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Original poster

Partner's salary/stayathome mum

220 replies

calistassouth · 27/01/2021 12:27

Hi!
I've stopped working due to us being due in March with our first baby.
My husband has said it's fine that I am a stay at home mum and he will support us.
I feel happy to do this, but I'm worried that his salary will end up being too little to support a whole family of two adults and one baby. Or will become an issue as baby gets older?
He makes £24,000.
Does anyone have any thoughts on whether this is going to be enough for us to live comfortably?
I know there are other factors, like mortgage etc (£480 per month)
but in general, is one salary at this bracket enough to be okay..?
Thanks!

OP posts:
RJnomore1 · 27/01/2021 23:51

I’ve never heard that phrase! I’ve seen parent guaranteed but that wouldn’t mean fixed rate for the term. Live and learn...

Regularsizedrudy · 27/01/2021 23:54

What’s a parental mortgage? Will you be able to get a mortgage on just 24k?

LetMeBubble · 28/01/2021 00:02

It’s doable op if you can manage your finances well

But yes if I were you I would work until I can get maternity leave and then decide once baby turns 1.

Because having that option is empowering. It is amazing how vulnerable you can feel living off a husbands salary when you haven’t tried that dynamic before.

Try it first and if you like it decide to quit when the baby is 1.

His mother was a SAHM, but the generations have now changes and the demands have become different and you will need his support and unless your own mother was a SAHM and you discussed with her at length her satisfactions and disappointments then you shouldn’t rely on his impressions of his mother because they’re juvenile and he might’ve not thought of it critically and if anything it might mean he will be oblivious to the challenges of modern life that you might face and expect too much of you and too little of himself

Just speculating here based on the average population of men

lowbudgetnigella · 28/01/2021 00:25

If you are going to try this I'd say all money income needs to come into joint account and your job (including the baby) is to manage that you can live on it.
Give it a go, keep tally of all money snd set weekly budget including seeing if you can save any each month. Treat it like work
You need to keep a buffer though of a couple (ideally 3) of months salary. I'm not kidding, if you can't afford that then you need to work, even just part time?

If it's too tight you will need to look for some work to top it up.

Userzzz · 28/01/2021 01:21

I wouldn’t think it’s enough, however, your mortgage is quite low so you might be able to make it work based on what your expenses are and your spending habits.

kittycorner · 28/01/2021 03:09

@calistassouth Exciting time in your life!

I wonder if you know the details of your budget? Would be really good to really know where your money goes, how much is spent, what things cost. Sometimes in a partnership the husband or highest income earner handles money, but you really must both know.

Can you do something part time from home to boost income a bit and still be a SAHM. Many parents need very part time care that is affordable. You could do 2 days a week and take 1-2 little ones and give yourself another 250 or so a month which I'm sure would be a big help.

My family was on less than that for about 4 years and any emergency wiped us out. And that's the hard thing - cooker, washer, boiler, car. Things happen. It would be good if you had even 200-300 more per month to save. Do you have savings? Obviously that income is much easier if you have a decent savings account. I have friends on the same salary as you but they have over 100k in the bank. So hard months they take the interest or even just 1k out to help. Very different to those without savings to help.

LadyWhistledownthe1st · 28/01/2021 06:16

I wouldn’t agree reactions are mixed. I would say 95% are telling you it’ll be tight and you’ll have no life but you only seem to of replied directly to the 5% who’ve told you they do it on £1,500 a month and life is good.

optimissy · 28/01/2021 08:36

@Regularsizedrudy

What’s a parental mortgage? Will you be able to get a mortgage on just 24k?
Parental mortgage is as follows: Parents lent me the money to buy a house, so I now own the house outright - but I agree to pay them back £480 ish a month, like a loan. Safer and cheaper than a real mortgage, and not subject to changing rates.
BarbaraofSeville · 28/01/2021 08:42

I think it will cover the basics but occasionally you'll struggle and moving to a more expensive area will probably be a non starter unless you can also increase your income.

What you shouldn't underestimate is how annual and irregular costs can add up. White goods replacement, DIY/house repairs, car repair and eventual replacement, etc etc.

However, if you're both naturally frugal/low spenders it might not be too bad, especially if you are able to use good budgeting and moneysaving techniques as part of your SAHM role (shopping around, cooking cheaper food from scratch, make do and mend etc).

Bluntness100 · 28/01/2021 08:47

It’s doable. But you’re going to be living a frugal life. Money worries brings its own stresses. I would do it initially but accept it is likely not long term and you will have to go back to work after the first year or two.

optimissy · 28/01/2021 08:54

@LetMeBubble

It’s doable op if you can manage your finances well

But yes if I were you I would work until I can get maternity leave and then decide once baby turns 1.

Because having that option is empowering. It is amazing how vulnerable you can feel living off a husbands salary when you haven’t tried that dynamic before.

