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Original poster

Paying board

148 replies

Pinkie98 · 10/09/2021 17:13

Hi, I've been actively looking for work for a while now and no luck, I just live off of my student finance. I still live at home and I pay £300 per month to my mom. I want to ask her if she can reduce this as it is just not affordable for me and I'm trying to save for a car and to move out. I've tried to ask her before but she'll say "I've already lowered your rent" or it will become an argument. I want to try and approach this in the best way possible even though I'm 99% sure she will say no. She has her own business and it's doing pretty well as her brand new 2021 car is coming today. I can't help but feel a bit funny about it because she says I should be paying more as she can't afford the bills but has just managed to finance a £45k car. How can I bring it up to her that I can't afford the rent, without fighting?

OP posts:
Original poster
Pinkie98 · 11/09/2021 13:19

@MyDcAreMarvel she has financed a £45k car through her business, it arrived yesterday

OP posts:
MyDcAreMarvel · 11/09/2021 13:20

The op's mother appears to be sufficiently well off for that not to be necessary. why do people keep saying that when it’s mathematically incorrect. The op qualifies for the maximum loan because her mum is on a low income.

MyDcAreMarvel · 11/09/2021 13:21

@Pinkie98 so not purchased then.

Howshouldibehave · 11/09/2021 13:26

[quote Pinkie98]@MyDcAreMarvel she has financed a £45k car through her business, it arrived yesterday[/quote]
Financed?

So she is paying monthly for something that she doesn’t yet own, then.

How much does she earn?

Original poster
Pinkie98 · 11/09/2021 13:28

@Howshouldibehave regarding how much she earns, I really have no idea. But if she claims she cant afford the bills without my contribution then I can only assume that she makes her bigger purchases with credit or something

OP posts:
dontwantausername · 11/09/2021 13:29

@Howshouldibehave obviously she's earning a pittance as she's putting flash cars through her business and not doubt cooking the books for a low contribution to her child.

dontwantausername · 11/09/2021 13:35

@MyDcAreMarvel I think what you may not realise is "some" self employed people don't declare everything they earn. If she's put a flash car through her business that obviously leaves her with less declared income too. She may also be like some builders and not put their cash jobs through. We don't know that but the picture is not created of a parent struggling and doing without which most middle class parents have to do to see their kids through university.

8dpwoah · 11/09/2021 13:40

A deviation here but for me personally I lived at home and had max loan due to my mum's low income too (single parent, no maintenance). I paid her board out of my loan because I was eating food, using water, electricity, gas, internet... I'd have been using and paying for those wherever I'd lived and me being at home meant that the household bills were, of course, proportionally higher. I didn't pay towards accomodation as such as mum's wages were paying the fixed housing costs like the mortgage as these didn't vary whether I was at living at home or not.

I had a bit left over for uni-related costs and then I earned my 'fun' money by working PT (which I appreciate OP is trying to do although a bit bemused at how hard this seems to be to secure).

It baffles me when I see on Mumsnet parents getting berated for expecting young people with an income that's been approved for them, to cover their living costs, being expected to pay for consumables that are directly linked to them living at home. I really hope and intend to be able to support my daughters through uni if they so choose to go, and I appreciate student finance etc is a bit different to previously but the composition of the upfront living costs aren't all that far away from what they were 15 years ago, more the repayment side of things. The loan is for living costs. Students have living costs wherever they live so therefore should expect to spend their loan on those costs.

My mum could not afford to support another adult in the home when that adult had an income and equally I saved money by not having to pay the fixed housing costs, I was only covering things that I'd have been paying for regardless of where I was sleeping. I don't see that that's anything other than sensible and fair really

MyDcAreMarvel · 11/09/2021 13:41

@dontwantausername I do realise that’s a possibility. However even if that is the case that doesn’t change the fact that the loan is meant to pay the op’s living costs and £300 is incredibly cheap. The op would have less disposable income on the higher living away for home amount than she does now.
Parents are obligated to make sure their dc have enough to live on. The op has £82 a week just for travel and entertainment, that is more than many students have.

choli · 11/09/2021 13:48

Or getting it from an MLM "job" that uses this as way to reel team members in. Anyway OP should still pay her way.

MyCatDribbles · 11/09/2021 13:49

[quote Pinkie98]@MyCatDribbles I do recieve emails from recruitment agencies with job vacancies and apply for any that I have experience in, I'm also applying
For jobs through indeed, total jobs and through the website for my local town centre. As mentioned previously I can no longer work in the hospitality industry due to severe contact dermatitis, so slightly limited there but I apply for what I can, usually 5-10 jobs per day[/quote]
OP in that case if the recruiters can’t offer you temporary non hospitality work I would consider handing in your CV to companies directly. Or go round your local shops / industrial estates, dress smart and ask for part time work or if they know of any vacancies. Put on your local Facebook community group that you are looking for part time work.

Nosilayak · 11/09/2021 14:06

@8dpwoah your post has made me feel a lot better about my situation with my son. What you say makes absolute sense and sums the situation up perfectly.

