Mum left me with 80k of debt in my name

[dreamingofautumn]

Hi everyone,

I’m just after a bit of advice, I’ll try and keep this brief. I’ve always had a strained relationship with my mother to the point I decided to move out when I was 21 into the local uni accommodation. During the three years of my degree I didn’t change my address details or anything to reflect where I was living and unknown to me my mother had taken out a huge number of finance agreements in my name- phone contracts, payday loans, credit cards, store cards, catalogues- you name it she took it out, totalling around 80k. When I finished my degree and had to move home after my Landlord sold the flat I was renting I discovered the mountain of debt collection letters she was hiding. I was obviously fuming and went to call the police but she played the mental health card and threatened to commit suicide (she had tried this in the past) and swore if I didn’t contact the police she’d pay it all off. We set up payment plans with the companies which she paid for about a year then promptly left my dad and I’ve never seen her since and it’s been 4 years.

I’m in a relatively good job but even so I feel like I’m barely making a dent in all this debt. The lenders have been incredibly supportive about setting up payment plans for the most part but my credit score is shot at the bottom end of very poor, I have 4 CCJ’s and countless defaults. I’m 28 and I’m stuck living at home with my dad because I can’t pass the credit check to rent let alone ever get approved for a mortgage. I was young and naive and shouldn’t have trusted my mother but I honestly don’t see a way out of this and don’t know how I’ll ever manage to rebuild my credit score

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

G to CAB. Tell them that you have been a victim of financial abuse. They will negotiate with the lenders on your behalf.

I fifth the recommendation of Christians Against Poverty (CAP) for help to manage debt. They have recently helped a relative make sense of a nightmare debt mountain built by his STBXW & worked with him to formulate a payment plan. Well worth making contact.

What is harder to determine is how to shift responsibility to repay fraudulently obtained monies back onto the person who made the application, particularly if they were married at the time.

Even though OP accepted the debt by making payments, it could be argued that was due to bad/wrong advice from the police. In other words, OP should have been helped, not sent away with false information by the police.

Where was the money paid when she took these loans?

Unfortunately by not dealing with this as soon as you found out, you have accepted the debt and you need to deal with it. By actually negotiating payment plans with them you acknowledged the debt in your name, so I don't think you can now turn around and say that actually they are not your debts.

As some others have said, take advice from the CAB or Step change. Bankruptcy is certainly an option, but I advised a friend to go down this route a few years ago and it worked for her very well until she met someone, married and had two children in quick succession and found they could not get a mortgage until seven years after the bankruptcy. The reason for that it that the debts will just go to zero on your credit file and will not say paid so it is clear that you have been bankrupt, so you still may not pass a credit check to rent. I'm not saying don't do it I'm just saying be very clear what the implications are.

If you are going to take advice from CAB or Step change, you can contact all your creditors and ask them to accept a token payment until you have taken advice from them. You will need to use the 'magic' phrase 'I am suffering hardship' when talking to your creditors. The Martin Lewis Money Saving Expert web site also has good advice for dealing with debts.

You appear to have taken on the debt under coercion.
It is not unreasonable for you to have used your parents address as your home address for financial stuff while you were at university. I did the same and my parents redirected it on the basis that it was more likely to fall into the wrong hand without anyone knowing about it in shared accommodation. It is sensible on your part to have done the same.
Does/did you mother have a claim on the house? It might be that the house could be sold with your father taking his share and you (or rather your creditors) taking the rest to clear the debt. If there is anything over and above that left over it may still be your mother's though.
£80k is a lot of money to burn through in 3 years without anyone noticing, so I do wonder where it went. the most likely answer I'm afraid, given the time line you describe is that it was a "bugger off and start a new life " fund. I'm not going to insult the people who genuinely have to run off with their kids and what they can carry on their backs by referring to it as a running away fund. I wonder if some of it went to pay the mortgage?
Don't feel to guilty about being a burden on your father by still living with him. You didn't bring your mother into his life. He brought her into yours. He make be guilty of nothing more than misjudgement, but you are not guilty of his misjudgement.
You really need professional help, which I can't give. If you can't afford that, I wonder if writing to a newspaper with a financial help page might work for you? They might have an expert who knows more than most people here; they also may persuade some of the smaller creditors to write off the debt, in return for the good publicity of having done so. This is so dramatic that you have a better chance than most of having your case picked out for help. (That sounds completely callous, but you sound in desperate straits and the paper does after all have to sell.)
Also, did your mother give any generous and re-saleable presents to anyone during that time she was taking out loans in your name. Under the circumstances, I would think that any one who had and who wanted to do the right thing would sell it and put the money towards clearing the debts if they possibly could.
There is a great deal of grasping at straws here.

file for bankruptcy in 6 years you have a clean slate

Crowsfeet, I could be wrong (I often am) but if the original lending was unsound then the OP 'accepting the debt' won't necessarily be the end of it if the OP is based in England and Wales. Consumer debt is different to commercial debt in some respects and the FCA's expectations of lenders might not be completely extinguished by the OP 'accepting the debt'.

