Keeping up with the Joneses culture

[Mumoftwo2021]

Anyone else feel that social media etc have set impossible standards for our younger generation.

We have become a culture of debt and trying to keep up with the Joneses, all the while destroying our mental health and spiralling further into debt.

Recently I’ve reviewed our finances and decided to stop being sucked into this and sort out our finances out to have some quality of life.

Anyone else taken a U turn in this day and age and refused to try and live up to today’s standards?

I can see how easy it is to get sucked into spending more and more. I have serious house envy. I see the most stunning properties and I would love to be able to have one. However, since I am very unlikely ever to have the million £ plus required to buy one I know it's just a fantasy and it does not eat away at me.

I have never understood the love of cars, designer clothes, five star dining. But I have worked with people who get obsessed with it. People on very, very good double incomes but in constant debt because they just had to have a newer, better car. These same people who extend their mortgage term and take out finance deals to aquire all this stuff. The same people who made jokes at my sad little basic car and my standard of living as they saw it. I did not see it as basic - I had lots of holidays, ate the food I wanted, love my hobbies and never went without.

I am the one laughing now. Took early retirement in my early 50s funded my the savings I made by having this 'basic' lifestyle. They are still working at jobs they hate.

@singsingbluesilver exactly, I said this to my partner the other day. Money is being wasted and not saved or invested, come retirement there will be no savings, no equity in their property, they won’t own a car etc
To be honest having dipped my toe in, it’s almost as if you slightly get sucked in you then evaluate everything, I have the car but not the clothes or the house - it’s a never ending cycle as u say.
Having stepped away from it I no longer feel I’m in a race to have to compete, much easier lifestyle. We now have a car we own, more money in the bank, good value of equity in our property. If anything after the last two years I feel like we are ‘living the dream’ as they say 😂

How much were your car payments before Op if you don’t mind me asking?

Per month
Car £600
Car tax - £45
Insurance - £110
Total per month £755 BEFORE putting fuel in 😳 @SandysMam

This is a great thread. Thank you so much for starting it! I'm in my mid 30s and with one DS and I'm slowly coming to this realisation too. I think becoming a parent makes it a lot worse for some reason.

Omg that £9k per year.

I think things have changed a lot in recent years, keeping up with the Joneses has always existed, but it seems like since the advent of reality tv, people have seen "normal people" who they think are just like them leading very aspirational lifestyles. People try to keep up and end up in debt/releasing equity to pay for stuff. Even 15 years ago it just wasn't normal for young women to expect to have designer handbags, new clothes constantly, drive a new car, take holidays to exotic locations along with city breaks, spa days, skiing in the winter, lots of cosmetic and beauty treatments. Very few people lived like that when I was growing up, but now I see so many very normal young women living like this. They can't all have rich parents and why has it changed so much in recent years? I can only think it's because people try to keep up with what they see on social media or celebrities and accrue debt doing it.

@DK123 I think that’s spot on. Definitely a real shift from when I was younger. Stuff like professional nails, brows etc seem like an essential now and the cost soon racks up.

I agree, people living like celebs it’s just not sustainable.
I see girls of high school age wearing a full face of makeup that looks professional they are that good and no more rucksacks like when I was at school it’s Michael Kors handbags they use now, iPhones, air pods - it’s like these expensive things have become ‘the norm’ as you say @DK123
I’m quite happy and content now with my 3 bed semi and my 59 plate car.
To be honest I don’t even want my Gucci bag and boots anymore I’d rather have the money, I’d go so far to say I don’t even like them anymore and what they represent xx

I find it quite sad and disturbing that girls as young as early 20s are getting cosmetic surgery to change their body and altering their face with fillers and threads, the current trend is the fox eye threads have you seen them?
It must be so difficult being a young girl of today x

yes I totally agree and yes it's not just money and possessions but also beauty standards. We are so bombarded by images all the time. My dds are so worried about the way they look, their body hair and their weight. They are not alone, I try to help them put these issues into perspective but it is not easy with influencers, advertising and peer pressure.

@Mumoftwo2021

Anyone else feel that social media etc have set impossible standards for our younger generation.

We have become a culture of debt and trying to keep up with the Joneses, all the while destroying our mental health and spiralling further into debt.

