New mum-to-be need advice about how on earth I afford this!!!

[MOGMOGMOG85]

Hi there,

I'm 17 weeks pregnant and recently spoke to a friend about childcare costs and was horrified at how expensive it is! I currently am a relatively low wage of £21000 and after my travel expenses and taxes and when I worked out childcare costs I would be working full time and bringing home £200 a month which I'm sorry there is no way I'm doing that!

My friend said I might qualify for universal credit for childcare costs - I wondered if anyone might know whether I would or not? My partner earns £27000 but again after travel and taxes etc brings home about £1350 a month. He might just be able to pay our mortgage and bills but I will need to earn enough for food at the very least and preferably a little extra to give us some breathing room - what if the fridge breaks down or something like that??

I'm currently weighing up self-employed options that would allow me to work from home with my baby. One idea I've had is buying and selling stuff on an online shop, as I will have time to go to auctions and jumble sales etc (when normal life resumes). Another is a vegan food delivery service from home for which you need minimal qualifications to start up. I think in reality I'm going to need to find a variety of ways to make little bits here and there. I've done it before (I once had 7 different jobs) and am quite adaptable and stealthy at finding unusual ways to make money (not loads, I wish, but enough to get by anyway), but obviously we're heading into a complete unknown with the economy right now and I've also never done it with a baby in tow! I'm also going to be trying to live on a shoestring at the same time which makes things harder - re-usable nappies and everything cooked from scratch etc.

Anyway I guess I'm asking for advice on any government benefits I might be entitled to - my suspicion is that my partners wage means we won't qualify for anything except child benefit...

And also asking for experiences and ideas from those of you who went self employed to make your family work? I know a lot of women do it, and it's really amazing how adaptable we are to make sure our families get by. I am currently a gardener but employed gardening work is so low paid. My current job at £21000 is basically the top end of what you could earn and I've usually been on a lot less! I could do some private work on the weekends but I'm hoping to find weekday or evening work as my partner works late and we only really spend quality time on the weekends! I have half an eye on making sure our relationship stays healthy too and that we get to spend time all together as a family! A lot to think about and balance up, and it seems its me who's having to do the working out - partner, as the main earner, doesn't have to worry about changing a thing :-/

Big wave hello to any mums-to-be out there in a similar position or mums who have already gone through this!

xxx

DH and I made sure we had a good savings pot built up so when I went on maternity leave we had enough money to cushion our bills (and this is with a really good maternity package where I was paid in full for 6 months and statutory for the remaining 3). I also stuck with my job as I knew it was perfect for kids (I pick and choose my hours and as long as the work is done, I can start later or finish earlier) and worked hard for pay rises so when I went part time my salary was still workable. I did a lot of research into the costs long term of being a SAHM and going back to work and in the long run financially you are better working, even if the majority of your pay goes on child care, (of course this is irrelevant if you want to spend time with your child for the first few years! But sadly I couldn't afford to do that). We also researched lots of nurseries and stuck our name down for one when I was 6 months pregnant to get a place and also get an idea of the costs. Our childcare is £300 a month for three mornings a week and we have no grandparents to help as both sets live opposite ends of the country so we knew we would need to budget for nursery. Either find a job working evenings and weekends to work around your partner's hours or set up your own business, so many people do it once they have kids and it's great being your own boss! Just bear in mind you won't have paid holidays or a pension but your business ideas sound great! Good luck and congratulations!

Firstly I’d ensure I was married. There’s no way you should sacrifice your job/earning potential without that. It’s very hard to earn any kind of decent money from part time at home work. Setting up a business would be a risk and would require some investment unless you are selling something that you can make for very little, which is another option. Unfortunately you either decide to take the hit on childcare from your joint income for a while and you keep your job/pension. It sounds like you should be able to afford it and it would probably be the most sensible in the long run. Or you have to work around your partner, meaning evenings and weekends. I worked weekend days when my dc were little as I really didn’t want to pay someone else to look after them when it would be most of the wage I took home.

Having had two DC I would definitely recommend returning to work. It is tough, admittedly, but to me it was worth it. Friends who left work after having DC are finding it really tough to get back into the workplace after a few years out. Also, what if you and your DP split up? You will be left high and dry.
Childcare is a shared expense - take half the cost out of your pay before coming to the conclusion that it isn't worth you going back to work. Also, my SAHM friends spend loads entertaining their DC (not saying you would or have to) - classes, day trips, food out and about - all this would be covered by nursery so your £200 take home would actually equate to more IYSWIM?
Are you saying that your travel costs for work are £550 a month?!? That is crazy. I assume you have two cars? Is there anyway you can use public transport or car share? Cycle even! Look at ways of reducing your expenditure.
Are you able to work part time? I went back PT as the savings on tax and NI helped offset the childcare costs.
Do you have savings to get you through maternity leave?
I would not recommend finding work in the evenings and weekends - I am having to work those hours at the moment due to no childcare and it is exhausting. Looking after DC all day and then firing up the laptop at 7.30pm is not fun. It is relentless and not worth it.