What a terrible thing to happen to you OP. No advice but lots of sympathy. I hope you get something sorted.

OP I think you are unnecessarily intimidated about getting legal advice. A good solicitor will often give an initial consultation free or very cheaply, lay out your options and then you decide how you want to go forward if at all. It is not scary or expensive and it’s always a relief to understand what recourses are open to you.

I'd have thought this is an instance where a consultation with a decent solictor would be in order, on the face of it her mother commited fraud plain and simple!

You OP weren't to know what she did, you were a victim of her crimes!

I was young and naive and shouldn’t have trusted my mother

I have no practical advice but just wanted to say how sad this is. Everyone should be able to trust their mother, I know I can and I know my adult son trusts me. It is truly awful what she has done to you.

No one will look down on you for trusting someone you should have been able to. I hope you are able to get the correct advice and sort this out for your future.

A private investigator would be able to find your Mum

Have you not challenged the companies who lent your DM the money, rather than just accept it without questioning their processes?

If they are recognised banks and other financial institutions they will be regulated by the FCA and should be forced to explain their actions, how they validated who they were lending the money to, which accounts the money was paid into. I'd want a drains-up investigation, for that amount of money.

You could also take the matter to the Financial Ombudsman after you have exhausted the institutions' internal complaints process.

I’m sorry that happened to you. Mine did the same to me 15 years ago, I found out when the company I worked for was acquired by a finance group and they did an employee audit. I was mortified and left three months later of embarrassment as my old colleagues would snigger whenever I came in the office. I ended up in hospital with suspected meningitis and I’ve had psoriasis with 60% coverage since. My mother pulled the whole “I’ll commit suicide” line too, and her parents told they’d never speak to me again if I called the police. So stupidly I paid it back, 7k so nothing like yours, but I lived on spag Bol and beans for three years. I’ve not spoken to her since and genuinely will celebrate when she dies as it was the icing on a really shitty childhood.

In hindsight, I should have gone bankrupt. Get some advice but 80k seems insurmountable. Best of luck

If the op already has CCJs on her credit file, her rating will already be messed up. I had one for £150 - I was young and very stupid and it stopped me get any decent loans, credit cards for 6 years, I couldn’t even have a visa debit card from bank. Bankruptcy wouldn’t make much difference to your credit rating. Definitely an option if can’t get the debts written off.
Sorry op for what has happened, you sound like a very decent and kind person and do. It deserve any of this.

Lawyer here. You are NOT responsible for your mother's debts. Repeat NOT.
You DO need legal advice - consult CAB or a local High St solicitor. These are not your debts and there is no question of your petitioning for bankruptcy/an IVA. You can't be held responsible for someone forging documents in your name. You probably will have to involve the police - they may need some prodding. You don't owe these people a penny, but it will take some sorting out. Good luck! Whatever you do, don't saddle yourself with a mountain of debt for money you never even saw.

Contact MIND if your mother does have MH issues they can help you and her write of the debts.

Good luck

Wouldn't MIND put the well being of the mother first and attempt to persuade the OP to pay her mother's debt?

Go bankrupt. You’ll be amazed how much of a weight it will be off your shoulders.

My husband went bankrupt ten years ago - before we met. Six years later we were granted a mortgage for just under £250k. The biggest hassle With the mortgage application was the fact that he was self-employed and not that he was a discharged bankrupt.

Get some proper advice, you trusted her she knew that and she exploited you and stitched you up like a bleeding kipper
you need to get even🤬

Conifer, I'm so sorry, your parents were despicable.
You did not deserve that
(they deserve to rot in hell 🤬)

You have two basic options:

As has been pointed out, this debt was take out fraudulently and so you're not under any obligation to pay this. It would take a bit of fight to get the lenders to accept this though.

On the other hand, if you really have no fight in you and are resigned to your fate you then your alternative is to look into an IVA or bankruptcy.

But this isn’t the OPs debt. She should go down the fraud route first

She acknowledged the debts when she signed off on those payments when her mother threatened to commit suicide. She signed those notes. I don't think there is any way around that. It is her debt now. Her mother has completely screwed her.

@dreamingofautumn, you need to talk to a solicitor specialising in bankruptcy/ debt about your options here.

NoSquirrels has some good advice.

Do you have enough material or evidence to build a case against her?
is there anything to corroborate your account of the suicide threats etc?