Mum left me with 80k of debt in my name

[dreamingofautumn]

Hi everyone,

I’m just after a bit of advice, I’ll try and keep this brief. I’ve always had a strained relationship with my mother to the point I decided to move out when I was 21 into the local uni accommodation. During the three years of my degree I didn’t change my address details or anything to reflect where I was living and unknown to me my mother had taken out a huge number of finance agreements in my name- phone contracts, payday loans, credit cards, store cards, catalogues- you name it she took it out, totalling around 80k. When I finished my degree and had to move home after my Landlord sold the flat I was renting I discovered the mountain of debt collection letters she was hiding. I was obviously fuming and went to call the police but she played the mental health card and threatened to commit suicide (she had tried this in the past) and swore if I didn’t contact the police she’d pay it all off. We set up payment plans with the companies which she paid for about a year then promptly left my dad and I’ve never seen her since and it’s been 4 years.

I’m in a relatively good job but even so I feel like I’m barely making a dent in all this debt. The lenders have been incredibly supportive about setting up payment plans for the most part but my credit score is shot at the bottom end of very poor, I have 4 CCJ’s and countless defaults. I’m 28 and I’m stuck living at home with my dad because I can’t pass the credit check to rent let alone ever get approved for a mortgage. I was young and naive and shouldn’t have trusted my mother but I honestly don’t see a way out of this and don’t know how I’ll ever manage to rebuild my credit score

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Speak to Action Fraud
www.actionfraud.police.uk/

www.actionfraud.police.uk/a-z-of-fraud/identity-fraud-and-identity-theft

They will be more knowledgeable than the local police. Get a crime reference number then go back to the lenders.

Agree with others there WILL be a way to sort this.
Please try and muster the energy to do so, it will be worth it.
Pleased your df is supportive but do talk to him about his will.

I cannot believe the police weren't more helpful! If I were you I'd try again, and complain if I had to. Just because it was your mother it doesn't mean it wasnt a crime, and crimes have been committed.

Try your MP too. There's no way you should just have to accept this and try and figure it out to the detriment of your 20s, and longer. Make a fuss.

You poor thing.

You need good legal advice that it for you and you alone. Don't feel stupid for the agreement you didn't get in writing from your Mum. I'm sure that was quite deliberate on her part. There is pretty much the whole of society helping her here - "I'm a mother" is sometime taken as short hand for "I'm a good person".
The comment about the house is true. Unless it was already paid for completely before your parents marriage she may well come back and have a claim on it, and disappear again, so get your ducks in a row now with respect to both divorce and your father's death. Also consider what would happen in the event of any relative who hasn't disappeared but has left money to your mother in their will. Is there anything you could do to ensure that any bequests go to helping you pay off those debt rather than into your mother's pocket before she disappears again.
I suspect that there are new bank accounts, possibly in a new name and identity that the money was transferred into from what you say.
£80 000 that her daughter had to pay off sounds like greedy not desperation to get away from an abusive husband, OP so please don't be guilted by other people. into continuing to pay and to continue to sacrifice yourself. Finally, record may be kept for only a certain time - in some case that may be 7 years, so make sure you have copies of everything - and copies of the copies somewhere outside the house, too. (and with someone who will put your interests and not those of either of your parents first). Non of this is legal advice, it's just issues to raise when you get some legal advice. Have a list of questions you want to ask the solicitor when you finally see them. There should be plenty of things on this thread to help. I know it must feel horrible even thinking about this. Can you imagine you are your own little sister or best friend and you are the sorted together best friend helping her when you are dealing with the practical side of this? Might that help?
The feeling stupid about this is something you have been maneuverered into and it is something that abusers rely on. It is not a feeling with any basis of truth. Your mother had since your birth (or adoption if you are adopted) to set you up to fall for this.

Write to Kate Morley at the Telegraph. She does excellent work as a consumer champion and as your case has an emotive element to it, I think you have a good shot at your case being picked up.

Your farther needs to sell the house. Toy say he shouldn't be punished for who he married but why should you be punished for who you were born to? It's the very clear obvious solution.

Contact Stepchange. They are a debt charity. Tell them everything and they will advise you about best course of action. Don’t do any of the things being suggested (bankruptcy, IVA etc) until you have proper advice.

Yes, I was wondering if they are still married. I also agree that a parent would take responsibility for this, more so than have their child lumbered with it anyway.

I’ll be sure to check out that podcast later after work. Thank you.

My parents divorce was finalised around 18 months ago. My dad has since updated his will and life insurance policies so I’m assuming since the divorce is finalised she’d now have no claim on anything? She didn’t ask for half the house during the divorce but she did get some sort of settlement but I don’t know the ins and outs of it to be honest. Our home has been in the family for a few generations so I don’t want/expect my dad to sell it, as well as my dad working hard on it it also has sentimental value too. He is helping me pay the debt back out of his wages also as best he can and has talked about postponing retirement to continue to do this but realistically even with both of us paying it, there’s just so much of it to make much of a difference which is partly why I’ve asked for advice now- I feel like we’re fighting a losing battle.

