New mum-to-be need advice about how on earth I afford this!!!

[MOGMOGMOG85]

Hi there,

I'm 17 weeks pregnant and recently spoke to a friend about childcare costs and was horrified at how expensive it is! I currently am a relatively low wage of £21000 and after my travel expenses and taxes and when I worked out childcare costs I would be working full time and bringing home £200 a month which I'm sorry there is no way I'm doing that!

My friend said I might qualify for universal credit for childcare costs - I wondered if anyone might know whether I would or not? My partner earns £27000 but again after travel and taxes etc brings home about £1350 a month. He might just be able to pay our mortgage and bills but I will need to earn enough for food at the very least and preferably a little extra to give us some breathing room - what if the fridge breaks down or something like that??

I'm currently weighing up self-employed options that would allow me to work from home with my baby. One idea I've had is buying and selling stuff on an online shop, as I will have time to go to auctions and jumble sales etc (when normal life resumes). Another is a vegan food delivery service from home for which you need minimal qualifications to start up. I think in reality I'm going to need to find a variety of ways to make little bits here and there. I've done it before (I once had 7 different jobs) and am quite adaptable and stealthy at finding unusual ways to make money (not loads, I wish, but enough to get by anyway), but obviously we're heading into a complete unknown with the economy right now and I've also never done it with a baby in tow! I'm also going to be trying to live on a shoestring at the same time which makes things harder - re-usable nappies and everything cooked from scratch etc.

Anyway I guess I'm asking for advice on any government benefits I might be entitled to - my suspicion is that my partners wage means we won't qualify for anything except child benefit...

And also asking for experiences and ideas from those of you who went self employed to make your family work? I know a lot of women do it, and it's really amazing how adaptable we are to make sure our families get by. I am currently a gardener but employed gardening work is so low paid. My current job at £21000 is basically the top end of what you could earn and I've usually been on a lot less! I could do some private work on the weekends but I'm hoping to find weekday or evening work as my partner works late and we only really spend quality time on the weekends! I have half an eye on making sure our relationship stays healthy too and that we get to spend time all together as a family! A lot to think about and balance up, and it seems its me who's having to do the working out - partner, as the main earner, doesn't have to worry about changing a thing :-/

Big wave hello to any mums-to-be out there in a similar position or mums who have already gone through this!

xxx

I'd say straight off when you decide to pair up and produce a whole new human being, the TWO adults who make this extra person need to work out together how you are going to find a. the money and b. the time to look after it. What it most definitely should NOT be is 'man works full time and earns X amount, he gets to keep his money and his career and his spare time. Woman runs herself ragged trying to pay for childcare so she can earn enough to eat.' You really need to sort this out now, because there are enough threads on MN to show you that once the baby is here you will find it hard to move you partner out of his comfort zone. I cannot imagine how you are hoping to earn more money to bridge a family shortfall whilst also doing another job and being a parent (and probably the primary carer, as men who don't budge from their pre-baby existence rarely step up to do the bulk of the childcare as they 'are working.') Make sure while you are sorting out how you will birth a child, pay for it and do 2 jobs that you arrange who is going to do the housework as well.

Hi @Fatted thanks for your response and experience. I will look up tax free childcare, that certainly might help a bit! It sounds like you guys were in a similar position and that you reduced your childcare as much as possible in those early years. Once we reach the threshold for the 15 hours free childcare it will be much easier. My employer will not consider condensed hours and nor will his. With mine its just stubbornness (I work at a school, but I'm a gardener so really there is no need for me to be there at the same time as the kids - I have no contact with them! But they like as many people to be on site during the main hours as possible, including that I'm in for 7.30 every morning to blow the paths for the school run..), my partner is a paralegal and needs to work full time and all hours or they'll just find someone else. He is also at the top of the pay range for a paralegal and wouldn't get paid more anywhere else... Anyway we live in Kent with no support network around us to help out with the odd hour or 2 childcare so with his long hours I think trying to find self-employed work and juggling the baby at the same time is my only option. Like you say the childcare costs if I go back to work full time would be about £1k so wipe out practically my entire income! Our mortgage, service charge, ground rent, bills, car etc take his whole wage (take home £1350 after extortionate commuting costs!) and thats at a stretch... Anyway thank you and I wasn't trying to say that we're in some kind of special situation, I know very well that a lot of women make sacrifices and make miracles happen to keep the family together, hence asking for advice from people like you :)

Stay at home at go self employed! I did and it's Grrrreat! There are even some state. Benifit you can claim for. X

48,000 per annum is enough to raise a baby.
Put that salary in a joint account, take out all joint expenses including childcare, divide what's left by 2 for each of you to have for yourselves.

