How do you split your bills...

[GAL8]

I earn £1200 working 3 days a week. I was full time, have been part time the last 18 months since DD was born. Partner earns just below £4K a month. He pays all household bills, including mortgage. I buy food which is around £600 a month & pay the car tax. I have my own outgoings of £350 a month for an old loan & credit cards, phone bill, etc. Anyway I'm left with just under £250 for myself & DD, (I buy all her clothes, toys etc) & put petrol in the car. DD goes to nursery 2 days a week. Partner pays the bill (works out at just under £200 a month)

Due to working hours, we need DD in nursery another day & a half a week. Partner is looking to me to pay half, which will work out at just under £200. Leaving me £50 a month or so. I feel guilty but I can't afford to live off £50 a month. Is it unreasonable to think he should foot the whole bill? His bills come to just under £2K a month. I do totally appreciate he's very kind in letting me just pay for food & car tax, but it's times like these I miss having a full time wage, as I'm down £500 a month but still incurring the same monthly costs. I just wondered how any one else split their bills?

We do it proportionally. So i earn 70% of household income, so every bill essentially i pay 70% of it.

Hi @hauntedvagina (love the name) not saying marriage isn't important, it's just not important to us.

@DGFB Yes I agree. He's already paying most of the bills.. that's where I feel guilty as I essentially live rent free.

@GAL8

Hi *@hauntedvagina* (love the name) not saying marriage isn't important, it's just not important to us.

It will be important in twenty years when you have no assets because of raising your child and being financially shat on.

What's your plan for retirement/buying a house?

[quote GAL8]@MouseontheLouse Neither of us are interested in marriage.. you don't have to get married to have a child/children, right? The child is more of a commitment than a marriage will ever be.

[/quote]
Oh lord, here we go.

You know what's really, astoundingly like money to live off when you're old? Money.

How much is he putting into his pension? How much are you putting in? You have no claim on his whatsoever. So in the fairly likely event that you split, what's your plan to fund yourself in old age without pooling resources through marriage?

You can have a child with a one night stand. Getting married shows commitment. It also gives you rights and responsibilities.

You've put yourself in a tricky situation here OP.

1. You earned less than DP initially then you lost money on mat leave, then you have cut your hours. So you have less money and less pensions contributions. (We don't know about the house/ cars/ other assets as yet).

1. If he leaves you, he will be financially fine. But you will be left with an income of 1200 and a child. You won't be entitled to any of his assets or money except child support (which is crap).

Now, I know you have said he won't leave or words to that effect. But 50% of marriages end in divorce and you guys aren't even married. He can literally up and leave tomorrow. This is the reality. It happens every day.

The way you get out of this is either:

A. Insist on getting married ASAP. Doesn't matter if you wait for the wedding but get down to the registry office and get the paperwork done in the next couple of months.

B. Go back to working full time and get working on your career. Ensure your career has equal importance attached to it within the relationship. Ensure that everything is split proportionately to income. So for example if he earns 4,000 and you earn 2,000, he should be paying double what you are.

What do you think?

No. No. No.

He is stealing money from you. You have given up your earning potential to provide him with free child care.

This is not equality. If you are going to sacrifice your career and your earnings to take care of his child and you are going to keep money separate then he should start paying you a salary. Does that seem crazy? It’s no crazier than you thinking it is alright to struggle to get by on nothing while he enjoys plenty of disposable income and financial security and you expense.

This thread happens again and again and I’m getting angrier every time.

@MouseontheLouse I'm not disagreeing with you. I just don't want to get married.

@GAL8

Hi *@DGFB* thanks for that, I feel slightly embarrassed as I have nothing to really put in the pot! If I'm struggling he will help, but I don't often ask for help. These comments are making me think though. We've just never had that conversation. It comes down to guilt for me definitely, I don't feel I have much to put in to the pot, I'd definitely be taking out more than I put in, if that makes sense.

So tell him you’re going back full time, will put your full salary into one pot with his, all childcare, bills etc all come out & split the rest - you have a child together, that’s why you’re currently earning less!

@GAL8

Hi *@hauntedvagina* (love the name) not saying marriage isn't important, it's just not important to us.

I started off writing quite a lengthly response to this, but I've realised it's pointless. Don't be naive OP, marriage is important, very important.

