Paying board

[Pinkie98]

Hi, I've been actively looking for work for a while now and no luck, I just live off of my student finance. I still live at home and I pay £300 per month to my mom. I want to ask her if she can reduce this as it is just not affordable for me and I'm trying to save for a car and to move out. I've tried to ask her before but she'll say "I've already lowered your rent" or it will become an argument. I want to try and approach this in the best way possible even though I'm 99% sure she will say no. She has her own business and it's doing pretty well as her brand new 2021 car is coming today. I can't help but feel a bit funny about it because she says I should be paying more as she can't afford the bills but has just managed to finance a £45k car. How can I bring it up to her that I can't afford the rent, without fighting?

Parents are morally obligated to make up difference between the loan a student gets and the maximum. The OP gets the maximum so her mum owes her nothing money wise but at same time in my opinion, should not be taking money away from her DD. If the mum just supported her with living costs, the OP could have taken out a lower loan and be in less debt.

What utter cobblers! No parent is morally obligated to continue to subside their brat of a daughter after age 18 because they have decided to extend their education for another 3 years to benefit themselves (not their parents) without ensuring they could afford to do by working at weekends/during the summer to save up for accommodation costs.

Student Finance have made those rules (which are a disgrace and should never have been passed, nowhere else is a parent still legally responsible for an over 18) ) to avoid paying out money. Morality has got nothing to do with it.

I cannot believe that you are saving £250 a month while a bloody student with no part time job! and are whinging that you shouldn’t pay your living costs, which is what the maintenance loan is for .

If you wanted to move out, you should have got a job over the summer and moved out before now.

My DS tried to pull the same crap on me!

That's assuming you will actually be granted a tenancy with a part time job as a full time student, I'm not sure private landlords generally want student tenants but that is research in the meantime.

My DSs and elder DD had no trouble finding a private rental. Most university towns have plenty of private rented accommodation for students. Just search under “furnished” on Rightmove as that usually brings up the properties being marketed to students.

No parent is morally obligated to continue to subside their brat of a daughter

Brat? Nice. You obviously don’t like children once they hit that magic age of 18.

@UserOfManyNames I never once said I shouldn't have to pay living costs

@PlanDeRaccordement thanks for that tip, I didn't know that

Sorry to say op but your calculations do sound a bit off. I think you're naieve about the cost of running a flat on your own and being in full time education?
What's wrong with shared housing or student accommodation? That would be more achievable and uni support team might even be able to help you find a place

Forgot to mention my ds is nearly 22 and this is his 2nd attempt at University. Last time round he lived in Halls and we kitted him out with all new bedding, pots, pans, food, toiletries etc before he went and sent him £50 per week for food and paid his room deposit. This time I'm in a worse position financially and the only way I can help him is by asking for only 40 per week keep and monitoring the situation. I also let his girlfriend stay every weekend and feed her too as I know they are cash strapped, yet he still makes me feel guilty and according to him, everyone else's parents are practically throwing money at them.

@PlanDeRaccordement

That's assuming you will actually be granted a tenancy with a part time job as a full time student, I'm not sure private landlords generally want student tenants but that is research in the meantime.

My DSs and elder DD had no trouble finding a private rental. Most university towns have plenty of private rented accommodation for students. Just search under “furnished” on Rightmove as that usually brings up the properties being marketed to students.

Most students go into private rented after their first year, that's true, but aren't they usually HMOs or similar, i.e. privately owned student lets? I thought the OP was talking more about a 'normal' letting on the open market competing with single working people and such as they want a place to themself.

But as they aren't actually answering many questions put to them it's a little difficult to ascertain.

@8dpwoah apologies for the lack of answering questions there's just so many messages. Yes I'm looking at renting a "normal" property. I know where and how I can make cut backs in terms of bills so it's just now the issue of securing a job

I have worked in NHS for the past 20 years and only in the past few years have I been able to save anything like £250 per month!!
Whatever your mother decides to spend her money on is her business... she is working for it and in the present climate she deserves respect for surviving with a small business.
I think you need to grow up a bit.. you want to be treated as an adult.. then be one... financial commitments as an adult are 1. Bills and debts 2. Living costs 3. Savings.
I would not hesitate to take £300 per month from you with your current income.. I am assuming this covers food, heating, accomodation, laundry - or at least laundry facilities, ... you try and match that for value when you do move out.
Good Luck!!

I'm confused here. I remember seeing Martin Lewis on this, you are expected to maintain your children through university and say there is an absent father and CSA ends, you can sue for maintenance to continue. Personally I wouldn't dream of taking money of my son while he is a student even though I'm a single parent. Parents need reminded that until university is over they are supposed to contribute. I saw another post today expecting her child to pay digs with their part time job while at college. I wasn't expected to pay digs when I earned and it helped me save and gave me my independence. Unless I was in dire straits I would do the same.