Try it first and if you like it decide to quit when the baby is 1.

His mother was a SAHM, but the generations have now changes and the demands have become different and you will need his support and unless your own mother was a SAHM and you discussed with her at length her satisfactions and disappointments then you shouldn’t rely on his impressions of his mother because they’re juvenile and he might’ve not thought of it critically and if anything it might mean he will be oblivious to the challenges of modern life that you might face and expect too much of you and too little of himself

Just speculating here based on the average population of men

Thanks - he's actually really amazing and both goes to work and cooks and cleans and expects very little of me. He wants me to do whatever I would like and is 100% supportive, whether that be work full or part time, wfh, retraining, never work again, etc he's happy doing the legwork. I don't find going to work particularly empowering or enjoyable, and think being a housewife should be more socially acceptable. My mum went back to work when I was six months old and I think that really left a mark on me, I'm pretty sceptical of the idea that women should all have careers as well as raising children, doesn't seem that optimal to me. Each to their own, I'm more than happy at home.
optimissy · 28/01/2021 08:55

@scubadub

Why the move south OP? Are you moving for dh's work?? How do you know he will find work if that is not the pull factor?? I wouldn't dream of moving until he actually had a job to go to.
Sure, we wouldn't move until he got a job
Bunchup · 28/01/2021 08:56

Name change, OP?

optimissy · 28/01/2021 08:56

Note! I changed my posting name! I'm the original OP ☺️

Reinventinganna · 28/01/2021 09:21

Do you have any savings?

user194729573 · 28/01/2021 09:27

Growing up with financial stresses tends to leave a mark.

LetMeOut2021 · 28/01/2021 09:28

That’s my PT salary and is basically what I use for childcare (a cost you won’t have) and food shops, toddler groups (when they’re on) and clothes etc. I couldn’t imagine running a household on it!

Fressia123 · 28/01/2021 09:34

I just saw you'd only move when he gets a job. A massive word of caution OP. As I've mentioned I live in the SW. My salary is £21k, comparable job in London would pay triple that, in Nottingham closer to £30k.

NoSquirrels · 28/01/2021 09:45

Will you be able to borrow more off your parents for a new mortgage if where you move to is more expensive? Will you be moving away from them - and did you work for their business before?

Being a SAHM is perfectly valid if you have a long-term plan. Pension, security, a back-up plan for employability skills etc. But on one pretty low income - unless your DH has potential to increase earnings a lot - it is very tough and pretty risky. If you move away to a new area with a child that makes things harder too - no family support and no established childcare system so it will all fall to you. If you suffer health issues - exacerbated by sleeplessness, if it’s migraines, I assume? - it’s a lot of stress.

Tier10 · 28/01/2021 09:52

I guess if you’re not working at the moment you may as well give it a go. You can always look for a part time evening or weekend job, then you are still a SAHM and your household income would be higher.

PinkSpring · 28/01/2021 10:22

Seriously - you think the fact your own mum went back to work when you were six months old left a mark on you...... if you want to be a stay at home mum, do it - but don't say stupid things like the above to justify it.

As the majority of others have said - you can probably survive on £24k for a family of three, but it will be more like surviving than living. You aren't going to have much spare money for anything other than the essentials and if anything goes wrong (car repairs, boiler repairs, need to replace oven, fridge, etc) then you could easily get into financial difficulties.

You are also considering moving to an expensive area where the £24k will be even harder to survive on.....

Also don't forget that babies are fairly cheap to start with - they soon get expensive.

I personally think you are being foolish but considering you have already quit your job - you might as well try it and see. I am sure when money is running low and things get tough, you will understand why people tried to tell you it's not a good idea.

scubadub · 28/01/2021 10:30

Ah OP... you sound a little "pandered to" for want of a better term Grin

Also just letting you know that being a SAHM isn't all it's made out to be. It can feel very lonely and you won't know until you experience it. It hated every minute despite the fact that before my dd was born I was so excited at the prospects of being home with my baby and planned on never going back to work....how wrong was I!!

optimissy · 28/01/2021 10:36

Christ, what an ugly thread this has transformed into. Mix a little resentment with a lot of black and whiteness and a pinch of bitterness and faux feminism and there you have it. Thanks everyone who tried to answer my question in good faith.
I was only asking for advice.
Eurgh.

LetMeOut2021 · 28/01/2021 10:39

I don’t think anyone resents your situ OP....

PinkSpring · 28/01/2021 10:42

Just because you aren't getting the answers you want doesn't mean people resent you! People are trying to tell you it's not a good idea but you seems like you have already decided that you are going to do it anyway!

There is no way I would want to try and survive on £24k as a family - as I said before, it would be a pretty meagre existence...... Just remember growing up in a family that can't afford any luxuries can "leave a mark" as well!

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