[quote GAL8]@MouseontheLouse I'm not disagreeing with you. I just don't want to get married.[/quote]
Fine. Then you need a plan for your own financial security. Independent of him. Property, pension, savings. No more de facto wife with no security.

And have a think about why you don't like marriage. Because in your position it's sensible.

If you don't want to get married, then you need to a) get back to FT work, b) pool all earnings or else pool bills and contribute strictly proportional to earnings, c) get a stake in your home nailed down.

Else we'll see you back here in 5 years with the "he left and I'm in poverty and he doesn't even pay CM" thread.

@Lazypuppy

Same here I earn 2/3 of our income so DH transfers me his 1/3 share come payday.

Then we have our own money thereafter.

He would never see me out on the street. Easy to say, but when you know, you know.

He's happy to see you with just £50 a month to spend, yet you're confident that he'll see you're OK financially if you split up? Not sure how that follows.

[quote GAL8]@MouseontheLouse I'm not disagreeing with you. I just don't want to get married.[/quote]
What's going to happen in the event that he leaves?

What about if he leaves when you're just about to retire.

To men, marriage is more of a commitment than a child.

Do you have a joint account?

If not set one up.

Based on your earnings you should pay around £500 into it. He should pay about £2k into it. All bills, food and petrol come out of this account including DD's clothes etc. The rest of your money is your own.

@hauntedvagina @MrsTerryPratchett Whilst I appreciate what you are both saying, let me try & explain why I don't want to get married. I feel it puts an invisible pressure on a couple. I also think yes, it does give financial stability to a degree, but I don't want to get married purely for that reason, it's too similar to a business deal. I know I wouldn't be happy, & that's that.

I wish there were a way to gain financial stability without the marriage element. I don't feel any worry/threat if myself & my partner were to split. When him & an ex broke up, he helped her find somewhere to live, & paid the first 3 months rent as the split was his decision, despite having no children between them & she also worked full time. I'm sure some will find ways to pick holes in that, but it's the truth.

And let's face it, if the worst were to happen, I'd cope, we always do. That's not the point of this thread, I was just curious to know how others split their bills, but the comments have given me some food for thought.

All money combined, bills paid from that pot then we both get the same amount of personal spends each month. We treat it as a bill, mortgage x, gas y, Personal spends z x2. Have done this since moving in together, several job changes, me working a variety of hours from none on mat leave to part time to full time. Any money is joint

A lot depends on the house situation. Who's house is it?, if it's in his name only, then he should be paying mortgage and bills and also contributing towards the food etc. If its a joint mortgage then the split sounds fair, however I don't see why you should be paying for all your dc's outgoings, that should be 50/50.

@CantStandMeow That sounds to be the majority vote. I wouldn't even know how to approach that conversation with my partner. I'm not saying he would say no, I'm just saying I'd feel guilty about asking fir money.. that's embarrassment on my part, I got myself in to a lot of debt in my early 20's & ten years later am still paying it off, hence the loan. I feel if I hadn't done that, I'd have £250 extra in my account every month & wouldn't be left with so little after every pay day.

Don't feel bad about the loan. You're paying it off, that's the main thing! Won't last forever!

I wish there were a way to gain financial stability without the marriage element.

There is. Work full time, prioritise your career and expect him to step up. Save money, contribute fairly but not half. Have your own pension and savings and don't compromise your earnings for childcare or wife work. Pay off debts first, then save, then a pension. Then a property.

And don't pay off a mortgage for him by paying rent. If you pay for accommodation, you want equity.

The reason he pays all the bills is that its his house and he doesn't want you to have a claim on it.

You need to wise up now. Not one single person posting here cares if you are married. We all care about your financial security and that of your child. Marriage is the easiest cheapest and most reliable way of doing this.

Properties in trust can be changed at the stroke of a pen. It means absolutely nothing. Do you have copies of all these trust documents ? Get them and ask your solicitor for her comments.

Why are you paying everything for his child? That shows you what kind of father he is!

He dumped his ex and out her out on the street with 3 months rent and you think thats a good thing ??? You are deluded.

Get back to work full time. Insist that he does half the housework and childcare. Stop paying a Penny towards his house until you are on the title deeds ( NOT just the mortgage ).

Use yhour wages to get a BTL property and put lots in to your pension . Same as he is doing.

You will soon find out if hes such a great guy.