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Original poster

Partner wants to get married - what happens to my house

140 replies

basil9456 · 27/05/2020 11:22

Hello,

I am 62, I worked for 40 years and then was fortunate to be able to retire early at 56 with a good lump sum pay out and pension. I paid off my mortgage a number of years ago and have lived in the same house for 30 years where I raised my family (3 children now adults).

I got divorced in my 30s and never had a serious relationship after that until now I’ve been with a woman for the past 5 years, same age as me. My partner has debts and lives in a house with shared equity which she is struggling to maintain.

She is keen to sell her house, move in with me and get married. I never saw myself as remarrying.

I also felt I would leave my house to my 3 children when I die. Can anyone advise if I were to marry her and she moved in with me, if I died first I presume my partner would inherit my house? And after she dies would it go to her children and completely cut my children out?

Thanks

OP posts:
CaraDune · 27/05/2020 12:40

What pretty much everyone else has said.

I'm financially in a pretty similar position to you (albeit a bit younger than you) - own my own house outright, a son who will eventually inherit.

If I met the love of my life tomorrow, he could move in and cohabit (though I'd check the situation bloody carefully with a solicitor first), but there's no way I'd be marrying him because then he'd get a claim on the property which I don't want.

Shared assets makes sense for younger people because one partner (typically the woman) puts her career on hold while they jointly start a family. It's only fair that she gets some sort of financial protection in terms of shared assets in the event of a divorce.

The situation for older couples past child-rearing age is completely different. Neither needs a claim on the other one's assets.

krispycreme · 27/05/2020 12:43

I would definitely seek legal advice, even if she's 'just' moving in. You are all her Christmas' come at once - she clears her debt, gets rid of the house she's struggling to maintain and presumably end up living off your pension. I believe pre nuts are still shaky ground in the UK so I wouldn't rely on one.
I will not remarry if me and DH divorce because I just couldn't risk losing half of what we have worked hard for for our 3DC.

TheGirlWithAPrince · 27/05/2020 12:44

Dont do it!!!!! My great grandfather did the exact same. When he died she managed to go to court and get the house and our family havent seen anything, it was hard because we all grew in that house.

I would be very wary, there is no need for marriage so i would say move in and for her to rent out her place so she always has somewhere to fall back to should anything happen.

tinierclanger · 27/05/2020 12:45

You shouldn’t marry anyone unless you would willingly share your assets with them.

HollowTalk · 27/05/2020 12:48

But should you marry you will be partly responsible for the debt as well.

That's just not true. The girlfriend will have less money on a monthly basis if she's paying off a debt, but the debt itself belongs to her, not to the OP.

AgeLikeWine · 27/05/2020 12:49

If you told her that you were never going to marry her or anyone else because your priority was to protect your hard-earned assets for your children to inherit, how would she respond?

If she said anything other than “I completely understand, and in your position I would do exactly the same”, you should seriously question her motives and the future of your relationship.

Legoandloldolls · 27/05/2020 12:53

I would get legal advice about you taking on her debts to if she was to die or if she had secured debts etc. You might become jointly liable

justanotherneighinparadise · 27/05/2020 12:54

Well that sounds like a very bad idea doesn’t it. You also don’t sound keen. You sound like someone’s who’s been railroaded into this and it’s not a fait accompli.

You want to leave your children an inheritance. I completely understand. Take legal advice to make sure that happens and if you do take the necessary steps to secure the property then move in together but don’t marry for gods sake.

NailsNeedDoing · 27/05/2020 12:55

Don’t do it!

I have had to accept that as a widow I can never get married again without jeopardising what should rightfully belong to my (adult) children, and it makes me sad. Any partner that didn’t understand and support that position wouldn’t be worth having anyway.

TheSandman · 27/05/2020 12:58

Get legal advice. From a LOCAL lawyer not random MN users. For one thing, matremonial property laws in Scotland are different from those in England and Wales, so you'll get conflicting advice depending on where posters are from.

Original poster
basil9456 · 27/05/2020 13:00

Thank you for all your advice I am taking it on board. Can you advise how I go about getting legal advice relating to these matters (what type of solicitor)? Thanks

OP posts:
NailsNeedDoing · 27/05/2020 13:03

Most high street solicitors will have someone that deals with this sort of thing, either look at local advertising or google.