@dontwantausername
I agree. I think U.K. government expects parental support too which is why students cannot claim UC and apprentices are paid a much lower minimum wage.

[quote PlanDeRaccordement]@dontwantausername
I agree. I think U.K. government expects parental support too which is why students cannot claim UC and apprentices are paid a much lower minimum wage.[/quote]
I was having a look and students can only claim UC if they have a disability or doing A-levels/equivalent, I can't quite remember the other exceptions

@dontwantausername you are expected to maintain the difference in what your child receives and the maximum loan. The op already receives the maximum loan.

@MyDcAreMarvel yes but presumably you then don't take the money of them? Also this is the bare minimum, I would imagine most parents would prefer to help out their children where they can. I see a few on Mumsnet (other posts) that seem determined not to which I don't understand. It's better in the long run to not have them stressed about money and focused on their studies. Obviously if you're in dire straits and can't feed yourself then yes that's a different story.

I feel for you. I can't imagine a student having to pay board at their parents' house, unless the parents are hard up.

There isn't much you can do about it as you have already asked mum to reduce the amount she charges you and she has refused. You know you would have to pay more if you lived out but presumably you could then claim more - and as you said, you'd have a place to yourself.

All you can do is keep looking for a job and I really hope you are successful.

This situation is not forever, op, it will pass and you'll be independent before you know it.

@Plumtree391 thank you for the encouragement :)

@PlanDeRaccordement

No parent is morally obligated to continue to subside their brat of a daughter

Brat? Nice. You obviously don’t like children once they hit that magic age of 18.

I agree, 'brat' is not nice.

In my view, parents are morally obligated to subsidise their children still in education. They may not be legally so once the child is past eighteen but most do unless they are really strapped for cash.

@dontwantausername the loan is to pay for food and rent , utilities etc. As the op’s mum is paying those then the op needs to give her keep.

@Pinkie98 I would see the university I know they all have hardship fund and grants and you should get enough for a deposit and then get out and claim all you can then focus on your studies.

Reading some of these comments it makes me feel bad expecting my DS to pay towards the house if he continues to live at home and go the University.

How are some families meant to cope supporting another adult without a contribution? If my circumstances don't change I certainly couldn't. I am a single parent on a low income. I receive tax credits. Maintenance is low and rarely gets paid so if his dad doesn't pay now (DoE order) then he is never going to pay towards a student. I would love to have some safety net but I simply couldn't support my adult child with such huge costs when my income/tax credits only covers things right now. Some households will lose benefits as soon as the child leaves college so they are already hit with a loss. I agree with paying board and I do understand money is tight for students but some households simply can not afford to support their children as much as they'd like to

[quote MyDcAreMarvel]@dontwantausername the loan is to pay for food and rent , utilities etc. As the op’s mum is paying those then the op needs to give her keep.[/quote]
Yes but did she not say further down if she wasn't living at home the amount would increase? Therefore they are not expecting digs to be in the hundreds. You bring up your kids with them not paying digs why expect them when they're still a student? Actually this mentality is perhaps element to more working class kids not accessing higher education in the same numbers. I personally wouldn't do it and if you don't need the money (e.g buying £45k cars).

@Needanewadventure2021

The child could claim against father. I understand where you are coming from but middle class parents also have a huge financial burden with a couple of kids away at university. You sound like you are not driving round in a flash car and it would be out of genuine necessity.

@dontwantausername yes the amount would increase because the rent alone would be more than £300 a month before food costs etc. That’s why the loan is less if you live at home.
The op’s mum will have lost tax credits and child benefit. She earns less than 25k a year she has not purchased a £45k car.

@Needanewadventure2021

Reading some of these comments it makes me feel bad expecting my DS to pay towards the house if he continues to live at home and go the University.

How are some families meant to cope supporting another adult without a contribution? If my circumstances don't change I certainly couldn't. I am a single parent on a low income. I receive tax credits. Maintenance is low and rarely gets paid so if his dad doesn't pay now (DoE order) then he is never going to pay towards a student. I would love to have some safety net but I simply couldn't support my adult child with such huge costs when my income/tax credits only covers things right now. Some households will lose benefits as soon as the child leaves college so they are already hit with a loss. I agree with paying board and I do understand money is tight for students but some households simply can not afford to support their children as much as they'd like to

Don't feel bad! If finances are fully stretched, a contribution obviously has to be made and nobody would object to that. The op's mother appears to be sufficiently well off for that not to be necessary.