I don’t think there was any chance of financial abuse, she always had access to the joint account and credit cards so money wise, she could use what she wanted. She was always a big spender - designer clothes/refusing to shop anywhere other than M&S etc... so I’d find that hard to believe. If anything I think abuse would more likely be the other way around as she was quite mentally unstable and alcohol dependent but that’s a whole other kettle of fish.

I did wonder about whether she’s doing this still using someone else’s name but she doesn’t have any other family so god knows who she would use. I’d completely forgot about records only being held for so many years so I think getting updated details from all the creditors would be a good first step before contacting other organisations for advice

Thank you again everyone. I’ll try and remember to update this thread when I’ve got all the account information/had advice from organisations

I really do appreciate all the advice and support.

I’m so glad to see your update your dad has tried his best to share this too , and that you have each other. Really wish you well with the right thing happening as I hate unfairness in life and it would be wrong if you were punished for your mum’s behaviour.
I love the advice to try the writer st the Telegraph as that seems sensible to try too

Thank you for the update. Sounds as though your Dad is doing more to help you than I thought at first. Take care. I hope it all goes as well as it possibly can for you.

Bankruptcy ... can affect your job prospects as well as credit rating and being able to find housing

It can affect the chance of forming decent relationships and having a family too. Even though OP's innocent in this, not everyone would want their future compromised through their partner not being able to be party to a mortgage ... which is all the more rason to push for this to be sorted

she always had access to the joint account and credit cards

Why would your father have done this, OP, when he already knew she was hopeless with money? Sorry, but it really doesn't sound as if he's blameless in this, and it's not as if he needs to sell the house, "sentimental attachment" or not

Equity release would do the job just fine ...

@OldGreyBadger has given good advice which is speak to a solicitor, there has been fraud and an element of coercion/duress but this is hard to prove on your own.
The credit contractors had an obligation to make sure they knew who they were giving credit to.

I would also speak to a solicitor. They are actually usually much more helpful in a scenario like this over the police anyday. You can often get 30 mins free with some local ones as well.
I recently went to a 30 min app and the solicitor kindly gave me a whole hour.
Good luck OP I would speak to a solicitor and pursue the other routes to give you a little peace of mind too.

Since OP's dad is apparently helping with some financial bits, it could make more sense for him to pay for the legal advice instead

That way, if there's a chance of this getting sorted out, they'll both be able to avoid the financial fallout in future

This is one reason why I am very happy to live in a country with ID cards, where none of this would have been possible. How utterly awful and scary for you, just when you are hoping to start off in your ault life. I hope CAB and other organisations will be able to help

OP here's a link to the ICO for sending off Subject Access Requests to the various creditors. Make a request for the information in writing, not by phone and you want all the records held for all accounts in your name. Lenders have received tons of these requests over the last few years from people checking if they had PPI on credit agreements so it's not an odd thing for any of them to receive. Even if doing this resulted in you getting rid of one of the debts it would be worth doing.

ico.org.uk/your-data-matters/your-right-to-get-copies-of-your-data/

A similar thing happened to me, OP, but slightly different- relative "persuaded" me to sign for a large loan almost as soon as I turned 18. I'll be paying it off for years, and since I officially agreed (under pressure) I can't do anything. Lender did fuck all checks. I was earning £100 a month!

It's so, so unfair for you. I can't offer any practical advice, but I feel for you. Haven't read the thread yet, but hope someone can come along with some useful information.

OP, please do take legal advice. These debts are not yours, and offering to pay some of them does not make you liable for them. Don't part with another penny until you have seen a solicitor!

I think your dad bears the responsibility too. He should do equity release.

Hi OP, this is truly dreadful for you and my heart goes out to you. I strongly echo a PP's suggestion of writing to Katie Morley at the Daily Telegraph - she investigates financial cases like yours and is completely brilliant, finding a resolution for many complex issues. You would lose nothing by emailing her along the lines set out in your original post: [email protected].
Please do keep us updated - we are all rooting for you.

Do banks and money lenders dispose of paperwork where a loan is not fully paid up? I would have thought they kept the paperwork for the life of the loan if longer than 7 years and/or money owing.

Therebythedoor - they don't necessarily keep all the paperwork/other records after 6 years, they don't have to, but some do. It may also be in a different format e.g. copies of screen shots rather than copies of original paperwork if that's the only record they still have. If it's older than 6 years there's less chance of receiving all the documents but original credit agreements are often kept much longer. They seem to keep phone recordings for the least length of time (if they recorded them at all).