ScrapThatThen · 27/05/2020 13:05

Don't leave your children having to evict an elderly step-mother. Not fair on them let alone her!

CoffeeBeansGalore · 27/05/2020 13:06

I have no experience of your situation, but if it were me I would speak to a solicitor regarding protecting your assets, and also ask if it would be worth gifting your house to your children now, obviously with the right for you to live there until your death. It may save them inheritance tax. It will also save any wranglings for your children with your partner in the event of your death if everything is set out legally. A solicitor will also be able to advise on timeframes/legalities of asset disposal in the event that you need care as you get older.
I think the suggestion above that you do not marry, and she keeps and rents out her place is a good one. It makes things clearer she has no claim on your property or have the right to stay in the house should anything happen to you or the relationship.

Bartlet · 27/05/2020 13:07

**But you don't get married to sort out your financial assets! You get married because you love each other and want to proclaim to the world that you are committed to each other!

Yes, of course, see a solicitor and put documents in place to protect your children's future inheritance, but don't make your decision as to whether to marry or not all about money

@FlamedToACrisp. Bless. You can’t be older than about 14 if you believe what you have typed. That ranks up there with “a baby is a sign of the love between a man and a woman”

That is a naive and incorrect statement as the reality is that marriage is a legal contract which implies financial responsibilities in the event of divorce or death. Marriage is absolutely about money.

Nihiloxica · 27/05/2020 13:12

There is no reason for you to get married.

You have both lived until middle age and built your own finances separately.

Why join them now in a way that will disadvantage your children?

She's your partner and you won't be having any children together, so she doesn't need the protection of marriage to prevent her losing out due to time out of work having children.

If you want your children to inherit your house (and I would) then don't marry her.

matchboxtwentyunwell · 27/05/2020 13:12

I wouldn't get married based on what you've described.

R2519 · 27/05/2020 13:12

Funnily enough my wife and i were talking about this last night.....should something happen to 1 of us what the other would do. We both agreed if something happened and we were older neither of us would get remarried or if we did, we would tie up the property and assets to our shared children so that should anything happen it wouldnt be left to a future spouse who could leave it to whoever they wanted. So many times people have done this and the children lose out as the 'step parent' leaves it to their own family.

Please, please, please think long and hard about getting married again. There is no need for it to be honest and i would be very wary about why she wants to get married to you. At least have the talk about the fact if you do get married you will leave a will leaving everything including your house to your children and she will get nothing, or a very small amount of your estate. See what she does when she knows this......any argument about it would show what she was really after!

R2519 · 27/05/2020 13:17

@CoffeeBeansGalore
Speaking from experience the only issue with gifting the property and living there still is something call pre-owned asset tax (not many have heard of this) but basically if you gift something but still benefit from that gift you are liable to tax. The only way you could gift the property to the kids and still live there is to pay the kids market rent. The same would apply to selling the property and them buying another with the money then you living there. Anything you own and give to someone else but you still have a benefit from is liable to POAT.

We found this out after the fact.......its something that should be considered by anyone looking to do anything like this as it can leave a nasty sting financially should it happen.

Judashascomeintosomemoney · 27/05/2020 13:17

Do you want to get married?

RaininSummer · 27/05/2020 13:22

I wouldn't get married in these circumstances. If you decide to, make sure she knows your inheritance plans beforehand and see if she still wants to marry. I am glad you will get proper advice.

gamerchick · 27/05/2020 13:22

Do you want to get married? I think maybe start there.

TheSmelliestHouse · 27/05/2020 13:23

I don't think I'd marry her in that scenario, just live together, but I'd definitely write a will leaving everything to my children and give them copies of the will.

NotKeenOnSwede · 27/05/2020 13:24

Do not marry her!

LightDrizzle · 27/05/2020 13:33

Hi Op,
When my now DH but then bf moved in, renting his own smaller house out initially, we sought legal advice that protected our assets, we both have children from a previous marriage.

This is a very serious step. I would be reluctant to marry and I would even want her to move in without a Cohabitation Agreement. If her motives are as you must hope, she will understand your desire to protect your assets for your children. We both understood.
If she reacts emotionally or angrily it’s a big red flag.

You don’t have to share but are you comfortable with the reasons for her indebtedness? Are they behavioural for you think or credibly down to circumstances beyond her control?
Be very careful.

Legal advice now, for you alone, is the first step.