Hi, I've been actively looking for work for a while now and no luck, I just live off of my student finance. I still live at home and I pay £300 per month to my mom. I want to ask her if she can reduce this as it is just not affordable for me and I'm trying to save for a car and to move out. I've tried to ask her before but she'll say "I've already lowered your rent" or it will become an argument. I want to try and approach this in the best way possible even though I'm 99% sure she will say no. She has her own business and it's doing pretty well as her brand new 2021 car is coming today. I can't help but feel a bit funny about it because she says I should be paying more as she can't afford the bills but has just managed to finance a £45k car. How can I bring it up to her that I can't afford the rent, without fighting?

My ds is in sixth form, not at University until next year, his maintenance loan will be used for travel to & from University, meals & snacks while he is there, stationary & equipment, clothing, toiletries, subscriptions ie Xbox Gold, Netflix, Amazon, University subscriptions, driving lessons. The only thing I will be paying for him will be food, my bills will be the same whether ds is at home or not & I will not expect him to contribute towards them.

@Nat6999
Do you really think travel lunch and snacks at uni, driving lessons , Netflix ( £6 a month) prime (£39 a year) , a few pens etc, x box gold , clothes, toiletries and uni subscriptions comes to just shy of £8k! You also mentioned some of those costs as covered by pip. Profiting for your ds is not right but the loan is meant to cover his costs so the extra water, heating electricity etc he uses.
As a side note do you know he should qualify for an extra loan and dsa which may pay for a laptop ( less £200) printer ink , and taxis to uni at a very low cost for example 65p for a 10 mile journey.

To rent a flat, you will need to pay
Deposit
Monthly rent ( I will assume a furnished property )
Electricity/gas
Water
Internet
Mobile phone
Food & cleaning products, toiletries
Transport (unless you can walk, cycle, bus)
Entertainment, socialising

There are loads of property scams

Ensure that you view the property in person yourself, before paying any money
You should have a written contract

@8dpwoah thanks for your input. It made me feel better about my situation and you have made perfect sense.

Not spending anything on going out or socialising whilst at university, is a waste

I met some of my best friends at university (decades ago)
I belonged to several university clubs, which are still active today
Some people even meet their boy/girlfriend & some relationships lead to marriage

You are only young once, you should be out & about enjoying yourself !

I really do not get how people can say ops mother is being unfair. When no one knows her mother's circumstances and judging the fact she is getting a car on finance. Is £300 with rent, food bill, gas electric etc as I don't see her mentioning her paying for a food shop 🤷‍♀️ I think £300 is a reasonable amount if you are able to put £250 into saving and have money left over.

Being able to save £250 a month from your student loan is a very good feat indeed.
You either use that as your 'fun' money, or get a part time job.
That's what I had to do at university and the majority of people I know!

I'm abit amazed that OP is putting some of her student loan into savings. I think saving is very sensible, however I don't think saving is an intended use for the loan. Isn't it to help you through University?

But also how can you complain about having no money and not being able to afford paying board if your are happily saving near the same amount each month? I think it's great you want to save but if you can't afford to live and have a life you either need to save less or not at all. Most students would not be able to save full stop.

I cant help but feel this is more of an issue between Mom and Daughter. Maybe they don't have the best relationship. I only feel the Mom was being unfair for being inflexible. However I'd be annoyed if my child was saving so much and asking for a reduction in living costs. £300 is an absolute bargain, especially in these current times. But I just feel because their relationship is strained it may feel to OP that her Mom is being hard when she actually isn't.

I cant see if it was confirmed whether Mom was in receipt of any benefits previously but getting the maximum student loan I'd say it was likely. So she would have had quite a significant financial loss herself. But the household bills will have remained the same for which you will be using too. So she has financed a car. I financed a car 6 year ago which was more than my annual salary at the time. Nothing flashy but a family car. My point is i was able to finance a car on a low income. So its silly making this a big thing because in terms of actual earnings I means nothing.

Sounds like OP needs to get out of living with her Mom. Hopefully it will improve their relationship. But I think it may make you realise how lucky you were to be able to pay so little to live. Yes moving out of home is wonderful and exciting but my god its expensive, and that's when you have a full time job. You intend to do this as a student. I hope it works out for you, but if you think you don't have money now just wait.

I understand how you feel you cannot afford to pay the £300 a month to your mum but you could if you didn't save £250. Try saving £200 instead, it will soon mount up. To rent a place you usually need about £1000 deposit plus one month's rent in advance. You'll save that in no time.

Good luck, I hope you can move out soon.

the government has a formula for non dependents paying rent when the reach 18 and its based on their earning

england.shelter.org.uk/housing_advice/benefits/housing_benefit_deductions_when_living_with_non_dependants

students its a zero from the government

there are plenty of jobs out there - over a millions, admittedly they aren't all great jobs but having got myself a second job without an interview in hospitality its not difficult to get a pot washers job or a waiting on tables job in the climate you should be able to walk straight into t apart time job

[quote Pinkie98]@8dpwoah apologies for the lack of answering questions there's just so many messages. Yes I'm looking at renting a "normal" property. I know where and how I can make cut backs in terms of bills so it's just now the issue of securing a job[/quote]
So if you know where you can cut back on bills why don't you do that now?