Also think about the future, it takes out almost your income now but is it worth staying in your current role from a future proofing point of view?

Have you considered how flexible working could work for you?
My full time hours are 35 per week but I do 32 hours a week Monday to Thursday. I haven’t noticed the salary dip and it means I don’t have to pay childcare 1 day a week. If my husband was able to do this as well then that would save 2 days a week childcare costs (unfortunately for us he is in the military so can’t).
You can also sign up for tax free childcare so the government tip up by 20% so although our 3 days a week nursery bill is £797 per month we pay roughly £640 and the government top up the rest

Can your partner work from home 3 days a week? Assume during lockdown that has been possible so can it carry on then you (as a household) would have less travel costs.

Can you move closer to family, or can they move closer to you?

Sorry just saw you have mentioned your employers aren’t open to flexible working. Legally everyone has the right to apply for flexible working and there are only certain reasons they can decline. It would be worth putting a formal request in before you (and your partner!) write it off

I don’t think you will get any benefits either but you should qualify for tax free childcare which will be some help. Childminders are usually significantly cheaper than a nursery or a nanny (although a nanny share is a possibility you could look into).

Could you work longer hours four days a week so you have the fifth off to save on childcare (even better if one or two of your working days can be over the weekend).

How long are you planning to have off for maternity leave? If it’s the full year, then you really just need to look at paying until the term after your baby turns three. After that, based on your salaries, you would be entitled to 30 funded hours per week (term time only) which would help as well (and you can use the tax free scheme towards the rest of the bill).

Childcare is expensive but on your salary there there is some help through the tax free scheme and at a later stage funded hours.

Could you work compressed hours? 4 days instead of 5?
When I came off mat leave, I reduced my days to 3 days a week..but worked 9 hour days.
Hubby worked ft over 3.5 days, so had ds for 1.5 days and my mum had him for the other 1.5 days. It was hard, but we got through it x

If you work in a school do you work only term time? If so look for a nursery or childminder that will do term time contracts. That saves me loads.

Also don't just take your friends word for it on how much it will cost. Different nurseries charge different amounts and childminders are usually cheaper. My friend pays £22 a day more than me for childcare in the same area so it's worth shopping around.

@backinthebox i appreciate your concern as i realise how my post probably reads, but he's an incredibly loving, communicative man and we have actually discussed him making some big concessions. We are considering a move across country to be closer to family so that grandparents may be able to take the baby in the evenings if his work over-runs, which means he would have to look for a new job and potentially a new career. He loves his work (unlike me where I do like it which is lucky but I'm not committed for life if that makes sense) and has done 4 years of training in hope of becoming a barrister one day. He essentially has to stay near London if he wants this to happen so him to consider moving is a huge huge thing, and I know he'll do it if we decide its the right thing to do. However anyone who knows how hard it is to become a barrister in this country would understand why its taken about 7 years so far and no joy. At the moment we are weighing up the decision to move based on: moving would make it much much easier for me to seek different types of work, just having grandparents for an hour or 2 in the evening would make such a huge difference, and I've made it clear to him how important it is emotionally and financially to have a support network. But on the other hand it's frankly a terrifying time at the moment to search for work, and if we both move to a situation where we are seeking work around the time the baby is born we could be massively shooting ourselves in the foot! He had a job come up at his place of work the other day and 400 extremely qualified people applied, which gave us both pause for thought. If we do move we have to do it before baby is born whilst I still have an income as we would have to port our mortgage, and they wouldn't do this when I go down to earning bits and pieces self-employed.

