How do you work your finances?

[chocolate26]

I'm interested to know how you and your partner/husband/wife organise finances if one of you stays at home with the children or works part time and earns very little compared to your significant other? Do you have just the one bank account you both spend from? Or a separate bank account for all bills and then split what's left over?

I'm in a bit of a debate over how me and DH should work our finances. I've always earned much less than him and I'm currently pregnant due to go on maternity leave in May 😊

I don't work. We have a joint account that both can spend from

Our money goes into our joint account. I pay all bills, arrange insurance, savings. DH will take cash once a month for himself. I buy anything I want.

We have had this arrangement for 36 years. In the beginning we barely made ends meet.

@dementedpixie that's the way I would like to do things and have my income and his income in one bank account but he doesn't like the idea of this.... I'm often left with absolutely no money to buy essentials and have to ask him for money when I need to get something.

Can he articulate why he doesnt like the idea? I would hate the thought of begging for money

He says he doesn't like the idea of me being able to see exactly what he's buying and spending money on everyday 😕 I'm really careful with money and I've said I'd never buy anything for myself without asking first but he still doesn't like the idea of it! I normally get £800 a month (will be about £500 when on maternity leave) he gets around £3000 give or take. All my money goes on bills and he's left with a fair amount of disposable income.

I don't think there's anything dodgy going on when he says he doesn't want me to see what he's spending, he's a great man and we have a lovely relationship, I just question this part about it and wanted to get others opinions on how they do it 😊

We opened a joint savings account on the day we got engaged. Then we opened a joint bank account. All money is shared money. DH has the attitude 'if you need something and the money is there, buy it'. And I feel the same for him. We trust each other.

chocolate26 - that's just awful. :( I can remember hearing from my mother about women in the 1940s / 50s having this sort of arrangement... I hope at the very least the child benefit is paid directly to you....

You may remember a bit in the marriage ceremony along the lines of "all that I have I share with you". Or did he decide not to make that promise to you?

We started our marriage with me earning more than DH and bringing more capital to the marriage, now I am semi retired and earn less than him.

From the beginning all income has gone into a joint account; we also each have separate accounts and get a monthly payment from the joint account into those for personal stuff. All savings are joint.

XDH didnt like sharing either, he earned more than me all the way through, I ended up skint and having to ask him for money (which he loved). Note: XDH. This was just one aspect of his controlling nature.

chocolate to my mind that is not an equal arrangement. How can he let someone who he is supposed to care for and love be in the position of having to ask him for money?!?

How do you work out how much each pays to the bills? You should be left with similar amounts of money to spend on yourself

The way he's acting makes it look like he has something to hide. What is his idea on how to work it?

We have separate accounts, we both earn and he earns more. In terms of bills, he pays some and I pay others. I have access to his account but I rarely need it to be honest. We are very transparent with the accounts though, I can log in to the online banking whenever needed (as can he) we have separate and joint savings accounts though.

When I was on mat leave i had quite a Bit saved and he transferred money to me every month but I also carried his bank card a lot. He would just take cash out if needed.

He’s not a lovely man if he expects all your money to be spent on bills whilst he has money to spend as he pleases. You should both have the same amount of disposable income.

Please ensure you claim the cb.

We both earn. DH more than me. We've got it sorted so that all the bills come out of a joint account and we each have individual accounts.

The key is though we each have exactly the same amount (to the penny!) of disposable spending money...even though DH earns more than me!

We're a team. A partnership. We have to decide financial goals (like the mortgage, savings, pensions and insurances) but then we have our own money to spend as we please.

All shared income. We've both been the higher earner at some point. Shared income into joint accounts, joint Bill's paid out, all other spending on credit cards which comes out the joint savings account.

We have several bank accounts.
1 joint account which our wages go into and all our households bills come out off, we each have a monthly 'budget' which goes into our individual accounts (with a different bank) and anything over bills and spends goes into our joint savings.

We spent 10 years trying to pay off debts so set this up when we were debt free to control better. Either of us can move money from our savings into our daily accounts but he usually asks me to move some to him, no idea why as he have access on his phone!

We have worked out our monthly budget together, his covers petrol, lunches etc and mine covers food shops, kids stuff, petrol etc

We always had a joint account. Since the demise of my marriage I have been amazed to discover others didn't have similar openness in money

We have separate bank accounts but both pay the same % of our salary into koint account. Joint pays for mortgage, bills, food, all household expendifure and childs activities. From our personal accounts we pay gor mobiles, car expenses and gifts, trips out with friends etc. My dh earns more than me so he pays more inyo joint do we havecroughly equal in personal accounts.