8dpwoah · 11/09/2021 14:13

@Nosilayak I would add I still had plenty of fun and a not cheap hobby that I kept up too! I did have a decent job that quite often chucked me extra hours during the holidays though so that was probably a key factor.

My mum has just managed to retire early, partly in order to help us with childcare, and I can't help but thinking a little bit of that is due to me being financially fair with her when I was younger but of course we'll never know for sure.

choli · 11/09/2021 14:39

How much is your father contributing to your upkeep? Maybe he will let you move in to live for free.

Bumply · 11/09/2021 14:42

This is an interesting thread when compared to the "is it ok to ask for money from my DC now they're in a job and earning decent money?" Where loads of people respond saying they'd never ask for money while their child/young adult is still living with them.

I'm also seeing this in a different light as DS1 stayed with his Dad for his 4 years of Uni as it was close enough to commute and he was paying a similar amount to his Dad out of his student loan. It felt like his Dad was profiting from our son's loan. Pay living costs, sure, but more than that seemed wrong, especially when he hadn't contributed to the boys maintenance for several years (during which thankfully I earned enough to cope without).

Original poster
Pinkie98 · 11/09/2021 14:46

@choli

How much is your father contributing to your upkeep? Maybe he will let you move in to live for free.
I'm not really trying to live for free & I don't really speak to my dad, only maybe hear from him twice a year
OP posts:
Nat6999 · 11/09/2021 14:52

I'm on benefits & when ds leaves 6th form I will lose £180 a week but I won't be charging him any board when he starts university. £300 pm is disgusting, ds will probably buy some of his own food, he buys some bits plus if he wants takeaway now as he gets PIP & a bursary, he already pays half his mobile bill & buys his own clothes but until he starts work I won't take anything off him.

Gingerkittykat · 11/09/2021 15:06

[quote Pinkie98]@choli Well maybe if I knew where my money was going, or what it was being spent on, I wouldn't feel so "funny" when I see my mom coming home with designer goods but then also telling me she can't afford the bills[/quote]
I'm not sure if you are trolling or not here.

rent/ mortgage, food, heat, lights, cooking facilities, hot water, internet....

Go and find out how much these things all cost.

Your mum can spend her money how she wants, including unwisely but you still need to pay your way.

PaulGallico · 11/09/2021 15:10

How old are you OP? - I might be wrong but I am guessing not 19/20? I think for me it would make a bit if a difference if you were mid 20s rather than a school leaver.

UserOfManyNames · 11/09/2021 16:12

Yes, how old are you OP?

You state you’re living off student finance now so you must have started Uni last year at least?

If you’ve been saving £250 a month for a year, you must have savings of around £3k? Enough for a months rent and deposit surely?

I still can’t get over that you’ve not worked over the summer but you’re expecting your single parent Mum, who’s probably been busting her balls bringing you up on her own and then starting her own business while you’ve been sitting around all summer, to subsidise you so you can save for a car! Very few students can afford a car. Good luck with the running costs on a maintenance loan if you’re living in a flat and paying all the other bills like council tax, water, electricity and gas, WiFi etc.

Now she’s got a new car herself through her hard work, you want to bitch about her on the internet because she won’t let you get away without contributing to the household with money you were given for that very reasonHmm.

Really grow up. You do sound very entitled and like a brat, sorry.

If I was her and knew you’d been talking like about me, I’d tell you to leave immediately and go to your Dads.

PaulGallico · 11/09/2021 16:17

I just cannot imagine many 19/20 yr olds would seek out the 'money matters' board to complain about their mum.

8dpwoah · 11/09/2021 16:31

@PaulGallico I'm afraid I've just done a user search having had similar thoughts....

UserOfManyNames · 11/09/2021 16:44

Just noticed from the username OP may be 22/23?

simitra · 11/09/2021 17:13

I would not expect a child in full time education and training to pay the same as a working child for their keep. The idea of study/training is that the DC concentrates upon study. If the DC could not manage on their loan I would expect them to take a part time job, as I did when I was studying for my masters and doctorate.

When I was your age (around 18/19 in 1960s) I wanted to go outo a full time 2 year course to qualify in my profession. My parents said I could only do so if I continued to give my mother the same amount as if I had been working. Students got grants then (not loans) from their LEA. However they were calculated such that a young person under 21 (official majority then) and living at home was supposed to recieve a parental contribution to their keep. The grant was NOT based on giving your parents as much as when you were working!

This caused a lot of bitterness and acrimony because I felt that my parents were deliberately holding me back and there was a huge row about it. I did eventually manage, with financial help from my grandmother, manage to get onto a 3 year part time course, but thats another story.

I never forgave my parents for their unsupportive attitude and left home as soon as I qualified and got promoted. That left them in dire financial straits as my sister had just has an unplanned baby whch someone had to look after.

MyDcAreMarvel · 11/09/2021 18:46

@Nat6999 what do you think your ds’s loan is for if not for living expenses?