New mum-to-be need advice about how on earth I afford this!!!

[MOGMOGMOG85]

Hi there,

I'm 17 weeks pregnant and recently spoke to a friend about childcare costs and was horrified at how expensive it is! I currently am a relatively low wage of £21000 and after my travel expenses and taxes and when I worked out childcare costs I would be working full time and bringing home £200 a month which I'm sorry there is no way I'm doing that!

My friend said I might qualify for universal credit for childcare costs - I wondered if anyone might know whether I would or not? My partner earns £27000 but again after travel and taxes etc brings home about £1350 a month. He might just be able to pay our mortgage and bills but I will need to earn enough for food at the very least and preferably a little extra to give us some breathing room - what if the fridge breaks down or something like that??

I'm currently weighing up self-employed options that would allow me to work from home with my baby. One idea I've had is buying and selling stuff on an online shop, as I will have time to go to auctions and jumble sales etc (when normal life resumes). Another is a vegan food delivery service from home for which you need minimal qualifications to start up. I think in reality I'm going to need to find a variety of ways to make little bits here and there. I've done it before (I once had 7 different jobs) and am quite adaptable and stealthy at finding unusual ways to make money (not loads, I wish, but enough to get by anyway), but obviously we're heading into a complete unknown with the economy right now and I've also never done it with a baby in tow! I'm also going to be trying to live on a shoestring at the same time which makes things harder - re-usable nappies and everything cooked from scratch etc.

Anyway I guess I'm asking for advice on any government benefits I might be entitled to - my suspicion is that my partners wage means we won't qualify for anything except child benefit...

And also asking for experiences and ideas from those of you who went self employed to make your family work? I know a lot of women do it, and it's really amazing how adaptable we are to make sure our families get by. I am currently a gardener but employed gardening work is so low paid. My current job at £21000 is basically the top end of what you could earn and I've usually been on a lot less! I could do some private work on the weekends but I'm hoping to find weekday or evening work as my partner works late and we only really spend quality time on the weekends! I have half an eye on making sure our relationship stays healthy too and that we get to spend time all together as a family! A lot to think about and balance up, and it seems its me who's having to do the working out - partner, as the main earner, doesn't have to worry about changing a thing :-/

Big wave hello to any mums-to-be out there in a similar position or mums who have already gone through this!

xxx

@SleepingStandingUp joint income will be £1550 a month. Mortgage, service charge and ground rent £900 a month. Our heating is electric and bills are quite high in this flat around £150 a month all in. My partners commute costs £350 a month. wifi phone bills tv licence etc another £60ish a month. I'm trying to think of ways to earn money without a car as that is currently costing me about £100 a month (well when I'm driving to work, which I'm currently not on furlough, it was more like £300 a month) but I'm weighing that up. And so we still have to buy food and would like a buffer zone to be able to make savings! We were very fortunate to be able to claw our way onto the housing ladder last year and it wiped out all of our savings understandably! We've been adding bits to the house over the last year (I'm talking essential stuff like a fridge, the fridge we had was a freebie but didn't have a stable temperature and a lot of our food kept going off plus we kept getting food poisoning which was fun!), we had to buy all our furniture etc, and so we've arrived at a place where we have no savings left for better or worse. I still think we're so fortunate not to be renting still as costs are ridiculous.. we currently arrange finances where he pays for basically everything except food and petrol because that means I'm in charge of the expendable income! I know that sounds weird but for the last year I paid most of the outgoings so I was struggling every month and he was supposed to be saving but for some reason he could never seem to square things! He's not dodgy or anything just terrible with money, his whole family are! So now we've put things back so that I have the expendable income and voila we had a new fridge within a month etc etc :) I am very good with money - I mean we managed to save enough for a 10% deposit for a flat in 8 years when he was mostly a student and I was mostly a student gardener earning about £16k which shows I'm not extravagant with money! I've never thought about how we split money before we just basically pay for everything and share everything. When he was more in control of the income things like drum kits and synthesisers would keep arriving at the house which are just for him, where as now I pretty much hold the purse-strings everything seems fairer and the big purchases I make are for both of our benefit i.e. fridge and no more food poisoning! I hope I don't sound like a nasty person being in charge, it seems to work for both of us...

I will def consider saving up hard just now. Tbh I practically am (not saving but excess in my account) since I've had control of the expendable income so I'm quietly confident we'll have a little bit of savings. My mat pay will be statutory so don't think I could go that far right now but maybe its worth trying! Thanks :) xx

Now you've said I you are a gardener that does give you flexibility if you go self employed. Though that is a big risk. And then you have winter when there is less demand. And you would need to buy your own equipment.

You're a gardener OP? Definitely go self employed!

Jesus some of these suggestions are ridiculous; look after the baby all day and then go to work at night?! 'Just' go part time or work flexibly or condense hours with no idea that some employers are horrible and don't care or don't want to offer those kind of working patterns.

Also I do think it's negative to think of it as you only having £200 left each month whilst he has x BUT sometimes I know people use that to illustrate a point rather than because they actually have relationships with such separate finances - as in they're trying to demonstrate that the cost is virtually a whole salary rather than saying they single handedly are responsible for it? Hope that's the case here.

Anyways, you'll be fine. Yes it's a high cost but it's short term. We found childminders to be as expensive or in our actual case, more expensive than a nursery so bear that in mind.