I don't know many students who were able to save £250pm, certainly without working.

I'm going to wager that your £300pm covers everything from electricity bills to toilet roll.

I hope you get a job soon, Pinkie. Good luck.

@Pinkie98 ask your mum to show you get incomings and outgoings,all the bills, etc, and explain to you what they all are and why they're needed, anything she doesn't have to pay but maybe other people do, things like that. This way you'll understand better what it takes to run a household and maybe you'll feel grateful for the deal you're getting. And you'll be a bit better informed for when you do move out, you'll be able to budget properly.

It would also be a good idea to get a friend or older family member to look over your CV and your cover letters, there's probably room for improvement if you haven't got a job yet.

How old are you?

Her being able to afford a new car is not relevant. She does not have to subsidise your existence. What she does with her money is her business. £300 a month is an absolute steal. You'll look back when you have your own place and realise this.

@Pinkie98 what LindaEllen said is right. You're an adult and your mother isn't under any obligation to pay your living costs. It doesn't matter whether she can or can't afford to - you're an adult.
If you moved out it would cost you a lot more. Students are expected to have very small means. When I was a student I couldn't afford to buy meat and lived off pasta, rice, carrots and 2-minute noodles, and the leftover food from my job in a cafeteria. Getting the bus was a luxury so I rode my bike everywhere. Definitely didn't have anything left over to save or go out with.

I'm still shocked that the government expects parents to fund their adults if they choose to be students. Now I will support my DS however I can, but I see becoming a University Student a choice you make as an adult. Choosing to continue your education doesn't mean that any costs supporting your existence go away because you are choosing further education. Students don't live for free. Students are known to live off very little.
I would love to be in a position where I could be relaxed financially but when my DS becomes an adult but I know for sure I will struggle massively to support us both. His contribution would only be small but it would hopefully allow me to provide him with the life he is already living.

Not all families though are is a position to assist their adult children financially through University. And as I say becoming a University Student is a choice, life doesn't all of a sudden become free

needanew I was married with a child but my parents were still expected to pay for my first year university, despite moving out at 16. So for the first year I was only eligible to the miminum as my parents are wealthy and i couldn't prove we were NC.

If your parents are not financially supporting you, living costs whatever it costs.....and not what you can afford.

It is unusual for parents to not support their children, at least partly, but a number don't and the children have to cover their costs fully.

This amount of rent is far lower than you will get elsewhere. So whilst most families would provide board for their student children, if your parents aren't willing to (and willing is more important than them being able to afford it here...it's their choice) then you have to pay for your accommodation. Moving out isn't realistic as it will cost more. You will need to work to boost your income and you certainly should give up on saving unles there is money left over after paying rent etc.

Lots of students work many hours through uni to live and supplement their loans. You might be in a position where you need to do that if your parents won't subsidise you. It is their choice and although many on here are horrified by their choice, this is what you are living with, so need to ensure your income and outgoings match.

@Needanewadventure2021 I'm sorry you feel that way and I hope you are able to support your son as much as possible. I disagree that furthering education is a case of your son making that decision - because yes he is deciding but it's for the betterment of himself which I would hope you would try support

I'm very very fortunate in the fact that I live in Scotland and my university education was free. My mum always said she'd never make me pay digs while I was still studying as she wanted me to do better for myself and better than she had been able to. It was no difference to her from me being in secondary school to university in terms of what she provided. I got a part time job, stayed at home and tried my best to do everything I needed for myself.

@willithappen I hope too I will be in a better position. I have a good few years still. But unfortunately if my circumstances don't change then I will lose tax credits, maintenance and child benefit, and working full time will not make up the shortfall. I will do everything I can to support my son in whatever he decides, but if I don't have the money to support us without his assistance then it's a case of I cant.
I'm hoping in 10 years time our lives will be better but for the last 7 we have been left to struggle and it's something I've not been able to change despite endless trying.
I think most parents would always help their children no matter their age but sometimes parents aren't always in a fortunate position to be able to do so. My parents have never been able to and I know its something that has always upset them.

We don't really know much of OPs circumstances however it seems the strained relationship between mother and daughter is a big issue here otherwise OP wouldn't have felt the need to ask online for opinions. I'd like to think if I am in the unfortunate position if/when my DS chooses to go to University, I would of had a conversation with him in a way that he knew I would do my best but if I can't help enough it's not because I don't want to, it's because I can't. And like my parents, that would upset me too that I can't do more

What area do you live and what university?

In our city you can walk into hospitality this afternoon

Sorry just read the full thread understand you have dermatitis