Recently I’ve reviewed our finances and decided to stop being sucked into this and sort out our finances out to have some quality of life.

Anyone else taken a U turn in this day and age and refused to try and live up to today’s standards?

I totally agree. We have been victims of this and we are now having to unpick the mess. Never again will I be a victim of trying to impress others

I've really been feeling pressured recently to buy an expensive set of garden furniture. I love the look of other peoples beautiful, comfortable garden seating areas.

I am reading all your replies to the OP thinking, yes I'd like that, I can't afford it, don't get in debt and use credit. Not having 'up to date' garden furniture doesn't really matter, I can make do for now.

I know it's not on the scale of an expensive 4x4 but it's still pressure, you know. But I can resist!! Being in debt won't help me enjoy my garden for long.

@EnfieldRes it’s everything and anything isn’t it, clothes, cars, homes, gardens, devices, hot tubs etc

@keeponkeepinon I came off social media last year and it’s done my mental health wonders! X

Thanks for sharing @Mumoftwo2021 I always wonder the actual price of these road beasts, that is insane!!! Feel really pleased for you that you are freeing yourself. A couple of hundred is one thing but that is just madness!

@avocadotofu you are so right, being a parent DOES make it worse!! I think it’s because you don’t want to let your kids down or be seen as a shit Mum in an old banger etc!

We have a home not a house (that we pay a tiny mortgage on and can afford to pay off), drive a big doff SUB that we could afford to buy outright and will own for 5+ years, DS is privately educated ( education is a priority and we do go without foreign holidays to keep within our budget), credit cards are paid off every month and we live within our residual income.
Most of our “things” are bought when we can afford them and are chosen for quality and therefore to last. Our house is small but we don’t need a large garden and 8 bedrooms ( I hate housework so less is more when it comes to squ footage).
As a result we have been able to retire in our fifties although I still work part time until my pension starts at 60, but I will continue to work because I enjoy it.
We never tried to keep up, being happy with our lot ( which due to educational advantage was probably more than average).
I know lots of people who have never reached this state and probably never will.
I think that the early loss of my parents focussed our attention on enjoying life to the full while you can rather than constantly striving for that perfect life.

*f-off SUV

Oh and we never buy new cars, usually 1-2yrs old when they have lost the maximum value. Our current car is top of the range with loads of optional extras. It was 18mnths old and 24k cheaper than original price. Due to Covid and major shortages of second hand cars ( that model) it is worth almost what we paid for it. Although I won’t be selling it any time soon.

There's a lot more nice stuff around nowadays for people to see and want, which I'm assuming is because the demand is there due to people spending more (although that might be through accruing debt). There's definitely a much bigger choice of consumer goods than there ever was. It's easy to get caught up even without trying to "keep up with the Jones" and just see stuff you like and want to buy all the time. I did used to care more when I was younger and like most people, I wanted to look nice, but I feel that teenage girls and young women nowadays are bombarded not just with pictures of people they might aspire to try and look like (like people have always done with movie stars etc), but now they also aspire to have everything these people have. Back in the 90s, people got a Rachel haircut because they wanted to emulate Jennifer Aniston, nowadays, young women have an endless wish list of designer clothes, bags, jewellery and then the house to go with it, based on what they see documented by reality stars on social media. It goes much further than it ever did.

I’m early 30s and personally the kind of lifestyle you describe has never been one I’ve aspired to - I just don’t really give a shit what people think. I’ve always been naturally rebellious and single minded and followed my own tastes and preferences - not that I didn’t get sucked into some trends along the way, I definitely did, but not to the point of having loads of stuff on credit. Last year I had a choice between buying a gorgeous house with a garden in my hometown or a tiny London flat for the same price - it was definitely marketed as aspirational to leave London for a more countrified life - but I chose the flat because my life, friends, work etc are in London. I don’t care if people think I’m mad or that my flat’s shit. I like it and that’s all that matters!

I definitely agree that influencers present a totally unattainable lifestyle, and many young people do try and emulate this. Our generation and the ones before had advertising and toxic messages about women’s looks in the media, and society does still push the 2.4 kids in the suburbs in a nice house narrative, but get Z have so many different forms of social media throwing things at them and trends developing and passing so quickly that yes, it is worrying to think about what younger people will be sucked into.

what is FIRE that posters have mentioned?