Some people seem to have just come on here to be blanket rude as if they get a kick out of insulting random people on the internet and have nothing better to do! It takes all sorts!

I'm probably not going to check here again and will def think twice before asking for help on mumsnet again - I think I was very sheltered in my previous chats on here as I've mostly been on miscarriage/infertility threads where everyone is so lovely and kind and wouldn't think about being rude to someone for absolutely no reason! Makes me realise how lucky I am to have found such lovely threads of supportive women.

Anyway thanks for the tips a lot of people have left some good advice and stuff for me to look into! Im going to use today to do some serious budgeting and looking at different options for me making money and for if we move house to be closer to a support network. A lot to think about and I now have more to consider than I did before which I'm sure is a good thing?

Cheers :)

@pinkcarpet

@allgoodthingslone of my friends does 6pm till 2am shift work,

One of my friends does the same. Hats off to them, it must be so tough.

@MOGMOGMOG85 I haven't seen "blanket rude" just an awful lot of plain talking. Which is what you need when discussing finances.

This isn't heart time anymore. This is head time.

You said something in your OP about your salary being amongst the most you'd ever earned, I presume that includes when you had your portfolio careers of 7 different jobs?

Don't give up the best paid job you've had without really, really thinking about every penny and analysing every single area.

And remember the longer term financial benefits you don't see in your regular pay packet!

I've got a spreadsheet (which I'm willing to share if I can work out how) that totals every single household and child expense and all our income. It then works out our pro-rata contributions to the household (and commuting costs are included!) while ensuring that DH and I have exactly the same amount of disposable income each.

Maybe that would help?

We also have a way of including costs that fluctuate by putting in an average.

@MOGMOGMOG85 my post was clearly xpost look at the times!

Hang on a sec. let’s be clear about the numbers here. Are you saying you’ll have a household income of £1500 a month AFTER commuting costs, rent and bills, childcare ?

@SuzieCarmichael

Hang on a sec. let’s be clear about the numbers here. Are you saying you’ll have a household income of £1500 a month AFTER commuting costs, rent and bills, childcare ?

3600 joint income Mortgage, service charge and ground rent £900 a month. electric and bills are around £150 a month My partners commute costs £350 a month. Wifi phone bills tv licence etc another £60ish a month.

That's 1460.

OP said 300 for hercommute and food, I'd guess 240??
That's 2k

So think the 1500 is AFTER current bills but before childcare.

Also based on current salary not maternity pay and/or giving up her job after maternity leave.

OP with the economy as it is, I'd stay in the job you have until we all know what's going to happen.

ok i'm going to try and lay it out

take home pay £3100

minus mortgage, service charge, ground rent AND council tax (which I forgot to put in before) (total £1040) leaves £2060 (incidentally we managed to argue our way to a lower c tax band recently which I'd recommend trying to anyone who thinks they are in the wrong band. Not worth trying if you're not as they might decide to put it up but we were lucky!)

Minus energy bills £1910

Minus other household bills £1840 (i previously said £60 but forgot that my phone bill went up recently as my phone broke and I needed a new handset)

Minus partners commute £1490

Minus my commute £1190

Minus childcare £290

so thats what I have left for food and all other expenses plus dealing with anything life throws my way like if my car breaks down or something goes wrong with the flat.

I don't think I'm being over the top to say that's a stretch?

This is why I'm considering, and asked for advise on - going self-employed and working either in the daytime WHILST babysitting, and/or in the evenings, although unless we move and can have grandparents help I won't be able to commit to evening work as my partner often is required to work overtime (and yes it is unpaid, he does approx 10 extra hours a week than his contract and this will make things tough for me unless we make a change and move closer to family).

Sorry if my posts were confusing but its honestly not looking workable to me right now unless I come up with another solution - hence being on here and asking! I didn't think I'd have to justify myself to a load of strangers for asking for advice!