Its so much to think about and I thought coming on here might potentially help as I have no idea about the potential 20% childcare cost support (thanks @Pippinsqueak ) etc. I've got rather a lot on my mind at the moment as you can imagine just trying to process it all! I'm spending my time researching prams, re-usable nappies, trying to sell bits and pieces on eBay or Facebook to fund them, and also thinking about putting the house on the market, as well as how I'm going to make ends meet! Not to mention I have a number of additional risks in my pregnancy which takes up headspace, especially after previous losses and fertility issues. So yeah, all kindly meant advice is appreciated :)

Also before you start going self employed to work from home and do childcare. I can tell you it is impossible to work from home with a toddler or baby. They don’t understand that mummy is working they just want your attention. I have an 18 month old and as soon as she could go back to nursery it’s been a lifesaver. I have been stressed out not being a very good parent or employee trying to do both at the same time

My dh and I have managed to raise two dc, run a car, own our home and both work ft on that income OP.

You will be fine!

Thanks @Rollercoasteride and @p2703b3 for the tips. Will def look into different childcare costs but on long hours I think it's always going to be quite expensive. My friend is a single mum and I trust her that its a cheap one but I will def have another look xx

Start saving now!

I mean this in all seriousness OP looking at your updates, you need to move. This is why I asked where you live.

I live in NE Wales. Housing, child care and commuting costs (ha! There is no where to commute to!) are much lower. Our rent is only £700 per month. I'm assuming your mortgage is more. The average rate for nurseries and childminders where I live is £35 per day.

I gave up my dream job because childcare was too expensive. We had £100 left over after bills & food with me unemployed.

(Part time jobs are frowned upon here So not an option)

In hindsight I should have stayed at full time work in my lovely job. And I wish I took the financial hit that is childcare. It’s only temporary after all.

Ahhh regrets!!

It's a pity you didn't do your sums before. Yes childcare costs are high. It's doubtful you will qualify for government help on your joint wages. Part time evenings or weekend work is an option. And can't see how you work out you will only be £200 a month better off. How much are you counting for childcare costs.

Have you worked out how long you can afford to be off work op? Don't forget shared parental leave.

I'd def try cutting down now to your maternity pay and putting all that in savings.

Shpock, FB mRket etc will be a good place to look for prams, cots etc.

People get arsey about the after childcare I'll only havec£200 because of the men who assume they'll never have to contribute to it. How do you currently split bills / share finances? At home I'd def reframe as "we'll have £1550 income" rather than you'll have £200 and he'll have £1350.

@Viviennemary £4 an hour, 10 hours a day, 5 days a week, £200 a week. My commute costs me about £250 a month (although its by car so realistically a bit more than that as I have to factor in repairs) so yeah I'm looking at about £200 after all that.

My fiancé earns about £32k and I'm a sahm so we're very much a single-income household and we manage perfectly well with our ds and even manage to save £75 a month. I don't think having a baby is as expensive as you're thinking.

Childcare doesn't have to be nursery. My 2 had an amazing child minder. Who charged £3 per hour (I was very fortunate). She was flexible and offered a lovely homely environment. And was only sick for one week over the past ten years. She retires this summer and I'm gutted.

Do the sums. All money is Family money. Plus child benefit. What are your bills. What can be cut. Gym? Expensive phone contracts. Cut everything and see what is left. And then you decide on your weekly spends in your pocket.

Alternatively. As suggested you work weekends/evenings. This works for some. But does eat into 'family time'

You can make it work. When we had the children we did the first option. And this worked well.

Once I became a lone parent (earning your £21k a month) I am fortunate to have support from the state that covers 85% of my child care bill. But money is very tight as I get no child support from the children's father. But you make it work.

A gardener on 21k and a paralegal on 27k are not impossible job to find elsewhere. I think they will be easy jobs to find in other areas (admittedly now is a tricky time!). And a commute cost of £50 a week seems a lot for a gardening role on that salary.

There are barristers outside London so I don’t know why that is an issue?

worry about changing a thing

Blx to that. His child, half his responsibility. There is an arguments that as the higher earner,, he should contribute more!

As pp, you neeb to change this mind set now.

OP, £48k income with a baby is fine. Do seek out additional work steams to make life a bit easier, pay for holidays etc, but you are not going to starve. And don’t plan anymore children!! For the year between the end of mat leave for DC2’s birth and DC1 going to school, it “cost” us £17/month for me to go to work. DH’s employer wouldn’t let him go part time though (very understandable for the nature of the work). But your partner needs to understand now, that you may be carrying the baby, but he needs to make sacrifices too. Shared parental leave?