Some ideas; If your journey is that expensive it sounds like it's far away so might be worth looking at places closer to work than home? Might only save an hours cost each day but that's 20 hours a month saved. Does your husband have a season ticket? That saves a lot of money as opposed to just buying weekly or monthly passes. Accept any donations from friends outgrowing their baby bits! Ask for national trust membership/day tickets to places for Christmas or birthday so you have days out sorted

Can your partner cut his commuting costs? Can he work from home 3 days a week? Can you cut your commuting costs? You will likely want a car with a baby unless you have very good public transport in your area

Our household income is similar to yours and DH and I both work full time. My employer allows me to work one day a week at home so I save my admin for that day and work around DS. He goes to a childminder 4 days a week at £5 p/h. It does get tight, for sure. We don't qualify for any financial support but the tax free childcare makes a massive difference and the £80 child benefit covers our electric bill. It all counts.

We haven't been able to save anything, we don't go on holiday, we very rarely eat out or get a takeaway, we've been very careful, but it's doable depending on your outgoings. The first few years are just hard financially, but get your head down and battle through and free hours childcare will kick in eventually. We're about a year away from that now but it's finally in sight!

Why did you buy so far from your jobs? Can you look for work closer to home?

Are you on the 80% or 100%? If it's 80 when you go back out that 20 away?

No judgement how you organise money, so long as one of you isn't putting away tons of savings or having tons of extra cash, sounds like you've sorted that anyway.

Nanny? Childminder? Childminder near your job so you're not paying for them whilst you commute?

If you quit work, you'll not get much help given DH's salary. Have you asked recently about pt or job share options? Maybe look for a part time position and then freelance one day a weekend or two days a month?

Are you married? Massive risks with stopping working if you aren't married, especially with a baby on the way.

Remember there are longer term financial benefits staying in work that won't affect your take home pay. Pension. Work history. Rising up pay grades. Paid annual leave. Sick pay.

Any and every cost associated with the child should be split between the parents. Childcare costs shouldn't be viewed as coming out of your salary only.

If, goodness forbid, after baby was born something happened to you (abducted by aliens or suchlike) your partner, the other parent will be responsible for all the costs.

All child costs EVERYTHING should be split. Even maternity wear (you only need it because you are pregnant)

Get a grip of this situation now.

Stay in work.

Don't rely on benefits - they are a political tool. Absolutely required but at the whim of Governments, policy and the electorate.

Save, budget. Plan for the worst and hope for the best.

@allgoodthingsl one of my friends does 6pm till 2am shift work, has done since her first DC was 1. She has them all day till 5.30pm then her husband takes over. She gets extra days off because of her hours and the pay is good plus no childcare costs at all. Not saying its easy but it works for her family.

@pinkcarpet it might work but it sounds bloody horrendous. When does she sleep? Rest? She's basically working two jobs in one day

Tax free childcare. Set up an account, pay into it, government top it up by 20% and then you pay the childcare provider. 15 hours free childcare when they are 3 (possibly 30 free hours).

partner earns £27000 but again after travel and taxes etc brings home about £1350 a month.
How much is his travel to only bring home £1350? That’s like an 18k a year salary.

Just noticed you said £350 a month commute, the figures do t add up then. £1700 a month is not 27k a year.

I've a friend who's husband is on £160k and she's on £60k, yet still complains she's not eligible for childcare assistance..

And yes @JudgeRindersMinder who doesn't look at these costs?

If your joint income is £48k per year your take home together is £3200 per month? Not £1550?

@unicornsarereal72 op means dp wages after commute plus her £200 wages after childcare and travel.

Thanks @pinkcarpet thats what some of my friends on the maintenance team had to do, and worse (like working 2 jobs). I know my partners parents had to work night shifts (well mum did) when he was born. Its only temporary but yes sounds like bloody hard work! xx

@ToothFairyNemesis yes it is (£1700) from £27k. I'm talking about take home pay after taxes, student loan, pension contributions etc

@MOGMOGMOG85 was £27k a typo?

@unicornsarereal72 currently about £3100 yes. Its probably a bit confusing but I deducted essential work costs (transport) as well as childcare costs for AFTER baby arrives and I finish maternity

@ToothFairyNemesis no! Why what do you think take home pay is?

@leasedaudi lol I'm not complaining - trying to work out where I'm at and how to make ends meet thats all :)

Some tough replies here everyone worries about things like this no one goes asking nurseries their cost break downs before even getting pregnant! have you checked any nurseries or childminders out, we used one who did mini days so school times which were much cheaper than full days,
husband works shifts including Saturday so has a day off during the week, I originally worked 4 days and had a different day off, then oh worked an evening shift on a day my mum finished work at lunch so looked after them for a couple of hours until I finished work then now eldest is in school i work part time school hours 5 days now, when youngest goes into reception I may up hours again around other halfs hours could this be a possibility or could your husband do 4 days with an extra hour and then one half day? Both save as much as possible now, dont go self employed until you have your mat leave but you could buy and sell while on leave, if your taking the full paid 9 months can you afford to save still while that is on? If so its only just over 2 tougher years before your child will be eligible for the 30 free hours if you both work, I know its sound frightening but one child is definitely do able on your wages, I found its 2 in nursery (no free hours age gap) that was more than earnings so 1 child you will be fine, its true that you just adjust your lives accordingly, dont forget days out can be parks libraries picnic days that children enjoy and cost very little.
Good luck with your pregnancy and congratulations.

If you work in a school do they have a nursery attached? May offer a discount?