We’ve always had a joint account but also put small amount into personal accounts so we can buy each other presents or treats and they still have a surprise. Tiny amount in separate accounts though - no more than a couple of hundred a month.

@dementedpixie we worked it out years ago when we first moved in together and just decided what each of us would pay, it's never really been fair as I've always ended up with no disposable money and he's always had disposable money. He didn't earn as much back then as he does now so overtime he's ended up being much better off and each time I try to talk to him about how we could make it more fair and how it makes me upset and uncomfortable having to ask him for money he just gets argumentative about it. He's a very strong character and I'm not so I end up just backing down so we don't have an argument.

My parents have always had a joint account and my mums always has access to money, she works but doesn't earn as much as my dad.

What is with all the financially abusive threads tonight?!
OP why have you left it until now, a few months away from maternity, to discuss this? Why are you constantly struggling to make ends meet?

We have an account each and then the joint accounts (bill and savings) wages go into the bill account which all bills including food shop and fuel come from, we then gave a dd each going into our own accounts of equal amounts and then a 3rd dd into savings.
We only do this because I like to separate "spending" and "bill" money as I find it easier to manage that way, and I manage the spending spreadsheet so go through the joint account monthly to mark everything up, dh hates that around birthdays and Christmas I can see where he's shopping so have an idea of what I'm getting, so would rather have a separate account. Which is fair.

@peachypetite I have tried bringing this up with him so many times over the last couple of years but I always get the same response... I thought if i get some ideas on how other couples work it out then at least I will know if I'm in the wrong or the right when I'm speaking to him about it

I'm so skint because my agreed outgoings are the same as my income! I tell DH this and he says just ask me for money which is all well and good but it makes me feel bad asking for some money to get food or the dogs things.

He says he doesn't like the idea of me being able to see exactly what he's buying and spending money on everyday

This would ring alarm bells for me, why not? Why do you have to ask him for money?

DH is a high earner, I earn significantly less than him, we have 3 accounts, all joint...both our salaries get paid into one which all our DDs come out of, once these are paid we transfer all the remaining money into another joint account which is for food, going out, clothes etc then we also have a savings account.

Well I'm not sure I agree with his reasoning and it absolutely doesn't seem fair that you are left with no disposable income while he has lots. How do you buy clothes if you have no money? Are you able to pop out for a coffee or drink with friends without asking him for money? What does he do with his 'spare' money, spend it on himself when you have nothing - that surely isn't right? How is he proposing childcare is paid for when you go back to work?

DH and I share our money as others have said, but it doesn't have to mean using a joint account for absolutely everything. We have always maintained our own current accounts for 'personal' spends on hobbies, clothes, our own commuting costs, socialising with friends etc. Our salaries also go into this account. So to some extent we do have 'privacy' from each other although not really as we file the statements into the same folder etc. so can easily look at the others account if we really want to.

We have a joint current account and we pay into it based on our incomes (so thus leaving us a similar amount of 'personal spends' in our personal current accounts). We worked out an amount we both considered reasonable to cover mortgage, bills, annual expenses like insurances, food shopping/groceries, pet food and bedding and expenses for DC and at the moment we cover the amount roughly 50:50 (but has fluctuated in line with our earnings over the years) - for you and your DH it would be something like 25% you and 75% him, going down to 15% you and 85% him unless you are going to draw on some savings to make up for maternity leave pay drop (but if so he should contribute at least half IMO as it's his child too so equally his responsibility to fund maternity leave).

We each have a debit card for the account and trust each other fully not to max it out on non-household expenses or make a big purchase without consulting the other - I really think you need to have a serious conversation with him about this before your maternity leave starts (and also before you make any important decisions about returning to work or not).

There is no wrong or right it’s what works for you as a couple.
For me, we both get paid into our joint account. You shouldn’t have to constantly ask for money, you should have access to what you need.

I’m a SAHM at the moment. I’m not married but all my partner’s and my money is shared. I would never have dreamed of having children with a man (or marrying) someone with the attitude of your husband, OP. All his money is actually yours anyway, in the sense that you’d be entitled to it upon divorce. Seriously, why do you put up with this nonsense? My partner is massively indebted to me because I am sacrificing my earnings for a short while to raise our children, if anyone needs to go without (not necessary thankfully) it will be him. We each have our own bank accounts but he transfers the majority to our shared account each month. Any saving we have (that he earns) are transferred to me, as a gesture as we are not yet married and obviously that puts me in a more vulnerable position, but we see it as our money.