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Original poster

How do you split your bills...

126 replies

GAL8 · 21/07/2021 18:39

I earn £1200 working 3 days a week. I was full time, have been part time the last 18 months since DD was born. Partner earns just below £4K a month. He pays all household bills, including mortgage. I buy food which is around £600 a month & pay the car tax. I have my own outgoings of £350 a month for an old loan & credit cards, phone bill, etc. Anyway I'm left with just under £250 for myself & DD, (I buy all her clothes, toys etc) & put petrol in the car. DD goes to nursery 2 days a week. Partner pays the bill (works out at just under £200 a month)

Due to working hours, we need DD in nursery another day & a half a week. Partner is looking to me to pay half, which will work out at just under £200. Leaving me £50 a month or so. I feel guilty but I can't afford to live off £50 a month. Is it unreasonable to think he should foot the whole bill? His bills come to just under £2K a month. I do totally appreciate he's very kind in letting me just pay for food & car tax, but it's times like these I miss having a full time wage, as I'm down £500 a month but still incurring the same monthly costs. I just wondered how any one else split their bills?

OP posts:

Heartofglass12345 · 21/07/2021 19:40

This is weird to me. Why would he want to leave you with such little money?
We've always shared money since we got married/ had kids (happened within a week of each other lol) my husband wouldn't ask me to pay that if he knew it would only leave me with £50 a month.
What is his reasoning for this? Have you mentioned that you buy everything for your child?

ketchupman · 21/07/2021 19:44

All goes in the pot and we take a personal 'allowance' out into our own accounts. It used to be split by earning ratio but now the same as I pointed out to DH that I didn't earn much less but picked up more at home. It works well for us.

Original poster

GAL8 · 21/07/2021 19:48

@Heartofglass12345 It was maybe more of a flippant comment he made about me paying half. I don't think he would want to leave me short. I do feel guilty though. I.e, if I didn't have a loan, credit cards, my own bills, I could then offer to pay more. Despite the fact he earns a great deal more than me I pick up the bill when I can if we eat out or go out for the day, just because I like to think I'm 'doing my bit'. I also think she's OUR daughter so I should be paying half but it's pretty impossible right now.

OP posts:

Throughabushbackwards · 21/07/2021 20:02

I earn quite a bit more than DH. We put the bulk of our wages proportionally into a joint account that pays all of the bills and accrues family savings, leaving each with an equal £400 spending money per month for personal stuff in our own accounts.

I don't think you should have to live on £50 per month in your situation, it really doesn't seem very fair.

RosieGuacamosie · 21/07/2021 20:11

Did he agree to you going part time?

MouseontheLouse · 21/07/2021 20:11

You have a child now, you're a family, there is no his or hers money.

It should go into one pot that pays for everything.

Why didn't you get married before conceiving? Or at least discuss finances and come to a fair agreement.

MouseontheLouse · 21/07/2021 20:14

I do totally appreciate he's very kind in letting me just pay for food & car tax

Kind?

Original poster

GAL8 · 21/07/2021 20:15

@MouseontheLouse Neither of us are interested in marriage.. you don't have to get married to have a child/children, right? The child is more of a commitment than a marriage will ever be.

OP posts:

Original poster

GAL8 · 21/07/2021 20:16

@RosieGuacamosie Yes. Something I have to remind myself of at times!

OP posts:

RosieGuacamosie · 21/07/2021 20:19

[quote GAL8]@MouseontheLouse Neither of us are interested in marriage.. you don't have to get married to have a child/children, right? The child is more of a commitment than a marriage will ever be.

[/quote]
No, but it’s a bloody good idea and this is the reason why! It seems he doesn’t see you as a family unit when it comes to finances. Honestly, I think you need to go back full time as I suspect he’ll dig his heels in. Are you on the mortgage/deeds?

CaptainCorelli · 21/07/2021 20:20

Joint account - all money goes in and comes out of the same account. It’s all family money, I used to earn more than him and then DH earned more when I worked part time when dc were little. We are both work full time and earn similar amounts now.

Standrewsschool · 21/07/2021 20:20

All money goes into a pot. All bills, living expenses, food, etc comes out of that pot. There’s no ‘his and her’ money. We don’t have a personal allowance either, but will discuss larger purchases.

VodselForDinner · 21/07/2021 20:21

[/quote]
Oh dear.

Let me guess, he thinks it’s just a piece of paper? Like house deeds, insurance policies, and £50 notes.