@SciFiScream the people saying "why don't people think before having children" is rude as its falsely assuming I haven't thought. I am thinking now and I thought before. I always knew things would be difficult but I knew I'd find a way to make it work as I always have done before. My situation has changed since we started trying to have children many years ago and my commute is a lot more expensive plus I don't get any maternity benefits here. I couldn't put my life on hold forever just because I was trying to conceive (and not miscarry) and I in all honesty gave up that it would ever happen just as it actually did happen (same story for many women I believe). Just because I'm not earning tonnes doesn't mean I'm not entitled to have children, I'm going to do everything I can to make sure my child has a roof over their heads and food on the table, something that my Mum struggled to provide for me as a child as we were homeless. Perhaps thats also why I'm not massively comfortable with having no margin for error in the budget as I know realistically that is the major danger zone for losing your house. All I'm trying to do here is ask for experience and tips, but I instead seem to be spending a lot of time having to back up everything I say when I could just be making my own spreadsheet! I dont think it was the right move to ask for help here it's just diverted valuable time from my day. Oh the other rude thing is people suggesting I'm moaning about benefits. I think a lot of people have their own assumptions and agendas on here and are making massive judgements based on very little information. It is def rude! Not you btw, some others. Also on your other point I'm earning more now than I ever have because I have chosen to go into a very nice, non-stressful and beautiful job that doesn't pay much. That doesn't mean I should stick to it, nothing like being pregnant to make you realise that maybe you should suck it up and use your skills to try something a bit more profitable! I don't know if its' the hormones but I def feel inclined to earn more money somehow or other.

So if 1500 is left after all bills but before childcare and childcare is £200 a week (so £866/month) that leaves £634 a month for emergencies like a new fridge/oven/boiler etc. Plenty TBH. And some spare for fun too.

My situation has changed since we started trying to have children many years ago

Tbf OP if you’ve been planning this for years you’ve had lots of time to save up for childcare costs.

You will make it work and ha e various options. It is always a balancing act when you have children. And you will adapted to having less. It will only be for a few years then the free child care hours kick in. And further down the line a term time job will be a god send.

Look at anything you can cut back on. Reduce mobile phone bills. Change energy supplier etc. And add in child benefit. This will. Add up.

After all my bills I'm left with £200 a month in my purse for shoes. Clothes hair cuts and ice creams car repairs etc It is t a lot of fun but I get by.

@Smallsteps88

So if 1500 is left after all bills but before childcare and childcare is £200 a week (so £866/month) that leaves £634 a month for emergencies like a new fridge/oven/boiler etc. Plenty TBH. And some spare for fun too.

No Minus my commute £1190 and then childcare off that

Tbh op in you need to look at your commute bill. Do you work near each other?

*you’d be eligible for £410 a month universal credit, ons household income of 48k????

you’d be eligible for £410 a month universal credit on a household income of 48k????

No
Minus my commute £1190 and then childcare off that

Yes that was posted whilst I was responding to

^So think the 1500 is AFTER current bills but before childcare.*

That’s tough OP. I could not do it on such a low income so no advice for you. Just encouragement that many people do make it work, so it is possible. In my area there was a parent co-operative where parents took turns childminding each other’s babies/toddlers so you could part pay for childminding and part “work it off” by taking a turn childminding others children.

You employer might do childcare vouchers which saves about £70 a month I think (was about 7 years since I last used them) and your partner may also be able to get them for work that's roughly £140 then you will get child benefit, I think that's about £80 every 4 weeks.

One thing that hasn't been mentioned is, are you thinking of/planning another child? If so, then going self-employed, especially in the kind of small-scale business like ebaying is even more risky, because unless you are earning enough to pay in your NI contributions on a regular basis you won't be eligible for maternity pay/SMP/Maternity Allowance - it can be worth staying in employment even if not very profitable just to ensure you get this for 2nd baby, and then think about not going back afterwards. Particularly if your employer offers any enhanced maternity pay/leave above statutory...

Also, don't underestimate the value of the pensions contributions your employer is making on your behalf under an occupational pensions scheme, when considering if it is 'worth it' to go back, plus there is the somewhat intangible/difficult to value aspect of how much your earning potential in the future will be impacted by a period of SAHM or doing small scale self-employed work - it may be not at all but I do see too many women giving up jobs because 'it's not worth me going back' based on their salary at the point they leave (not taking into account the fact they may have been promoted or got a pay rise within a year or 2), and then being surprised and disappointed how hard it is to get even a foot back in the door of their former work once the DC are at school/older.

I'm not underestimating how hard it is to work with small DC of course, but they are only this little for a relatively short period of time and you do (probably) have 30 or more years in employment left so do be careful about giving up on work now, particularly if you find your job enjoyable and fulfilling?

There are definitely things your partner needs to look into to make sure he’s doing his part so it’s not all on you. I don’t know what area of law he’s in but presuming he’s working in London, £27k is definitely not the top pay bracket for paralegals. £32-35k is relatively achievable and I know a couple who earn around £52-55k. Worth looking around and maybe speaking to a recruiter to see what’s available. Presumably he is at least saving on commuting costs now as most law firms have been fully wfh since lockdown began. Future-wise, would he consider training as a solicitor rather than a barrister. There’s still a lot of competition but more options than with the bar. Or move sideways into non-law options - accountancy, compliance, financial services, IT are all areas where I’ve seen law grads/paralegals move into and can have decent earning potential.