Being unmarried and earning significantly less, you’re leaving yourself in a very vulnerable position should you ever split.

Please tell me that the house is in shared names and not just his?

Tibtab · 21/07/2021 20:21

We put all the money together, pay all the childcare and bills then split the rest so we both have equal spending money. We’ve done this since I went on Maternity leave with my first (before that we were on the same amount).
We’ve both dropped a day at work so equal childcare responsibilities.
I think PP’s have mentioned not being married as if you reduce your hours/pension contributions to look after children, then break up with DP you are not entitled to any of his pensions/assets etc. Of course you can have children without being married but often women come out worse especially if they are the lower earning party.

ComDummings · 21/07/2021 20:23

All money in one pot, bills come out and whatever is left we share.

DGFB · 21/07/2021 20:27

He’s not being kind. This situation is ridiculous. You are only part time as you gave up working a few days to look after your joint child.
All money goes in one pot here and we each have the same amount to spend on ourselves each month. It’s the only fair way.
I think you need a serious chat with your DH. If he refuses then say you are going to look for a full time job. Let him sort childcare

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/07/2021 20:27

Whose name is the house in?

We're equal free time/equal spare money here. But then I don't think marriage is a piece of paper, I think it's a legal, financial contract.

Original poster

GAL8 · 21/07/2021 20:28

Hey @Tibtab thanks for that, that's a really helpful comment. I think it's my issue in that I feel guilty taking money from him. I was fiercely independent before I went part time, & before we moved in together several years ago. I guess I struggle to ask him for help.
Marriage doesn't interest me, but I understand what PPs are saying. My partners family have several properties that have been left in trust to my DD, and she's all I care about. If we ever were to split, she will have a secure financial future, & to be honest he's a good man. He would never see me out on the street. Easy to say, but when you know, you know.

OP posts:

Original poster

GAL8 · 21/07/2021 20:30

Hi @DGFB thanks for that, I feel slightly embarrassed as I have nothing to really put in the pot! If I'm struggling he will help, but I don't often ask for help. These comments are making me think though. We've just never had that conversation. It comes down to guilt for me definitely, I don't feel I have much to put in to the pot, I'd definitely be taking out more than I put in, if that makes sense.

OP posts:

VodselForDinner · 21/07/2021 20:33

Your choice, OP, but you’re leaving yourself and your daughter in a very vulnerable situation.

He would never see me out on the street. Easy to say, but when you know, you know

Nobody has a child and a life with someone thinking they’re going to get dumped and left in the financial shit. It happened every single day. Read the relationship forum on here and make sure you’re fully informed, and you’re coming across as quite naive here.

Fundamentally, you’ve halved your earning potential and sacrificed your pension for a man who could kick you out tomorrow (if the house is silently in his name, which I expect it is), and no have to pay you a penny over CMS rates for your daughter.

Original poster

GAL8 · 21/07/2021 20:36

Hi @VodselForDinner thank you. I take your point, however if that ever were to happen I have a suitable place to go to with family. We have a strong relationship & have been together 7 years, of course you can never say never, my own Dad left my mum with 3 kids & just walked one day, so I'm not naive. Appreciate your comment though.

OP posts:

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/07/2021 20:36

My partners family have several properties that have been left in trust to my DD

Rich people stay rich by being tighter than a duck's arse. I guarantee a man who would leave you with £50 a month when he's got £2000 in a loving relationship will see you on the street when the love's gone.

But there's none so blind.

VodselForDinner · 21/07/2021 20:38

@GAL8

Hi *@VodselForDinner* thank you. I take your point, however if that ever were to happen I have a suitable place to go to with family. We have a strong relationship & have been together 7 years, of course you can never say never, my own Dad left my mum with 3 kids & just walked one day, so I'm not naive. Appreciate your comment though.

But he’s financially abusive?

Does he own the house solely? Is he self-employed?

DGFB · 21/07/2021 20:40

But you are putting into the pot. You’re putting in childcare.. you’re looking after your child, you’re probably doing way more housework than your husband. You are contributing to the easy running of family life. If you go back full time then all those things need paying for. You need to point this out to your husband. It is 50-50 contribution..it’s just that some of yours is non-monetary

hauntedvagina · 21/07/2021 20:41

All money in one account. All bills out of that account. Personal spends from that account, we both spend cautiously and would speak to each other before spending £100 on something. Our earnings are roughly the same as yours.

To echo others, marriage is very important. It's a contract.

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